Sunday, May 8, 2011

Why Most Of Us Dislike Our Mother


To The Mother: If this is the day you decided you would read our blog (then you're dumb), we suggest you don't. Don't bother doing it today. There are things we need to say about you, again, and you'll probably get upset; just a warning from one of us who still likes you.

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We don't know, maybe you had a great mother who took good care of you, who did whatever it is that good mothers do. We don't know much about that - we have a mother, but she wasn't really a good mother. Ever. She used to be proud of the fact that she was more of a friend than a mother. She wasn't even a friend, but maybe her saying that is why we suck at being a friend (other than it's hard to be friends with people when we are how we are).

She took us to our first porn store when we were 13, our fist gay bar the same year; she put us on birth control at that age too, even though we were a virgin until we were 17. She smoked pot in front of us, she drank with her girlfriend in front of us, she was innappropriate. We knew things about her sex life at that age that no child should ever know. We saw things that at the time we just laughed off. Your mother showing you what a strap on looks like, even if it is over her clothing, is a strange thing to behold. She took away our childhood over and over again; abusing us in various ways, leaving us (thank god) so we had to raise Angry Brother and Baby Brother, becoming a surrogate mother at the age of 12...The Other Girl had her life stripped from her over and over, sometimes she got it replaced by getting one of us. That was all after the first 12 years of previous torture. 

One night when we were staying with her for the summer her girlfriend got angry at The Other Girl and locked her out of the apartment. The Other Girl slept the night in the apartment stairwell while people passed her on the steps, scared because in the apartment building next door recent to that day, a woman had gone missing from her front door, her keys in the lock...her purse left on the floor. The Mother did nothing to stop this, from us being forced to sleep alone and scared, in the same building she was in.

Mothers. Hmmm...If you were or are a good mother than kudos to you. There must be books about it so we can't figure out how she didn't know how to do it. If you're going to have more than one kid maybe at some point you should figure out how to do it right. - The Other Girl and The Brothers were not an accident - we were all planned.

The Other Girl loved her mom much more than we do. We "love" her. Don't get us wrong. We love her for keeping The Other Girl alive for the first 12 years of her life, before she left us, and keeping us in one physical piece during that time. She couldn't keep us in one piece psyhologically...because she never should have had children. It's why we're not going to be a mother someday. It's hard enough to keep our shit together for our cats (who, by the way, are totally neurotic).

The parts of us that love her, and some of us do more than others, are those that are content with the way we are. We really don't remember being any other way. What would life be like for We...without the We...what would life be like...who would we be? ... what is your life like?

Meh.

So we tried to find some images to put here for Mother's Day to express to The Mother something, some sort of sentiment...apparently no matter how many times you try to serch "Mother's Day" with the words evil, bitch or whore...it will just not produce a desired image...


Some ass hole (okay it was Fuck Face) last night (who dislikes his own mother - not much though) said "People like to have someone to blame" when we told him we were doing an "anti-mom", "why we hate The Mother" blog post.

Someone to blame?

Yeah, well, who are we going to blame? Our core (that's the name of the birth personality - The Other Girl)? We're not going to blame a fucking child for splitting her personalities to deal with neglect, emotional, mental and physical abuse...nope. Not going to do it. We blame her, we blame The Mother. She took what could have been a healthy child and she turned it into us.

Want to read a couple stories to learn why we have every right to dislike her?
Those are stories written by Frank, with the help of Bethany (as far as we know it was only Bethany that helped with those stories). Bethany came first, as far as we can tell. She doesn't have many stories to tell. Bethany is 6 years old. It's why Frank and We have been trying to get her to tell us stuff from our past.
So there you have it. Happy Mother's Day to the good moms....and FUCK YOU, all you terrible selfish woman who had babies when you can't even take care of yourself.

~Cassandra and Catherine


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For the month of May, Mental Health Awareness Month, we will be posting this at he bottom of each of our entries, to help provide additional information about us, and about DID/MPD

10 Things You Should Know About US That MIGHT Surprise YOU:
  1. We used to be a Baptist missionary (yeah, can you fucking believe that shit?!) [we are NOT religious]
  2. We were once married (didn’t last long) [one of our stories talks about him]
  3. We have had nearly 30 physical addresses in 30 years, mostly as an adult (nothing could contain us in the early days) [we actually own a house, but choose not to live in it]
  4. We’ve lived in 2 countries: 1 province and 6-7 different states (running much)
  5. We have lost 120 pounds since the age of 24 (100 of it when we were 24) [and it's close to 140 pounds now)
  6. We have a full time job (well, now it's 32 hours a week - but they actually let us work around the other humans!) [it get's harder everyday, and this is the longest we've ever had a single job since we were 17. We've been there almost a year]
  7. We deal with social anxiety type symptoms every day (and these days we choose not to leave home much, but for going to work) [there are about three people we feel comfortable with being in public with and sometimes we have to be out there alone]
  8. We have multiple “mental illness” diagnoses (doesn't everybody?) [p.s. all misdiagnosed]
  9. We have two beautiful cats, who piss us off every day (but they are special, because they put up with us) [though one of us hates them beyond belief]
  10. We have struggled to survive, over and over, defeating the odds thrown against us (read our stories) [seriously, how are we not dead yet?]

    We've copied the stories written here that are specifically about our past (mostly abuse) and moved them to our other blog, called:
Addressing The Issue of Frank: The Origins, History and Life Story of Frank, from "Just Call Me Frank: One Womans Endeavour At Being Frank"  
Some of our writing on this blog we like to promote, these are those entries since mid-January 2011. There are bits of writing in this blog that we do not actually promote due to embarrassment over things that some have written - they are here for our own tracking - they are angry, mean, scary things. If you feel like it you can find them on your own. Here are the highlights of what we have written so far this year:

The Mental Health Entries: 
Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder
Health:
Relationships/Friendships:
Life:
Opinion:
Art/Poetry:
Humour/Random Fun:

If you have any questions for us we are very open and will answer to our best ability - this is totally the month to ask us questions. You can either ask us on Twitter, in the comment section of a blog entry here, or e-mail us at justcallmefrank2010 (at) gmail.com.

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Resources for You - facts, figures and personal stories of other people can be found on these sites:
National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/index.aspx
Canadian Mental Health Association: http://www.cmha.ca/bins/index.asp
Mental Health Europe: http://www.mhe-sme.org/
World Psychiatric Association: http://www.wpanet.org/

4 comments:

  1. Damn. Just read the first part of The Emergance of Frank. And this, of course.

    I can never go back in time and rescue the child you (all of you) were. But I would if I could. My heart hurts thinking about what you went through and I wish I could make you really get that. That I care, I mean. Because I do.

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  2. Hey, thats a tough childhood, and i dont think you were merely looking for someone to blame. Sometimes motherhood can be a really screwed up this to try.

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  3. Gideon, that was the not as bad part of our childhood...the other stories are in the link provided, and are merely an overview.

    Vicki, <3 thank you for following us on Facebook too...we're everywhere! lol :) and thank you for caring. xo

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  4. Wow I was doing research online on becoming a surrogate mother and came across this blog. Very tough childhood for sure Frank

    ReplyDelete