Why Most Of Us Dislike Our Mother

To The Mother: If this is the day you decided you would read our blog (then you're dumb), we suggest you don't. Don't bother doing it today. There are things we need to say about you, again, and you'll probably get upset; just a warning from one of us who still likes you.

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We don't know, maybe you had a great mother who took good care of you, who did whatever it is that good mothers do. We don't know much about that - we have a mother, but she wasn't really a good mother. Ever. She used to be proud of the fact that she was more of a friend than a mother. She wasn't even a friend, but maybe her saying that is why we suck at being a friend (other than it's hard to be friends with people when we are how we are).

She took us to our first porn store when we were 13, our fist gay bar the same year; she put us on birth control at that age too, even though we were a virgin until we were 17. She smoked pot in front of us, she drank with her girlfriend in front of us, she was innappropriate. We knew things about her sex life at that age that no child should ever know. We saw things that at the time we just laughed off. Your mother showing you what a strap on looks like, even if it is over her clothing, is a strange thing to behold. She took away our childhood over and over again; abusing us in various ways, leaving us (thank god) so we had to raise Angry Brother and Baby Brother, becoming a surrogate mother at the age of 12...The Other Girl had her life stripped from her over and over, sometimes she got it replaced by getting one of us. That was all after the first 12 years of previous torture. 

One night when we were staying with her for the summer her girlfriend got angry at The Other Girl and locked her out of the apartment. The Other Girl slept the night in the apartment stairwell while people passed her on the steps, scared because in the apartment building next door recent to that day, a woman had gone missing from her front door, her keys in the lock...her purse left on the floor. The Mother did nothing to stop this, from us being forced to sleep alone and scared, in the same building she was in.

Mothers. Hmmm...If you were or are a good mother than kudos to you. There must be books about it so we can't figure out how she didn't know how to do it. If you're going to have more than one kid maybe at some point you should figure out how to do it right. - The Other Girl and The Brothers were not an accident - we were all planned.

The Other Girl loved her mom much more than we do. We "love" her. Don't get us wrong. We love her for keeping The Other Girl alive for the first 12 years of her life, before she left us, and keeping us in one physical piece during that time. She couldn't keep us in one piece psyhologically...because she never should have had children. It's why we're not going to be a mother someday. It's hard enough to keep our shit together for our cats (who, by the way, are totally neurotic).

The parts of us that love her, and some of us do more than others, are those that are content with the way we are. We really don't remember being any other way. What would life be like for We...without the We...what would life be like...who would we be? ... what is your life like?

Meh.

So we tried to find some images to put here for Mother's Day to express to The Mother something, some sort of sentiment...apparently no matter how many times you try to serch "Mother's Day" with the words evil, bitch or whore...it will just not produce a desired image...

Some ass hole (okay it was Fuck Face) last night (who dislikes his own mother - not much though) said "People like to have someone to blame" when we told him we were doing an "anti-mom", "why we hate The Mother" blog post.

Someone to blame?

Yeah, well, who are we going to blame? Our core (that's the name of the birth personality - The Other Girl)? We're not going to blame a fucking child for splitting her personalities to deal with neglect, emotional, mental and physical abuse...nope. Not going to do it. We blame her, we blame The Mother. She took what could have been a healthy child and she turned it into us.

Want to read a couple stories to learn why we have every right to dislike her?

• Emergence of Frank: The Beginning http://issueoffrank.blogspot.com/2011/02/emergence-of-frank-beginning.html
• Emergence of Frank: The Second Coming: http://issueoffrank.blogspot.com/2011/03/3the-emergence-of-frank-second-coming.html

Those are stories written by Frank, with the help of Bethany (as far as we know it was only Bethany that helped with those stories). Bethany came first, as far as we can tell. She doesn't have many stories to tell. Bethany is 6 years old. It's why Frank and We have been trying to get her to tell us stuff from our past.

• Frank Gets Candid, About Memories...and Bethany (we talk about one of our alters)

So there you have it. Happy Mother's Day to the good moms....and FUCK YOU, all you terrible selfish woman who had babies when you can't even take care of yourself.

~Cassandra and Catherine

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For the month of May, Mental Health Awareness Month, we will be posting this at he bottom of each of our entries, to help provide additional information about us, and about DID/MPD

10 Things You Should Know About US That MIGHT Surprise YOU:

1. We used to be a Baptist missionary (yeah, can you fucking believe that shit?!) [we are NOT religious]
2. We were once married (didn’t last long) [one of our stories talks about him]
3. We have had nearly 30 physical addresses in 30 years, mostly as an adult (nothing could contain us in the early days) [we actually own a house, but choose not to live in it]
4. We’ve lived in 2 countries: 1 province and 6-7 different states (running much)
5. We have lost 120 pounds since the age of 24 (100 of it when we were 24) [and it's close to 140 pounds now)
6. We have a full time job (well, now it's 32 hours a week - but they actually let us work around the other humans!) [it get's harder everyday, and this is the longest we've ever had a single job since we were 17. We've been there almost a year]
7. We deal with social anxiety type symptoms every day (and these days we choose not to leave home much, but for going to work) [there are about three people we feel comfortable with being in public with and sometimes we have to be out there alone]
8. We have multiple “mental illness” diagnoses (doesn't everybody?) [p.s. all misdiagnosed]
9. We have two beautiful cats, who piss us off every day (but they are special, because they put up with us) [though one of us hates them beyond belief]
10. We have struggled to survive, over and over, defeating the odds thrown against us (read our stories) [seriously, how are we not dead yet?]
    
    
    We've copied the stories written here that are specifically about our past (mostly abuse) and moved them to our other blog, called:

Addressing The Issue of Frank: The Origins, History and Life Story of Frank, from "Just Call Me Frank: One Womans Endeavour At Being Frank"  

(this blog also contains our artwork/photography - the following links will take you to that blog)

• 1. Addressing The Issue of Frank: Part 1
• 2. The Emergence of Frank: The Beginning
• 3.The Emergence of Frank: The Second Coming
• 4. The Emergence of Frank: Three Times A Rescuer
• 5. The Emergence of Frank: Frank's Failure
• 6. We Go To University & We Take A Lover (links to our other blog)
• 7. Collision: The Other Girls Terrible Car Accident - Franks Coma

Some of our writing on this blog we like to promote, these are those entries since mid-January 2011. There are bits of writing in this blog that we do not actually promote due to embarrassment over things that some have written - they are here for our own tracking - they are angry, mean, scary things. If you feel like it you can find them on your own. Here are the highlights of what we have written so far this year:

The Mental Health Entries: 
Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder

• Mental Health Awareness Month: Our Introduction
• We Chat With The Father About DID (this post contains information on what DID is)
• Frank Gets Candid (We talk about Catherine, one of our alters)
• **We Freak Out** (this was a very important day, the day we met Marisa, recoverer of DID)
• We Are Fragments
• We / We Get Random / We Have Questions
• Marisa Answers Our Questions
• Frank Gets Candid, About Memories...and Bethany (we talk about one of our alters)
• Frank Lets You Know Bitch (me!) (Bethany got to write her very own entry about herself)
• A Note From Frank, and ONLY Frank (actually not written by Frank)
• Standby and The Death of the Other Girl: Part 1 of 3 (we start talking about the death of one of our alters)
• Our Ears May Be Burning (we talk about what people we recently knew might be saying over Easter)
• We Have Nothing To Lose (Cassandra talk about the death of a mentally ill "friend")
• We Just Need A Good Map (Mental Health Awareness Month Post - Frank talks about DID mapping)

Health:

• When Anxiety Attacks 
• Franks/Our 100 Pound Weight Loss Story
• Collision: The Other Girls/Our Terrible Car Accident
• Stress and Expediential Weight Loss
• New Pain and Old Fear

Relationships/Friendships:

• Relationships, Frank...and Love
• A Mistress Without Cutlery
• Fuck Face: Who He Is
• Our First Girlfriend
• The First Boy We Liked, That Liked Us Back
• What Become Of The Broken Hearted
• The "Death" of Standby and the "Birth" of a Villain
• To A Human, If Indeed That Is What You Are (1 of 3)
• The "Death" of Standby and the "Birth" of a Villain (2 of 3)
• Standby: The Final Chapter (3 of 3)
• Standby and The Death of the Other Girl: Part 1 of 3
• An Ass-Face Comes A Texting
• We Go To University, We Take A Lover
• Our Ears May Be Burning
• We Have Nothing To Lose

Life:

• All In a Days Work
• All In a Days Work II
• Another Day, Another Dollar; Fuck Our Life
• Please Don't Let Us Be Misunderstood
• All We Have Is Hope
• Cooking With Frank
• A Distraction, In The Form of The Jeans
• Seriously...And @NickSilly Answers Some Questions

Opinion:

• Religion, You Say? We Have A View On That
• Growth and Change; An Artist Standpoint
• Birds of A Feather, on Twitter, CAN Flock Together
• For Us, It's All About Team Awesome...and Twitter
• Reading We Recommend: Casey Hannan
• Hell Ride: A Film Review

Art/Poetry:

• Evil of Three: A Painting
• Saviour: A Painting
• Deadly Catch: A Painting
• Pretty Things: A Poem
• Erase This Poem
• Envisage of We: A Poem

Humour/Random Fun:

• The Tale of the Barbie Massacre Trail/Part 1
• Happy Zombie Day A.K.A Happy Easter

If you have any questions for us we are very open and will answer to our best ability - this is totally the month to ask us questions. You can either ask us on Twitter, in the comment section of a blog entry here, or e-mail us at justcallmefrank2010 (at) gmail.com.

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Resources for You - facts, figures and personal stories of other people can be found on these sites:

National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/index.aspx

Canadian Mental Health Association: http://www.cmha.ca/bins/index.asp

Mental Health Europe: http://www.mhe-sme.org/

World Health Organization - Mental Health: http://www.euro.who.int/en/what-we-do/health-topics/noncommunicable-diseases/mental-health

Mental Health America: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/may

World Psychiatric Association: http://www.wpanet.org/

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

We're broken hearted. We did it to our self; a precautionary action.


We accidentally fell head-over-heels in love, all while trying to heal our self of our mental and physical pain with writing and art, and trying to take care of our self properly; an endeavour once cut short by a terrible car accident, increasing the need for more physical care. All in an attempt to rip out the ugly festering beast inside, and fill up some of the empty spaces with a little sunshine, and bind the cracks with staples of strength and perseverance so that we could honestly love our self again, instead of pretending it was true. We look forward to some day moving on to the next chapter of our life with just a little less anger, because we realize it will never be completely gone. A move to a chapter of our life that one day we hope to be able to revealed to all, in an effort to share some sunshine, some hope, if only we can grasp it; with any luck. Luck. Meh.


He was an important part of the last few months of our life, and was a bit of inspiration in helping us find our way. He was more important than anyone will ever know, and in a way that nobody will ever respect. One day we will write the story of him, and us.


In the face of realizing we will never be enough for him, proof with words he's both written and said, and actions he has expressed; the impact of which he was absolutely unaware of. We wrote the letter that we hoped never to get from him. Preemptive. We must protect our self. 


We knew we couldn't keep him, but he just kept getting more FaNtAstic; and then we wanted to keep him just a little more each time we saw him, each time we fell more in love with him. 


We're going to miss his face, his voice...the everything that he didn't comprehend that he was to us. The everything we know he is, and could be, for himself. We knew the destiny of the situation, even as we stepped into it, it's an age old story; we thought we were strong enough. We are not.


Our dreams have always been broken by the sledgehammer of life, you need merely read through some of our significant posts, and our other blog, to get that understanding. At least heartbreak is something everyone can empathize with; even if they can't understand the rest of what we have been through.

Now. To that bottle of Scotch, more writing, painting....and tears; and angry and/or pathetic Tweets...must never forget that. Viva la weekend. 

An Ass Face Comes A Texting...

...and at ridiculous hours at that.

Most of you are new, you probably never read about Third Date Flunky, an ex...something...of The Other Girl, back when she was going through her dating binge.


Seriously, his face looks like an ass...even as The Other Girl was on her dates with him, we would question her....asking..."Really? Really. What do you see in him? Look at his stupid face." 


But like we've stated...The Other Girl was a floozy....(she only slept with this guy once, as noted in the blog entry where she terminated him through text.


We tried to get her to vanquish her crew at the end of December, in anticipation of our complete metamorphosis, but like a buoyant turd that won't flush; they all kept bobbing to the top. We would have compared them to apples, bobbing in water; but we like apples.


Last Sunday, when we were hanging on Twitter from the privacy of our bed, because let's face it, We don't leave the house much anymore and Twitter is what we have on Sunday morning; we got a text from one Mr Third Date Flunky (TDF). The jerks been texting us starting a couple weeks after we dumped his stupid ass face, around December 8th; but since we hated him, saw no use for him, and he made us nauseous, we ignored him.


Bitch, in all her brilliant ideas, decided to get him to leave us alone, finally, we'd just share some information.  She figured, after finding all THIS out...he'd surely leave us be.


The following is a transcript of said texting conversation (good god, don't you just love texting...the blogging content alone makes us purrrr with pleasure) - it's actually three separate DAYS of conversation. 


Did we mention, we don't answer the phone? So this, writing, is how we communicate. The Other Girl tended to agree to this method, towards the end of her days, and even wrote an entry about how we don't like talking on the phone, you know; before I took over her blog.


So here's the meat. (heh. meat)


------------------------------A Transcript of Fucking Idiocy----------------
Texts started coming in at about 7am on Sunday morning March 6th. We've kept most of the grammar and punctuation to form...even though it was hard not to correct all the shit. Also, the comments in brackets are just what was going through our head both when we were reading the messages streaming in, and copying them here.


Third  Date Flunky (TDF)
Are you okay?
I noticed u arent on facebook and was hoping u are ok:)
Goodmorning!in all likelyhood u are mad at me for some reason.however i would love to hear from u just for my own peace to insure u are ok:)im sorry for bothering you(:


FRANK
Look. It's far to hard to explain to you the reasons you have not been responded to. Just know that it had nothing to do with you (it actually did). Not angry with you at all. Madness, that's a different story. Just know, how the situation was handled, was out of MY control in some ways. Not sure why you've decided that "I'm" not okay but you are not bothering "me". Have a good Sunday


TDF
I just miss ya in a way :) [We had three dates...]
I wanted to cook u dinner like we had talked about.just wish things were different.


FRANK
Trust me when "I" say you didn't know me, especailly enough to miss me.


TDF
I understand....im just confused
Very actually


[what proceeds here is a texting conversation where we tell him that we are going to share some info with him if he promises not to "out" our face; and that trusting people is huge right now. Why'd we do it? He got repeadly rejected by a mentally ill person...how does he want to explain that to anyone - so we sent him the blog link but first...fucker had to be a fucker...]


Frank
Then you can be at peace knowing it's not you.
And if you don't want to say anything after reading, it's understandable.


TDF
Just tell me straight up!
Serious!
Just tell me
[TOG] just tell me


FRANK
You know, if your not willing to read then you're not worth the texting and are like so many others. Put simple: severe metal illness, You can pretty much fuck off now. So glad we tried to open up to another who was unwilling. Good on ya...have a fun life.


TDF
Omg.i will go to thr link...relax!


FRANK
You will see...there has always been too much to explain


TDF
I just want you to tell me


FRANK
We don't see people anymore.
Not for a long time


TDF
We?


Frank 
Read


TDF
I need to go to my computer


FRANK
And remember, you didn't know me, her or us. We never gave you a chance to.


TDF
Are u saying u have multiple personality disorder?
I will go to the link.this is new to me


Frank
There are far more problems...that's about the only disgnoses we haven't had, only because we've never told anyone anything.


TDF
Are u still in your apartment?
Ok...i suck with computers but i will find [that's not all he sucked at...]


Frank
Yes. We only leave to go to work - the employees there know the situation.
You can google Just Call Me Frank


TDF
Can i buy u breakfast?
Id like to
I think you are gorgeous regardless:)


FRANK
We don't leave the apartment with people just yet, only the people that we discuss. There are 3. We are no longer seeing people from [TOG]s past. She's not here anymore. We talk about that in our writing.


TDF
Are u still friends with the girl from the condo i picked you up at [third date reference]


Frank
No


TDF
ok


FRANK
None of them. We kept one couple and a girl who we're willing, and able, to understand [at least on some level]


TDF
Then why respond to me [because you're fucking irritating? And we want you to stop texting - we hate even getting texts now]


Frank
B/c in writing we are our self, easier to be. And felt badly about how [TOG] dealt with your situation


TDF
Did [TOG] like me
I like [TOG]


FRANK
She liked everyone...if you know what we mean. She was despicable towards the end. [Floozy]


TDF
She is beautiful


Frank
She doesn't exist. Beauty is exterior and is not who a person is.


TDF
true
Regardless...she is very pretty! [dude, get a fucking hint already]


FRANK
Thanks, we look just like her, except probably 15-20 pounds lighter than when you last saw her.


TDF
Wow...a runaway model.can i see her...the old [TOG]


FRANK
No, she's dead. We killed her. We wrote about killing her.


TDF
What's the new girls name [are you fucking kidding...]


FRANK
We said at first she went on vacation but we've been more honest about what happened. She's never coming back. She can't - we do not exist well together.


TDF
What's your name? 


FRANK
We refer to our self as Frank, but people still call us [TOG] - it's just easier to accept it, given that this time I'm making us stay and she had a life here 


TDF
Im reading the blog


FRANK
[insert of bunch of our babbling about what he should look at on the blog - there is a lot of stuff around here!]


TDF
ok
Very interestng reading
U still up?
I guess not.thank u for responding:) I look forward to chatting soon!


FRANK
Ya, we're up
Wait, up as in? Awake? [all this had taken place before 8:02 AM...WTF..he thinks we lay around sleeping in some depressive state after we've had a long texting conversation?]


TDF [8:02 am]
Ok. cool.
Yes lol


FRANK
We're almost always awake. Hardly sleep. Average about 5 hours when lucky.


TDF
Wow.so who decides what man is welcome in your life?
[pause]
??


Frank
Me.
Sorry, we're doing other things over here! Not meaning to be slow in response. [we were on Twitter - duh]


TDF
Do I have a chance?


FRANK
We already have a man, he's been with us every step of the way. We love him, even though we don't see him a lot.
The answer to that would be, not likely. The idea makes us uncomfortable.


TDF
That's too bad(:
Where does this guy live?


FRANK
[clearly we will not be sharing this answer, that is to say, we told him the man lives in The City where we reside > location of "Bat Cave"]
He's been there for us recently


TDF
Lucky guy :) 
I tried very hard to be there for [TOG] [wait, what?!...dude, we were there, you just didn't know it]
She made a choice to not have me in her life [pretty sure that was the smartest thing we could get her to do during the end...but whatever..]


FRANK
She didn't fully understand, she though I was gone after the car accident.
She wasn't allowed to form relationships by the time you came around.
We wouldn't let her.


TDF
Did [TOG] like me?
Why?
Im a good guy
Too bad.she was a great kisser:)


FRANK
Like I said, she liked everybody.


TDF
So I wasn't special at all?


FRANK
We know you were a good guy, your a nice guy, we are not looking for someone as nice as you. We know that's hard to understand. [clearly, he is not as nice as we had thought...maybe that explains further texts...keep reading...]


TDF
U want an ass? [why yes, yes we do, one in particlar actually...]


FRANK
Not a complete ass, but yes, You see, we are not as a nice, sweet, person as [TOG] was. And only someone with a similar disposition (I.e. "angrier" than the average person) can tolerate our behaviour [sad...but true...]


TDF
We should meet
Then u decide


FRANK
Nope. Please don't stress us out, we are having a better weekend than we have had all year. We have a man we love, we are not looking for that kind of relationship right now.


TDF
What's his name?


FRANK
None of anyone's business actually. We refer to him in our writing as FNA - we protect his identity.


TDF
I noticed u are on pof again.why be on there if u have a man u love? [for those non-internet daters..pof is Plenty of Fish, a popular, and free, dating site]


FRANK
We're not supposed to be on there!
We closed that! Fuck.


TDF
Its ok 
[no, actually, it's not okay when there are pictures of what you look like plastered all over the old profile, attached to ... a very specific handle - cut to: a mad scramble to the #TeamAwesome stealth  plane to perform re-con mission to remove all traces...again?]


FRANK
No, actually it's not okay that that is being viewed
We closed that months ago


TDF
Well i saw it last night.[TOG] is beautiful!!!


FRANK
Okay


TDF
She is and a fabulous kisser too!
I miss her kisses:)
Did [TOG] like my kisses
[is it us, or id this guy creepy?]


FRANK
We don't feel like talking about her. We hated her, she was a vapid floozy when she was dateing last year.


[here is where we had a break....next text in 3...2...1...
3:13 Tuesday March 15th


TDF
Was I just one of many she sletp with?
I guess I was.
How ya felling?
Hey Frank!


FRANK
Hi...


TDF
How are you?


FRANK
We are fine. Thanks for asking.


TDF
Plans tonight?


FRANK
we don't generally leave the fucking apartment so what would you guess? We don't care to hear from you anymore, so please stop texting us.


TDF
OK no problem.i was a gentlemen and you are an angry soul.


[and...break]
LAST NIGHT! SUNDAY, March 13th at 3:20 am (daylight savings taken into account)


TDF
Hey crazy!


FRANK
Nice....


TDF
Where u at?


FRANK
Rude much?


TDF
Actually no.if u saw your recent comments to me u wouldn't ask
This must be [TOG] and not Frank


FRANK
Recent comments to you? Where?
Pretty sure we told you she's not here anymore. Stop harassing us.


TDF
Frank needs to leave [TOG] alone and let her be the beautiful girl she can be!


FRANK
How about you leave us alone?
Goodnight.


TDF
Fuck u Frank. U suck!


FRANK
Ok


TDF
[TOG] was awesome.u suck


FRANK
Ok


TDF
ok


...4:55 am....


He tried to call us....CALLING...he knows how she felt about the phone; we are no different in that respect


FRANK
Really. You're going to call at 5am?


TDF
Wanted to talk to u
Are u really 2 people?


FRANK
About what?! How much we suck?
Thanks, got the message.


TDF
I like [TOG].she is beautiful [wow...shallow much?! really!]


FRANK
we're going to report u for harassing us if you don't stop. It's 5am. You had three dates with her. 
Let it rest.


TDF
Brooke shields look alike [fuck off buddy]
Are u serious? wow
ok
I have never experienced this before...[what? rejection? we hardly think so]
Im sorry


FRANK
Yes. Dead serious. Experienced what? You are not experiencing anything other than the inability to understand and move on.
Plus you are adding to the already torturous situation we are in. Clearly you are selfish. Please. Leave us alone.


TDF
I have never met anyone in your situation
I Don't understand! Im sorry I wish I could help! [you can help by not drinking on the weekend and texting me ... there's a start, ass hole - and what, you don't understand so you are rude - thats called intolerance]


FRANK
Likely not - people don't talk about it for this very reason. So you know how much we are harassed now, just for writing about it? We don't need people who have actually seen her face doing this too.


TDF
[TOG] IS GORGEOUS!I MISS HER! [boo, fucking, god damn, boo]


FRANK
You hardly knew her. Leave us alone. Stalker. Seriously - you have no idea what you are doing with this constant harassment. We will go to the authorities. It's 5 am [actually at this point it was 5:06am...whatever]


TDF
Ok i will leave u be but understand something...
take care [TOG]....i miss your smile.goodbye. [wait, what we're WE supposed to understand???]
-----------------------------End Transcript-------------------------------


So, sometimes, when you are wondering why the hell we might be up at odd hours, surviving and raging on Twitter, all hours of the night - other than the general inability to fall asleep from constant pain...it's because we deal with fucktards from our real Fleshie life... on a regular basis. We figure it's something that will take awhile to work through, because there will be people from The Other Girls life that will continue to not understand. Luckily, we have Twitter.