Thursday, March 31, 2011

Relationships, Frank...and Love

Acrylic on Canvas Board
(c) Frank Ly
Walking to work this morning, which was actually Monday morning, we discussed what we might write about next, there being so much.

We almost started to cry when we realized we've only written brief stories that have gotten us to the age of 23, and there are 9 more years of stories to share, and other stories that we can share from Ours, and The Other Girls life, that would be more titillating to you; like our first girlfriend and how that went wrong; a spontaneous trip across statelines in the middle of the night to meet with a man we were infatuated with, a much older man we had taken to our senior prom, a friendship that ended up breaking our heart by his revelation of lies he had been telling us about himself; boys we lived with that turned out to be a bad idea. These are just dating and relationship stories of course. There are family stories, and stories about just us, too.

We look back on our life, and that of The Other Girl, sitting here at the desk, which is actually our tall dining room table, littered with paints, brushes, papers, additional art supplies, and odds and ends; we begin to realize how We, and The Other Girl, have been mistreated by not just family members, but by friends, lovers, boyfriends, and some girlfriends. Not that we haven't done some mistreating of our own. We are certainly human, and therefore fallible.

We've always been the caregiver, maybe it was because we had to play mom at such a young age. We are always the one to do the persuing, the one who tries to create opportunities if only to be seen with potential value. It's possible that in doing this we simply opened ourself up to people who prey on the weak, and those with a giving and loving nature; only to satisfy their own needs, rather than equating a balance or compromise. We are very open about our feelings when we have them, maybe we are too open and pushy with out affections. We doubt that, even though it gets us nowhere.

We remember on National Womens Day we Tweeted something like, "men should love the women in thier life, all the women, because don't you think they deserve it"? 

Somehow we never felt like we deserved it, because we have always had to fight so hard to grasp it, from parents, from friends, from everyone; and if we deserved it then wouldn't we get it?  On the rare occasions where a man freely gave their love to us we destroyed it because we knew, and The Other Girl knew, that we had this secret, and if they were to find out then they wouldn't love us anymore. Better to cut the cord first and prevent more pain and rejection. Standby/The Villain was a good example of what happened when we tried to reveal our self, only  to find out he liked having sex with me, but only loved The Other Girl and Bitch. I am too mean for his liking, which was fine because he was not my type. More about that another time.

We really don't know what love looks like, we've written that somewhere here before, stating that the only kind of love we understand and recognize is our love for others, and that for our self (though some days we struggle with that love), but since our love doesn't look like any we have seen, we really don't know how to recognize it, particularly romantic love.

We were asked by a follower, who no longer talks to us because we refused to send him pictures of our face, and reciprocate his #TwitterFeelings for us, a series of questions in an e-mail. Some of them were questions regarding our relationships with men, some of them are general. Some have been removed because they were self serving questions.

We decided we would share this e-mail "interview". Why not? It's not like we keep anything about our self a secret anymore; besides our eyes, our birth name and place of residence - which are all irrelevant if you think about it. Plus we like being asked questions.

An Interview with Frank:(there is a language barrier here - English not being this mans first language, his words/questions have been left intact)

When you feel edgy, if you are left alone by someone who realizes you are stressed, do you get a talk between both Bitch and Frank about that person?
We talk about people while they are standing in front of us; as a matter of fact we do it a lot. Sometimes it's nice things, and it makes us laugh; sometimes not so nice things - and that makes us laugh too; but yes, we have dialog about people who disappoint us.

Does it happens that bitch might like someone and Frank not, and the other way? What do you do in both cases?
Yes, that has happened. When it had been all three of us it happened a lot more because The Other Girl had different tastes in men. Particularly the last few months before I stopped letting her date. She had terrible taste, like TDF. I have a very particular taste in men: intellegant, interesting, funny, opinionated (but not the point of overbearing), men who think; Bitch likes them to have a sweet or sensitive side, because she doesn't like to be hurt, and likes to cuddle more than I do.

If you had relationships how did boys dealed with the fact that you have double personality?
The Other Girl tended to date stupid men. And until this year she had never discussed us at all because she was afraid of what might happen, and she did not know what to say. When we were younger we really didn't date - we were not allowed. We fell in love with Forrest, but he was never our boyfriend. 

Men we have lived with who were perceptive probably wouldn't be surprised to find out this information now; but many men don't tend to be perceptive, in our opinion. 

Has I can see you can have more then two personalities. Do you just decide how many you want? (we were not sure what this question was in the entirety)
No. They just are. We really don't know how to answer that. It's just the two of us now, though we are aware of a male influenced voice that began to notice over a month ago now; he is not around much and only makes me yell and be scared because he is very negative and angry. We don't think he is a personality though, we don't know what he is. We don't know if this is considered "normal", but it is something we have discussed with Fabulous Person.

I have two friends who have squizofrenia and they both made a pill cure and now they live fine. Can't you do the same?
We have come to realize what we have may not be schizophrenia; it has been suggested it is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) - though we have never been diagnosed with that and we know very little about it. We have only been diagnosed with social anxiety, manic depression (bipolar) and schizophrenia.  I am against prescription medication, The Other Girl has taken a lot in the past, but it tends to make me weak or gone. The idea of prescription medication makes Bitch scared because now that we no longer have The Other Girl she knows she cannot make it on her own; she has been on medication more than I have; I am also scared of losing her.

So, I can see you plan things toghether. What happens when you both don't agree?
Sometimes the plans get canceled, this last year we would make up excuses that would appear valid; sometimes we force our self to go. It's easier when we don't leave the house, if one of us wants to leave it causes symptoms of anxiety in our body; in addition to the anxiety we already are prone to.

What is sex life when you have doble personality? 
That's a question better left to men who have been in our life. We like sex, sometimes a lot, but we are also not into being premiscious. We have a story about this topic coming up soon actually; one about Special Boyfriend and our sex drive. Right now we really don't feel comfortable discussing it.

Am I cutier then your ex?
Please note: There have been many developments with the Us/We from the time of this post, such is the nature of writing therapy. We have started working on mapping therapy and have uncovered several personalities, which, for us, make a lot of sense - and that's how mapping works,
For more information please read the posts to the left in the  'OUR LIFE WITH DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER - OUR JOURNEY'

No comments:

Post a Comment