Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Twelve Days of Christmas (Holiday) Television Specials

For the rest of the year I have decided to take a break from dating.  In doing so this forces me to come up with some other creative things to talk about, things that I enjoy and interest me, other than dating.

Now, some of these are traditional, some of them of contemporary and some of them are offensive. Take your pick. Let me know if you watch any of them.  I'll be honest, the Family Guy episode can be hard to swallow, there is a sequence in the middle that made me feel...disgusted.

There's lots of clips and some full shows. Enjoy.

1. A Cleveland Brown Christmas
Watch more Anime Videos at Vodpod
2. The Simpsons "The Fight Before Christmas"
can't go wrong with Classic Simpson Holiday fun.
It's extremely hard to find even a clip of The Simpsons. May I suggest kickasstorrents?

not for the faint of heart, believe it or not there is a great message wrapped up in this warped one hour special. If you don't like Family Guy, or find it offensive then don't watch this.  It mildly offended me; but I don't mind being offended.

4. A Very Glee Christmas
and if you haven't seen ...

...then I suggest you do, in order to get a context of #4 and to see, and appreciate the hilarity of, a real life"who" ('Emma Pillsbury', the guidance counselor).
Even if you don't watch the Glee special, if you haven't watched The Grinch then you should get 'er done!

6. A Flinstone Christmas Carol
you know you love the Flinstones. It'll be a "Rockin'" Christmas good time.

7. Frosty The Snowman
classic snowman fun. Here's a clip...

8. Jack Frost
you want the 1998 film staring Michael Keaton, not the 1997 horror movie...unless you do want that one...I don't judge.

9. Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too
everybody needs a little "pooh" at Christmas.

10. The Christmas Story
CLASSIC.  Guns and kids in snowsuits with frozen tongues and, of
the famous "sex-oozing leg lamp"Family fun-time.

A clip...

11. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys
another must-not-miss classic.

12. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Honorable Mention
  1. A Muppet Family Christmas 1987 ABC Special
    I remember growing up and watching this, I loved it then and I love it now. It doesn't air ... ever, anymore. But thanks to the internet you can watch it, and for free!
Start watching here (it's in 5 parts):

Or watch this classic 12 Days of Christmas with The Muppet and John Denver

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A Breakup Transcript/"Why Men Suck: Suck Story #2" (It's implied in the story)

Notice: some of this entry is more graphic than previous ones. Just a heads up.

What's more fun then trying to dump a guy after a third date?  Anything. What's less fun? When he won't just accept it or just let it go.

I had a third date with the guy I met on my first date with the Icelandic Giant (story link for those who missed that one) - since he went unnamed for awhile let's call him "Third Date Flunky" from here forward.
I had a third date with TDF on Friday...and I decided after that that I didn't want to talk to the guy anymore - actually going into the third date I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see him again. 

He was nice enough - he just failed miserably at Franks "first test of dating longevity" (that's the bedroom test)...anyway, he has texted a few times this week, wanting to make dinner for me and I avoided his messages until I couldn't anymore (I started to feel bad for letting him hang) so I texted him today: "Sorry for the delay. I think we are just looking for different things. Sorry for the cliche, too"

...and so he responded asking for more clarification because, lol, "we never talked about what we were looking for" to begin with...(ooops)

I couldn't very well say "b/c you were bad in bed, you insulted me after, and you turned the t.v. after the very first time I was intimate with you"
or can I?
or DID I?

First lets cover the insult. Mere minutes after the deed is done (I think even before he turned the tv on!) he turns to me and asks "what does it take for you to cum" - I responsed with a "um, I don't know?" and I chuckle, and he says "you don't know your body?", to which I respond "I know how to make myself cum, I just don't know how to tell you how to do it". However you cut it, I was immediately insulted.  You know what makes me cum? A guy who the faintest idea how to please a woman.

Cut to him turning on the television, ordering crappy pizza and taking a phone call. (not pleasing to most women)
Not being all that interested in being there, or with him anymore, I called a cab - he has said he was going to take me home beforehand, but I didn't feel that event materializing fast enough.

So, back to today when I had to face the music...because I can be a bitch, but only for so long. As a guide to my female readers, here is how I handled this.  For you guys, this is perhaps a guide on how NOT to handle this type of situation (unless you want to come off as a [insert your desired word here]. 

It may not be the right way, but it's the "Frank" way (okay, the "Frank" way with a little help from my special Cali pal...I needed a guide in this, seeing as it was my "first time" dealing this way)
Actual Texting Transcript:
Frank: "I'll be honest, I'm just not interested in seeing you again"
TDF (Third Date Flunky): "wow...can I ask why"
Frank: "You can ask, but you might not like the answer"
TDF: "was it one reason? The sex lol"
Frank: "it was that and everything after"
TDF: "OK I knew something was a bit off...the cab ride? were u mad I didn't drive u? I'm sorry for that"  
"did you somehow feel cheapened? if so I am sooo sorry"
Frank: "It was that, and asking me what it takes to make me cum, which I found offensive in the way you made me feel, the turning on of the television and yes, the cab ride home that I paid for...I didn't feel cheapened...I felt offended."
TDF: "Can u call me? Please? So I can straighten this out...please?"  
"I need to explain" 
"This is quite the misunderstanding that I need to clarify"
Frank: "No explanation needed"
TDF: "It is needed. I understand why u are upset...please let me explain and apologize. Let me make it up to u
"I really need to talk to u"
Frank: "No, I don't feel I need you to explain" [I stopped responding to his texts after this]
TDF: "I need to. u have it all wrong as anything u perceived was not done intentionally. I need to explain. I am very upset about this. I am very upset I disappointed you!"
"when u hear my explanation hopefully u will forgive me"
"please allow me this much"
"please don't shut me out..."
"let me make it up to you"
"If you are going to break things off please at least allow myself a chance to make amends. If I didn't think you were worth it I'd walk away"
"Please [insert my real name here]. All I ask for is 5 minutes of your time"
"Let me buy u dinner tonight...a movie....starbucks (pumpkin flavour) whatever. I am not a monster and I do very much respect you...please hear my side"
This was followed by silencing of my text messages and this new message in my Facebook mail:
"First of all i very much enjoyed meeting a couple of your friends on friday. Secondly you looked stunning but that is something i have quickly learned comes easy for you...very "Brooke Shields". I want u to know that at no point did i ever take u for granted or ever think that by somehow diminishing you that you would find me irresistible. I am hoping however that if you see i am speaking from the heart that you will forgive me and realize that my actions were not on purpose or intended to hurt you in any way shape or form.

I am sooo sorry aout the cab! I wanted u to stay the night and had offered it. You said u couldnt and that you would be leaving shortly.I assumed a couple things at this point. 1. You wanted to perhaps get in a warm vehicle and secondly u probably cab all the time and it wasnt a big deal. Again i am sorry!! As for the money part i simply didnt have any cash (honest) and up until that point you hadn't had to reach into your purse while in my company. [My rebuttal to this: he bought me two glasses of wine and shared some nachos with me on the first date, the second date was lunch and a coffee, and the third date? Nothing until the (CRAPPY) pizza after the sex. So, way to go buddy, try to make me feel like I deserved to pay for my cab] I simply should have driven you .my mistake as i was a little rattled by the ALERT van.

As for the turning on the T.V. we were cuddled at that point [we were not] and i was looking for a movie or something interesting [he was watching sports] as that was what we originally intended to do before we started making out and getting sidetracked.This by no means was an insult to you or in anyway was i intentionally trying to hurt you.I had my arm around you the entire time [really? I clearly remember a pizza box on my chest - which later included a plate that I materialized while I briefly closed my eyes AFTER I was done with the pizza]and enjoyed it very much!I thought when u said u could go for some pizza that we were in "hanging out" mode![we just had sex and even bad sex makes me hungry when I haven't eaten all night?]

As for the comments on "making you cum" again i apologize.This wasn't a comment to diminish you or our encounter i simply wanted to please u and after watching countless talk shows women say to just ask![what, after your first encounter? Stupid fucker] I gues my timing was wrong! I am sooo sorry.I truly was interested in pleasing you.You are a beautiful girl and right now I am rotting inside.Please forgive me and allow me to make it up to u:)You know I am a good guy.Please allow me a second chance xo"
I know it may be appalling to some of my readers that I would "release" these private correspondences, and absolutely titillating to others. I apologize, and you're welcome:P

What I do at this point in regards to TDF seems irrelevant.  If he were smart he would have walked away after the initial text, but clearly he's a whinny girl-man (or maybe I'm being insensitive?).  I just hope he doesn't show up at my work tomorrow.  I have a feeling he might; he seems set on wanting to redeem himself in response to the recent ego blow.
And with that, I am done dating for the year (I will still be blogging though).  Frank is taking Christmas break. Next year calls for a new "school of fish", having relinquished all my men to the bench (and beyond). Did I mention Icelandic Giant's been off the radar for a couple days? Unusual for him, but that's another one I was going to send back to the minors anyway. Look at me mixing fishing and sports metaphors all in one paragraph.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Ten Media/Entertainment Females I Admire

Let's be clear, I don't have heros. I do, however, have certain figures that I admire for various reasons.  Todays entry is dedicated to 5 females who I admire.
  • Chelsey Handler - host of Chelsea Lately on E!, and the only female late night talk show host in the United States. She has written books (that I have yet to read:S) and I want them all.  (Hello, Santa, are you listening?)
    The thing I admire about her is her dry wit, her frank honesty and her ball busting attitude. Plus she wears fantastic shoes. 
Here is a clip where she busts Justin Beibers balls a little, and you all know how I feel about that little cocky "nugget".
  • Rachel Maddow - host of the Rachel Maddow Show and author of The Maddow Blog on MSNBC, she takes the news and throws it against the wall, while using truth and sarcasm, and puts it back together using interesting analysis and facts. She makes news and politics interesting just by jabbing at it a bit, almost the female version of John Stewart, only on a real news channel. She can also rock her haircut, and she just seems like she'd be fun to hang out with.
  • Stacy London - style expert and co-host of TLC's What Not To Wear, Stacy also gives people honest opinions and advice in regards to their fashion.  She has struggled with her weight throughout life and can show anyone how to look better and feel comfortable at any size. The amount I have learned from her, and her co-host Clinton Kelly, on their TLC show is immeasurable.
Here is a clip of Stacy on The Wendy Williams Show   
(P.S. If you've never watched Wendy Williams, do - she's fabulous)
  • Arianna Huffington - co-founder and editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post, she's practically the mother of media blogging. She has accomplished amazing things in her life, is the author of 13 books, has been involved in politics and helped revolutionize the way people get their news by creating a platform for open discussion and disclosure.
  • Lady Gaga - She may be bizaare, you might think she's crazy but what she is trying to do is "liberate" her fans through shock art, letting them know that being themselves is acceptable; so for obvious reasons I admire her.  I am not a gigantic fan mind you, I truly feel you can admire someone without being obsessed with them. She is a truly unique person.
Check out her amazing and honest interview with Barbara Walters.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Letter To 15 Year Old Frank: It Gets Better

I was inspired by the recent "It Gets Better Project" (and a writing prompt from my special Cali friend); it's not just for LGBT crowd anymore.  Even the president of the United States has gotten in on the project.

Having said that, due respect goes out to all members of the LGBT communities for the layer of complexity added to their lives by simply being who they are; and admiration to the young generation who are brave enough to open the closet door and step out.

In the spirit of recognizing that youth and young adulthood, whether LGBT or not, is packed with pain, rejection and hardships, I have prepared a message to myself as an example of "It Gets Better".
Dear "Future Frank",
Guess what?  You're gonna need to brace yourself for the next 10 years of your life. But before I let you in on some highlights I want to tell you this: Don't change a thing, even with the knowledge you are about to partake.   
Why, you ask? (I know you're asking why, you always have and you'll always be a questions asker) 
You need to experience everything you are about to experience to become the strong, independent, dynamic, nutty woman you will become (because you will, trust me, you have no idea!)
I'd love to tell you the next 10 years will be easy.  They won't; however, they'll be fun, exciting, frustrating, sad, challenging...physically and mentally painful even; these are all requirements of growth.
I know your thinking you've already experienced enough pain in the past 15 years.  I know the pain, I also know that that pain was also essential in your growth.
So, what's up for the next 10 years you ask?   
- To start, that guy you have a mad crush on right now.  Let him go.  (You will and you do).  Be aware he will reappear in your life many years later and be the catalyst to making a difficult life decision, and be a huge inspiration in the revival of your writing. Even though he'll remain a complete arse.
- You're gonna live in lot's of different places (even Canada one day!), at many different addresses, with all sorts of different people.  You'll learn from every single one of them. You'll lose contact with many. It's what happens.
- One day you'll find a place you love, full of people you love, and you'll never want to leave them - but first you must follow your wandering heart to wherever it takes you. You'll make it here. They're waiting. P.S. Your best friend (Ninja Princess)is going to be a rockin', strong and independent female influence who will be an essential guide to fashion, dating and what it means to be a best friend.
- You're going to have no money...for a really long time, don't think of this as bad.  Without the lack of money you'll have no real appreciation for what's coming your way. (You're gonna be able to travel for vacations one day. You're gonna see beaches! You're even gonna make it to Europe and Africa!!)
- Your going to marry a man you know is wrong for you. You will cry on your wedding day when you say "I do" and it won't be because you know you've made a right decision. You'll learn that even wrong decisions can turn out to be the right ones, if only for the learning experiences that will become important to becoming the future you (you'll also learn stuff about wrong ones.) Don't worry, you won't be married long.
- You'll have some crazy jobs, like assembling snowmobiles, being a janitor in a porn store, selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door-to-door and operating rides in an amusement park - you'll even own your own business. That's just a short list.  Like places of residency, you will have many many jobs. One day you will find your passion in a surprising and accidental way, and you will have the career you never knew you wanted, and work with people you never imagined. You'll meet and work with people who are fantastic, kind and keep you centered. You're gonna love it.
- You'll meet a man who will shape your idea of people, communication, relationships and sexuality.  He will teach you patience, he will teach you that you are fabulous, he will love you for the part of you that will never change. You'll have to let him go.  It will be painful for awhile but he will be in your life in some facet for many years after. He will be the single most life changing person you will meet in the next 10 years.
- You're gonna get fatter (but let's precurse this by saying, currently, at 15, YOU ARE NOT FAT - I know you think you are).  A lot fatter.  But then you'll lose it all.  Fast.  And it will change life as you know it. You will become more beautiful, inside and out, than you can imagine.  You will love yourself, more than you can imagine you could. Don't let it go to your head to much though. You'll have problems with that sometimes. Stay grounded.
- You'll be in a psychologically and physiologically changing car accident. I'll be honest, you're gonna break stuff (for the first time in your life). It will impact the rest of your life, in good ways and in bad ways.  This accident will be the event that turns you into "Frank"; you'll learn that life is too short, that it can literally be taken from you in the blink of an eye; you'll have a near uncontrollable urge to be unabashedly you, to be honest with people whenever and however you can be. This may cause problems sometimes, but mostly it's good and it's going to be what makes you happiest.
Once you turn 25 life get's a little better and keeps getting better. I'm not saying it's all parades and roses now though, but It Gets Better - keep that close to your heart. Stay true to yourself, "Future Frank.  And don't forget, your family will always be there for you, the blood family and the one you create when your heart finds home.
Love, Yourself 
P.S. Your motto as a 31 year old female? No Regrets.  

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Just Don't Call Me Is Apparently My Motto: Frank Dating Communication

In a time of so much technology it's hard to tell what avenues of communication are appropriate.  I, for one, am a real wack-a-nut when it comes to how I communicate, preferring anything writing based (this includes, but is not limited to: Twitter, Facebook, BBM, IM, SMS, Texting and/or E-mail, etc.), over phone conversations; and preferring face to face conversation, to phone conversations. If I'm just getting to know you then it's written communication until I feel like bumping you to the "exclusive" call list (did I mention I have unlimited everything on my phone EXCEPT airtime?)

Guess the bottom line is I don't want anyone to call me. Almost EVER. This actually extends past my dating life and into all types of my personal and business relationships. I used to talk on the phone all the time when I was young, at what point that changed I have no clue. That's introspection for another day, and another blog.  I have my theories, however.
So, when I came across Taylor Cast's recent November 28, 2010 blog entry, Phone Etiquette on The Urban Dater, I decided some amendments should be made, because I know for a fact that there are more people out there who are like me.  I have to believe this. So with her permission I re-posted her 9 guidelines to phone  etiquette when it comes to dating. 
1. DO NOT ask a woman out via text. “R U busy on Fri? Let’s hang out.” Is not the proper way to ask a woman out. What are you in 8th grade? Pick up the phone & call. Also, using text speak, aka LOL or R U is juvenile knock it off.
I actually prefer this.  You know why? It's easier to say "no" via text then over the phone.  Over the phone leads to any number of questions that are potentially uncomfortable to explain.  But if you are not a chicken shit like me, then you probably wouldn't mind taking a call, rather than receiving a text.
I agree with Taylor on the "text speak", don't be f'n lazy. Except LOL, that one gets a pass with me.
2. DO call just to talk. If you’re too lazy or you’re not a phone person too bad. I’m not a phone person, I despise talking on the phone how ever I find when I really like someone it’s effortless to talk with them on the phone. I remember the phone conversations that lasted hours hours were with the men I got along with best.
Basically, I'll tell you if I want you to call me or if I'll accept your call. I have actually been texting with a man and had him try to call me and I wouldn't answer the phone but continued texting with him.  For some reason they put up with this behavior. 
Of course once I really like them I'll talk on the phone with them, especially if they are good conversationalist.  I hate feeling like I am the only one saying stuff. My closest friends I accept calls from, but even then I don't always answer the phone, but I'll send them a text.
Starting to think I am crazy yet? 
3. DO NOT send the wrong text. If you are dating more than one person double check the recipient before hitting send. My room mate & I have both received texts from men we were seeing that were clearly not meant for us. If you’re going to juggle multiple dates be talented at it.
100% agreed. As both a victim and a culprit. This extends to chatting as well.  Guess that's one perk to phone calls: you know who you are talking to! 
4. DO leave your phone in the car on a date. It’s only a few hours you can be separated from it. If you must must have it on you please set it to silent. Nothing is more annoying or rude than the constantly sending of texts or calls while you’re on a date.
Okay, I have to disagree with this a bit.  There has been situations where I was saved from sheer boredom only because I had my cell phone with me.  I kid you not, a date I recently had involved sitting around with my date and three other guys, watching hockey and listening to them play war games on a Wii.  
Know what I did during this, so I didn't have to watch, only listen? Sent highly inappropriate and dirty text messages to a highly inappropriate recipient.  
I suppose if you're gonna bring a grown woman on that kind of "date" you don't deserve her full attention anyway; always remember, somebody does deserve it.
5. DO NOT take calls or text during a dinner date. Look I get it I am always working, my phone is rarely ever off. How ever be discreet, there is a time & place for every thing. Taking your phone out in the middle of dinner sends a clear state ment, “You are not my main focus.” It’s rude. The person on the date is thinking “Thanks for letting me know that I am not important enough for you to take a few hour break from your phone.” Here is a tip, wait until your date is in the bathroom.
I'd say the only exceptions are doctors, and firemen, and the like.  Though I do bring my phone if it's a day date or a coffee date.   My opinion is you can read your messages but don't respond to them unless it's important or an emergency.
6. DO call when you say you will. Ok men, I can’t even tell you how many times a man has said “I’ll call you.” “I’ll call you later.” “I’ll call you at 7 when I get home.” and then never called. Why do you say it? There is no need. If you can’t keep your word for some thing as simple as a call then obviously you can’t be counted on for the big things. Just eliminate the phrase from your vernacular & every body wins!
Yes, yes, 100 times YES.  If you say you are going to do anything, then do it.  You are being graded, whether any of us realize it or not.
7. DO NOT ask for explicit picture text messages. Some where some woman said yes to sending a naked picture of her self via text to a man she only just started dating. Thus a precedent was set for men to ask for this. Obviously this is a case by case situation if you’re a relationshipy place then it’s going to be different & based on trust. But asking for sexy picture text messages when you’ve only been out a couple times is a deal breaker.
Same goes for video messages.  Two words: You Tube. (or depending on your explicitness/raunch, Red Tube - seriously, it's a website.  Google it.  But only if you are over 18; if you are under 18 don't worry about it, it won't interest you, it's pictures of kitties and puppies and other fluffy animals)
8. DO send sweet thoughtful text messages. A simple “Good morning” text can go a long way. It shows you’re the first thing on your significant other’s mind. Extra points if you call.
Love the morning text. Find it even funnier when it comes on a weekday at about 10am, and I know the person actually just got up. I also like the "goodnight" text, unless it comes at an hour you know is inappropriate for texting me (that means anytime after 10pm on a work night)
Points lost for morning calls. Actually, points lost for any calls period.
9. DO NOT break up via text. If you don’t want to date someone have the balls to make the call or tell them in person. Personally I think if you’ve only gone out a maximum of two times it’s okay to let some one know you aren’t feeling via text. How ever any more than that warrants a phone call. And if there is a girlfriend/boyfriend title involved then you have to end it face to face.
This is sketchy territory for me.  I've done the 'not responding to any form of communication, including blocking them from chatting with me, after one date' thing.   And with The Plumber, well, I told him that perhaps he should stop texting me now, after a final night of texts that came way to late in the night, where he professed his love and graphically explained some of the things he liked best about me. Done and done. 
As far as calling to tell me you don't like me?  Don't do that.  Text me, unless you are my boyfriend.  If you are my boyfriend then you are required to endure embarrassing and painful situations until the bitter end. Yeah, if you're a stranger apparently I'll let you spare my feelings a little, thereby reducing YOUR discomfort. If I care for you it's all pain, all the time, for both of us.
Original List re-posted with permission from Taylor Cast
writer for The Urban Dater. A Blog About Sex, Dating & Relationship. 
Well, there you have it.  My personal re-vision of Taylor Cast's blog entry.  I hope this provides a small bridge between "phone-friendly" daters and their "phone-phobia" counterparts.

Look at me, two blogs in one day!  A thank you to Taylor Cast for the permission, you should all check out her blog, and The Urban Dater in general. It's a fun place to visit.  

[and thank you, my supportive Cali friend, for all the encouragement :)]

Who Damaged?

So, where have I been?  What has Frank been up to?

In short, a lot of my time has been spent working on "landing" a big "catch" (but it's purely a "throw back" situation);
...and also going out on a few dates with a couple men (potential "keepers").

While there are a couple of new choice men in my life these days, I find myself oddly disconnected from the desire to be connected with them.  For the first time in my life I feel very apathetic about my options.  The silly thing is they are good options. Maybe even great.

I've been taking time to think this week, about what might be causing me to have no real interest in investing in these men (when I know this is unlike me, the past me anyway). I realized that my crutch was having The Bull Rider as one of my first "out of the gate" dating experiences.

It's very clear to me now that I was played by The Bull Rider.  Not just played, fooled (somehow I think there is a difference).  Having said that, the thing that makes me angry is the shifty dishonesty surrounding the situation.  Has a man ever thought of being at least a bit honest about intentions.  For example, if he had no intention on seeing me when he got back then he shouldn't have continued contact with me after the...contact - I would have been better with that then the three weeks of texting and messaging from "Texas" (where he ended up going, theoretically) and then the sudden "disappearance".  There may be a high probability that he is married.  Can't be sure though.

He had the best "out"; if indeed what he told me was true - and I honestly hope so - because if a man uses a fake heart attack in the family (especially his dad) to try to skip on a woman, then there is a special place in hell for a man like that.

So, rehashing the three dates we (The Bull Rider and I) had, and weeding through the potential lies he told me, has put me in a place of being apprehensive about trusting men. I figure that is the cause of my resent "distress" regarding not getting too close to a new potential mate. Maybe not distress, but confusion.  Yeah. That.

Sometimes it only takes one, especially when a gal is on the "re-bound" from a man who lied to her after a year and a half of professed love and trust, to make her sit back and experience some contemplation and apathy.