Friday, December 3, 2010

Letter To 15 Year Old Frank: It Gets Better

I was inspired by the recent "It Gets Better Project" (and a writing prompt from my special Cali friend); it's not just for LGBT crowd anymore.  Even the president of the United States has gotten in on the project.

Having said that, due respect goes out to all members of the LGBT communities for the layer of complexity added to their lives by simply being who they are; and admiration to the young generation who are brave enough to open the closet door and step out.

In the spirit of recognizing that youth and young adulthood, whether LGBT or not, is packed with pain, rejection and hardships, I have prepared a message to myself as an example of "It Gets Better".
Dear "Future Frank",
Guess what?  You're gonna need to brace yourself for the next 10 years of your life. But before I let you in on some highlights I want to tell you this: Don't change a thing, even with the knowledge you are about to partake.   
Why, you ask? (I know you're asking why, you always have and you'll always be a questions asker) 
You need to experience everything you are about to experience to become the strong, independent, dynamic, nutty woman you will become (because you will, trust me, you have no idea!)
I'd love to tell you the next 10 years will be easy.  They won't; however, they'll be fun, exciting, frustrating, sad, challenging...physically and mentally painful even; these are all requirements of growth.
I know your thinking you've already experienced enough pain in the past 15 years.  I know the pain, I also know that that pain was also essential in your growth.
So, what's up for the next 10 years you ask?   
- To start, that guy you have a mad crush on right now.  Let him go.  (You will and you do).  Be aware he will reappear in your life many years later and be the catalyst to making a difficult life decision, and be a huge inspiration in the revival of your writing. Even though he'll remain a complete arse.
- You're gonna live in lot's of different places (even Canada one day!), at many different addresses, with all sorts of different people.  You'll learn from every single one of them. You'll lose contact with many. It's what happens.
- One day you'll find a place you love, full of people you love, and you'll never want to leave them - but first you must follow your wandering heart to wherever it takes you. You'll make it here. They're waiting. P.S. Your best friend (Ninja Princess)is going to be a rockin', strong and independent female influence who will be an essential guide to fashion, dating and what it means to be a best friend.
- You're going to have no money...for a really long time, don't think of this as bad.  Without the lack of money you'll have no real appreciation for what's coming your way. (You're gonna be able to travel for vacations one day. You're gonna see beaches! You're even gonna make it to Europe and Africa!!)
- Your going to marry a man you know is wrong for you. You will cry on your wedding day when you say "I do" and it won't be because you know you've made a right decision. You'll learn that even wrong decisions can turn out to be the right ones, if only for the learning experiences that will become important to becoming the future you (you'll also learn stuff about wrong ones.) Don't worry, you won't be married long.
- You'll have some crazy jobs, like assembling snowmobiles, being a janitor in a porn store, selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door-to-door and operating rides in an amusement park - you'll even own your own business. That's just a short list.  Like places of residency, you will have many many jobs. One day you will find your passion in a surprising and accidental way, and you will have the career you never knew you wanted, and work with people you never imagined. You'll meet and work with people who are fantastic, kind and keep you centered. You're gonna love it.
- You'll meet a man who will shape your idea of people, communication, relationships and sexuality.  He will teach you patience, he will teach you that you are fabulous, he will love you for the part of you that will never change. You'll have to let him go.  It will be painful for awhile but he will be in your life in some facet for many years after. He will be the single most life changing person you will meet in the next 10 years.
- You're gonna get fatter (but let's precurse this by saying, currently, at 15, YOU ARE NOT FAT - I know you think you are).  A lot fatter.  But then you'll lose it all.  Fast.  And it will change life as you know it. You will become more beautiful, inside and out, than you can imagine.  You will love yourself, more than you can imagine you could. Don't let it go to your head to much though. You'll have problems with that sometimes. Stay grounded.
- You'll be in a psychologically and physiologically changing car accident. I'll be honest, you're gonna break stuff (for the first time in your life). It will impact the rest of your life, in good ways and in bad ways.  This accident will be the event that turns you into "Frank"; you'll learn that life is too short, that it can literally be taken from you in the blink of an eye; you'll have a near uncontrollable urge to be unabashedly you, to be honest with people whenever and however you can be. This may cause problems sometimes, but mostly it's good and it's going to be what makes you happiest.
Once you turn 25 life get's a little better and keeps getting better. I'm not saying it's all parades and roses now though, but It Gets Better - keep that close to your heart. Stay true to yourself, "Future Frank.  And don't forget, your family will always be there for you, the blood family and the one you create when your heart finds home.
Love, Yourself 
P.S. Your motto as a 31 year old female? No Regrets.  


  1. Very fasinating letter to "Frank". ;)
    Thanks for sharing that with us.

    ~The Photographer

  2. There isn't a word that has been invented to describe the awesomeness that is this post.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Stupid TOG...didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. Loser.