Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A Breakup Transcript/"Why Men Suck: Suck Story #2" (It's implied in the story)

Notice: some of this entry is more graphic than previous ones. Just a heads up.

What's more fun then trying to dump a guy after a third date?  Anything. What's less fun? When he won't just accept it or just let it go.

I had a third date with the guy I met on my first date with the Icelandic Giant (story link for those who missed that one) - since he went unnamed for awhile let's call him "Third Date Flunky" from here forward.
I had a third date with TDF on Friday...and I decided after that that I didn't want to talk to the guy anymore - actually going into the third date I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see him again. 

He was nice enough - he just failed miserably at Franks "first test of dating longevity" (that's the bedroom test)...anyway, he has texted a few times this week, wanting to make dinner for me and I avoided his messages until I couldn't anymore (I started to feel bad for letting him hang) so I texted him today: "Sorry for the delay. I think we are just looking for different things. Sorry for the cliche, too"

...and so he responded asking for more clarification because, lol, "we never talked about what we were looking for" to begin with...(ooops)

I couldn't very well say "b/c you were bad in bed, you insulted me after, and you turned the t.v. after the very first time I was intimate with you"
or can I?
or DID I?

First lets cover the insult. Mere minutes after the deed is done (I think even before he turned the tv on!) he turns to me and asks "what does it take for you to cum" - I responsed with a "um, I don't know?" and I chuckle, and he says "you don't know your body?", to which I respond "I know how to make myself cum, I just don't know how to tell you how to do it". However you cut it, I was immediately insulted.  You know what makes me cum? A guy who the faintest idea how to please a woman.

Cut to him turning on the television, ordering crappy pizza and taking a phone call. (not pleasing to most women)
Not being all that interested in being there, or with him anymore, I called a cab - he has said he was going to take me home beforehand, but I didn't feel that event materializing fast enough.

So, back to today when I had to face the music...because I can be a bitch, but only for so long. As a guide to my female readers, here is how I handled this.  For you guys, this is perhaps a guide on how NOT to handle this type of situation (unless you want to come off as a [insert your desired word here]. 

It may not be the right way, but it's the "Frank" way (okay, the "Frank" way with a little help from my special Cali pal...I needed a guide in this, seeing as it was my "first time" dealing this way)
Actual Texting Transcript:
Frank: "I'll be honest, I'm just not interested in seeing you again"
TDF (Third Date Flunky): "wow...can I ask why"
Frank: "You can ask, but you might not like the answer"
TDF: "was it one reason? The sex lol"
Frank: "it was that and everything after"
TDF: "OK I knew something was a bit off...the cab ride? were u mad I didn't drive u? I'm sorry for that"  
"did you somehow feel cheapened? if so I am sooo sorry"
Frank: "It was that, and asking me what it takes to make me cum, which I found offensive in the way you made me feel, the turning on of the television and yes, the cab ride home that I paid for...I didn't feel cheapened...I felt offended."
TDF: "Can u call me? Please? So I can straighten this out...please?"  
"I need to explain" 
"This is quite the misunderstanding that I need to clarify"
Frank: "No explanation needed"
TDF: "It is needed. I understand why u are upset...please let me explain and apologize. Let me make it up to u
"I really need to talk to u"
Frank: "No, I don't feel I need you to explain" [I stopped responding to his texts after this]
TDF: "I need to. u have it all wrong as anything u perceived was not done intentionally. I need to explain. I am very upset about this. I am very upset I disappointed you!"
"when u hear my explanation hopefully u will forgive me"
"please allow me this much"
"please don't shut me out..."
"let me make it up to you"
"If you are going to break things off please at least allow myself a chance to make amends. If I didn't think you were worth it I'd walk away"
"Please [insert my real name here]. All I ask for is 5 minutes of your time"
"Let me buy u dinner tonight...a movie....starbucks (pumpkin flavour) whatever. I am not a monster and I do very much respect you...please hear my side"
This was followed by silencing of my text messages and this new message in my Facebook mail:
"First of all i very much enjoyed meeting a couple of your friends on friday. Secondly you looked stunning but that is something i have quickly learned comes easy for you...very "Brooke Shields". I want u to know that at no point did i ever take u for granted or ever think that by somehow diminishing you that you would find me irresistible. I am hoping however that if you see i am speaking from the heart that you will forgive me and realize that my actions were not on purpose or intended to hurt you in any way shape or form.

I am sooo sorry aout the cab! I wanted u to stay the night and had offered it. You said u couldnt and that you would be leaving shortly.I assumed a couple things at this point. 1. You wanted to perhaps get in a warm vehicle and secondly u probably cab all the time and it wasnt a big deal. Again i am sorry!! As for the money part i simply didnt have any cash (honest) and up until that point you hadn't had to reach into your purse while in my company. [My rebuttal to this: he bought me two glasses of wine and shared some nachos with me on the first date, the second date was lunch and a coffee, and the third date? Nothing until the (CRAPPY) pizza after the sex. So, way to go buddy, try to make me feel like I deserved to pay for my cab] I simply should have driven you .my mistake as i was a little rattled by the ALERT van.

As for the turning on the T.V. we were cuddled at that point [we were not] and i was looking for a movie or something interesting [he was watching sports] as that was what we originally intended to do before we started making out and getting sidetracked.This by no means was an insult to you or in anyway was i intentionally trying to hurt you.I had my arm around you the entire time [really? I clearly remember a pizza box on my chest - which later included a plate that I materialized while I briefly closed my eyes AFTER I was done with the pizza]and enjoyed it very much!I thought when u said u could go for some pizza that we were in "hanging out" mode![we just had sex and even bad sex makes me hungry when I haven't eaten all night?]

As for the comments on "making you cum" again i apologize.This wasn't a comment to diminish you or our encounter i simply wanted to please u and after watching countless talk shows women say to just ask![what, after your first encounter? Stupid fucker] I gues my timing was wrong! I am sooo sorry.I truly was interested in pleasing you.You are a beautiful girl and right now I am rotting inside.Please forgive me and allow me to make it up to u:)You know I am a good guy.Please allow me a second chance xo"
I know it may be appalling to some of my readers that I would "release" these private correspondences, and absolutely titillating to others. I apologize, and you're welcome:P

What I do at this point in regards to TDF seems irrelevant.  If he were smart he would have walked away after the initial text, but clearly he's a whinny girl-man (or maybe I'm being insensitive?).  I just hope he doesn't show up at my work tomorrow.  I have a feeling he might; he seems set on wanting to redeem himself in response to the recent ego blow.
And with that, I am done dating for the year (I will still be blogging though).  Frank is taking Christmas break. Next year calls for a new "school of fish", having relinquished all my men to the bench (and beyond). Did I mention Icelandic Giant's been off the radar for a couple days? Unusual for him, but that's another one I was going to send back to the minors anyway. Look at me mixing fishing and sports metaphors all in one paragraph.

1 comment:

  1. Like omg! ROTLMAO! How insensitive and cheap can a guy get?

    Kinda sounds like what I am going through with a date of mine....its goin REAL bad. REAL fast and we haven't even scored the bed sheets yet! LOL Needless to say my date screwed things up for me to date the other girl because when the date and I went to the other girls place (the one whom I am interested in as well and who is a mutual acquaintance to the date) The date was kissing me and hugging me in front of her! I was like "aw way!"

    So there you have it. Now I have a woman that is clingy, needy and screwed any chance I had dating the other woman. I'm on the verge of not wanting to date either! LOL I think I should just stick to the 5 digit disco (safer sex and I don't have to ask myself if I came!) and less drama. LOL

    Good read Frank!

    ~The Photographer