Sunday, November 14, 2010

What To Do When Your Online Dating Profile Meets Real Life? No, Seriously, What Do You Do?

I have noticed recently that there are more men who, when I am in public places, appear to recognize me.  Since I have gotten into the online dating again, and live in a city that is fairly large but small at the same time, I often wonder if I would ever get recognized.  The thought made me nervous. There are men (and woman) who have been on my particular dating site for years, so chances are that they tend to pay attention to "new comers" when they pop up out of the boiling beast that is online dating sites.

The more time I spend on dating sites (not procuring many dates from it) the more I realize not only how much better it is meeting people in real life but how it also doesn't matter how and where you meet people.  Last week while "trolling the line" on 'the dating site' I was caught by a familiar name and picture.  Turns out Icelandic Giant, while we meet initially in person, is also on the dating site I use. I laughed hard when I came across it and sent him a message, and later on the phone asked him about it.

Friday night I was finally on my first date with the Icelandic Giant. We ended up at a local restaurant/bar where a mutual friend sings. After the evening wrapped up, a large group of those present to listen to her sing headed back to her place to tip a few more back.

It wasn't very long after we arrived at her house before I was introduced to a few new people.  One introduction in particular stood out, and rightly it should; there was a brief moment after I met him before I told him he looked familiar. He grinned, leaned in and whispered "I've seen you on 'online dating site" and with a pause told me "When I saw you at the bar I thought 'that's her!'". Oh good, my first time being recognized.

Apparently he had messaged me on the site, but I had not responded (I very rarely do). With this information I got a little embarrassed, but then realized I shouldn't really be because, after all, he was on the site too and I shouldn't be embarrassed that I didn't respond to him.  We had a brief conversation and when someone commented on my open bottle of wine on the coffee table, I picked it up and took a slug, holding up the bottle I grinned and said "classy, right?" laughed and walked away. No sense in pretending I'm someone I'm not.
The rest of the evening I was a little unsettled knowing that he was paying attention to me, sizing me up.  It was clear that despite the fact that I may have been on a date with someone, he was still interested in me.  When I departed for the evening I said all my goodbye and when I went in for a hug (I hug everyone) he asked if the man I was with was my boyfriend and if he could send me a message later.  I told him he wasn't and he could.

I don't know if that was an appropriate thing to do. Maybe since I was on a date (that was going well) that it wasn't the right thing to do.  I don't know. I've never been in that situation, or known anyone who has been, so the particulars are fuzzy for me.

What is the process one should follow, when your online dating life crashes into your real life?  Probably make sure that your online dating life isn't that much different than your real life to start with.

Yeah, that was kind of a random.


  1. That real life/internet dating thing has happened to me too. One time I saw a server from the restaurant I had just left online. We never messaged each other, but just looked.

    As internet dating gets more common, things like that will happen. It's kind of funny to me. The world can be so small.

    Plus, it's OK to say that the guy can message you. You've only been out on one date with the other dude.

  2. I'm, at least temporarily, breaking my Frank blogging absence and breaking my Frank blogging comments to say:

    - excellent article!
    - I fully agree that one should be online what one is truly like offline!
    (otherwise, you'll complain that the dude falsely represented himself if he's not in person like he is in public/online;)

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  4. Since I blog under my real name, my online dating profile is about as close to the real me as possible - I saw no reason to hide a damn thing. I don't search through profiles or message people at all, though - I just wait for women to message me if they're interested. That seems like the best way to do it, from my perspective.

  5. Great article ;)

    Since I started using the dating online site, I`ve went out for a coffee date with a friend and told her about all the contacts I have made. Seeing that our Lesbian community is so small...she apparently knows more than I do and informing me, oh stay away from that one or this one and oh btw I am dating the other one etc etc.

    Here, I thought I was making some improvment and moving forward only to find out how creepy it is to know that my friend KNOWS alot of these ppl.

    Furthermore, online vs reality...I haven`t ran into that one yet, but will keep you posted! :D

    -The Photographer ;)

  6. Update...I think my worse nightmare will happen on Saturday night. Going out to an event and found out 2 of the girls I am chatting with are going to be at this event. HA!

    The Photographer

  7. Sounds like it could be an exciting night for you! LOL
    You should let me know how that goes:)

  8. Fore sure! Btw, ur slackin...I came here to find out if you did a new blog...What's up with that?

    The Photographer

  9. I love reading your blog! I have been on and off online dating sites for the past year and have had some umm... really interesting experiences! There have been a couple of times that I have been recognized irl but only one time when the guy made a big deal about it. Have fun!

  10. ooookay, so update from the weekend.

    It was fun. Had a blast. Met both girls, same night, same place (group setting.) Awkward. Like them both. One really likes me and not sure if the other one does? And the one that likes me is dating a friend of mine and the friend says I cannot tap that. LOL

    Dilemmas! Oh and the two I met lastnight are also friends! So I would be up sh*&^s creek without the paddle. Now what do I do? LOL

    The Photographer