Friday, June 28, 2013

Salmon Margherita al la Frankie: A Recipe

We try to eat gluten-free, and corn-free (not because it's "trendy", but because we have a problem digesting those things - see: Our 100# Weight Loss - how we lost 100 pounds [it's on this blog and advertisement-free]).
Today was a fail because we went to Taco Bell to try that Doritos Taco we keep hearing was tasty...until about 5 minutes after we ate it when we got a headache and felt like crap. Then by the time we drove home (35-45 minutes) our arms and hands felt funny...
Sometimes curiosity gets the best of us.
So,'d been years since we ate there...and hopefully it will be years more.

Home and after our workout we decided to twist up our usual Salmon dish (a version with fresh tomatoes, capers and salad greens) because we finally got groceries after returning from the Ontario Tweetup. (the fridge is full of inspiration!)

We wanted something relatively healthy after the terrible idea of a lunch, and since the basil is thriving on our back porch and we don't want it to go to waste we though we'd take a classic Italian recipe and remove the crusts. This recipe is based on Pizza Margherita - a simple pizza of basil, tomato and mozzarella, said to be created in Naples in 1889 for a visit by Queen Margherita. A classic. may have been done by other people, there may be this recipe somewhere else...but this one is ours.

This is a really quick meal, and aside from the bacon fat (trust us, you want to use the bacon fat...because bacon), it's also very healthy.

This is for one person (multiply as needed)

Salmon Margherita al la Frankie


  • Salmon (no skin) - one portion/serving
  • Bacon fat  - 2-3 tbsp (you can substitute EVVO...if you have to)
  • Fresh basil - 3-5 leaves torn into pieces
  • Fresh french beans - a serving size, so, about 20?
  • Tomato sauce - 3-4 tbsp
  • Fresh mozzarella - as desired, we suggest about three thinly sliced rounds
  • Sea Salt - as desired
  • Fresh Ground Pepper - as desired


  • Heat pan with bacon fat to medium heat.
  • Meanwhile lightly salt both sides of salmon.
  • Place salmon in pan and cook on one side for about 3 minutes. (if you are using salmon with the skin-on, cook the non-skin side first. Note: usually it is suggested you cook skin-side first...this is an exception)
  • Add green beans to pan and turn salmon.
  • Season with fresh ground pepper.
  • Place tomato sauce and mozzarella, on the cooked side of salmon. Continue to cook for 3-5 more minutes (or until center of salmon is cooked to the level you desire. Should take no more than 10 minutes total to cook salmon otherwise it will get dry and chewy)
  • Add basil to pan on top of the green beans, moving the green beans and basil in the pan to prevent burning. Cook for 3-5 minutes.
  • Remove salmon from pan carefully and place on a plate. To serve top salmon with sautéed green beans.
  • Enjoy! pictures (food porn) tonight. Maybe next time.

(If you have any questions feel free to ask!)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Three Years Clean

It was three years ago this month that we decided to get off our final mental health medications.
In the end, after the plethora of prescription cocktails over the span of a few years, it was simply Wellbutrin we had to "kick" (an amazing drug with very mild side-effects, if you are inclined towards medications). It just got to the point where we felt numb, and we started getting fidgety with how unsure we felt about how we thought we were feeling, and we knew as long as we stayed on the drug we'd be complacent with the life we knew we were not happy with. The medication made it too easy to suppress genuine feelings and emotions. (in our case, anyway)

What transpired over the next year was documented here, it was a slow unraveling and then the damn broke. A lot of the stuff we ended up not writing about, because we were afraid of what the people who knew of this blog might think. It was a slow travel wrought with bouts of terrible fights with the man we were dating and living with at the time, arguments that ended up with us curled on the kitchen floor sobbing and screaming, he at our side...too young to even understand. After the relationship ended and we managed to move out of the house it was us alone, some nights, sobbing on the kitchen floor in our newly-rented one bedroom apartment.
Some might say, from reading through the blog post that we lost our mind "for a bit", but in reality we found it again, we worked hard at becoming strong(er) by finding ways to work through the bad days, the anxiety, the depression, the anger...without popping a pill. It took awhile, pot carried us through several months until we finally kicked it and cigarettes...

Some might say we simply "fell back" on alcohol to keep us "sane", but in the last three years we've gone long stretches without drinking and been fine. There's no denying that many of us like drinking. We've written about it [the potential problem with it] here before, but in the end it really is just another drug we suppose...
And some might be concerned about our liver, our body...but we've followed the prescription drug trail as a guinea pig to therapists through hair loss, kidney monitoring and enough about that.

Aside from the drinking, working out several times a week, eating healthy/being in-tune with our body [it doesn't always work] (we have come to understand what foods cause problems...sadly it's wheat and corn products...) and creative therapy (writing and painting mostly) have helped so much in our journey...but enough about that.

It's still a celebration for us, kicking 10 years of medication dependency...and we figured worthy of a blog post.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Secret(s) That We Ke[e]p-t

This happened a year ago a park, far far away.

We said I Do.

And outside of this blog post it's never been mentioned here, or anywhere (except to a select few people on social media that we [thought we could] trust), for a variety of reasons...and it nary will again...probably.

One year. The poor poor man...

[apologies to people who may be hurt that we never told was nothing personal, and most times it was out of a feeling of necessity...and we meant to tell people a lot sooner...and...we're done making excuses...:-(...]

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Stress Ramble Rumble

We're starting to stress out about University classes, and the thought of trying to juggle them with working (until October 15th), and a personal life.

We can hear people go "Oh, well I took 18 credits and worked full time [and walked up a fucking hill both ways in the snow wearing cats on my feet and no pants just to get there] PLUS got straight A's!":...but guess what, we're not you. Not a single one of us are you. Nobody should ever expect people to be like them...(we're always trying to remind each other of that...)

It doesn't help that over an hour a day will be devoted to driving back and forth from home to school/work.

(last time we went to University we didn't work, just devoted time to studying)

Maybe there's some sort of hands free app assistant (Dragon, perhaps, for writing papers on the go), or audio version of our textbooks, that we can use while we drive just to squeeze in an hour of homework on the way home.

We're just trying not to stress about University...just yet; except that most of the financial aid info hasn't cleared yet, so we might not be able to afford it...and that'll be NO GOOD.

Anyway, a beautiful (hopefully) summer upon us, we've been sticking to our workout routine pretty well (which is totally helping our mental state, in general), we've got 3/4 of the gardens planted, and have a couple of summer trips planned (We leave Wednesday evening for the London Ontario Tweetup!)...oh, and fishing!!! So let's just find the balance and blow out all the stress...for now.

Today's Fight Song:

Thursday, June 13, 2013

People Like Us...

Recently, or not so recently, we suppose, we've become more aware, through social media, that other Systems (other people with Dissociative Identity Disorder) feel "alone", and somehow need the compassion, encouragement, "companionship" of other people "like them" (no, M, we're not talking about you)...and we mostly just don't understand that. Maybe we've always been ignorant to those feelings in us, but lonely, especially, is not something we're familiar with.

Our system was created, most at very young ages, to protect us in the face of trauma and abuse, to surround our mind with the protection we needed; and while some may think it unfortunate that it (the way our brain functions) followed us into adult life, it is, while at times a curse, also a blessing

It's hard for us, in general we don't want to have anything to do with people "like us". We have a low tolerance for their neediness, their desire to fit in with other people like them, their insipid loneliness and obsessive need to broadcast nothing but their mental health issues.

For real, what would most of us even have in common with a System like that...

We don't remember the last time we were lonely. We DO remember it's always been fun and nice to have an outlet to put words and thoughts into...but we have each other for that loneliness, and that's all we've ever really needed in all these many years.

Guess we're just bitches to have (so much skepticism and) such a low tolerance and trust for so many people.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Painting Season

Tree of Life Sketch
(sorry about the stain)
Ink on Paper
We've been busy trying to finish three paintings; two that we started nearly two years ago before we moved back to the states, and one that was started out as a drawing last summer (Tree of Life) when we were on a road-trip to the East Coast. We've made it a rule that we have to finish them before we stretch the rest of the canvases in waiting, or start another painting. (there's actually two other paintings to finish in addition to the three mentioned...:-/)

While painting we certainly have blog posts rattling around in our noggin, but painting is more about deep introspection and communication with each other.
So for now the blog posts will likely be short and sweet as we work on paintings. (For a full online portfolio of our other artwork and photography from the last 15-20 years please see: (it's easier than bumping around this place trying to locate it all)

Oh, yeah, next week this time we'll be leaving for a road trip to a Tweetup in London, Ontario, Canada!
We're pretty excited about stepping foot in that great country once again.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Frankie's Farm Adventure: Our First Garden

Today's post is residing on one of our other blogs (still advertisement free, just a bit of a different place focusing on our experience trying to work towards buying a farm, and for now our home renovations and gardening). It's about our [very first] garden that we planted today...feel free to check it out: Frankie's Farm Adventure: Our First Garden

Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Government Spies With Its Giant Eye...


It's funny how much we love freedom, but we (most of us) could care less about the government tapping our phone lines, or knowing what we look at on the internet. As a citizen with nothing nefarious to hide, we're not really concerned.

Guess that's what happens when you have very little to hide; and they've been doing it for so long that if we haven't raised flags yet then what's to worry about. They've been tapping phone lines almost since the invention of phones - research Senator McCarthy, President Truman and "Red Scare"...(you might even be able to find info on how Walt Disney was part of the fun) They started tapping phone lines almost less than 75 years after phones were invented.

Do you think they're really interested about how many cat memes you look up, or Someecard images, or that picture of you drinking half naked at your buddy's house, the Tweets about how you're horny, your Facebook status about how much you love your husband (and the subsequent Tweet about what an asshole he is) or your tit/dick pics? Probably not what they're looking for.

But, maybe if you're planning on overthrowing the government, or blowing some shit up...maybe then you don't want them to read about that.

Now, we could personally care less about the government trying to "protect" us from terrorists; but we'd wager that a lot of the people all freaked out about the government using surveillance techniques on it's citizens to try to prevent terrorism (allegedly) are the same who are absolutely outraged that terrorist attacks happen.

How do you want the government to try to prevent terrorist attacks like the Boston Marathon Bombing...Ouija Boards, prayer, psychics...magic?

It's all just not surprising, the surveillance; other than it's surprising people are acting all outraged over what is pretty much old news. The protocol for surveillance was passed under the Patriot Act in 2001, and has been passed countless times by Congress. It's been common knowledge for over 10 years. know...just fucking pay attention all the time, not just when you want to be outraged by something you think is the fault of the political party, that's in office, that you hate.


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Vivid Impulse

Yep. It's a DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) related post.
They happen.

Don't know what DID is? You should probably scout around either this blog (, or reliable online sources, to find out.

One thing I'm not sure we write about often, if at all, is impulse. The impulse to hurt people, or ourselves.

Now, not sure if "impulse" is the right word to describe this or not, but hallucination feels...somehow wrong. Visions seem wrong.
Though probably any of these could be appropriate, and perhaps we are just denying them because of the connotations they bring to mind.

The other night we were laying in bed with James and he was asleep, we had just closed the device we use to play a game most of us enjoy playing (Jewels Star) and lay in bed unable to sleep...and a strange...impulse...okay, (it just seems crazy that way :-/)...appeared in our head.
It was unpleasant, and made us ill, and we knew it was our worst (Brooke) fucking with us, like she does other times. Our arms became heavy with rejection of what we were seeing.

She wanted us to go to the kitchen and get the 10" chef's knife that we use for cooking...and she showed us what she wanted us to do with it. It wasn't so much violent, as gentle thrusting...that didn't make it any more comfortable to watch, and feel, and...experience. It wasn't shown in a blood-lust or glorifying way. It just was.

We won't say more.

She only did it to make us scared. We know Brooke doesn't like James, but she doesn't like us either. She used to want us to jump in front of buses back before we moved back to the United States and walked to work everyday.
Now, these days, she wants us to drive our vehicle into the side of semi-trucks on the interstate, and to stick our hands in moving blades, and other things that make it a struggle, sometimes, to prevent. It's not self-harm. we don't see it that way. But it's...disturbing. It's not everyday, thankfully. It's not even every week, but she always makes sure we don't forget she's around.

We know how to be smart about it. We tell James when these things happen, maybe not right away, but in a timely fashion that works with our schedules.

He does not fear us, or her, and is likely happy that we disclose these things rather than harbor them and let them destroy us mentally. It can't be easy to hear the wom[e]n you love tell you that "she" had visions, had impulses, to stab you in your sleep last night.

We've never understood her anger towards us, or other people, or why she would want us to hurt so much. Sometimes it's hard to try to understand each other, and when we try it just makes us want to curl on the floor and cry...and there's only so much of that we want to do in our life. But the thing we can do it recognize it, deal with it, and move past it and remember we are all responsible for each other and that was the deal.

We're really not as crazy as this particular blog entry may make us seem. At least we don't think so.
You can ask anyone who has met us.
We're not everybody's cup of tea, but thankfully some people like it strong.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Never Too Late, Two Days Short and A Psych Week Special on Discovery

We missed Psych Week on Discovery Health and Fitness, which is probably better for us, because we have a hard time dealing with watching some types of programming like that.

We did nothing in the way of writing for Mental Health Month, which is May every year, and now it's June. It's JUNE! So, we're going to try to make up for slacking in May...maybe. Today we will anyway.

Flipping TV channels drinking coffee this morning we hit on this Discovery Health Special from Psych Week very briefly, and there was a touching scene where they brought a whole bunch of kids diagnosed with mental illness together for Jani's birthday.

At that moment it occurred to us that a lot of people think "severely" mentally ill people "have a look" (beyond the now becoming garden-variety anxiety, depression, bipolar/manic depression, and other illnesses that don't involve psychosis) or should somehow seem obviously "off" or "different"; it's a really heartbreaking stigma, We know that it's usually because of how Hollywood portrays "the insane" or "crazy", or people being uneducated about the more "obscure" of mental illnesses. You can't see mental illness.

When it comes to how people view adults with severe mental illness many assume those with afflicted become committed to a mental hospital or life on the streets, and indeed that happens, but not as much as many would assume.

The truth is a huge amount of people with mental illness where psychosis is involved live normal lives, look normal, have jobs, have families, have educations of all levels. They do everything "normal" people do.
But then some don't.
It's important to realize that everybody with the same mental illness aren't the exactly same...

Now we're is a really great video about children with mental disorders, everything from schizophrenia to dissociative identity disorder to autism to a wide range of other things, it touches lightly on what their lives are like and how their parents deal with it.

Give it a chance, learn some things.
(Link, because it leaks over the the edges here