Thursday, June 27, 2013

Three Years Clean

It was three years ago this month that we decided to get off our final mental health medications.
In the end, after the plethora of prescription cocktails over the span of a few years, it was simply Wellbutrin we had to "kick" (an amazing drug with very mild side-effects, if you are inclined towards medications). It just got to the point where we felt numb, and we started getting fidgety with how unsure we felt about how we thought we were feeling, and we knew as long as we stayed on the drug we'd be complacent with the life we knew we were not happy with. The medication made it too easy to suppress genuine feelings and emotions. (in our case, anyway)

What transpired over the next year was documented here, it was a slow unraveling and then the damn broke. A lot of the stuff we ended up not writing about, because we were afraid of what the people who knew of this blog might think. It was a slow travel wrought with bouts of terrible fights with the man we were dating and living with at the time, arguments that ended up with us curled on the kitchen floor sobbing and screaming, he at our side...too young to even understand. After the relationship ended and we managed to move out of the house it was us alone, some nights, sobbing on the kitchen floor in our newly-rented one bedroom apartment.
Some might say, from reading through the blog post that we lost our mind "for a bit", but in reality we found it again, we worked hard at becoming strong(er) by finding ways to work through the bad days, the anxiety, the depression, the anger...without popping a pill. It took awhile, pot carried us through several months until we finally kicked it and cigarettes...

Some might say we simply "fell back" on alcohol to keep us "sane", but in the last three years we've gone long stretches without drinking and been fine. There's no denying that many of us like drinking. We've written about it [the potential problem with it] here before, but in the end it really is just another drug we suppose...
And some might be concerned about our liver, our body...but we've followed the prescription drug trail as a guinea pig to therapists through hair loss, kidney monitoring and enough about that.

Aside from the drinking, working out several times a week, eating healthy/being in-tune with our body [it doesn't always work] (we have come to understand what foods cause problems...sadly it's wheat and corn products...) and creative therapy (writing and painting mostly) have helped so much in our journey...but enough about that.

It's still a celebration for us, kicking 10 years of medication dependency...and we figured worthy of a blog post.


  1. Very worthy of a blog post! The numbness that meds cause can be comforting at first, but then the questions of "what is a feeling," and "what should I be feeling," are raised. While I may not have DID, I have found myself sitting on the kitchen floor crying (what is it about kitchen floors?). However high or low my moods get, I am glad that I have them, for I would not like to be numb...anymore.

    Awesome post. Awesome writer.

  2. I always feel weird when people say this to me, but Congratulations. Wheat and corn.. who would have thought? #FanMail