Sabotage!

When the very recent past briefly reappears as a glimmer on the horizon (for christakes it's still in the re-view mirror) Frank faces it with bravery...but it's not likely to hold long. Weakness. [He's a] Stupid ass. I melt like butter under the spell of his kisses and it puts me into a daze.

(not butter, I know...it's better than butter...and I couldn't say "I melt like bacon"...the visual just isn't as accurate...close, but not quite)

Everything's just so strange lately. I can't help but think that I am the victim of purposeful relationship sabotage, that for some cruel reason as I try to work past my feelings for FNA, and fix the broken parts of my relationship with Standby after the recent blow to it's structural integrity, he just pulls me back in after rejecting me all too recently, knowing that I am trying to fix things. And boy, does part of me want to play. It's too bad I care too much for Standby - also back in the picture right fast but likely not for long though, tonight is another one of those talking nights for us...oh fun, oh fun. Granted there are times (many) when open communication is important, but at this point it feels like I am beating a dead horse (<- writing that made me laugh out loud).

To even be blogging about him (FNA) is pissing me off right now. I had vowed I wouldn't blog about him, vowed to myself. I actually vowed it about both of them (Standby and FNA), but I never thought it would come down to those two, the only two I really feel like having around...and one is making me choose. (and when I do choose they are likely to disappear from my blogging, sorry readers) And part of me feels strongly that by choosing the one I want, I'll get rejected by him again, immediately or he'll drag it out just long enough and do it again, just because he thinks it's a game.

And really, who is sabotaging who? Am I imagining it, is he doing it on purpose? or am I sabotaging myself? With my mental health on the line for this one, Frank has more thinking to do - even though I know what I want. 

Setting the tone.

Crash and Burn

I feel I owe my readers an explanation...

Cleaning my slate for the new year ended in a crash landing with assist from a variety of different catalysts. Frank lost her mind for a better portion of a week, masking it long enough to hold herself together at work and crumbling into a frantic mess the minute she could safely do so, sometimes the unravelling began on her walk over the river, on her way home while listening to the favourites playlist that seemed to play all the songs that didn't help matters.

The worst part is that so many things went wrong all at the same time, in my friendships, in my romantic life, and in my workplace; things that threw me into fits of paranoia, sadness, heartbreak, anger, fear and disappointment. What a heaping plate. Throw in some recent health scares and you have a pile of Frank, a steaming hot mess, sobbing on the floor, and staring down the bottom of a few bottles of her favourite white (and a few fingers of scotch here and there, just to twist the knife), talking to herself about talking to herself...out loud. Yep, staring down the precipice of crazy.

The past 5 months I have been unlike I have ever been before and my experience turned me into a vile person, things I never wrote about along the the last months ate away at me, and while I adhere to my statements about relationships or dating; I still can't see the complete point if you don't want to get married at the end of it – which at the time of writing is not something I desire; I must alter my approach. For despite losing my mind I came out the other end softer; developing feelings does that I suppose.

I had intended on extending my crazy experimenting with dating for another month but situations arose like a vast wave and within two weeks I “lost” my two (and only, for over a month now, actually) favourite men...and decided to jump ship on the whole experiment. The turning point to my leap was “falling” for one of them, the one I couldn't have - the one that somehow gives me the impression that he thinks I am a giant evil whore. Going into it, knowing I couldn't “keep” FNA, I didn't think it was going to be a problem, having been able to not develop even a liking to the other men I had been seeing the last 5 months I felt I could handle it. I did a great job of lying to myself, now that I look back on it, possibly for months.

The biggest problem was that I liked him (FNA) as a person, I've always been attracted to men that have enriching qualities and he was no different. I thought he was intelligent, fun (when he wasn't being guarded), interesting (even though I'd tune in and out watching his lips), and I liked him despite the fact that he was a dispassionate charming ass, but I mean ass in the nicest way possible. And it's not that I want him wholly and completely; I just wanted him for a few hours a couple times a week.

And when I listened to my former-FNA talk to me, and saw my reflection in his words, I decided enough was enough. I knew the person I was putting out wasn't me, but a caricature of myself that was being fed by an ego fuelled by dating block heads and letting myself get carried away. Of course now, because I am bitter and in-like with him, I am acting petty and ridiculous most of the time when I am around him. For instance, checking out woman together should not bother me...it didn't before, why should it now? Stupid irrational female.

Meanwhile, the other (Standby) fell madly in love with me. We ended the physical portion of our relationship after he discovered my dirty little secret (FNA) – which wasn't a secret because he told me he didn't want to hear about any other men I might be seeing. When will they understand, just because you don't hear about them doesn't mean you aren't creating them in your head. In any case he wasn't impressed, cited our unbalanced emotional investments as his cue to drop me, and sobbed when I told him I wasn't going to be able to give him what he wants right now, that I am not ready.

I am sure it doesn't help (him) that we've (Standby and I) been “seeing” each other on and off for over 3 years, each time being a turbulent twisted emotional three-way; the first time the balance was different - she was in love with me, I was in love with him and he was in love with her (don't get me started).

Standby has always been a clear choice in my head if ever we were single at the same time, for any length of time, and both ready; but now...now...NOW...yeah, now I'm a big mess because at a time where I should be ready for the man who could be the everything to me, who loves me unconditionally (seriously, you don't know what he has put up with), who knows how to take care of my crazy (and loves me because of it)...wasn't the one who got me in the end. And to make matters worse the one who didn't want me, got me. Go me.

While Standby is eager to resume his previous position I am finding myself (reoccurring theme alert) disconnected. He has began suggesting different things to do when we resume our “relationship”, things I really want to do...just not with him. Things much more suited to FNA, which just makes me think of a few of the bullet points that make up the list of things that earned him the title FNA (Fantastic New Addition); and to put Standby in that role just seems wrong on many levels. Guess how much that sucks?

So, there you have it...amidst that recent turmoil between Ninja Princess (my bestie) and I (never mentioned that situation – far too upsetting, and intertwined with other matters), paranoia over my job, health scares, and “falling” for the one man I shouldn't...you have Frank, broken on the floor. And it's not even Febrauary. Crash...aaaannnnddd...BURN.

Frank is made of rubber, and bounces back fast – at least on the outside.

What To Do When Your Online Dating Profile Meets Real Life? No, Seriously, What Do You Do?

I have noticed recently that there are more men who, when I am in public places, appear to recognize me.  Since I have gotten into the online dating again, and live in a city that is fairly large but small at the same time, I often wonder if I would ever get recognized.  The thought made me nervous. There are men (and woman) who have been on my particular dating site for years, so chances are that they tend to pay attention to "new comers" when they pop up out of the boiling beast that is online dating sites.

The more time I spend on dating sites (not procuring many dates from it) the more I realize not only how much better it is meeting people in real life but how it also doesn't matter how and where you meet people.  Last week while "trolling the line" on 'the dating site' I was caught by a familiar name and picture.  Turns out Icelandic Giant, while we meet initially in person, is also on the dating site I use. I laughed hard when I came across it and sent him a message, and later on the phone asked him about it.

Friday night I was finally on my first date with the Icelandic Giant. We ended up at a local restaurant/bar where a mutual friend sings. After the evening wrapped up, a large group of those present to listen to her sing headed back to her place to tip a few more back.

It wasn't very long after we arrived at her house before I was introduced to a few new people.  One introduction in particular stood out, and rightly it should; there was a brief moment after I met him before I told him he looked familiar. He grinned, leaned in and whispered "I've seen you on 'online dating site" and with a pause told me "When I saw you at the bar I thought 'that's her!'". Oh good, my first time being recognized.

Apparently he had messaged me on the site, but I had not responded (I very rarely do). With this information I got a little embarrassed, but then realized I shouldn't really be because, after all, he was on the site too and I shouldn't be embarrassed that I didn't respond to him.  We had a brief conversation and when someone commented on my open bottle of wine on the coffee table, I picked it up and took a slug, holding up the bottle I grinned and said "classy, right?" laughed and walked away. No sense in pretending I'm someone I'm not.

The rest of the evening I was a little unsettled knowing that he was paying attention to me, sizing me up.  It was clear that despite the fact that I may have been on a date with someone, he was still interested in me.  When I departed for the evening I said all my goodbye and when I went in for a hug (I hug everyone) he asked if the man I was with was my boyfriend and if he could send me a message later.  I told him he wasn't and he could.

I don't know if that was an appropriate thing to do. Maybe since I was on a date (that was going well) that it wasn't the right thing to do.  I don't know. I've never been in that situation, or known anyone who has been, so the particulars are fuzzy for me.

What is the process one should follow, when your online dating life crashes into your real life?  Probably make sure that your online dating life isn't that much different than your real life to start with.

Yeah, that was kind of a random.

A night of restoring the faith...

Wednesday night Ninja Princess canceled our plans for the evening, leaving with a wide open schedule for the evening. That night I managed to fall into a house party, a Wednesday night house party.  Keeping in mind that I had to be up at 5:30am, I almost canceled several times before my ride arrived at 8:30pm.  There was one thing that kept me from throwing on my pajamas and snuggling into the sofa for a little quality time to myself. One very large thing. 


About three and a half weeks ago I met a man in a bar.  This man is a friend of a friend: extremely tall, entertaining, sweet with reddish blond hair and 100% Icelandic. Did I mention tall? Oh, yeah, I did...
He was still taller than me in my black kitten-heels the night I met him for the first time!  He bought me a drink that night, we went outside for fresh air several ties so we could hear each other talk (and make out a little).


At the end of the night, while we waited for my cab, I gave him my number and while we locked lips and talked about fishing (yes, fishing, I love fishing) in the chilly air he told me he wanted to see me again.  He called me a couple of times that week and we had several long conversations about books, television, Aboriginal rights, family...long conversations short, he turned out to be more intelligent than I had initially imagined, funny and extremely easy to talk to!


We made plans for getting together on that Friday night, but then his work scheduled changed and he couldn't make it into town to take me out (he lives about an hour or more north of the city). We rescheduled for a bite to eat on Sunday instead.  


Needless to say that never happened.  I didn't even get a call, and when I called him I was told his was sleeping every time (he had been working graveyard shifts, so it wasn't hard to believe).


To be honest I was a little pissed that I didn't get a phone call, not because I like him so much, but more so because I was left hanging for the evening, something I don't appreciate (and has happened to me a lot lately).  I sent him a message via FB saying that "maybe we shouldn't try to make dates. You don't seem like you have time for those types of things" and also letting him know that "a girl, especially this one, doesn't like to be left hanging."


Now, back to this past Wednesday while I was being encouraged to join this impromptu house party, I happened to notice on a mutual friends Facebook wall that he was also going to be there.  I figured "why not", I wanted to see him again and I know some of our mutual friends have been trying to encourage our coupling. I also figured that the reason I was invited to this event was due to the match making attempts of the people involved in our introduction.


That night I was greeted with even more surprises from the Icelandic Giant (yeah, that'll be his name...he doesn't have a steady enough profession to use my normal labeling method). 


It started out normal enough, exchanging glances and smiles across the table, laughing with friends and taking peeks out of the corner of our eyes at each other.  


The guys decided to play poker and when he split the pot at the end of the game, knowing that I had to cab it home, he gave me his winnings because he wasn't going to be able to drive me home.  I teased him about his lack of luck regarding that, making him pull the silly hat he was briefly sporting over his eyes in embarassment.


Later in the kitchen he grabbed me and we slow danced to a song that I no longer remember the name of. I do remember how romantic the gesture was, even in a smoky house filled with people, and how well we could dance together, as he twirled me and brought me back against him. 

He spent the evening apologizing for messing up our dates, told me how he had told his friend how he had f'd up the entire thing and hoped that I would give him another chance. I responded by looking him in the eyes, smiling and with all seriousness in my tone said: "You know how it's the third time and you're out....with me you get two times" and I held up two fingers.  He laughed but realized I was not kidding. 


As he walked me out the door to wait for my cab he complimented my sense of style and I thought to myself how perfect he had played the evening.  While we waited he pressed me up against the picket fence between the yards and we exchanged some heavy lip lock. He reached for second base and then quickly pulled back saying he didn't want to skip a step.  Restraint.  I find it both arousing and frustrating. 


It was a fun evening, and even though I got all of four and a half hours of sleep before I had to drag myself out of bed and onto my bike, it was totally worth the restoration of faith in the men of Manitoba. Just in time.

Why Men Suck: Suck Story 1

I figure in time there will be enough stories I encounter that will somehow fall under the heading 'Why Men Suck'. So with that quick intro I give you....

Why Men Suck: Suck Story 1

Tonight I had my final ruling on "Law Student" and the ruling is: 'You do suck'.

Some of you, okay probably 1 of you, if I'm lucky 2...may remember a brief mention of "The Law Student" in my 'On The Subject of Dating and Blogging" entry at the beginning of October.

We've been chatting a couple times a week for a few weeks now, having met on a popular local dating site but for reasons haven't made it past the chat. He seemed pretty nice at first, smart, a law student wanting to get into human rights law, fairly interesting.  We eventually made a date to meet at a local cafe and bakery that serves up healthy portions of made-from-scratch food.  Long story short, well, it's not even a short story.  He canceled the date about an hour before, citing homework as the perpetrator. I figured "whatever", being very unsure of the whole thing in the first place and happy to jump back into my favourite pajamas and lay on the sofa.

Now he keeps attempting to chat with me, we exchange pleasantries, some friendly banter and then all of a sudden he launches into requests that I come over, offers of giving me a massage, and now, flat out telling me he wants me.  The more I turn him down the worse it gets. This leads me to ask...

On what alternate existence does breaking a date qualify a man to a level where he feels he may say these things to someone he has never met? To a person who repeatedly turns him down? Who flat out calls him out on his pushiness?

Do men like beating their head against walls?  Do they not understand that some woman may be offended that they aren't even worth taking out on a date before you make an advance.  Even if this is not the intention, I do know that this is how it made me feel. You'd think he would have realized this when I flat out told him last week that I was offended by what he was saying.  Maybe he has a bad short term memory from being kicked in the head for being a dumb ass too many times.

I am beginning to think he is also the type guy who would say he was going into human rights law as a pick up line. Maybe I am growing ever distrusting of men, the more I date. Maybe I over analyse. Maybe dumb behavior is a tip off to finding a jerk.

Boy may be a law student, but he's sure got some things to learn about laws of attraction. 

Just a reason men suck (sucky men, I know there are good ones, and even great ones... seriously, I know some of them)

So, this evening, quite unexpectedly, I ended up having a drink (herbal chamomile tea) with a man I recently met on a pretty well known dating site.

I am not generally one for spontaneity so this evening was a stretch for me.  For naming purposes we will call him "The Electrician". Ninja Princess thinks I should stick with the "profession" names, and I'm cool with that.

Meanwhile, what's with the handyman streak?! - and if you don't know what I am talking about read: http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2010/10/newly-single-and-attempting-to-get-back.html where I talk about "The Plumber". (who by the way has recently reappeared on my radar...I know, I know...)

So, back to "The Electrician" - who happens to be wicked smart, by the way. We chatted a bit for a couple of days and clicked a little, making me think "why not have tea" on a Wednesday night.

I got all gussied up in my fabulous new boots (recently purchased when "The Plumber" offered to take me to the mall), my third best pair of jeans (I mean, come on, it's a drink on a Wednesday, I'm not using my best pair) and a new turquoise sweater with a buckle on the neckline, purchased over the weekend on a shopping excursion with Ninja Princess.

My Fabulous New Boots!

We met in a local video store and circled each other pretending we didn't know each other were there, and finally I was in a section where I was looking at him, his back towards me, and I sent him a text asking if he'd found anything good yet.  He turned, smiling, and walked towards me and stated that he had wondered when I was going to come around.  Making me say:

"Why do I have to be the one who comes around?  You could have walked up to me."

Guess I wasn't that concerned with impressing him with sweetness. I'm more spice, less sugar.

Anyway, we talked a little about movies while he chose his third pick (all three classics from the 1930's or so) and then went to a coffee shop in the parking lot, where we spent some time getting to know each other.  It was a bit awkward if only because he reminded me so much of guy I had a massive crush on as a senior in high school - a guy who turned out to be gay.

There is something a little odd about him, and don't get me wrong.  I like odd.  But no man should be that giddy looking for no reason.  Who knows, he may have been trying to make me uncomfortable.  I doubt it.  He seems to have been mostly single for a long time.

Turns out he's a nice guy though, nothing really bad to say about him.  Just no spark right off the bat (from my end anyway).

When I went to thank him for the tea and shake his hand he called me out by expressing his disappointment in receiving a handshake. So after some excusing making on my part, I hugged him goodbye and went on my way.

On the way home I realized that if by the last 20 minutes of the date and the short walk home all I can think about is whether the "man-made" material my fabulous new boots are made of will stretch because I had lost feeling in my feet, then the date probably wasn't a success.

Meanwhile, he's already texted me about another date on Monday; but first I have a date with "The Plumber" tomorrow night to deal with.  What?  I do stupid things.  Literally.

Online Dating - all you can do is *sigh*

As woman of the early internet dating phase back when I was 19, you know I've seen a lot of online personals ads.

Now that I am single again I am perfectly comfortable perusing the online catalouge of available men.

It's brilliant actually, who doesn't love online shopping?

The problem, however, lies in the evolution of the available men.  They still can't properly piece together an honestly interesting profile. But boy! Did I hit a gold mine tonight.

Whilst perusing the stacks, as it were, I caught sight of this tag line (it's the second thing I analyze before I take my time to click a profile): 'Society Is A Horrible Instructor'. Intriguing, I thought to myself. And when I clicked that line I was hit with one of the most interesting profiles I have ever seen.

My tag line, by the way, is 'Looking for interesting...'  - something seemingly hard to find in the land of the cyber-daters, at least interesting enough for me.  This one caught my eye so I just have to share it with you, I posted it at the bottom exactly as it appears.  You'll see it.

Anyway, back to men and their lame online personal ads. There are critical things to think about when trying to land an online hottie (or any woman with half a brain). Let's break it down.

First things first, your profile picture(s).  Let's be honest, it's the first thing we look at.  All of them. Right away.  Just like you.  The more pictures you have the better chances you're gonna have (duh).  When you select those pictures make sure you really think about what you are trying to say about yourself.

You know what you see when there is one picture of a man (or maybe up to three, but this picture is there), standing in a room by himself (presumably his house), a room that is void of colour and hardly any...thing?
Unless the assisting pictures contain...
1) at least one picture of you with at least two other men and a beer in your hand
2) let's be honest....if that picture of you standing in a boring room all by yourself is there you have no choice but to have a picture of you with friends having a good time.

...what she'll see is a man who has no life.  Get one and take some pictures of it, because when you are the only one taking pictures of yourself you aren't really having fun.

So there ya got a little 101 on the profile picture.

Taglines....these can be fun!

"Hi" is not enough to get you in the door and this:
"Just looking for someone special" or any variation of that is just plain blah.
We are ALL there looking for someone special, for some special purpose, and you're sharing that same tag line with countless other boring men.  Spice it up a bit.

These are some of the best I've seen:
"Better than the last guy you met..." (very presumptive, but very confident)
"Every choice has a consequence" (look a big word, extra points if spelled correctly!)
"I'm the man your man can smell like" (smooth)

The next thing "we" (though I can only speak for myself) look at is the profile.  Now, I don't mind a short profile, and long ones better be interesting, but for goodness sake.  It's called punctuation, learn some.  Even if you can't spell (which I notice) show you have a little intellect by forming complete and whole sentences.  Even throw in a capital letter for the love of bejesus.  You'll just make me all smiles.

After basic English writing skills, you'll want to have something to say.  Try for interesting.  It's a long shot, I know.

Interesting can be a single sentence (but not a plagiarized one) if you have some skill.

Don't thank people for reading your profile IN your profile either.  That's just kinda creepy and clearly you are trying to take up some characters so the system will let you post your profile, without letting it be too obvious that you're not that interesting.

Describe a date.  Well, I have no real opinion on this.  I think's it's rather silly.  Primarily everyone will go for a drink of some sort.  Less investment in time and money.

Online dating really is an interesting form of mate finding, the process it has evolved to, there are so many steps involved and it's like a giant menu. Those profiles can prove to be very telling of a person and just like ordering from a fine restaurant, the description is what sells the plate.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the exact replica of the most interesting profile to date, it's brilliant really.  I don't know if I am infringing on any copyright laws here, can you copyright personals adds?  That would be weird.
Have at 'er, but be prepared, it's a read!

ABOUT ME:

"**Warning**This Profile For Entertainment Only**This is intended as an art form or statement, free form work that lives within this very real dimension of modern love**Thanks for understanding**

I am Eric Bana-na

I haven't as of yet legally changed my name but am accepting scripts none the less.

I am a business owner. I've been a top ranked broadcaster. A producer/writer. Soon I'll move completely over to an inventors' life which I've dabbled with off and on.

I've been able to sell a product nationwide in stores (still do) which was a creation...that should count in the inventor catagory I suppose, but I want to completely engross the 'mad creator in a workshop' character fully and complete with a stuffed parrot on the shoulder while wandering about a beach in the caribbean.

I've explored this idea considerably and am quite comfortable with the notion. 

I'm an experienced older model obviously so naturally I'm really good at some things like patience for example. I could outwait a dead owl hanging on a branch.

Sacrifice. I have nothing but pure belief in myself for any plan no matter the consequences and remain resolute during the hardest times.

Non-judgemental. I have a moral standing that centres on personal integrity. Outside of plain evil intention, everything else is a matter of relative perspective so I don't care if someone chooses to think or do things abnormal to societal standards.

After a career of interviewing hundreds, I've developed senses that cue in on integrity.

Do you live a life that is honest? Are you a trustworthy character? Or are you the type of person I should clearly walk the other way from?

I've learned the difference between casting stones in a glass house and honestly evaluating your surroundings/people in them. 

I am the last human on the planet that isn't glued to a peripheral device of any sort.

I don't twitter, I don't use facebook and I don't have a cellphone (used to and realized I didn't need it). People have come to accept I don't want to be instantly connected. I have an email and a toll free line.

I find tech addicted people unnerving. They give me the odd notion of smacking them across the forehead with an abacus. I don't know quite what to make of this.

But I'm sure glad science created the XBox 360, I have no problems with that hypocritical tech addiction, nope none at all. Or any of the Tom Clancy series, anything involving shooting zombies, NHL 09 where I dominate 75% of the time...

...I'm probably talking too much now. 

My favorite things you ask?

Discovery Magazine, Scientific American and Popular Science are three that lay about, future fodder for my parrot. Then of course I'm reading ALL day long keeping up with world events or scientific breakthroughs.

My homepage is www.physorg.com. I think that says it all.

I grew up reading a lot of different things. I remember the first horror novel I read was 8 or 9 and it was the Amityville Horror.

Scared the piss out of me, literally.

The bathroom was down the end of the hall...there was no way I could go for months if I woke up in the middle of the night

But that was me even then. I had grown up reading wonderous tales of ghost stories and those famous paranormal accounts written in a dozen different books found in my school library non fiction section.

For movies I can be flexible enough to enjoy anything as long as the script has a story. My favorite genre is horror, however so few good horrors are made and the same thing can be said for Sci-Fi as well.

My first love for movies was the 1929 original first winner of the first Academy Award ever given out, 'All Quiet On The Western Front'. It used to come on CBC once a year at midnight and I would stay up to watch it everytime. Longtime fav's include Mississippi Burning ( I love how Hackman kicks ass ) Exorcist ( I can't watch this one alone...I have and regret it everytime ) Shake Hands With The Devil ( makes me want to kick ass like Hackman )

I've found I've become a TV snob. I'm sorry and I've tried to fix this but typical TV is really really bad...in some cases horrible.

I've tried to tell everyone but I'm just a big buzz kill, it doesn't work.

So I've just decided to carry on a quiet protest. I just won't watch and I won't tell anyone. I usually break this rule for sports such as watching any Edmonton Oiler hockey match*

(*82 in the season due to always missing the playoffs but to be honest there is possible 28 more games if things get better)

Edmonton Eskimo CFL match*

(*18 in a season with a potential 3 more..maybe this year crossing fingers again..edited nope not this year...**stards broke my heart again)

Or a cool documentary on National Geographic, Discovery or History.*

(*'Nostradamus effect', 'Pawn Stars', Dan Brown based theory docs.:

Please if there are any hot History Channel employees here, first contact me immediately with your phone number and favorite restaurant, then please tell someone to stop playing these horrible shows...but mostly send me your phone number.)

For music. It's entertainment. It is what it is for the person enjoying it or experiencing it. I try not to be snobbish about this because it's art really, subjective to the individual.

I listen to everything but I don't enjoy country. I don't like beets either for that matter now that I think of it.

Food! I love food! Cooking/Cleaning/Eating, the whole experience is great no matter if it's Italian or Caribbean Curry Chicken. 

I do believe in karma and I do believe at the very least I'm entitled to a parrot for all my troubles. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about why drubbing my finger across my lips might give people the wrong impression of me.

...or

The night we finally lock eye's. The night when you lean in close to me with an air of seriousness and a sense of pain in your voice and you tell me softly, ...'please'...

...'get off my foot'.

"I want someone who can keep up with me"

Why do people describe themselves after golf carts?

I don't get it.

These folk don't need a date, they need a harness. 

On a typical Friday night I am always keeping good posture.

FIRST DATE:

Nope can't do that as this isn't a real profile,...it's just here to entertain you as I peek back at who you all are. Fascinating area to be in though isn't it?

But I can tell you this....

Drugs means 'pot'. Get over it. 

I guess where comma's go. I think I do a reasonable 50% average of correct guesses. I can live with that, can't live without an editor though.

I've been a bachelor for 8 years this past August. Although if you've read through all of this, chances are you wouldn't think that would be a big secret.

Old people scare me because they smell like pee and moth balls.

I fabricated this entire plot not intending for anyone to read it. It's so incredibly lengthy and self indulgent it makes me want to drink....straight from a bottle of Puncheon Rum, which I really honestly wouldn't do. But I like coconuts and that's all that counts right? 

Newly single and attempting to get back at it...writing that is...or is it?

So, I took a hiatus from writing and have a desire (and much more time) to try to get back into it.  I haven't been keeping up with the news lately, finding other things to occupy my time as a newly single woman so the topics may shift to life as a single woman, which is really all about dating.


This should be exciting.


While we are on the topic of dating, I'd like to know in what parallel universe does a man think every woman over the age of 30 wants to hear how he is ready to settle down, get married and have kids? Do we (woman over 30) excrete some signal without our knowledge that makes men think this is what we want to hear, or are they conditioned to use those lines to attempt to peak our interest? Or are they turning into women?


As I am get older, I have decided to try to date men who generally wouldn't be my typical selection. Ultimately, characteristics for a man to hold any level of my interest should be: intellectually stimulating, outgoing and interesting with something to say who's not afraid to say it. They must have a wicked sense of humour. They must care about their appearance and hygiene (but not so much that it's an obsession). Did I mention they should at least own a book and have read it?  Is that to much to ask? Probably.


15 years of dating has of course led me to some interesting characters and prospects, but nothing I was willing to let stick.  Jury is still out on what the sticking factors are, but they have become more clearly defined lately after my first first experiment.


My most recent foray into dating involved time spent with a man who thus forward in life will simply be described as "The Plumber"...laugh all you want at the innuendo that could be gleaned from the title (I know my friends did), it was his actual job though. :)


Describing "The Plumber" came pretty easily after a week of getting to know him, needless to say he had none of the characteristics I look for.  My best ascertain of him can best be described as a "meat head Italian, with low level intellect who is suffering from a closet asshole complex".  Of course he didn't make that clear the first couple dates, seeming sensitive and caring, but it didn't take long to see the signs - and my boredom - and decided that was enough of THAT experiment. Of course he did have a benefit or two, but everything else outweighed the "perks"...I won't go into the perks, after all, my father reads my blog. :-O


So now I am ready for my next experiment.  Which is debuting tomorrow night at 8pm at a local cafe in my new neighborhood. A law student.  That has got to be more interesting.

My new writing space at my new apartment.