The Demise of Fuck Face...Part 5

If you haven't read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4, this may not make any sense to you.

All weekend we felt anticipation for what we would be told on Monday, we hadn't heard from him all weekend. We have our Plan B, which involves an apology e-mail to Fuck Face's wife, just to keep the bastard honest; and to express at least one of our apology - we are not all sorry - to her.

To say we are reconsidering sending this apology letter would be a lie for some of us. Despite what he has said to us throughout the day, it's not about his life being comfortable at this point; it's about there being closure and justice. If he had not abused our feelings for him each time we tried to pull away, attempting to save our self from further heartache, this whole story would have a different twist.

We walked to work this morning, looking fabulous in a 70's style retro dress, all greens, browns, and oranges, energized by the sun and beautiful weather. When we got into work Important Boss even complimented us on our dress, a "new" purchase form a thrift store we like.

We dropped off our "briefcase" in the office and grabbing our keys. We stepped next door and stood at Fuck Face's door.

"I'm going upstairs for some coffee, would you like some?" we asked. It's usually just an excuse to see him in the mornings, but this morning it is an attempt at giving him an opening to tell us something, anything.

"No." he said coldly, without looking up at us. He is writing things on post-its and staring at his computer screen.

That was that. We figured it was going to be a "chilly" day at the office, with no information. We walked upstairs where the employee that we manage, one of Fuck Faces other "underlings" was working. She had told us when we got in that he was acting fairly normal that morning, before we had arrived at his door.

We got our coffee and went back to the office where we tweeted out messages to him, we knew eventually he'd have to talk anyway; he knows the risks involved if he doesn't.

Standing at our door he says, "So, what did you get up to this weekend?" 

We tell him about working on a new painting, about wandering around the neighboured drinking and "entertaining" some of our twitter followers. And writing of course.

He offers to clean up some garbage that we have at the edge of our desk, something that's been there for weeks now. We've been preoccupied and have not taken care of it. We deny him at first but eventually we let him take some of it away for us. We used to be the one cleaning up his office.

We joke about the garbage and make a comment about something we have not bothered to clean in the kitchen at home.

"You're right, The Other Girl really was cleaner" he says to us in reference to an old conversation we had had about her. We laugh and acknowledge that we know that.

He starts to talk about his weekend. He tells us how he has spent all weekend in the barn. There is no internet there, it's too far from the house, so he spent the weekend reading books.

We ask if he has talked to her, his wife, if they actually discussed anything.

"I am to stay in the barn until she decides if I stay, or if I go" he says. "She's come out long enough to talk a bit, mostly yell, cry and tell me how disgusting I am." We feel a little twinge from one of the weaker ones. We silence her, send her to her room.

"She asked me if I love you" he says, "I told her no; because I don't love you." He seems to take great joy in reminding us of this; a glimmer of a grin every time he says it. He is saying it to hurt us, which, he really shouldn't be doing at this point.

Again, we tell him, "Thanks, you don't need to keep reminding us." In the head someone says he is a fucking idiot, another says that of course he doesn't love us. Others just whimper. One doesn't believe him and thinks he is in denial and doesn't understand love.

"At this point if I say we are having chicken for dinner, she doesn't believe me" he says.

"Yes. Well." we say, "Welcome to the rest of your life." We say matter-of-factly as we shuffle papers around our desk.

We talk to him about the apology note we plan to write. He asks us not to do it, he says it will be the death warrant on the relationship. He talks about our revenge and asks us not to seek more.

"If she knows you know her name, anything about our life, her contact information..." he looks at us "...then that's the end of it. I might as well go home and pack up now." he says.

"She hasn't asked anything about who it was, who I am?" we ask.

"She doesn't want to know" he replied.

"What will you do when she wants to know? She is a woman. Eventually she will ask questions" we say. Not only that, she's a lawyer, it's kind of what they do.

He says he has told her nothing about who we are. We bet that he has told her it only happened once, not the over 5 months that in reality it lasted; if he has told her at all. If she knew more about our relationship, our friendship, she would surely not take him back.

He says one of the reasons he told her, when his back was against the wall, when we made our threat, was because he knew if it came from us that that would be the end, without explanation. He figured by going to her first, by admitting his wrongdoing, that he would have some sort of a chance.

He still maintains that we have every right to be angry, that we are justified in what we have done, in our revenge. He does not appear to be angry at us most of the time. This makes it harder for us and he knows it. We miss our friend. (When I say we, in this instance, I do not speak for myself)

When he says we have every right to do the things we are doing. We give him a look and say "Ya think?". 

He goes to one of the other levels of the building and gets some cake, he stands in the door and asks if we would like some. We tell him we will have what is left after he is done; we always share food with each other. He talks about going out to get some coffee and run an errand and calls to us down the hall, asking us if we want anything. We scoff on the inside and reply "No."

He comes to our door later and comments on our perfume, about how good it smells. When he asks what it is and we say "Juicy Couture", he grins.

"It's a good thing my office is getting moved down the hall and they are giving you that other room" he says, in regards to the perfume and our impending office move, smiling wryly. One of us thinks he is only being nice so that if things end with his wife, he has us as a fall back. I am extremely skeptical about his kindness, and threaten to end the life of any of us who are excited about this prospect.

Later we ask him how his weekend was, other than the sleeping in the barn part, he makes sure to mention the barn again, which is brand new and as he says "Is nicer than some apartments I've had."

He says she is literally making him sleep and live in the barn with the horses; the irony of the situation, not lost on us; like than animal he is, one of us chimes in. He is eating his meals in the barn, he is bathing there, he is sleeping there; so he says. He smells suprisingly better than when he had been sleeping in the house.

"If I want to come in the house, I have to knock on the door" he says.

We ask him about the fence he was supposed to be completing this weekend.

"No, nothing got done this weekend." he replies. We wonder where his tan came from if not from working on the fence in the sunshine over the weekend, and if he did nothing but chores, what else he would have been doing. More things to suspect he is lying. 

A bit later we go into his office to make a joke and are greeted with rudeness, we turn and walk out saying "You're right, never mind". We know he doesn't have to be nice to us. This is all hard for us. We miss the friendship we used to have.
He comes and stands at the door and apologizes for his rudeness, he wants to know what we were going to say; we say we don't want to talk to him.

"You and [employee's name] are the only females I have to talk to." he almost pleads with us, referring to one of the other female employees, but not the one we share management of. He wants to be our friend still, we know he misses us, we can read that much.

He tries to talk to use and we say "Leave my office, [Fuck Face], I don't want to talk to you. Go to your office."

He stands outside our door and points to his office, making a comment about how he will be living in there. 

His wife banishes him to the barn; us to his office. That's what goes through our head. I don't feel one damn bit sorry for him.

The rest of the day he is fairly pleasant. He mentions that we are being surprisingly nice about everything. We know this is probably unsettling to him. 

We leave work an hour early for a Monday.

When we drink at a local pub, one of the establishments we used to frequent with him, by ourselves,  and soak in sunshine on the patio, we try to sort things out what everyone is thinking, as we page through a book on modern art and sip our glasses of white wine.

We figure if he was willing to take such a great risk with his relationship then you should be willing to accept the consequences of his decision. Not only that but he took advantage of our love for him.

Some of us feel sorry for him. Only one feels sorry for her. There are those that want to send the apology note to his wife for completely different reasons than the others. She deserves the truth, we don't think he has been completely honest with her, and definitely has not been with us.

The truth of the matter is, we love him. We love him completely; we ache for his friendship, his company, for him. We know we will never have him, we have resolved to that understanding. 

Only we, him and us, know the true circumstances of our affair. It started out as flirtation, then it progressed. When we upped the ante to physical offers, after his request for risqué photographs, he denied us at first, told us he loved his wife and couldn't betray her trust. However, a week later he initiated physical contact with a daring and sexy move, one that involved hair pulling and a kiss, quite unexpectedly, while we sat at our desk. The sexual tension had gotten to high.

It was his first affair, we know this by the amount of advice we had to dispense, things that seemed logical, tips that we gave him so that he wouldn't go home with our scent on him. His mistakes with us, enjoying our love for him too much, was part of the mistakes a man makes with his first affair. He should have shut us down when we started telling him how much we loved him, months ago; it's what someone who doesn't love you does in this situation. He should not have pulled us back in every time we mustered the strength to end it, three times; when we opted for breaking our own heart, before he got the chance to do it to us. Turns out in the end, a broken heart, is a broken heart, is a broken heart.

One question we get asked by many is, does he have children? The answer is no. He does not have children, nor does he and his wife ever intend on ever having them. She also does not need him financially, though she does need him as a "work horse" to help her with chores. We don't know how a woman in her particular situation makes such a decision in this situation; we only know what we would decide, not needing a man for any financial or biological reasons - which is our exact situation.

If his wife loves him, she will keep him, because when you love someone you can afford them a mistake. We have heard people say "Once a cheater, always a cheater". We do not think this is always true. If he has been honest with her he will have no choice but to be faithful. She may never trust him again, which means any indiscretions will be hard achievable - she will watch him like a hawk to his grave.

So, there is no end to this story as of yet. She is the one who will decide the end for them. For now we sit and wait, and keep discussing amongst us that e-mail we plan to send her, because yes, Fuck Face...we are still contemplating it.

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For the month of May, Mental Health Awareness Month, we will be posting this at he bottom of each of our entries, to help provide additional information about us, and about Dissociative Identiry Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder.

10 Things You Should Know About US That MIGHT Surprise YOU:

1. We used to be a Baptist missionary (yeah, can you fucking believe that shit?!) [we are NOT religious]
2. We were once married (didn’t last long) [one of our stories talks about him]
3. We have had nearly 30 physical addresses in 30 years, mostly as an adult (nothing could contain us in the early days) [we actually own a house, but choose not to live in it]
4. We’ve lived in 2 countries: 1 province and 6-7 different states (running much)
5. We have lost 120 pounds since the age of 24 (100 of it when we were 24) [and it's close to 140 pounds now)
6. We have a full time job (well, now it's 32 hours a week - but they actually let us work around the other humans!) [it get's harder everyday, and this is the longest we've ever had a single job since we were 17. We've been there almost a year]
7. We deal with social anxiety type symptoms every day (and these days we choose not to leave home much, but for going to work) [there are about three people we feel comfortable with being in public with and sometimes we have to be out there alone]
8. We have multiple “mental illness” diagnoses (doesn't everybody?) [p.s. all misdiagnosed]
9. We have two beautiful cats, who piss us off every day (but they are special, because they put up with us) [though one of us hates them beyond belief]
10. We have struggled to survive, over and over, defeating the odds thrown against us (read our stories) [seriously, how are we not dead yet?]

We've copied the stories written here that are specifically about our past (mostly abuse) and moved them to our other blog, called:

Addressing The Issue of Frank: The Origins, History and Life Story of Frank, from "Just Call Me Frank: One Womans Endeavour At Being Frank"  

(this blog also contains our artwork/photography - the following links will take you to that blog)

·                     1. Addressing The Issue of Frank: Part 1

·                     2. The Emergence of Frank: The Beginning

·                     3.The Emergence of Frank: The Second Coming

·                     4. The Emergence of Frank: Three Times A Rescuer

·                     5. The Emergence of Frank: Frank's Failure

·                     6. We Go To University & We Take A Lover (links to our other blog)

·                     7. Collision: The Other Girls Terrible Car Accident - Franks Coma

Some of our writing on this blog we like to promote, these are those entries since mid-January 2011. There are bits of writing in this blog that we do not actually promote due to embarrassment over things that some have written - they are here for our own tracking - they are angry, mean, scary things. If you feel like it you can find them on your own. Here are the highlights of what we have written so far this year:

The Mental Health Entries:
Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder

• Mental Health Awareness Month: Our Introduction
• We Chat With The Father About DID (this post contains information on what DID is)
• Frank Gets Candid (We talk about Catherine, one of our alters)
• **We Freak Out** (this was a very important day, the day we met Marisa, recoverer of DID)
• We Are Fragments
• We / We Get Random / We Have Questions
• Marisa Answers Our Questions
• Frank Gets Candid, About Memories...and Bethany (we talk about one of our alters)
• Frank Lets You Know Bitch (me!) (Bethany got to write her very own entry about herself)
• A Note From Frank, and ONLY Frank (actually not written by Frank)
• Standby and The Death of the Other Girl: Part 1 of 3 (we start talking about the death of one of our alters)
• Our Ears May Be Burning (we talk about what people we recently knew might be saying over Easter)
• We Have Nothing To Lose (Cassandra talk about the death of a mentally ill "friend")
• We Just Need A Good Map (Mental Health Awareness Month Post - Frank talks about DID mapping)
• We Don't Do A Blog Post (we talk a little about mapping, Bethany, unicorns & stuff)
• We Discuss Three Mis-Diagnosed Mental Illnesses
• We Answer Some Follower Questions

Health:

• When Anxiety Attacks 
• Franks/Our 100 Pound Weight Loss Story
• Collision: The Other Girls/Our Terrible Car Accident
• Stress and Expediential Weight Loss
• New Pain and Old Fear

Relationships/Friendships:

• Relationships, Frank...and Love
• A Mistress Without Cutlery
• Fuck Face: Who He Is
• Our First Girlfriend
• The First Boy We Liked, That Liked Us Back
• What Become Of The Broken Hearted
• The "Death" of Standby and the "Birth" of a Villain
• To A Human, If Indeed That Is What You Are (1 of 3)
• The "Death" of Standby and the "Birth" of a Villain (2 of 3)
• Standby: The Final Chapter (3 of 3)
• Standby and The Death of the Other Girl: Part 1 of 3 (to be continued)
• An Ass-Face Comes A Texting
• We Go To University, We Take A Lover
• Our Ears May Be Burning
• We Have Nothing To Lose
• Why Most Of Us Dislike Our Mother
• The Demise of Fuck Face...Part 1
• The Demise of Fuck Face...Part 2
• The Demise of Fuck Face...Part 3
• The Demise of Fuck Face...Part 4

Life:

• All In a Days Work
• All In a Days Work II
• Another Day, Another Dollar; Fuck Our Life
• Please Don't Let Us Be Misunderstood
• All We Have Is Hope
• Cooking With Frank
• A Distraction, In The Form of The Jeans
• Seriously...And @NickSilly Answers Some Questions
• We Get A Guest Blogger - Kinky Sex!

Opinion:

• Religion, You Say? We Have A View On That
• Growth and Change; An Artist Standpoint
• Birds of A Feather, on Twitter, CAN Flock Together
• For Us, It's All About Team Awesome...and Twitter
• Reading We Recommend: Casey Hannan
• Hell Ride: A Film Review

Art/Poetry:

• Evil of Three: A Painting
• Saviour: A Painting
• Deadly Catch: A Painting
• Pretty Things: A Poem
• Erase This Poem
• Envisage of We: A Poem

Humour/Random Fun:

• The Tale of the Barbie Massacre Trail/Part 1
• Happy Zombie Day A.K.A Happy Easter

If you have any questions for us we are very open and will answer to our best ability - this is totally the month to ask us questions. You can either ask us on Twitter, in the comment section of a blog entry here, or e-mail us at justcallmefrank2010 (at) gmail.com.

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Resources for You - facts, figures and personal stories of other people can be found on t

hese sites:

National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/index.aspx

Canadian Mental Health Association: http://www.cmha.ca/bins/index.asp

Mental Health Europe: http://www.mhe-sme.org/

World Health Organization - Mental Health: http://www.euro.who.int/en/what-we-do/health-topics/noncommunicable-diseases/mental-health

Mental Health America: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/may

World Psychiatric Association: http://www.wpanet.org