Saturday, May 21, 2011

How We Feel About Advice...and We Ramble.

We’re gonna be straight up with how we are feeling today.

We’re a little tired of people giving us advice on Fuck Face. It’s starting to make us feel like you all, those who are giving us unsolicited well meaning advice, think we can’t think for ourselves, that we are incapable of decision making and worse, in some cases, that somehow we don’t know the kind of relationship we seek. When we ask for advice, or what people think, that is different.

It’s really taxing. We didn’t make it 31 years, nearing 32 in a couple of months, not being able to work within our system. Yes, sometimes we make bad decisions, we’re fine with that. More fine that you can understand. Sometimes we pass on a bad decision, we just want to make the right bad decisions. In bad decisions sometimes we learn something more, something new; and sometimes good things come out of bad decisions; we cannot know unless we make them. This is why we live with a no regrets policy.

That may seem dumb and selfish to you, doing what we want even if we understand it may be bad on some level, but the magic of life is that everyone has their own decisions to make, and everyone gets to live their life(s) the way they want to. Free will.

Are there things in our life we wish we hadn’t done? Not really. No matter the consequences of our “bad decisions” we are still alive and those decisions were ours at the time.

Walking home on Thursday we called Fabulous People. We were sobbing into our phone, we were in a state. One of us was telling the rest that we should give up, that it was time to give up and throw in the towel – that nothing about our life is getting any easier. Some of us are exhausted with life. Some of us feel like there is no end to any of the suffering we’ve had our whole life, (and we’re not talking about the suffering we inflict) that by writing about it as much as we can will get us nowhere. She has a defeatist attitude. If she were primary executive of us we’d been dead years ago.

So, we called Fabulous People and told her what was going on as we neared the bridge home; because we can say anything to her.

We’d lie if we didn’t say jumping off of the bridge had not crossed our mind, and later in a private DM we “joked” about it with our Honorary Canadian Boyfriend on Twitter, saying that the water was too cold. We have to joke about it – taking things to seriously would kill us.

We would never jump off of a bridge, we have a fear of drowning, being that we routinely drown all on our own standing on dry land.  The difficulties we are experiencing with work and life is frustrating when you are us, when within yourself there is so much unpredictability. It’s exhausting. Some days it’s amazing that once we get to bed, that we can actually get out. But we’re a stubborn bunch and so we will not let ourselves be defeated – we simply take the ones who cannot support themselves and pull them up, force them out of bed.

We told Fabulous People on Thursday that we feel that we can hardly keep it together to get through our job each day, that we are useless and that the only things we are good at is painting and writing – and that’s debatable.

Fortunately by the time she came to visit we had lots of Bethany influence going on and we were once again excited for the pizza we had been thinking about that entire day. We were skipping around the apartment and having lots of fun; though we were still exhausted to the core.
We seem to have lost track here, of what we were trying to say at the beginning of this entry.
We’re trying to say that while we appreciate everyone’s advice, telling us that we deserve better than Fuck Face, that he is only going to continue to hurt us, that he is lying to us; and everything else people have been saying. Keep in mind we appreciate that some of you care about us, but the more you tell us that we are doing something bad/wrong/etc; the more likely we are to do it, just to try to prove people wrong, and to do whatever we wanted to do in the first place.

What can we say, we have at least two teenagers living inside of us, and they are brats.

Now, it’s Saturday – somehow we’ve gotten through an entire week without working on the continuation of our life story...again; the story of what we’ve done, and who we’ve done it with, in the past six years to bring us to this point, so we can share the experiences of the last year and a half with you, more weird DID stuff. The Issue of Frank…we need to finish it.

We might need another guest blogger for the month to give us some time to write, so if you have a mental illness story of any kind you'd like to share, please let us know. Or maybe we should take a break from Twitter. Damn addictions.

P.S. Today would be another good day to catch up on the sheer volume of content that violates the pages of our blog. Scroll down for recommended reading. We've got serious stuff, not serious stuff, a Barbie Massacre story; a Zombie Jesus post; our poetry and painting posts...Cooking posts, Movie Review...Blog review...there is just so much...

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For the month of May, Mental Health Awareness Month, we will be posting this at he bottom of each of our entries, to help provide additional information about us, and about Dissociative Identiry Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder.

10 Things You Should Know About US That MIGHT Surprise YOU:
  1. We used to be a Baptist missionary (yeah, can you fucking believe that shit?!) [we are NOT religious]
  2. We were once married (didn’t last long) [one of our stories talks about him]
  3. We have had nearly 30 physical addresses in 30 years, mostly as an adult (nothing could contain us in the early days) [we actually own a house, but choose not to live in it]
  4. We’ve lived in 2 countries: 1 province and 6-7 different states (running much)
  5. We have lost 120 pounds since the age of 24 (100 of it when we were 24) [and it's close to 140 pounds now)
  6. We have a full time job (well, now it's 32 hours a week - but they actually let us work around the other humans!) [it get's harder everyday, and this is the longest we've ever had a single job since we were 17. We've been there almost a year]
  7. We deal with social anxiety type symptoms every day (and these days we choose not to leave home much, but for going to work) [there are about three people we feel comfortable with being in public with and sometimes we have to be out there alone]
  8. We have multiple “mental illness” diagnoses (doesn't everybody?) [p.s. all misdiagnosed]
  9. We have two beautiful cats, who piss us off every day (but they are special, because they put up with us) [though one of us hates them beyond belief]
  10. We have struggled to survive, over and over, defeating the odds thrown against us (read our stories) [seriously, how are we not dead yet?]
We've copied the stories written here that are specifically about our past (mostly abuse) and moved them to our other blog, called:

Addressing The Issue of Frank: The Origins, History and Life Story of Frank, from "Just Call Me Frank: One Womans Endeavour At Being Frank"  
(this blog also contains our artwork/photography - the following links will take you to that blog)
·                     1. Addressing The Issue of Frank: Part 1
·                     2. The Emergence of Frank: The Beginning
·                     3.The Emergence of Frank: The Second Coming
·                     4. The Emergence of Frank: Three Times A Rescuer
·                     5. The Emergence of Frank: Frank's Failure
·                     6. We Go To University & We Take A Lover (links to our other blog)
·                     7. Collision: The Other Girls Terrible Car Accident - Franks Coma

Some of our writing on this blog we like to promote, these are those entries since mid-January 2011. There are bits of writing in this blog that we do not actually promote due to embarrassment over things that some have written - they are here for our own tracking - they are angry, mean, scary things. If you feel like it you can find them on your own. Here are the highlights of what we have written so far this year:

The Mental Health Entries:
Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder
Health:
Family:

Relationships/Friendships:
Work:
Opinion:
Art/Poetry:
Humour/Random Fun:
If you have any questions for us we are very open and will answer to our best ability - this is totally the month to ask us questions. You can either ask us on Twitter, in the comment section of a blog entry here, or e-mail us at justcallmefrank2010 (at) gmail.com.

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Resources for You - facts, figures and personal stories of other people can be found on these sites:
National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/index.aspx
Canadian Mental Health Association: http://www.cmha.ca/bins/index.asp
Mental Health Europe: http://www.mhe-sme.org/
World Psychiatric Association: http://www.wpanet.org

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