So, here we are. We’re writing. I really don’t want to write about yesterday but James is and that probably means we should be too.
Yesterday was difficult for one of us, for all us really, but specifically for Cassandra because we made her deal with her behaviour problem in relating to James.
We knew something was wrong with James for a few hours yesterday, he seemed standoffish, quieter than usual, and so eventually we asked him what was wrong. He patted the sofa, having just woken up from his nap, indicating that we should come and sit next to him.
He began by sharing with us some worries/concerns he had about the last couple of days. One of his concern is that he doesn’t know how to interpret us all the time, whether or not “I” (Frank) am angry at him about something, or if it’s one of the others (specifically Cassandra or Catherine), caught in a switch. One of the others who doesn't like him the same way, and in his view maybe not at all.
We asked him for examples and when he shared some of them we made Cassandra deal with it all. She wasn't happy about having to spend time with him again, and she tends to be a moody girl when she’s not getting her way. As we’ve written, she and Catherine are in love with Someone Special, who James “allowed” us to have lunch with this past week. Someone Special is our friend, but Catherine and Cassandra are in love with him. They try to write poetry about him, when they play on Twitter they trace hearts around his avi., they are typical teenage girls (moody little brats if you ask me).
This person is someone who we know, talk to and see in real life, a friend on Twitter. He is a friend to us all. We all care for him deeply. Cassandra gets angry because she feels that James is a threat to this friendship/relationship, and we guess to a lesser or equal degree Catherine is also feeling the same, Cassandra claims to be speaking for both of them sometimes.
James can probably describe the day better than we can right now…I’m having a hard time putting most of it together, and am not sure how trustworthy my source (Cassandra) is in letting us know what she said or what happened. We only know one or two details very clearly.
Cassandra says she likes James, but she feels like she needs to stick up for herself and Catherine. Catherine tends on the paranoid side so she hasn’t been spending much time with James. She really hasn’t spent any time with him directly, and James knows this. One of the things Cassandra is happy about is tat James is fun, she didn't like some of our other boyfriends because they were not fun, and she was scared that this was going to be a similar situation.
We haven’t written about James all that much since he got here, he’s been here for two weeks now - we have a partial blog entry that we will insert here, now, and then pick up where we left off, because we’re not good at editing work we’ve written unless everyone involved in the initial writing is actually present, which currently they are not._________
July 26, 2011 (original date of writing)
James’ visit has been interesting. He’s been here five days now. It feels like forever…and it feels like it’s going to go fast – depending on who you talk to.
It hasn’t been without its awkward moments, and we know that he’s been writing stuff down; he’s been asking a lot of questions too, and trying to get to know what we are comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with, and we know he wishes he’d be able to talk to each of us on an individual basis, more specifically that we’d be okay with letting him address us by each of our names, but we’re not willing to change a name tag every time one of us decides to take over, though some we know he can already tell, specifically Cassandra, who doesn’t really like to talk to him that much and hides in our room. She hasn’t been sticking around too much and Catherine now at all, other than a peek here and there and mumbling to us.
There has been some very intimate conversations about feelings, and he probably didn’t pick the right time to tell us some very special things about how he feels because the first thing that was said, not to him, but to each other, after he shared these things is “that’s how you think you feel, but you don’t know us enough” and at the same time “Bad timing, I want a hot dog” (one of us was hungry) and as we sat there listening to him, him wondering what was going through our head and verbalizing his desire to know, there was a lot of discussion going on upstairs.
We don’t want to share too many intimate thoughts/feelings of our own about how we feel about James here in the blog, we know he deserves to hear them first face to face, unfortunately we have a hard time sorting out how each of us feel and coming to an agreement on anything without writing it out. In the past we have always been inclined to answer the first feeling/thought we had had without regard to how each other’s feelings, and before we knew and understood each other it would land us in situations we didn’t all want to be in, and caused a lot of problems in our life; and that has led to a lot of wrong decisions for us, so now we prefer to take more time to find out what is really wanted, or at least what is wanted from the majority, because sometimes compromise is the only solution.
As mentioned in a previous post, there are two of us who are in love with another – and while both were not present the hours around him leading up to the sharing of his feelings, we acknowledge as a group that we do not all feel the same.
Haven’t read enough around here to understand how these things work? Read our description, some questions from followers on twitter, that we’ve answered: http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/05/we-answer-some-follower-questions.html
_______
That’s as far as we got with that entry, we were going to finish it but who knows where we were going with it.
Yesterday was a difficult day for James, and for some of us…we’re not angry at him at all, but he did break a rule we have which is never to address us separately. He told Cassandra he loves her, and said it using her name (he tells us he loves us all, so that's not the issue).
Cassandra has never been addresses specifically, as none of the others have (I am the only one addressed by name, and we are all addressed by the name of The Other Girl) and so she felt very special about the whole thing (of course one of us told her he is only being so nice to her because he is trying to win her over…but we try not to listen to that person, because they still won’t tell us their name, and we still don’t know what they do if and when they get to use to the body).
We were okay with James breaking that rule, thankfully he said the right name, because had he not it would have been detrimental to Cassandra, and she tend to be fragile anyway.
I can honestly say that I am in love with James, I can’t speak for the rest, but I know how I feel. He is a beautiful, kind, interesting, and a just-stabby enough man…he’s so wonderful to all of us, and tries very hard to be understanding. It’s not something we like to gush about on Twitter, but he is…amazing.
The best part of today, and it’s going to sound horrible to people who don’t understand us at all, or if they are just now landing here and are thinking “what the fuck is this?!” but …
Today we were walking downtown and a man asked us for change "for a meal"…We don’t take kindly to beggars…we’ve known enough to know that when offered food they won’t take it (because we've offered them food), and the downtown security team in our city will tell you that over 75% of the time they use it for drugs or booze…(we've sat through "seminars" with the downtown security team).
Anyway, this man asked for change, he was decently dressed, and being unemployed with no chance for unemployment benefits, we said no, and as we walked away we mumbled “But we’ll give you a punch in the stomach” and James started laughing, kissed us and said “I am so in love with you”.
He loves us for us…and to me, loving all of us (because trust me, we’re not all loveable, we just come in an easy-to-love package) is something we’ve never had…and I can appreciate that, even if some of our others cannot. (*internal eye rolls and gag sounds*)
We hope, I hope, that Cassandra comes around, and can pull Catherine with her…not because I don’t care deeply for Someone Special, or their feeling…but because I realize what they don’t. That relationship doesn't have a future past friendship; he, Someone Special, does not understand us the way we need to be understood, even though he reads our blog and follows us on Twitter and has known us in person(s) just about as long as James. It’s because Someone Special is not going to make the leap for Catherine and Cassandra required to have a relationship…let alone the rest of us, even though he knows they love him, and we care about him.
Anyway, that was our day, our last couple of weeks in a nutshell, a very general one. What people don’t read on Twitter is usually really serious stuff that we are having to deal with, because our Twitter life is where we get to have fun with people, occasionally have a serious Tweet with friends and hang out and learn about people and try to make them laugh. Our blog is where more serious stuff takes place, where things are recorded so we can all know what the hell has been going on, and as we’ve written, where we advocate for mental illness, share information and lead by example on showing others different ways to cope with mental illness, so that others can do the same, or at least give it a try.
Yeah, when I write by myself I tend to get serious…(that's why this is MY 'State of the Union' ...but not, because it's only my opinion and view, mostly) there are funnier things written around here if you’re interested. There are a whole lot of things actually.
There’s talk of trying to relocate to an actual website, because this blog is becoming content heavy. We’ll still have the same address, and basically the same layout, just more functionality and tabs for easier reading. It’s in the works anyway, as well as another online project we’re trying to work on.
It’s Friday night damn it and we want to be able to play on Twitter before James gets done writing (think he might be already done though)…because then (as much as I love him) we’ll have to surrender some of our attention to him.
Until tomorrow, friends, readers, strangers, Twitter followers…have a fantastic eveningJ
~Frank
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