Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Is It Bad?

Is it bad that we don't want to read the blogs of other people who have the same mental illness as us? Is is bad? Is it selfish?

What if it made us scared? More sad? Then would it be okay that we didn't want to?

It makes me feel bad that I don't want to to take the time to learn about them (even though Frank probably thinks we should). But it's not just that. It's kinda like we have our own story to share with people, in our own way, who wants to read about us, and they have stories to share about people who want to read about them, and sometimes we don't understand how we are supposed to feel about what they are saying.


We're not totally okay tonight. And no, we haven't been drinking much, and no, we haven't drank much in the last three days. I don't like to drink much. Cassandra doesn't either, and she had to go to WalMart in the end last night, so she drank probably two glasses of wine all night. She and I don't like to drink much, unless we are sharing with someone else (one of our others)

I'll be honest. A lot of "survivor" blogs, or blogs that deal with our particular mental illness have a lot of spiritual and God references...and it made us scream at the computer tonight "If there was a god why would he let this happen?! [to you, to us, to all the people who keep their abuse/trauma hidden].

We've had a really tough couple of days. Today was better then yesterday as far as physical pain, but our wrists and feet and back are achy.

We're going to spend time with out boyfriend now, because we're not being a good girlfriend this week, and we want to make sure he comes back. I do anyway; because it's super special to have a boyfriend who loves us all, even those of us who don't like him.


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