Thursday, August 18, 2011

How Many Are We Today?

Who Are We Today?
It’s a question that our boyfriend (James…a.k.a. @mr_jmm) wonders all the time, even before he wrote about it in his blog about it we could see the searching in his eyes when we woke up in the mornings, when something “unusual” would happen, or sometimes even when we are having sex. (Sometimes we wonder if he’s not just looking to find someone he likes- not necessarily during sex though- but…we don’t know. Sometimes we’re silly and insecure and of us)
And then we got a question on Twitter tonight about how many of us are there today.
Despite the fact that the person/Tweep probably doesn’t really know what he’s asking (some think our account is individual bodies of people; not as many people as you would think bother to click on the link that takes them here to find out who we are) so we felt like we needed to write. We also felt the need to write because when we talked to James, who is sitting right next to us his computer, he got slightly offended because we don’t let him ask those questions and we were about to answer the question from a complete stranger; which isn’t entirely true, James can ask how many, generally we are just uncomfortable with the “who” portion.
It’s getting better though, the James wondering who we are from time to time. We’re allowing each other to drop hits. For example, and this is just one mind you, this week when Catherine was being intimate with him (because we have decided she can be) she asked him to be like he was the other day, and referenced the place they had previously spent time being intimate when she knew that he knew it was her. That was her way of expressing who she was; a way we have decided is okay…for now.
So, how many us of are there on any given day? It changes…and sometimes we don’t think about it because really, to wake up in the morning, or to sit down at lunch, and be like “so, who’s around today” is a waste of time, because it changes. Certainly we can recognize thought patterns or “voices” (not to be confused with the voices of a schizophrenic, mind you). For example, if Emmie is *Executive and all of a sudden the mind goes to “I want candy!’, it’s not her and she’ll know it. She dislikes eating in general and the request will be denied, but it can be narrowed down to a couple of culprits, namely Bethany or Cassandra (sometimes Ivy)…never Sam, or Catherine; if I (Frank) received that request there would be a 50% chance of approval, I tend to be more lenient in some cases.
It is really a democratic process sometimes; a true one…not a warped version of the political system that the United States claims to withhold.
Aw, shit. This isn’t a political opinion piece….but it is, you see; because everything in life is politics, including trying to manage DID/MPD.
So, how many are there today.
*sits and listens, talks to one another*
[pass 20 minutes]
There was three (myself, Emmie and Catherine), and now there are more. Why more you ask?
Well. We sat and talked to James about it (about the futility of trying to answer such a question) and that turned into a conversation about him wondering who was here today because he knew at least one (me), and I haven’t been around much (just enough to write once this week) and he felt uncomfortable when we/I got home from work today - he said I am different today - though he says he can't put his finger on it; and then he told me how he thought about others, which is why there are so many all of a sudden.
James was just talking to me about the fact that while he doesn’t have favourites among us there are certain characteristics of each that he misses when that person(ality) is not around.
Upon hearing that ears perked up all over the brain, pistons fired and some little smart mouth says “he likes meeeeee better than you” and then Bethany says she thinks he likes her more because she’s more fun and thinks so because James watched a movie with her, and read her a really great story last weekend that written by one of our favourite followers @JimRichie, a story written in dedication to us, and she thinks she is fun, and of course cute. She’s 6 for fucks sake.
So, everyone wanted to fight about what he likes about them more than others. SILENCE!
No wonder we’ve been so exhausted all week. Other than the near constant and growing physical pain, the from this new job, exhaustion hits about this time at night (which, is 4 hours earlier, at least, than we are used to sleeping, even though we wake up the same time as we did for our last job) and all it takes is gentle touch from James and we are nearly passed out. Right now we could lay our head on the laptop and it would be filled with drool within minutes.
Who is here? He wants to know, you want to know, that follower wants to know.
We are here, one to nine of us, it doesn’t matter, and we make up us...minute to minute sometimes.
To explain in 140 characters, or even in this blog about how many are here at any given moment would mean a constant update, it is always different combinations, the only thing that changes (and remains more stable) is who is *executive, who is in charge, who has ultimate control over what we are doing. Sometimes they are us for hours, days even. Sometimes they have been us for weeks on end.
When joined with Melody I become a bit of an uncaring bitch (Frank + Melody = there's a math formula for you), mostly snappy and such. And before anyone raises a finger to ask about PMS and moods, we are one week into a new cycle (which means we’re fucking lovely, so shove it), and it also means you’re an ass for even wondering. Believe it or not, our PMS blends into nothing, people can’t even tell when we are having it, because, as stated before, DID often comes down to simply LOOKING like mood swings, when in fact, it is not. (and for most laymen, mood swings = pms...or a disorder of some sort - generally not DID/MPD)
Which is why it took so long for us to post James' most recent blog post, because while some of us were fine enough with it, I want to make sure people understand…it’s not mood swings, unless you think of it as mood swings INSIDE of mood swings…even then…we’re no Russian nesting doll. Or maybe we are…*ponders*

Anywho, my blog post for the day…tomorrow is Friday. We’re excited about that, except it’s our last weekend with James. He leaves Monday. *huge sigh**holds back tears*
~Frank (et al)

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