Sunday, August 14, 2011

We Start Our New Job Tomorrow

Tomorrow we embark on a new job. Have to say, some of us are nervous...we're going to have to gather up stored data to be good at the job, and as it is we are going in completely unprepared...but it's an environment/job much like getting back on a bike, once you're on it, it all comes back to you. Or I'll have to keep them stuffed in a cubbie hole (again) and let them unravel at home. We'll see how this goes.

Had a nice day today overall...we (Catherine) had some paranoia issues leaving the house, and most of the time outdoors today, not only because of she was in control (sometimes it's a lottery system, seemingly, on who gets to spend time with James [@mr_jmm]) but because of a delayed text message we received from the fiancé of the girl who wrote us that e-mail "intervention" about a week or so back; he threatened to "fuck [us] up" if we didn't stop "trashing" her...we didn't respond, the text was already four or so days old. Also, we didn't trash her, we simply took the e-mail she send us, commented on how it made us feel and included our own e-mailed response. Don't think we even called her names or anything, and furthermore the whole thing was completely anonymous. Some people just need to get over themselves and move on.

Anyway. Having said that, it's done, most of the walk home from the errand we had to run was calm and Catherine left us, tired from all the stress of the day.

We get to start work tomorrow. The new job is going to be a great change, and hopefully nobody fucks it up for us...that would be unfortunate. And when we say "nobody" we mean outside influence and those from within. Some of us hold others of us more to blame for the loss of our last job, but as a group, as stated many times, take full responsibility - after all, we failed as a team.

Melody wrote some Tumblr posts yesterday/last night, she isn't very social, and ...well...she's not really supposed, nor does she want to be, very social so she spent time writing.

Anyway. She wrote this post: about us waking up yesterday. Bottom line was that nobody wanted to take control of the body yesterday so we had a hard time getting up, then when there were some of us who decided to try to step up they fought for about two hours in the morning with each other, had a lot of anger and angst, played some angry music, hashed it out and Melody came out on top until the evening, when she was tired of the bullshit of...well...everything.

She also thought it would be "fun" to write on Tumblr about what it felt like, as far as body functions (not inside the head stuff so much, but just physiologically), during a DID switch, and how some of us know.

There remains one of us, every time she knows a switch is going to happen, who asks if she can tell James she will see him later, and that she will miss him. She thinks she is in love with (maybe she is, it's not our place to judge her), she has told him she loves him too, and she told him last night she had missed him...which generally none of us do, but with James it is becoming increasingly easy for each of us to be ourselves, and they are all developing a desire for distinction. I am not sure how I feel about this, it feels dangerous; we may need Marisa to weigh in on this (she is a "survivor" of DID, and older woman, whom we have written about a bit this year).

Just as a random note, (more for James' knowledge) Catherine also wanted to tell him she was sad that he confused her with Bethany the other day, seeing as how Bethany is six (Catherine is 15). We wouldn't let her...but next time we may, just to not let the list of complaints grow, so we don't confuse our headaches with the constant teenage whining going on in the head. We get a lot of "but he called Cassandra by her name" bullshit, and last night she really wanted James to say her name, since nobody outside the system has ever said it out loud. Stupid fucking teenagers, as far as we are concerned. But then, some of us are a real bitch.

Anyway. This blog post is done, I have a few hours to play on Twitter and hang out with James a bit (once he is done doing dishes) before it's time to try to sleep. Later we will be laying in bed reading the Twitter timeline from our new phone, it seems to be the fastest way for us to fall asleep, clutching our phone in the heat of the August night.

Until Tomorrow

~Frank et al

1 comment:

  1. I don't normally comment on your posts but this time I feel I should.
    Two points I want to reply to: Mistaking Catherine for Bethany and Not letting Catherine speak her mind.
    Please know that my mistake was not in the least bit because I thought Catherine was behaving in an immature manner (which it sounds like she thought I was saying). That day was particularly hard for me as far as knowing who was there. I am still learning and do make mistakes; this time it was purely because after I ruled out those I didn't think it was I was only left with Bethany. The silly thing of it is that because I thought it was Bethany I thought how MATURE she was being. I am sorry, I did rule out Catherine purely on the basis that I didn't think she would come out and spend time. I don't know why exactly I thought that but I did and that's why. Again, I'm sorry (Catherine) but please know the mistake was nothing to do with anything negative about how I perceived you on that day.
    My second point, I know you have said that you worry about the others becoming more at ease but please let them speak no matter if it's good or bad. We spoke about this before and that was about "Brooke" (Nine of Nine)! If you had let her tell me she was upset I could have said the above to her and hopefully put her mind at rest. And I could have apologised for hurting her feelings.
    As for calling her by her name, face to face, I guess I still need your (Frank) permission on that one.

    I'm sorry. I love you. All.