These past few days have been anxiety hell, our chest keeps feeling tight, our pulse feels quick (even though whenever we feel this way and are somewhere we can check blood pressure it's almost normal [we actually run below normal blood pressure most of the time, same with our body temperature])...we get snappy and irritable and feel like we should be doing more...but what?
The anxiety half the time starts the minute we leave work, but most commonly on the bus, and escalates into the evening.
Our cat is crying all the time (it's possible he has feline dementia, and does have an eyesight problem), everyone who says a word to us is pissing us off unless they can spit whatever the fuck they are saying out quickly...we're snapping at James (our boyfriend) on Skype...it's making us feel terrible which is just working to increase the anxiety.
We want to make mittens out of our cat...(Bethany would freak out), we want to crawl under the covers and cry...but tears have been hard to come by, we feel them but other than right before James got on the plane to go back to the UK...we haven't cried in such a long time (That I can remember)
We've also cut out coffee almost completely, over two weeks ago now, resorting to about 3 cups a week and a couple on each day of the weekend, as opposed to the ginormous amounts we used to consume daily.
We haven't been sleeping well, tossing and turning all night, having nightmares about losing our job. Feeling strange, and feeling switches in the middle of the night. It's starting to confuse me a little.
It's back to the way we used to sleep, plus the disoriented switching and conversations while I try to sleep...but instead of turning to Twitter in the wee hours of the night we try to go back to sleep...seems that when we have to work with sharp implements all day we have a desire to be more alert.
We feel like we don't get any time to ourselves anymore...which is odd, because we are all by ourselves again. Melody wants to paint but our back hurts too much and I am just not in the mood to bend to her whims, I'd rather write.
That's all a bunch of rambling but I feel better, at least for five minutes I feel better.
And now I have a headache.
~Frank
P.S. to some of our followers, and most know who you are...sometimes you make our day so much better...today we're gonna mention @Cool_Jesse and @Nick_Twist...because today they made me smile.
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