We Put In Our Three Weeks Notice

Okay, so we never got the three weeks notice/resignation in...we ran out of time on Friday to bring it to the "boss". We will on Monday though...

So, yesterday, aside from saying goodbye to Fuck Face quite unexpectedly…we also had a hell of a day at work.

About three days ago the one guy we work with in our kitchen station got upset, because when we leaned down to get something out of the fridge by his knee, in the thick of rush service, we put our hand on his side to let him know we were there. He jumped to the side, partially tripped over our kitchen clog, got angry and wore because he thought we were pushing him.

First, anyone who knows how a hotline in a kitchen works when you are getting slammed knows you are moving around very quickly, and it is not unheard of to put your hand on someone to let them know you are there, especially if you need them to move aside and you don’t want to risk any “below the waist touching” on accident. Plus, what could we gain from pushing him in the middle of a rush? Ignorant little twat.

So we could tell something was up because he wasn’t friendly or nice to us for the next two days. Which is fine, because we are leaving in three weeks, and fuck him, he’s a stupid kid; we just want to get our job done, make it through the day and get the fuck away from people.

Then yesterday we were going to put in our three week notice because we have not heard anything about the paperwork/short form they tried to push through last minute and we wanted to make sure we end this job right (because we never have before) in case we make it back to this city with a valid work permit, and want to be employed.  We’re pretty much the master at walking off of a job with no explanation.

But then the sous chef (the sous chef in a kitchen is the one who is right under the chef as far as kitchen management goes) took our station partner to his office while we were cleaning up at the end of service, and following that he took us aside, sitting us down in his “office”, which is just one are of the building where donuts are sold, right off of the kitchen.

The first thing he asked was about us saying something on the hotline.

“Did you look at a bill and say ‘god damn chicken’?” (a “bill” is the receipt/written slip of paper that has the order on it)

He could see the shock and confusion on our face. We, at that point, and still, don’t remember saying it.

“No. Did I say that?”

He responded with a “never mind”.

It’s possible, we figure…but also, if it was our kitchen partner, or someone in the vicinity that “complained” it could have been a misunderstanding and us saying “I’ve got tha chicken”. We remember saying that this week during service, to indicate we were going to put the chicken in. Don’t know how we remember such a small detail…but we do.

Then he asked if we had any pain.

We just stared at him for a moment.

“This is all off the record” he said to us, in his Sri Lanken accent. “I’ve just noticed some days you move in the kitchen like you are having pain.”

So we tell him about our back, share with him brief details, but not excessive amounts, about the car accident, tell him about how one of the instructors in culinary school (one he knows because he had graduated the year before us in school) said we wouldn’t last 10 years in the kitchen. A tear came to our eye when we say “So far it’s been 7 years since the accident”

He agrees that it’s sad; he knows we love cooking, we are good at it. He loves food and cooking just as much.

We continue to talk and he tells us that we are a nice person, and friendly, but sometimes when he looks at us, he sees something…”There is something going on in there” he said to us.

All we think is “crap” and “If you only knew” and then…we’re even more sad. We’ve only been at this job for 5 weeks, we’ve tried to put our head down and work, get the job done…during service we are focused as we can be…but, it comes off as bitchy. And sometimes we bitchy.

He is far too perceptive we suppose…he references mood as we being to talk, asking about anything in our personal life, we explain to him it’s probably the back pain.

Basically he likes us working in the kitchen though; he wishes we were not leaving. He’s just concerned about our back, and also agrees that sometimes that might be why we are short with people, because of all the pain. But we also know that sometimes we are a bitch, even though we try to control that from happening.

He only knows half the story, and it’s okay. We’ll be one from there soon…and we can try again at another job, we suppose.

We discuss other problems in the kitchen, which we site, and he agrees, as communication problems. The meeting ended well, he shared stories about what he had done before culinary school. A nice guy and we are fortunate to have him as a sous chef for the next few weeks.

So, we were stressed even before meeting with Fuck Face for drinks last night, but then that took it to a whole new level.

We told James we don’t think we will ever be able to have a job, all of us, together…and we don’t know how to do about it. We need to find some online work, so we can work where people can’t see our eyes, our face….the thing that gives us all away; it’s impossible for us to hide anymore.

We’re no good with real life situations…and it’s okay, because we prefer the life we have (livesd mostly behind closed doors), if we could only make money to live not working with people…because it’s so difficult, it hurts. We get so many headaches at work these days…and our back literally feels like someone is setting it on fire on a daily basis now.

So, that’s the conclusion of our week. If we were staying at this job we’d probably get fired down the road, that’s clear now…so it’s a good thing we are moving away from this city. We also said goodbye to Special Someone on Thursday, and yesterday Fuck Face told us he loves us, after all this time, and that he always has.

It’s no wonder we drink, and amazing we don’t drink more.

Our Final Goodbye To Fuck Face... Unexpectedly.

We said goodbye, unexpectedly, to Fuck Face tonight…

We had plans to write about our day at work, which was unusually stressful (more to come about that tomorrow), but it looks like we are going to save it due to some unforeseen...something.

In an unusual turn of events…well…what can we say.

First, we had drinks with Fuck Face tonight, turns out it was our last drinks with him. We didn’t expect that.

Over a glass of wine (several, at this point, for us, of course) and a Guinness (several, for him) he began telling us about his plans for the weekend, yard work, and such...things to do regarding his wife’s horses..and the infamous barn.

“You know, despite the fact all that we are going to do is dance at the grocery later, paint, write, drink wine, and spend the weekend on Twitter…we still live a more interesting life than you. When you’re on your deathbed, working won’t be what you are thinking about” we snidely say, we’ve had a couple wines at this point, “Hopefully you’ll be thinking about us”, mostly joking of course.

We were his first, and probably only, affair. We know that to be true, we also know, from previous conversation, it’s us, not just the fact that we were an attractive female, that had led him astray. Once he had said, last week “There will never be another [The Other Girl].”, when we were discussing things about him seeking some education outside the city, away from his wife, for a couple of months…chiding him about infidelity. So we give him a hard time, about thinking about us on his death bed.

A shadow passes over his face. He is silent. He leans back in his chair. We can tell he has had a bit more to drink than he should. We’ve never seen him this candid looking. He reaches for our hand with a serious look on his face.

He pulls his hand back.

“I’m not going to spill the beans” he says, and starts to divert the conversation.

“The Beans” being something he referenced the first and second drinking “dates” ago (last week)…regarding our getting fired. We had tried to get him to tell us then, but to no avail.

“Take another drink of your beer” we say, nodding our head towards his beer. We know that with another drink he might tell us what he’s been referencing for the last couple drinking sessions. We want to know, we have no idea what his secret is.

He begins talking again, about something random…we don’t know what, and then all of a sudden he stops, leans in, looking seriously and blurts “I love you”. This look on his face, we’ve never seen it before. We know he’s telling the truth.

We…stare at him…our eyes well up…there are many things going on in our head. With tears spilling onto our cheeks we give him "the finger". 

“Fuck you, I hate you, you suck”, we say.

He spilled the beans. We are angry, confused, and sad...those are not the beans most of us are expecting.

“Fuck you and your timing” we say. 

More tears.

The next 20 minutes are him admitting how he’s felt about us from the very begging, even before our affair, and that the week we got fired how he felt, us not being there, going to our office for something and…just…being sad we were no longer there, (because we had gotten fired) which makes us understand how happy he was when he got fired.

Him saying how his marriage has improved since telling his wife about the affair, but he says he still wakes up in the morning and watches our tweets while we ride the bus to work. He reads our blog, he reads James' blog. While he plays video games…our Twitter feed is there. He thinks about us always. Thinks about us and tries to erase the feelings, kill us, metaphorically, while he digs fence posts for his wife’s horses.

He loves us. Just as we always thought. Thank god we were not off base. But he agrees, as do we…there are four people involved now. He says he wouldn’t try anything, he doesn’t want to do that to his wife again.

He read our blog entry from last night, and he had hoped tonight’s drinks would be us “breaking up with him”…our final drinks, as last night was with our “goodbye” to Special Someone, now that James is coming into town to live with us.

We sit and talk…he says he wanted to come tonight and ask us to run off to Cuba, only half jokingly. We are stunned, laughing, and then crying, confused, but relieved that we had been right.

He tells us how James is good for us, and that he doesn’t want to hurt James (they actually met once). 

He tells us “In another life…” then he pauses…and talks about how it never would have really worked because of one of us (Bethany) and that he only wanted to deal with us as one, as Frank. We tell him that he’s dealt with all of us. He says he realizes that, and has noticed the differences in each of us, but still…

We cry, and cry…covering our mouth, alternating between laughing because he is trying to make us laugh, and crying because he tells us we are gorgeous, and amazing, and funny, and interesting…and that had he been single, almost the first day we had started working where he worked, he would have asked us out that day.

“Wow. I really hate our life”…just one of the things that come from our mouth, because sometimes the irony is far too painful, as we listen to him talk about the first time he laid eyes on us and called us “Wonder Woman” to our face…and how he says he had loved us from the beginning, and how the last week or so, after we got fired…was the worst days of employment he has ever had; how he hoped each time he had asked us for drinks since we had gotten fired he wished we had said no…and other things too much to write about, involving throwing rocks at our window…and…

We know he is telling the truth. Several of the men on Twitter, our followers, married ones who had had affairs before, who were reading the story as it unfolded, back in the day, told us “He loves you, he is confused”. 

They were right. Men know men, we guess; and clearly we do not. (but we do, they just have to be honest...and then we know we are right.)

We stood in the parking lot this evening, outside of our apartment, in front of his new motorcycle…he wouldn’t let us hug him goodbye…but we did anyway. 

We're talking, and crying a bit, and he is staring at us, with pain in his eyes, and finally he asked us, almost pleaded, that we just walk away…He was sad, we were sad. He was our friend, more than anyone can understand, if only because we have not written about the rest of the impact he had on us, and how he helped us, this year…with us. We will write about it someday...it's disturbing, and dark...and everything that Fantastic was to us in those days.

It’s bittersweet…it all is. This year has been…fucked up…we still haven’t written everything about our relationship with him…we will. We’re two years away in the writing of our life. When we get to that part, those days with Fantastic New Addition/The Jean/Fuck Face…the things we didn’t and couldn’t write about at the time, why he was so important…you’ll all understand more.

For now, we sob…because…well…life is never what you expect…people are…confusing. We had a shitty couple days at work…we’ve had a shitty couple of days in general, now, saying goodbye to friends is hard…and we haven’t even gotten to say the goodbyes to Girl Crush and Fabulous People (our female friends); they will be just as difficult, but in a different way.

For now, the rest of what we know about tonight, we are keeping within us. Rest assured, there was no betrayal of any kind. James is important, many of us love him…and as someone we truly love, we could never betray him, and his love…that’s not how many of us roll.

[Dear Fuck Face...as you knew we had to tell James...you also knew we had to write your final chapter...you know we will miss you...you know.]

Our Final Goodbye To Special Someone

Tonight we said goodbye to a friend, and a former lover, someone who we had been mentioned in two of our blog posts, and James in at least one of his.

Special Someone. While his identity must remain a 100% secret, we can tell you that he is one of our followers on Twitter, and he reads our blogs.  We met him on Twitter and had only said a few words to each other here and there, then one day while we were live tweeting a stalking of Fuck Face…he began DMing us a lot, and it progressed from sharing that he had many the same thoughts about people and society, to saying it would be fun to have us stalk him. We obliged, of course, because it was a fun thing to try…we only knew what he looked like vaguely from his avi, but we knew he was attractive; and then one day we figured out where he worked. He didn't know what we looked like exactly but when we passed him on the sidewalk the first time our stalking "hit the target", we both knew it was each other. We’ll always remember one of the first things he e-mailed to us after that, that of course we were "way out of [his[ league", but we knew we weren't. We had been talking to him for weeks, we’d gotten to know a lot about him, and we knew he was a kind, broken soul...and he also a hottie, he just couldn't admit it.

We met Special Someone in real life (though he’d been our follower for some time) about the exact same time we met James on Twitter (May of this year). Most of our time spent with Special Someone where fleeting moments in a special location after he was done with work, talking and kissing; a couple of make-out sessions in our office at work; a few walks; and a couple of evenings laying in the grass in a local park, talking about life, laughing and just being together. Only once did we ever share an evening with him, and wake up in his arms.

A couple of us where in love with him, and despite the fact we met him and James around the same time, and he knew all about James, James knew nothing about him until our State of the Union entry, written right before he was to arrive in our city in July to spend a month with us. James was upset, and we knew he had a right to be, even though we were not dating at that point; but at least we were honest with him. We only saw Special Someone for a short bit of time, once, while James was here (James actually mentioned him in a couple of his blog entries).

Tonight was only the second time we’ve seen Special Someone since right before we got fired from our job at the end of July. He is a beautiful man, who fell in love with us, and a couple of us with him; however due to many things in his life he was not able to have a relationship with us. Read that how you want. 

After about 20 minutes of talking in our usual spot, laughing sadly, him asking us about our plans, our big adventur; and after several long tearful hugs, because we had all come to the conclusion that this would be our last goodbye, he confirmed the feelings we suspected he had had for us, that he had made clear to us, without saying the words out loud, many times. As he pressed the elevator button, looking at us for the last time with his beautiful eyes…he told us that we had guessed right, about how he felt. With tears gently spilling over our cheeks, we told him we were sorry if any of us had hurt his feelings by making the decision(s) we did.

“I’m just glad we had time together” he said, the sad look in his eyes.

As he stepped into the elevator and turned back to us, we blew him a tearful kiss goodbye and waved.

"Take care of yourself” he said. We nodded our head...and he was gone.

We walked home, thinking about the times we had spent with him, when we met him, the giddiness some of us had felt, and all the other feelings in between we had shared about him, we cried and sipped our wine. 

The air has grown chilly in our city, so we wore different clothes than we usually would have – nothing like our summer dresses, but we know that's how he will remember some of us; and as we passed the fountain we played in several time this past summer, wine in one hand, Twitter in the other, we noticed the water had been drained…looking around the city, some of the trees are actually changing. Fall is upon us. Change is here.  James will be here on Tuesday, we will start a new life, all of us, finally...all of us...together...for the first time in our life.

We cried and lamented about the summer we had, about how far we have come, how far we have to go….this year had been something else, this year had been something else…and it’s not even over yet.

We’ll miss you, Special Someone. The poem that was started for you will be finished someday; the ending and tone will just be a little different, but the sentiment the same. We will never forget you, friend.

~Cassandra, Catherine, Emmie & Frank

Our Boyfriend Left & All We Got Was This Stupid Kidney Infection

Yeah...that should totally be on a t-shirt...meh. Our attempt at humour.

It’s funny how it takes such little time to for us to be comfortable walking about on our own again, after not having done it in over four weeks. All we had to do was plug in our iPod and suddenly it was like old times. The only differences this time, as compared to all the other times, were that we were not drunk and we were numbed with sadness.

Taking the same path home from downtown as we used to on the days we would go downtown for drinks with Fuck Face, or to see Special Someone, this afternoon the gravity weighed on us.

James, (@mr_jmm) our boyfriend, flew back to the UK this afternoon. He’d been here for over 4 weeks, arriving July 21^st, days after we got fired from our last job.

Sharing a one bedroom apartment with a man you’ve only known for a couple of months seemed like a bad idea to some of the people we mentioned it to; mostly, all of them.

In reality it was probably the best thing because it prevented him from being able to leave when perhaps he didn’t want to deal with some of the things we experience with our mental illness, namely, each other; not that he would have went anywhere anyway (someone pushed his buttons at least once). He loves us (he must be crazier than us) and we believe him. We could see it in the tears he started to cry a week ago, when he realized this day was upon us, and time suddenly felt like it was going too fast; we could see it through the tears and pain in his face as he delayed entering the U.S. Immigration section of the airport, where he had to leave us.

We consoled him, and reminded him that he’ll be back; and he will be back.

As a matter of fact, he’s moving here to live with us.

Turns out sometimes when things happen that you didn’t want, it doesn’t always turn out bad. (Mind you, this isn’t turning us into some optimist, hell no). Apparently our luck has taken a turn, as far as relationships and employment go, at last for the now. (see, not optimistic…how can we be?!

So we had a lovely last weekend with James, we set aside Tweeting, mostly, for almost the whole time and aside from some severe pain (more on that follows), we laid about, ate food, did…naked stuff and watched a shit ton of movies, at least more than we’ve watched all year combined (The Ward, Holy Water, Charlie Wilsons War, Ink and War, Inc) - he also got to spend a time with almost all of us this weekend, which meant a massive headaches for us…but he was really happy, and he got to say goodbye (see you later), and give each a message, to everyone but Sam and Bethany (and “Brooke”).

Soon, just like we did before he arrived where everyone shared their thoughts and feelings on his arrival, everyone will be given a chance to write a bit about James, this time about the time they spent with him and how they feel about him now. We’ll see if we can organize it in one post sometime soon.

On the health front, today we went to the doctor because this weekend we had been having some severe pain issues in our lower back (so much so that from Friday afternoon till last night we barely drank a bottle of wine…astonishing, right?) and some…er…urination issues. Turns out we’ve gotten ourselves a lovely kidney infection, which is probably lucky, because the other culprit of all the problems were kidney stones, and nobody wants those.

Our very first kidney infection (which is an advanced UTI/bladder infection...the bacteria got right up in there good); so proud (sarcasm) especially since we know how we got it based on the strain of infection they said we have. (Thank you Emmie & James…ya dirty freaks)

Unfortunately it was the pain we had at work that finally sent us to the doctor this morning, which means we had to lose hours, and being in a probationary period (the first day of the second week of the new job) we don’t know how that will reflect on us *fingers crossed*.

That’s the daily update. We have some other stuff to write this week, a dream/flashback(?) that Bethany had, and the other stuff we wrote about in one of our latest blog posts ‘Note Post’ http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/08/note-post.html

Oh, and if you haven’t listened to our podcast interview with the super guys from @NothingButShow…check this post out from yesterday: http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/08/our-podcast-interview-with-nothing-but.html

Alright. We’re going to eat ice cream…and sacrifice a cat so James can find some quick work when he gets back…because as soon as he saves up the money for the flight, he’s coming back.

We already miss our James.

Not your cup of tea? Check out Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies...they play some cool shit.

~Frankie (& some of the et al)

A 'State of the Union' of Sorts...or Not.

So, here we are. We’re writing. I really don’t want to write about yesterday but James is and that probably means we should be too.

Yesterday was difficult for one of us, for all us really, but specifically for Cassandra because we made her deal with her behaviour problem in relating to James.

We knew something was wrong with James for a few hours yesterday, he seemed standoffish, quieter than usual, and so eventually we asked him what was wrong. He patted the sofa, having just woken up from his nap, indicating that we should come and sit next to him.

He began by sharing with us some worries/concerns he had about the last couple of days. One of his concern is that he doesn’t know how to interpret us all the time, whether or not “I” (Frank) am angry at him about something, or if it’s one of the others (specifically Cassandra or Catherine), caught in a switch. One of the others who doesn't like him the same way, and in his view maybe not at all.

We asked him for examples and when he shared some of them we made Cassandra deal with it all. She wasn't happy about having to spend time with him again, and she tends to be a moody girl when she’s not getting her way. As we’ve written, she and Catherine are in love with Someone Special, who James “allowed” us to have lunch with this past week. Someone Special is our friend, but Catherine and Cassandra are in love with him. They try to write poetry about him, when they play on Twitter they trace hearts around his avi., they are typical teenage girls (moody little brats if you ask me).

This person is someone who we know, talk to and see in real life, a friend on Twitter. He is a friend to us all. We all care for him deeply. Cassandra gets angry because she feels that James is a threat to this friendship/relationship, and we guess to a lesser or equal degree Catherine is also feeling the same, Cassandra claims to be speaking for both of them sometimes.

James can probably describe the day better than we can right now…I’m having a hard time putting most of it together, and am not sure how trustworthy my source (Cassandra) is in letting us know what she said or what happened. We only know one or two details very clearly.

Cassandra says she likes James, but she feels like she needs to stick up for herself and Catherine. Catherine tends on the paranoid side so she hasn’t been spending much time with James. She really hasn’t spent any time with him directly, and James knows this. One of the things Cassandra is happy about is tat James is fun, she didn't like some of our other boyfriends because they were not fun, and she was scared that this was going to be a similar situation.

We haven’t written about James all that much since he got here, he’s been here for two weeks now - we have a partial blog entry that we will insert here, now, and then pick up where we left off, because we’re not good at editing work we’ve written unless everyone involved in the initial writing is actually present, which currently they are not._________

July 26, 2011 (original date of writing)

James’ visit has been interesting. He’s been here five days now. It feels like forever…and it feels like it’s going to go fast – depending on who you talk to.

It hasn’t been without its awkward moments, and we know that he’s been writing stuff down; he’s been asking a lot of questions too, and trying to get to know what we are comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with, and we know he wishes he’d be able to talk to each of us on an individual basis, more specifically that we’d be okay with letting him address us by each of our names, but we’re not willing to change a name tag every time one of us decides to take over, though some we know he can already tell, specifically Cassandra, who doesn’t really like to talk to him that much and hides in our room. She hasn’t been sticking around too much and Catherine now at all, other than a peek here and there and mumbling to us.

There has been some very intimate conversations about feelings, and he probably didn’t pick the right time to tell us some very special things about how he feels because the first thing that was said, not to him, but to each other, after he shared these things is “that’s how you think you feel, but you don’t know us enough” and at the same time “Bad timing, I want a hot dog” (one of us was hungry) and as we sat there listening to him, him wondering what was going through our head and verbalizing his desire to know, there was a lot of discussion going on upstairs.

We don’t want to share too many intimate thoughts/feelings of our own about how we feel about James here in the blog, we know he deserves to hear them first face to face, unfortunately we have a hard time sorting out how each of us feel and coming to an agreement on anything without writing it out. In the past we have always been inclined to answer the first feeling/thought we had had without regard to how each other’s feelings, and before we knew and understood each other it would land us in situations we didn’t all want to be in, and caused a lot of problems in our life; and that has led to a lot of wrong decisions for us, so now we prefer to take more time to find out what is really wanted, or at least what is wanted from the majority, because sometimes compromise is the only solution.

As mentioned in a previous post, there are two of us who are in love with another – and while both were not present the hours around him leading up to the sharing of his feelings, we acknowledge as a group that we do not all feel the same.

Haven’t read enough around here to understand how these things work? Read our description, some questions from followers on twitter, that we’ve answered: http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/05/we-answer-some-follower-questions.html

_______

That’s as far as we got with that entry, we were going to finish it but who knows where we were going with it.

Yesterday was a difficult day for James, and for some of us…we’re not angry at him at all, but he did break a rule we have which is never to address us separately. He told Cassandra he loves her, and said it using her name (he tells us he loves us all, so that's not the issue).

Cassandra has never been addresses specifically, as none of the others have (I am the only one addressed by name, and we are all addressed by the name of The Other Girl) and so she felt very special about the whole thing (of course one of us told her he is only being so nice to her because he is trying to win her over…but we try not to listen to that person, because they still won’t tell us their name, and we still don’t know what they do if and when they get to use to the body).

We were okay with James breaking that rule, thankfully he said the right name, because had he not it would have been detrimental to Cassandra, and she tend to be fragile anyway.

I can honestly say that I am in love with James, I can’t speak for the rest, but I know how I feel. He is a beautiful, kind, interesting, and a just-stabby enough man…he’s so wonderful to all of us, and tries very hard to be understanding. It’s not something we like to gush about on Twitter, but he is…amazing.

The best part of today, and it’s going to sound horrible to people who don’t understand us at all, or if they are just now landing here and are thinking “what the fuck is this?!” but …

Today we were walking downtown and a man asked us for change "for a meal"…We don’t take kindly to beggars…we’ve known enough to know that when offered food they won’t take it (because we've offered them food), and the downtown security team in our city will tell you that over 75% of the time they use it for drugs or booze…(we've sat through "seminars" with the downtown security team).

Anyway, this man asked for change, he was decently dressed, and being unemployed with no chance for unemployment benefits, we said no, and as we walked away we mumbled “But we’ll give you a punch in the stomach” and James started laughing, kissed us and said “I am so in love with you”.

He loves us for us…and to me, loving all of us (because trust me, we’re not all loveable, we just come in an easy-to-love package) is something we’ve never had…and I can appreciate that, even if some of our others cannot. (*internal eye rolls and gag sounds*)

We hope, I hope, that Cassandra comes around, and can pull Catherine with her…not because I don’t care deeply for Someone Special, or their feeling…but because I realize what they don’t. That relationship doesn't have a future past friendship; he, Someone Special, does not understand us the way we need to be understood, even though he reads our blog and follows us on Twitter and has known us in person(s) just about as long as James. It’s because Someone Special is not going to make the leap for Catherine and Cassandra required to have a relationship…let alone the rest of us, even though he knows they love him, and we care about him.

Anyway, that was our day, our last couple of weeks in a nutshell, a very general one. What people don’t read on Twitter is usually really serious stuff that we are having to deal with, because our Twitter life is where we get to have fun with people, occasionally have a serious Tweet with friends and hang out and learn about people and try to make them laugh. Our blog is where more serious stuff takes place, where things are recorded so we can all know what the hell has been going on, and as we’ve written, where we advocate for mental illness, share information and lead by example on showing others different ways to cope with mental illness, so that others can do the same, or at least give it a try.

Yeah, when I write by myself I tend to get serious…(that's why this is MY 'State of the Union' ...but not, because it's only my opinion and view, mostly) there are funnier things written around here if you’re interested. There are a whole lot of things actually.

There’s talk of trying to relocate to an actual website, because this blog is becoming content heavy. We’ll still have the same address, and basically the same layout, just more functionality and tabs for easier reading. It’s in the works anyway, as well as another online project we’re trying to work on.

It’s Friday night damn it and we want to be able to play on Twitter before James gets done writing (think he might be already done though)…because then (as much as I love him) we’ll have to surrender some of our attention to him.

Until tomorrow, friends, readers, strangers, Twitter followers…have a fantastic eveningJ

~Frank

Cassandra Writes About 'Special Someone'

I am not having a good day.

For some of us it is hard to write when we feel like our space is being invaded, which I feel like today. We sent James out to get some ingredients so we can make him banana bread and so that I would have time to write because I guess some feel like I have things I need to say, and I don’t want to say them to James because I don’t like sharing my feelings with him. I don’t want him to know me, even though I know he has to.

There has been a certain level of sharing of feelings this past week, with James and the others, more so James sharing with us about how he feels. Frank is working on an entry about that but I keep not letting her finish it.

Almost all the others, that is to say all but Catherine and I, really like James, they like him to do things for them, and they like that he enjoys doing things for them, they like that he is nice and sweet and they like that knows when not to be nice and sweet to us. I don’t want him to do things for us, I can do things myself and I don’t want to be treated like a child.

I just want to disappear. I have been being stubborn and difficult and trying to push him away, which makes the rest of them angry.

The others figure the only way to work through this is to write about how I am feeling because it’s the only thing that works for us. So this will be the entry I write full of nonsense because I only have so long to sit here and cry and write my feelings down before he gets back. I know it worries him when he sees tears in the eyes.

I am one of the only two that don’t like James like the rest of them like him, not to say we don’t like him…just not like-like him…like they do.

I have been sitting on the sidelines for almost a week now while those who’ve bothered to enjoy James’ company have, so far they have not all decided to be in representation; I’ve had a keen interest only because the outcome of this visit effects me and Catherine so much, and I’ve been thinking about the boy that I love, Special Someone.

Frank wrote about how Catherine and I love someone else, and for days whenever I have been “around” and happen upon Special Someone’s presence on Twitter it causes me to be upset, and causes me to try to make us withdraw and be mean; and now that I have gotten a day to myself, a day with the body, I have been nothing but sassy and mean to James, mostly...but striving to maintain happiness on account of the others.

James is nice enough and I don’t want his feelings hurt, most of us don’t like hurting people’s feelings. He knows that Catherine and I love someone else, he read about it in one of our recent blog entries about how we were all feeling about his visit; Someone Special knows that we love him, and we think he loves us, based on things he has said to us and time we have spent together with him. Catherine and I miss him and have not seen him in a couple of weeks.

We are, I am, upset that the rest of the others have decided to be in a relationship with James because this means we don’t get to be with Special Someone and it makes me mad and makes me want to destroy the relationship the rest of them are forming with James.

He wants me to talk to him, James does, and I don’t want to. I don’t want him to know me, to know who he is talking to specifically. None of us like that anyway. But he’ll read this entry and he’ll know exactly who he has been spending the day with and then he’ll know the name to put to the person he doesn’t like, who has been mean and Tweeting mean things about him today. He’ll know who to like better, like when he told us stuff about Emmie and being worried about pleasing her, and some of us thought that it wasn’t fair that he should be so concerned about her and not the rest of us, and Emmie is always the one the boys like the best because she is dirty and fun and likes to be extra fun in bed.

I know it is my responsibility, like it is the rest of us, to let him be nice to us, to try to be nice to him, to allow him to put his arms around us like he was just doing when we laid in bed…because that’s how we are supposed to work together, because we don’t know how not to work that way.

I don’t know, none of this will make sense to most of you reading, mostly because it’s hard to explain how we work…but we’ve written stuff about it, and if you have questions just ask, we've answered them for people before. It makes sense to us, to have laid down ground rules this year, what with all the changes that have happened in our lives…I just hope that it’s okay that I wrote all of this.

James will be back soon. Hopefully he gets a bottle of wine, because I know some of them would like to have a drink so they can maybe get me to stop crying or pass out – we tried to take a nap earlier but it didn’t work so well.

~Cassandra

(To Special Someone, if you are reading, and I hope you are reading this entry…the clovers have lost their Christmas – I think the bees chased then away. #subtweet. I miss you.)