Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Exhausted Existence

So, we’re trying to figure out what to do with our life, with our days, now that we've been fired…all this spare time that is slowly filling up with the depression that one of us is prone to. We’re swinging back and forth; mostly we want to lay in bed and stare at a wall. Being checked into a mental hospital, as The Father suggested we do, is starting to seem like it would be a nice break…but we certainly don’t need another black mark on the permanent record of life.  We’ve got plenty of them and this year was supposed to be a fresh start for us.

Tomorrow evening James (@mr_jmm) arrives for his visit with us. We still haven’t bothered washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and dusting, and vacuuming…we’re almost entirely without motivation to do anything but sit here a gaze upon the Twitter timeline, scroll through job postings and discuss with each other what we are going to do with our life. We are exhausted in just existing.

In any other situation, meaning us not being us, mostly stubborn, we would give up, move back to live with The Mother and go on disability so we could spend our days writing. But then we’d have to move at the age of 32 (32 in just 11 more days) back in with The Mother…and as we’ve written about in stories of our past, we’ve done that so many times…and it’s not the best decision for our mental health.

This is why this feels so unfair, feeling like we were discriminated against by whomever is reading this blog who had a hand in our firing, at a time when we’ve just been doing nothing but trying to improve our functionality, trying to get better, trying to learn to deal with life and be a grown up, all together, even though some of us are not grown up. We wanted to learn to not act on impulse and to think about things before we make decisions. If we were still acting on impulse we would have walked out of that job, but we were making long term plans, we didn’t want to leave them in the lurch, we wanted to be responsible and do something right.

This job had been the longest employment we’ve been able to hold down in 14 years. We’ve been there just over a year and so we had just passed our record by a few months and the thanks we get for it is being fired. It doesn’t instil a lot of confidence in us, that’s for sure.

We can’t stop thinking about the performance issues they say they had with us when there was nothing on paper telling us what was expected as to performance benchmarks… we think back to a few months ago, it was from January to April when they had heaped extra work on us, and we were trying to cover and do some of Fuck Faces work to protect his job; then they turned around and said we weren’t accomplishing enough and then tried to decrease our hours from 40, to 8, (we wrote about this day) all while expecting us to maintain our work load. We have no idea why were expected to do things outside of our “job description” (which at the time did not even exist) and then be punished for it more than once.

In addition our job description, given to us finally about a month a half ago, included tasks that were outside of the job title by huge leaps and bounds. We knew we had two job titles, two positions that in any other area of the business world would not have coincided on the same position description…and we had been meeting all the requirements as far as those descriptions were indicating…and had asked for further clarifications on one, just last week…and for weeks prior to that.

We’re so confused about this whole situation.

~Frank et al

Other things we've written about our job this year:

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