Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"I meet Cassandra, It doesn't go well" - James' Blog Post

Not a guest blogger, but we/I asked James if we could copy his post to here. He said yes, he felt about today...


I meet Cassandra, It doesn't go well

This shouldn't be my first post but it is. I make no apology.

You should probably all start by reading Cassandra's blog post at

This will be a kind of retort and randomness about my take on the day.

Today has been one of tender hooks from the moment they woke up. I didn't realise till about an hour ago why. Credit where it's due, I was fooled. No, that's harsh, no one was out to fool anyone, I should say I had no clue.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy, I knew not all of them particularly liked me or at least liked the idea of me being here. I knew the twins were in love with someone else. That doesn't make it any easier when I actually see it in black and white.

They were upset earlier, I wrapped my arms around them and held them. They didn't reciprocate. I asked them what was wrong and was told to leave them alone. I had to go to the grocery store so left.

I got back and they went out to get wine. I read the blog. I burst into tears. It hurt to read the words. It hurt to see them (Cassandra) reach out to this other person. It hurt to see that they think I would dislike them. How could I dislike any of them? Will break a rule now and ask a question to a specific alter: Cassandra, why would you think I would I dislike you? Nothing could be further from the truth. You know how I feel about you all and there are no exceptions. I'm sorry you hurt. I'm sorry I have got between you and "Someone Special". I'm sorry you think I would dislike you.
But thank you for making this day a great one. Despite everything you were feeling you made today fun and I have really enjoyed it. Thank you for doing that.
Sorry honey, but I need to clarify a point you made - Emmie - Yes, I did single them out and that was wrong of me but I didn't mean it like that. The reference was just an easy way of getting a point across. Of course I think of you all.

I still want to cry. It's weak and pathetic but I do. They'll hate it. I stayed in the bedroom earlier and cried; was accused of hiding. Maybe I was but some situations I don't know how to handle and I doubt I'd get sympathy. Maybe that's wrong I don't know but I needed time out. Time to gather my thoughts (have a cry) and work out the best way of handling this. Normally I'd just have it out with someone but not this time. Again, maybe I should I don't know yet.
As it stands the evening is better. Helped in no small way by a bottle of wine each.

I  keep getting up to hug them. Each time preceded with a "sorry". They tolerate my physical affection, just. I hope over time the twins will forgive me and learn to learn to love me as they love this other.

[copied from the original location]

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