Sunday, February 20, 2011

The "Death" of Standby and the "Birth" of a Villain

This past week we called out a recent but long time lover, as a villain.  We realize we can’t totally blame him for the things he said, we just think his timing is fucked right off the charts. But it always is, just like everyone else.

I have to be honest; his message wasn’t “un-provoked” by nothing; nothing but the truth anyway. It was just the end result of our final attempt to get him to understand what has been going on in our head, and why TOG had to leave.  He just took it as a personal slap in the face, because he didn’t get what HE wanted. Guess what.  Story of our life.  So guess how bad I feel for him?

What makes Standby a villain to us?  Well, in our case, a villain is someone who has stood by you for 3 years, who professes to have loved you all along. A villain is someone who entices a girl to cheat on her boyfriend, (a good friend of his, actually) and then “accuses” her of being a Vile Temptress; then drops her for another woman at his first opportunity. The Villain also attempted to seduce her away, whether intentional or not, from another boyfriend, at the first sign of weakness, years after the first time. He (formerly TOGs Significant Other) saw it, that’s why he hated him. Others saw it too. 

[To the Villian:
You are a villain, my “friend”, and it chokes me to use that word, friend, in reference to you, now, as I sit here burning with anger. But not to worry, it’s not just you – it’s almost everyone.  For you, however, it’s for what you’ve written to me. You will surely suffer in your mind for saying such a thing to a person you never, clearly, took seriously and couldn’t possibly have loved; we really don’t need to keep telling you how much we dislike you, you’ll suffer enough on your own.  And we say dislike, because there is a thin line between love and hate, and I don’t want to tow that line with you.]

The Villains’ weakness has always been pretty girls. He only wanted TOG for the same reasons everyone else did. She was a fucking doormat who couldn’t think for herself, who would bend over backwards for friends – through her entire life – just to be rejected by them when they couldn’t cope with her “problems”.

We feel that, without context, The Villian will look worse off without the full story. But maybe not.  You’ll have to tell us.  Fabulous People tend to think what he's said was completely unwarranted, but then again, they’ve been here for ME, and they were there for TOG just before she left us; they just had no chance to save her this late in the game.

In any case, the event that set off the following chain of messages was a text confession that The Villian (formerly Standby) messaged telling us he had broken a promise, and had read our blog.  Clearly he wasn’t happy with what he read; I don’t blame him, but I was being honest.  And I was being honest with him all along, she tried to tell him on more than one occasion - but she was scared; if my readers would like to read into it, you can find all posts pertaining to Standby in some way, or another here. (

And now, I present to you…the transcript of the death of Standby.

“I am sorry if I am the reason you are feeling ill. I’d feel ill if I were you and reading that too…
I told you I am crazy
You didn’t believe me
I’m battling myself right now
I haven’t been able to tell anyone anything
I am sorry
For everything. All of me is sorry
I won’t be seeing you for awhile”

“That’s going to hurt, not seeing you
I am sorry too”

“There is nothing I can do to fix this. I am not well. I haven’t been. I don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t you want to see me though?
there is always something we can do to fix this.”

“Please don’t text me again. I am not well. You’ve already seen enough of my crazy. Everybody has at this point.
Leave me alone.”

“No. You’ll always mean a lot to me and I’m willing to give you some space, but I won’t leave you alone. I’m sorry this isn’t going to work out for us, but I wrote on FB, all I want is my friend [our former name] back.”

“She not here anymore”

 “I don’t believe that and never will. The [our former name] that I love is in there somewhere and very close at that. You can get rid of Frank easier than you think.”

“Leave me alone”

“Never [our former name]”

“You are making me angry. Please.”

“Ok. You know where I stand and how I feel about our friendship so contact me when you’re ready.”

A couple days later….
“I apologize for breaking the silence. I just need to know if I’m going to run into either of you at [insert musician friends name]’s show tonight, else I won’t go”

“Either one?" [I tried to call him after this]


“Yeah…don’t explain yourself. Don’t worry about running into me anywhere. I hardly leave my apartment but for going to work.”

“I was away from my phone. I’m sorry. I wasn’t not responding.
I’m trying to get used to the idea of Frank, but I don’t know how to refer to you now. That’s what I meant by either one.”

“Fine. You don’t need to worry about seeing me unless you are in the [insert area of city] I don’t plan to leave the vicinity unaccompanied.
You can stay as far away from me as you want.”

“What about the conference?”

“Just don’t come near me. You clearly couldn’t ask the questions you needed answers to the first time and I don’t feel comfortable around anyone who won’t talk to ME.”

“I am not sure what you mean by me not asking questions. And I’m more than willing to let you talk. I’ve been trying to respect your request that I leave you alone. Believe me when I tell you that I’ve wanted to make contact pretty much constantly since Friday.”

“Well, you clearly had questions if you felt like being the very last person in her life she could trust
To break their promises
And lie”

“You’re right, [our former name], in that I broke a promise to you, but I didn’t lie about it. I told you straight away and apologised”

“And accused her of lying, which she never did”

“I really do want to talk to you. I want us to be friends again. I want to accept who you are. I admit that the last one is going to be challenging, because I don’t think Frank and I like each other very much right now. But I really hope we can change all that someday soon. Please let’s aim for that. Please.
And in terms of asking more questions I would never have thought to ask if you were mocking me and making me look like an ass on the internet for all to see. Insert my interjection here, NOBODY KNOWS WHO HE IS, save two people who really could give a fuck - unless he shared my link, in which case, DOUBLE ASSHOLE

Fuck off, yeah, it’s all about you.
Nobody knows it was u
Nobody knows it was her
Nobody we knew was reading it Can't say that now, can we

Was I pushing you around?

You weren’t listening when she was trying to ask for help
You know what, read it all…start with the journal, read her story

You told me otherwise Didn't fucking stop him, and might I say, we had a conversation just prior to this where we discussed mental illness diagnoses and talked about my past, and all the abuse in my past

“Yeah, well, she wasn’t good at asking for help
I am, and now I know who to ask
And how to do it
Read the blog top to bottom
Get to know what she went through, some of it is vacuous but read it.
Read the poetry
Then talk to me again, in the meantime keep pitying your selfish pride.”

No comments:

Post a Comment