Just yelled at the boyfriend...but he knows he deserves it...he knows because he act like a pussy so much of the time about stupid shit.
"I'm glad our first fight was about bacon" he says.
But it was about so much more than bacon, it was about him learning to chill the hell out because...you can't get upset if you didn't cook bacon right and you can't get upset if you didn't get the cheese sauce right the first three times...when your girlfriend in teeting on the precipious of severe stress, sadness...ect. Just.Don't. It's about stop thinking about stupid shit in relation to yourself and look at the big picture.
Surely once we get past this next week, month...we will be concerned/stressed out about the entire state of the world, again. People don't care about people, they hurt people...on purpose. It's ultimately what wrong (though we admittedly fucking hate people, fucking hate most of the world, but only the people who are fucking idiots, self centered, ignorant assholes)
Yes...tonight we told him life was easier without him...we may have not had someone cooking us meals each night (in exchange for room, board & food)...but we were also fine eating salad, fruit and our favourite low calorie, frozen, but still delicious, pizza...we're not about to lie and tell him otherwise. Most...MOST... of us want him here...we love him dearly...but...
Was it a hurtle, we don't know...yelling at your boyfiend because he overcooked the bacon for HIS sandwich and now he's "sulking" (bitching & acting like an ass)... probably not the nicest thing to do, but right now...be supportive...it's FUCKING BACON...
But it's fucking stressful...we have enough of that with our own current headaches & feelings of anxiety & anger which precede the constant switching (that's a Dissociative Identity Disorder term) we are experiencing under the massive stress of moving, moving back with The Mother...the complete uncertainty of our future... complete. uncertainty. We're 32...have massive mental health issues, have not kept a job more than a year since we were 16...we.are.a.failure...in the eyes of most "adults".
That's it for tonight...that's it. We can't write more, or explain the feelings we've had all day that surround SOMEONE ELSES's emotional problems...we don't have time for that now, or any other day...we just want to be happy...blissfully happy, when we can, for once.
Selfish, sure we're fucking selfish. Everyone is, and we concern ourselves too much with other people, it's our downfall. We can feel people, and their moods...in person (James has written about how we can instinctively tell very subtle changes in his mood..and it's not just his), even on Twitter...it's painful, it sucks...we can empathize too much. Someone should cut our our brain.
Whatever...fuck us...we'll just drink more, it's the only thing to dull everything, the hate, the apathy, the confusion, the ignorance, the past...everything. Drinking is not our problem, the world is our fucking problem.
~"Ten", Ivy, Cassandra, Brooke and Sam (which, is probably not the best of mixes...)
(we're sorry, some of us, James...we can't not write about the bad times, and what we are feeling, for so many reasons, mostly...it would make us untrue to each other)
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