Sometimes Karma Is A Bitch For A Reason

Once again a week is gone (nearly) and we didn’t manage all the entries we require of ourselves; nor did we write any more stuff, or post any more things, about the other girl. Whatever, we’ll flog ourselves later.

Yesterday we probably would have written but instead we finally checked the mail (something we don’t do sometimes for weeks at a time – we forget). Low and behold in the mailbox was a letter from the local electrical company regarding the property that we own, that we rent to a local woman that has five children and is on government assistance. We know. You’re thinking WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

Don’t think for a minute we didn’t get a watered down ‘I told you so” from Fuck Face today when we told him about this situation…and we’re sure if you had been around when we were renting the place out this past October, a few of you would have told The Other Girl to reconsider. She was the boss at the time.

We’ve been getting letters from the electrical company for months, following each one up with a phone call to our tenant, and then to the electrical company, to tell them that we had contacted her; relaying what she had told us – that she was going to call and set up payment plans. (at one point though she had told us she DID call…and then we found out she had in fact not called…)

Guess what? She lied to us; big shock, right? She’s the type of woman who will propagate negative views of people that live on social assistance, so if you’re one of those people you can thank her for our lack of confidence in those such as her/you…etc. (we don’t want to use “them” …it’s apparently judgemental to lump peoples into an “us” and “them” category…)

Anyway, we were a little drunk (duh) when we checked the mail last night, and were already upset because one of us is a fucking freak, and had a bit of an emotional breakdown, that ended with us at work, crying in the washroom for about 10 minutes before we slapped her up, pulled us together and headed home – so by the time we had gotten home we were still…a bit sensitive.

We opened the letter from the electrical company, dated June 7^th… (had it really been that long since we checked the mail…we don’t know…) and it said that the electricity had been disconnected on our property due to non-payment of the bill.

Despite the fact that the bill was in her name and we are not responsible for the payment of it, we got very angry and stressed out. We called the electrical company that by some fashion of a miracle was still answering the phone by the time we had ambled home. They informed us that indeed, they had shut off the electricity on the 7^th of June (the date that had sent the letter). This meant that if she was still living in our house (and we could only assume she was, rent being paid by the government for the month of June), she had been doing so for almost an entire month without electricity. Fucking dumb bitch. That was what we thought.

We called up Fabulous Person to see if she could give us a ride over to the property and the entire time there we yelled, cussed, tried to make light of the situation and inquired to her…

“Can we yell at her? Will we get in trouble for that?” we asked.

“No, you probably have a right to yell at her at this point”she answered.

“Can we call the worthless lazy cunt names without getting in trouble?” we asked, our blood boiling.

“Probably not a good idea” she answered. Of course we knew she was right.

We got to the property and sure enough…all of our window coverings (which is to say blinds and curtains that we left for her to use) were gone; so we peeked into the house. She wasn’t there but from what we could see it was abundantly clear that she was in the process of skipping out on the lease. The house was mostly empty, there was a sofa up on it’s side.

We checked to see if the BBQ grill that we had left for renters to use was still chained to the house, and it was. We couldn’t get in to check the storage room to see if they had broken in and took anything – we’ll have to do that this weekend when we go put a padlock on the doors (which we are apparently in our legal right to do at this point).

We were furious, obviously, and it being the beginning of the holiday weekend, when we called the government agencies this morning and tried to contact her case worker, we got nothing but answering machines saying not to leave a message because they wouldn’t be checked.

That’s all sorts of awesome.

Anyway.

So, this morning, before the phone calls, as we were leaving for work we begin thinking about karma…we think about it a lot. We all don’t necessarily believe in it, as a whole…but sometimes it’s hard to deny that there is not some sort of balance in the world.

Back when we resided in The Mountain State we were living in a renovated pool house of a motel that had been converted to an apartment “complex” of sorts. We’ve written about this place in one of our big pieces regarding our history, the History of Frank, the time right before we got mis-diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Us, and Body Piercer, were living in the shitty little building behind the KFC, which was basically in the parking lot of the apartment facility. The pool house was small, and you had to go through our bedroom and the bathroom to get to her bedroom. The pool, now empty of water, had simply been filled in with dirt. The tenants were comprised mostly of drug dealers, prostitutes and people on financial assistance (which we were none of). Routinely we would be asked by the “girls” for tampons and if they could borrow the phone. Police officers regularly patrolled the alley that ran between out little “house” and the fast food establishment.

At some point Body Piercer and us decided we would move out…and you guessed it…skip out on the lease and the last month’s rent. We, us, were all of 22 years old, clearly it’s not something we would consider doing now, but at the time…caution was something we routinely threw to the wind.

In the middle of the night we attempted to pack up our dog, a black and white Border Collie-Keeshond mixed breed little darling which The Mother now takes care of, and what little belongings we had and move it on up the trailer park…yep, we upgraded from a renovated pool house in a dingy part of town to a trailer park.

Apparently one of the tenants saw us making our get away and called the landlady who showed up in a fit of anger. She obviously wasn’t happy about what we were doing, and even threatened to keep our dog hostage until we paid the final money we owed her.

In the end she of course didn’t get to keep the dog with her, because let’s face it, that’s fucking stupid and yes, we did end up paying the money we owed her.

It doesn’t change the fact that when we waited for the elevator on the fourth floor of our apartment building this morning, one of us all of a sudden pulled up this memory, and while we had a good chuckle, the first thing we thought was…sure, Karma is a bitch…but she’s usually a bitch for a reason.

There is no conclusion for this so far, we have to wait until next week to make the calls, to deal with this and find a new renter. When all is said and done, last night wasn’t so great (we sorta went into a shut-down mode for a bit), today was much better…but we’re sure this issue is going to become a bone of contention at some point in the near future, and while most of us don’t handle stress nearly as well as others, we can only hope when the time comes we can keep our ducks in order.

Sweet. Check out all those clichés we threw into this entry.

The Other Girl: A Travel Journal: Canada to Berlin

Yeah, this said something else until drunk us got our hands on it. We deleted it...so, you know, later sober us can just suck on a wine cork.

We were ill this morning/afternoon, but...well...Fuck Face gave us the drinking signal and even though it was a half hearted "Sure" (he ever said "That sounds like a pity agreement"

), we went out anyway, he Whatever. Who cares. owed us drinks from a couple of weeks ago anyway.

Here's a travel journal entry from The Other Girl...this is her week, or a couple of weeks, or whatever...

We're drunk. We're not gonna explain her...there is shit written all over the place here about the worthless cunt.

She, and most us, took a vacation with Significant Other (you haven't heard a lot about him...yet) back in October of 2009 for almost the entire month - hitting up places like Toronto, Germany, Amsterdam and Egypt...here is what SHE wrote about it; and thank god she did or we probably would have forgotten. If we didn't have this record all we would really remember is driving fast on the Autobahn and being sick to our stomach in Egypt from sadness and pollution (it's a poor, pollution ridden, mostly sad place...Cairo)...anyway...this is the first leg of the trip...

The only thing we did to change this was remove proper names...everything else is exactly intact and unedited...

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Original blog post date: 11.09.09

Toronto to Berlin, Germany: October 5 - 8, 2009

As most of you may know [Significant Other] and I started our adventure by heading to Toronto to visit his brother, we had a great time and wished we could have been there longer but made use of the time we had.

October 5th - Monday After we landed in Toronto we went to find some food and ended up at the La Petite Dejoune (spelling may be incorrect) where I had the best Belgian waffle ever, following that we heading to the art museum, which was closed because it was Monday, so we walked around Chinatown and Kensington (the hippie district) which was a lot of walking. For dinner I made "steamed" broccoli, pasta sauce and gnocchi, [Significant Other] made baked squash, we had an enjoyable evening with [Significant Other's Brother] as he had to work the next day.

October 6th - Tuesday [Significant Other] and I had the day to ourselves so we started off by going to St Lawrence Market, which I can only describe as amazing, if I lived in Toronto I would want to live near it so I could shop there everyday. They have stalls/shops with fresh fish, meats, cheeses, produce, baked goods, little restaurants/cafes...wonderful! My luggage (biggest suitcase) decided to break that morning (zippers both broke and ripped near the metal) so I had to buy a new case - went to Bently at Eaton Center. After dropping that off at [Significant Other's Brother]  apartment we walked to CN Tower but decided not to go up b/c I wanted to wait till we could do the stuff with [Significant Other's Brother]  so we walked to Little Italy b/c I wanted a pastry and [Significant Other] figured that would be the best place. Let me just say it was a lot of walking that day and we bussed it back from there to [Significant Other's Brothers]. That night [Significant Other's Brother]  took us to Copa Cabana, a Brazilian restaurant that is just amazing, waiters circulate with huge skewers of meat, at least 12 different kids, from chicken, to pork to beef... there was almost nothing they didn't have. [Significant Other] was really thrilled with the beef stuffed and oozing cheese, lol. My favourite things were deep fried bananas, and roasted pineapple ... and the corn bread muffins that rival my own, they were unbelievable. That pretty much concluded the day for us.

October 7th - Wednesday I made us breakfast and [Significant Other]and I went walking while [Significant Other's Brother]  had an appointment, we met up afterwards and went to Bonjour Brioche for lunch - another great meal! I had a Fig, Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Tart with a tasty green salad and chunk of baguette. It was great, though maybe a little to much Gorgonzola for a person who isn’t a huge blue cheese fan (me). We headed back to [Significant Other's Brothers] (after [Significant Other] and I went to exchange some CND for some € at €1.00 to about 1.66 CND - not very good - that’s about 626 € for 1000 CND) - we headed to the airport and the day proceeded - we flew out a little late b/c of some winds which caused a line up for flights b/c they all had to fly out the same direction....a little over 7 1/2 hours later we landed in Zurich to wait over 4 hours to the plane to Amsterdam.

- I know you all want me to get to the good stuff (i.e. EUROPE stuff) but my computer time is almost up, [Significant Other] is bored and drinking beers and we have to be up at 6:30 am to drive to Munich - about a 6 hours drive. It's about 9pm and I want to go find some strudel! 

October 8th - Thursday The flight to Zurich was extreemly tubulant, it felt like i was on a train for half the trip (and it was a bit scary!) I didn't sleep at all on the flight despite the fact that it was late...[a friend] was right, I was probably too excited. Flying into Zurich was amazingly beautiful...breathtaking...on my list of countries to visit if I ever travel to Europe again. So green and lush and spotted with little communities, I tried to spot the Alps but I don't know how close we were.

We arrived in Zurich at about 8:30 am EST (1:30 am CST) and grabbed a bit to eat. I had a lox (salmon) sandwhich with capers and red onion on Challah bread after searching all over for something with eggs. Even Burger King didn't have eggs for breakfast! (I know I was warned but it was hard for me to believe until I got here!) [Significant Other] had beer!

The wait for on our layover was tough b/c we were tired but didn't want to sleep for fear of missing our flight but on the 2 hour flight to Amsterdam I slept almost the entire way, much needed seeing as how we (I) still had to drive to locate our rental car company. I picked a location not at the airport for financial reasons and turns out it was a good idea b/c the traffic in Amsterdam is CRAZY! Bikes and buses and cars all jammed into the streets and it didn't seem like there was too much rhyme or reason to it all. It took us awhile to get from teh airport to the train station and being exhausted and edgy didn't help. Once we got out of the city it was smooth sailing...until we hit Hannover.

The Autobauhn is crazy, fun and suprisingly easy to be on with speeds ranging from 80km to 150km, I was passed once when I hit 160km. [Significant Other] slept a bit on the way which was good b/c my driving makes him nervous sometimes (I don't blame him). I know if he was driving I would have been scared too but luckily you have to be 25 to rent a car here...one more year to go! I may have been scared too if I knew my driver was going on an hour and a half of sleep in 30 hours and after 13-14 hours of traveling already. Luckily German roads are very well maintained and built (meanwhile the road systems and signage are wack...yes, I said wack, lol) The car I am driving, an Opel Corsa, handles really well but picks up speed slow, only goes to 200km, doesn't have exhaust (don't understand this) and seems to be choking us with gas fumes inside the car about 1/3'd of the time...we can even smell the windshield washer fluid very strongly when I wash the windows...I think 'Opel' means 'Ford' in German:P

We traveled about 400km that night and ate up about 3/4 tank of gas....I have'nt worked out the milage yet but I think it's crap and at €1.30 liter (2.19 CND/liter or 7.20 USD/gal) a liter that wasn't good news.

We got lost for about two hours in Hannover trying to find our hotel in the dark ... the city was impossible (as you will hear is a running theme in our experiences) and reading my journal entry from that night I clearly did not understand that I was going to be in for more fun like that!

It was a stressful day altogether with minimal yelling and cussing by both, lol. Oh the fun that's been, but luckily [Significant Other] is the bestest boyfriend ever and is very forgiving.
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That was it for the first leg....apparently it was fun. There are not any good pictures from this portion...and those of us...well, you can't see us...so you're S.O.L...


We're done with this entry.  We'll talk to ya'll tomorrow.

The Flavours of Emotions

But let's break that down, because we don't feel like coming up with all those flavours...

Emotions are complex and there are such a huge range of them beyond the basic six or so. This entry will be hard to write in the way we like to write about such large topics, but if we did it the way we wanted it would mean some research; and let’s be honest – we’re not writing a research paper here.

We were going to post a travel journal that was written by The Other Girl, but we’re having a mostly good day and we didn’t really want to have to think about her too much….it upsets us.

Instead we sent out a call to the Tweeple of Twitter and chose the first topic presented to write about, supplied by @kerrystott (who, apparently, is also a therapist) and suggested we answer the question:
“If emotions were flavours what would they be?”

We think this is probably based on an individual, so we thought about all of our emotions, of which we have tons, all of the time and sometimes as a hurricane effect which are mostly conflicting of each other.

Emotions are something we deal with a lot; they can be very confusing as we can have many at the same time in varying degrees (it causes torment sometimes). One of the things most commonly said about people with our particular mental disorder is that it comes off as being “moody”; for us, and we are sure for others with this disorder, it’s the severe shifting of emotions, of feelings shared among many, that make us feel like we are going mad because we don’t have the same philosophies, the same feelings, the same thoughts sometimes we have no idea how we really feel as a single person, as a single identity. All too often these days we are sharing “head space” (we’ve written about what that’s like in We Answer Follower Questions) and so being aware of each other’s feelings all at once, instead of shifting from one to another is difficult, confusing...a whole lot of descriptors we can't even explain some days...

One of the things we are working on this year is communication with each other (it’s why we are attempting the mapping project [note: that link takes you to another of our blogs]) so that we can be more aware and in control of how we feel and what’s going on, in addition to sharing information with each other – which this blog also serves as, some days. Granted, lately, we’ve been trying to ignore that, and everything else, and have fun – who wants to administer self-therapy when it’s summer? But that can be dangerous and a slippery slope for us, as it was for The Other Girl.

So, while we've sort of bitched about people harping on our drinking, there are those among us who are taking the concerns seriously (while we sip white wine and write this entry *rolls eyes*), because we want to get better, be happier, be productive, write better, produce more paintings…blah, blah blah…

Back to emotions.

Emotions, as defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary are “a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experiences as strong feeling usually directed towards a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioural changes in the body” [source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/emotion]

We’re not going to delve too much into emotions, really. We are sadly conscious of the huge range of emotions that we are conflicted with amongst each other most of the time, though mostly we have no idea what they are directed to, which is the most confusing part and causes misery and is usually displayed as frustration and anger. We know some of our angst comes from the occasions when one of us in control of the body and wants us to do things that another of us might not agree with…it occasionally causes a mental meltdown later, and is sometimes damaging to those of us involved; but we deal as only we know how (which, sometimes, admittedly, is not well)

So, if our emotions were flavours. What would they be?

That’s a fun question, if only because we love to talk about food, and flavours are part of food!

If you wanted to break down flavours there are only a few (Culinary mind at work! We have a diploma in Culinary Arts you know). So, the main flavours are Sweet, Sour, Salty, Bitter and the 5^th flavour, and lesser known, is Umami.

Umami is a flavour stumbled upon by Auguste Escoffier a legend, and some would consider the father of cooking. Umami can be described as meaty, smoky, earthy and savoury, and was first discovered with Escoffier’s invention of veal stock. Umami translates roughly from Japanese to “deliciousness”.

In East Asian cooking, more specifically, umami flavour can be found in an amino acid call glutamate which occurs naturally in meat, cheese and some vegetables (notably mushrooms, asparagus Worcestershire sauce and tomatoes - ketchup); when isolated glutamate becomes MSG, or Monosodium Glutamate.

See, now we got all wrapped up in food (mmm….wrapped up in foooood)…ya’ll should know…even though we maintain our weight quite well we are obsessed with food, we grew up with a family whose gathering revolved heavily on food – most of the people in our family are large – we used to be large – we dieted (Atkins, it works for the right blood types, and all that) and went from a size 24-26 or so, to a size 8-10…and have kept it off for over 6 years (our story is here on the website).

We love to talk about food, we love food. Just last night we got a strange look from a guy at the grocery store when we picked up a loaf of raisin bread, shoved it to our face, closed our eyes and inhaled…sometimes that’s all we need. Of course we were also dancing while we sniffed that loaf of heavenly raising bread...but whatever...judge not.

So, when it comes to emotions we are fairly in-tune with the flavours of them…an emotion not listed is disappointment, which one, okay, two, of us, routinely deal with when they can’t be in control of the body and the way we eat sometimes; a couple of us don’t even like to eat. Disappointment tastes like not getting to eat.

What our other emotions taste like:

Happy – Bacon, white wine, coffee, maple syrup and pancakes…so it would mostly be sweet and smoky – we’re guessing Umami would describe our flavour of happiness; umami and sweet. Happy is the best flavours, is our favourite flavours.

Sad – Starchy and salty, like tear… carbohydrates/starches like potatoes and pasta…and salty butter and pickles. Sadness is a cheeseburger…that’s what one of us thinks.

Excited – Sweet, like candy, and smoky like bacon; umami and sweetness. We’re guessing we’re pretty excited when we’re happy – it happens, but usually our happy is fleeting.

Tender – Caramel – simply caramel - sweet and buttery…fatty tenderness; Sweet and Salty are distinct caramel flavour and would be how we taste tenderness

Scared – for some reason we don’t have a flavour for scared. It’s not that we don’t get scared…but our scared is more in the form of paranoia…and Catherine (the one of us who gets paranoid the most, doesn’t like to eat – maybe because paranoia is a nervous feeling and she is afraid of upsetting the stomach). So fear tastes like nothingness, which is pretty close to how anger tastes.

Angry – the flavour of our anger would be iron, like the taste of blood…and nothingness. Bitter would and sour would probably be a good overall descriptor for our anger, and why not…isn’t anger stemmed from some sort of bitterness?

There you have it.

Since @kerrystott says they administer this question in therapy...

...we’d be really interested to know how well we answered this (if there is a such thing as answering this "well"…though we’re not paying him/her…so she/he is entitled to keeping that opinion to themselves. :)

We want to thank @kerrystott for providing us with a topic to write about today – it was rather fun!

And finally, where you taste things...in case you were curious:-)

No idea where Umami is tasted, maybe that's just an "all over" taste.

Two Days of MIA Blog Entries and On The Subject Of Our Drinking

We've missed two days of blog entries, and it’s not because we were drinking; more on the drinking later.

First off, our laptop power cord decided to fry (this is our 4th or 5th power cord replacement in a little over a year, and our second laptop to do this to us in that amount of time). Maybe it had something to do with it being plugged in at the park all day on Friday while we sat for three and a half hours staking out the spot where our workplace was to have their “staff retreat” (roughly 2 hours of bullshit event, with some food thrown in, followed by some bocce ball and throwing a football around) because the space is "first-come-first serve", maybe the wattage in the covered picnic area there is unusually high given it's an industrial-type structure (possibly needing power for landscape purposes).

Anyway, our laptop, an Acer Aspire 5542G-1757 is a piece of ever-loving shit anyway. We've only had it for about 6 months and already the keyboard doesn't work, which means we have an external one attached. We had called tech support on it and they told us we should try backing it up and re-installing the operating system. (First, that should not have to be done in the first months of ownership, stupid POS)

Do they know how fucking long that takes?

Yeah, we don’t have that kind of time to be away from the computer but still be around it just so we can guide it through all it's stupid ass prompts.

In addition to the keyboard problem the web cam that is installed in it never works, which means we have an external one of those too.

The laptop is a piece of crap, clearly.

So Friday when we were going to write our blog entry for the day, the Acer lost all power and there was no way to turn it on; instead we had a meltdown, lay in bed, ate chocolate biscuits (cookies), cried because we were frustrated and TRIED to drink wine. In the end drinking was unsuccessful. We didn’t drink much, or get drunk on Friday night, though it may have appeared that way in Tweets.

Saturday we spent over 6 hours going to various Wal-Marts (once to purchase a “universal power adapter” and once, to a different one to return it) and a big box electrical store where we finally found a power cord that at least doesn’t beep madly when we plug it in. Of course it’s not entirely compatible (like the first one we purchased) which means we will have to return it, but last night we were not about to spend many more hours trying to get back on public transportation and back to the store in order to return the damn thing.

So Saturday was toast for writing because by the time we got the laptop powered on so we could write it was too late, we were too tired and frustrated, and though we had been drinking throughout the day, we were not drunk; we actually went for a bike ride and left the cell phone/smart phone at home. Shocking, right? That we would leave our Twitter addiction at home and go out in public for nearly two hours without a device of any sort.

This after going to talk to our cellular service provider about our piece of shit BlackBerry this last week, calmly walking up to the counter, dropping the cell (BlackBerry Torch 9800) on it and saying in a calm measured voice said, "can you tell me why this is a fucking piece of shit?" following it up by saying "It makes me want to smash it against a damn wall, and kill people". The employee took it quite well, gave us the number to tech support, told us to get it fixed we'd have to call that number for a ticket number for service and then bring it back to them to have it sent in. You can imagine how well that went over with us. We walked out the front door and muttered "fucking stupid assholes" as one of the employees drew the security cage door shut, locking up for the night. It was awesome. Really. *shakes head nooooo*

Then we called tech support and he kept interrupting us so we yelled at him to stop interrupting and "let me fucking talk". They sent us to live chat support, we're guessing so we wouldn't yell at anyone anymore.

Now.

We have a lot of new followers and perhaps some new readers here on the blog.

Somehow a few of these people think we are always drinking because our Tweets are "rude" and seemingly we are constantly in some sort of a rage.

We don’t drink at work, ever, and guess what? While we did drink this weekend, we never did get drunk. We spread out our alcohol consumption all day, so by the evening we were sober and we were not enjoying drinking much at the grocery store because our back hurt too much – though we were dancing, we love to dance.

We dance in public even when we are sober. We are angry daily, even when we are sober. We are just (about) as horny when we are sober. (sorry, The Father, we know you don’t like reading about that stuff), the only thing it depends on is who we are; because we are also sweet, and nice, and one of us is optimistic, which is a real pisser; some of us are funnier than others, wittier than others, some are way meaner, some are sadder and one in particular is highly paranoid; some are a combination of these things, and some are a concentration of these things. The thing to note is our “account” on Twitter is not always drunk, we are not always drunk – nor do we use drugs (though we have smoked weed twice this month); if you read our Timeline, and not just our public tweets, you'd get a different idea, maybe. You might be disturbed though too. We had one ex-follower say he unfollowed us because he read our timeline and said our @'s we're fucked up.

Some might think, simply judging from the mention of alcohol in our Tweets, and the nature of many of our Tweets, that we are constantly drunk or wanting to get drunk. Couldn’t be further from the truth AND it depends on what time of day you are there. We are on Twitter all day long - sure, the thought crosses our mind(s) most days, but that doesn’t mean we go home and drink and get drunk – and people who like to imbibe in alcohol probably think about having a drink during a stressful day – our days tend to be pretty stressful for us. We’re never stumbling around drunk; though last week we did sit in a park and cry drunk - but that doesn't usually happen.

This is not to say we don’t have a drinking problem. Likely a couple of us do – but the rest of us work to control it, like we do with our food intake. We have a job, we produce art, we write, we go outdoors, we bike, we are social on twitter...almost all of those things we do sober.

Anyway, we thought we should mention it because this past weekend (and couple of weeks) we’ve gotten some comments regarding our drinking, our “angry tweets” and our “rude tweets” – we’re rude and angry…NATURALLY, without alcohol, it just may be that it gets intensified at times. Not all the time, but some of the time, and we Tweet what we think - sorry if our thoughts seem drunk. ()

We’ve also been told by a few people that we are funnier when we drink – which isn’t always true. We’re funnier when the funny ones of us drink, maybe. But we are not all “funny” when we drink. So, you know, stop encouraging some of us to drink already. *wink*

Anyway, enough about that bullshit. It’s Sunday – on Sunday we work on writing and we paint, and we play music for some of our Tweeple friends, because most of us love music. Sundays is the day we set aside for these activities, in case we are in a “place” where we can work on our paintings, and in case our back feels good enough to stand and paint. We have two large ones on the go, and a smaller one that still needs to have two more canvases stretched for it (it’s a 3 panel piece).

We’ll get back to our writing this week, and try to do what we failed at last week, which was writing more about The Other Girl, our “expired” host, sharing some of her writing and generally talking about her. It was just making us too upset last week, so we hope this week will be different.

New here? What the hell is this all about, you ask? Poke around the blog, you’re free to read everything and anything on here – it is the internet after all. You can use it for learning too, as shocking as that may sound *wink*.

This past week we also wrote about getting written about, so that might be cool to read if you haven't already.

Other stuff we have written, including links to poetry, paintings and some lighter stuff we have written/created: Recommendations - Weeded From Our ... Feeded?

Some of our blog entries are way better than this. Promise.

The Other Girl: Her Final Journal

We didn't do a post last night (again), we had a few chat/Skype "dates" with friends to enjoy, after an afternoon of anger to defuse. Maybe we'll write about the anger later; we probably will if we have time, but we probably won't have time. Today is Thursday which means Fabulous People and The Pup night (minus mini-Fabulous Person who has to work), plus we have another Skype date and we have to make potato salad for a staff "retreat" that is scheduled for tomorrow.

We wrote on Monday (Monday?) about our core, The Other Girl, the girl who was born into the body we inhabit, the girl who used to be in charge of it. This entry is dedicated to her journal entries from the last year, before the end of her. It remains untouched except for the removal of names or sensitive information that would reveal our geographical location or place of work, or people's real names.

Bethany had posted at least parts of TOG's journal a couple of months ago in an entry she wrote, but there is a lot of stuff in this blog, many may have missed it, and this being the week to talk about The Other Girl more specifically than any other week, we thought we'd post it again. It's been available all along under the tabbed page, we took it down right after her final weekend, but then decided it was relevant and so put it back a few weeks later.

The Other Girl started this journal on a separate page of this blog in June of 2010, the first day she moved what she had been writing over to here; it was akin to making a move for her, to finding a new home. It was not posted in daily entries so that it would not be in a spotlight, but could serve some of the purpose in trying to getting her to write, reach out and find others like her. She needed to write and she was resistant, it was difficult, and once summer hit and she began partying all weekend, traveling, working, and doing god knows what, she would increasingly neglect this blog and her journal, until the summer was over.

Anyway. I really don't feel like talking about her much this week - it's upsetting the system too much to collect the memories.

So...The Other Girl....things she wrote; we really don't know if it will make sense to you, but probably nothing here really does to many. We're fine with that.

__________________

June 21, 2010

I'll be honest, as I am fond of being.

I don't know what is going to happen with this page.  

While I try to prevent myself from becoming a full-on cigarette smoker again I'll think about it...

I said I'll think about it! 

Now, bum me a smoke. Please!

June 22, 2010 5:59pm

My psyche is restless. My days are punctuated with daydreams of escaping; while my body remains in a state of defeated exhaustion that makes contemplation of any sort of foray into a new life, or a new location, utterly unfathomable.

The last few nights have left me sleepless; my mind racing with thoughts, and my body reminding my brain of it's age and it's conditions. While laying against the cool of the sheets on these uncharacteristically cool and damp nights, I recall that it's been a few months, and this the first extended period in over eight years that I am experiencing un-medicated life.  The familiar feelings are rising to the surface like cream in fresh milk.  

Sleeplessness, obsessive thoughts, restlessness, a desire for momentum....my mind feeling like it's screaming inside my head battling for release.

From my past experiences with these feelings I feel a bit afraid.  My last attempt at de-medication was unsuccessful because fear drove me back. My weapon is the knowledge and understanding that I recognize what is happening, I recognize it all and if I can be strong perhaps I can harness the storm that is brewing behind my eyes.  

My fear is that the people who surround me, the people who love me, who don't know and have never met this part of me, will have a hard time understanding what I feel, or how I feel, and I will become withdrawn as I have in the past.  Past experiences has not been favourable and were a driving force behind the life of restlessness I once lived.

I can only hope it's a temporary glitch in my circuitry and that before long I will be back to myself.

June 23, 2010 3:16pm

I remain relieved that I have been able to, and am successful at, cultivating an illusion of sanity.

That is all for now.

(continued) 7:40pm

A decision has been made regarding the destiny of this journal page as per my first entry a couple of days ago.  

In hopes that, by putting to "paper" the things that rattle around in my brain, I can ease some of the pressure in my mind and in addition hope that by sharing I can reach out to those who may deal with similar frustrations in their life, those who sometimes feel like they are alone, or drowning, in their irrational, crazy and unbalanced lives and minds.  

If you don't live a life with experiences such as these, or never have, then call it entertainment - or insight.

As my blog states, Just Call Me Frank.

(continued) 10:11pm

Much need night walk about to happen - maybe it will calm my mind some, or maybe it'll send me into a thinking rampage.  I long for my walking partner of the distant past...

June 24, 2010 10:56

A second night in a row for a nice long walk.  A walk is a wonderful thing, it helps you clear your'd head, put things into perspective; it really is a cure for so much.  

On my walk I began to think about things that make me rooted to [city name removed], unable to leave despite the urges and flights of fancy.  When it came down to it, as I admired the beautiful houses and yeads in a nearby neighborhood, [city name remove] is more home to me than anywhere else in the world.  It's definitely not because of the weather.  The people who surround me, my friends, my co-workers, my acquaintances, they are all one-of-a-kind people; and there are so many of them!  They make living in [city name removed] important. 

Another thing that makes living in [city name removed] important to me is my new job, it makes me feel like, for the first time in my work history, that I am in the right place, doing the right thing, with the right people.  Going to work is a joy, being able to help people in need grounds me and makes me thankful for everything that I have, and leaves me wanting to do more.  [removed for increased privacy]

The feeling is similar to that I felt when I was a missionary at the age of 15 and 16.  Two years in a row I took missionary trips to Mexico, in the northern portion of Mexico below Lorado, Texas, with a missions group. My favourite parts of these trips were when we served food to the people, and brought clothes and toys to kids who lived in a city built of garbage near train tracks.  While I no longer consider myself religious, I still find a desire to help people in the spirit of "pay it forward".

The catalyst to the rebirth of my restless existence can be contributed to my current circumstances, which finds me on the verge of creating a new career, having closed down my catering company officially this month.  This means starting on a whole new career path.  I have no desire to work professionally in a kitchen, while I am only 30 I have arthritis in my back from injuries and it cannot handle it.  

So, finally I was at a point in my life when I thought I knew what I wanted to do - I am a good cook, I catered a 100 guest wedding reception, the work I got was amazing and enjoyable - but the inconsistency was too much stress and the 6 months straight with no clients drove me to a desire for redesigning my life.  

Why am I sharing all of this? Besides wanting to reach out to people, I have a need to write; it has become a therapy for me.  

June 25, 2010 1:05

This weekend I am welcoming a much needed respite. I am about to embark on a weekend at the lake!  I have to say I have been itching to get to the lake ever since the snow was gone, which this year happened really early, but lousy weather has prevented it...until now.  My best friends decided that, rain or shine, we are going to the lake!

Cut to me scaling the pile of "crap" that is in my front porch, which doubles as a shed, and contains no less than 2 bikes, a lawn mower, MY fishing and camping gear...- yes, I am a girl and I own my own fishing and camping gear - a love seat and much, much more. My only "regret" is that my good fishing rod is a couple hours away, in another country.

The only hope is that the weather isn't terrible (it's supposed to rain) - but either way I'll be spending time playing board games (perhaps some poker), doing some reading (maybe), writing (hopefully) and performing liver conditioning games for my impending Vegas adventure (only 26 more days).

Either way, it's gonna be a good weekend, a change from the usual and maybe I'll get some sun! Meanwhile, no journal or blog posts for a couple of days. Viva la Friday!

June 28, 2010 1:47pm

What a great and much appreciated weekend.  Awesome friends and good times, a cure for what's ailing you!  I'll be getting another dose as I leave again on Wednesday night to head back for the weekend in celebration of one of my best-est fiends 50th birthday and Canada Day (Canadian Independence Day: July 1st).  Journaling/blogging will be limited between now and Monday; no internet and VERY limited cell phone reception...ahhhhhh....relaxing....

July 7, 2010 5:06pm

A relaxing weekend at the lake is hard attainable when it includes alcohol and friends.  I have been attempting to recoup as my new job has expanded to include early mornings.  Once I find a balance I'll be back at the journal (and the blog). 

July 10, 2010 2:15pm

As previously mentioned, I am trying to kick my cancer habit once again.  Again? Again.  

I started smoking in 1993 (because of a boy, of all things) and after 10 years of smoking I decided to quite, and did so, in December 2003, for the better part of 6 years.  I did pretty well along the way, enjoying an occasional smoke but never getting hooked (thank you, Wellbutrin).  The occasional smoking turned to more frequent weekend/vacation smoking the last couple of years when I started dating Significance Other, a heavy smoker. About 4 months ago I went off my blessed Wellbutrin, a medication prescribed to cure a few...things, and my smoking resolve had come unraveled.

I don't buy my own smokes (you're not a real smoker if you don't buy then, right?!?) and I refuse to smoke by myself ... until this last week [red alert]. Now I have taken to "procuring" a few smokes and hiding them in my special spot.

Smoking is not something I am proud of - I try to hide it from important people in my life, it's not something I enjoy - unless it's accompanied by a glass of white wine and Ninja Princess (my best friend), I hate the smell, I hate the taste and I hate the feeling right after I smoke; I live a healthy life otherwise and am a proponent of healthy living.

Why smoke then, you ask?

The idea of smoking appeals to me [something to occupy my hands] - I generally enjoy the social aspect that smoking provides; other than that I don't know why I keep doing it (addiction)...all I know is I have 14 days left of smoking.  

The end of the month I will be taking a trip to Vegas with Ninja Princess, R (other best friend), my good friend "J" (I haven't come up with a name to protect her identity yet...) and a group of other hooligans. R has challenged Ninja Princess, and myself, to quit smoking after our trip. Likely my last smoke with be sucked to the nib standing outside the Vegas Airports (ohh, or maybe in one of their delicious smelling designated rooms - if they still have them) 

Our prize, should we choose to have not even one single drag after we leave Vegas...for a YEAR?  Free dinner for the winner(s) at the very upscale (location removed)  I've never eaten there, it's too expensive.  They have the best steaks in [city name removed] (from what I hear).

I've told Significant Other that if he is still smoking when I return from Vegas (he tried to quit once this year already) he'll have to go live with his mother because I won't be able to handle his smoking if I am try to quit - fair, right?! :-D.

So, while I smoke my face off for the next two weeks I'll be thinking about how yummy a rare, juicy and very expensive steak will taste and feel in my tummy (accompanied by a very expensive baked potato, of course).  

I'm gonna win.  And if I don't...I'm taking Ninja Princess down with me!

July 18, 2010 12:36pm

Smoking update still not good, 3 days to go before Vegas...next week this time, with any luck, I'll be a non-smoker...with any luck.

I've just spent a couple of days attending wedding events...a beautiful bride and a beautiful groom, with their two beautiful children just created a beautiful family - and I wish them all the luck in the world.

I'm getting a better grasp on myself...my new job grounds me and makes me appreciate everything in my life, and makes me want to do more.  I still have a small storm in my head, but at least most of what's causing that has a label I understand.  Caution Men at Work.

August 5, 2010 3:12pm

5 days.

It's been 5 days.

It was supposed to have been more but Ninja Princess decided (and I agreed) that going to the lake (which is what we did after Vegas) was not the place and time to quit.  So I had my last cigarette, very unceremoniously, on the deck of my friends cabin overlooking a lake in the White Shell on Manitoba on the day of my 31st birthday. 

It's all fun and games until I poke out someones eye....

August 10, 2010 3:34pm

Tell ya what's not helpful for kicking a smoking habit.  Stress.  Particularly relationship stress.  Ninja Princess and I folded on Friday in the wake of a relationship related spazz out (mine).  So She and I made a deal with R, seeing as there were "special circumstances" and we are now phasing out smoking instead of going cold turkey.  Will it work?  Unlikely.  Do I want it to?  Heck yeah.

In other news, there is no other news.  My birthday was fantastic and I am now back to work and traveling into the states next Wednesday, headed to visit my dad for his birthday and take a trek down by the lake (Superior).  Skip some rocks and do some pondering.

I've been trying to work on more writing but what with scorching heat and working (and playing) I just have not gotten around to much.

August 23, 2010 10:10am

Funny how things can spiral out of control.  Job still awesome.  Smoking not going so well.  I'll be fixing up the 'ol house and selling her soon, with any luck.  Luck.

January 08, 2010 12:19am

It's nearing 6 months since my last journal entry. Smoking update = not good. Job = even more awesome than before, as I slowly am becoming full-time (much to the displeasure of my body). Significant Other is out of the picture. (If you read my blog I guess you know that already)

On the mental health front there are some tests being run for some very serious things.  I am doing my best at distracting myself with all sorts of things/thoughts to prevent myself from freaking right out.
Admittedly there has been some very tearful nights on my own because I push it all down deep, and as everyone should know, pushing things you have to deal with to the bottom of the pile can have a geyser effect when your brain finally makes you deal with.  Kaboom.

January 11, 2011 4:49 pm

Spiral, spiral, spiral....

Sometimes it's a slow leak.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't really tell you how she was feeling, and the others aren't talking much because the only thing the rest of them remember is that those months between August and January had been stressful for a large variety of reasons. There were problems renting an apartment, there were problems with Significant Other, The Other Girls' ex-boyfriend who she had ended her relationship with pretty close to the last day of her 2010 journal entry.

When we can get around to that last 6 months of her life, when the others can share with me about how she was feeling, what was going on, other than the dating she was writing about then we will write about it. I do know there were drugs involved, drinking, and a slow progression to withdrawing from all the people she knew.
Not much of an entry, but it's her week mostly; and our week to thank her for doing what she was told, for at least starting to write....


First time here and confused as shit? Poke around, we're not stopping you...