Monday, June 13, 2011

DID and A World Without Hate

The Father had sent us a message this past week, asking about our headaches, and to see how we are since his visit a couple of weeks ago.  He mentioned that The Pastor, who has experience in dealing with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder had inquired as to if we were having them (headaches).

We don't know why this year we are getting so many. We figure they have to do with our neck and back/spine problems. They start off in different places and begin by a heavy feeling in our head. Our eyes sometimes go blurry. Sometimes our sense of smell is heightened, which a real pisser when we are at work, where there are a lot of odd and unusual smells for a workplace; or when we are at home when we've just cleaned the litter box and we can smell it across the room. Cats smell.

The Father, in a Facebook message, also told us he'd wish we would go see a specialist. We're not sure if he meant for our DID or for our back problems.

If he meant for our DID then we are conflicted with going, because of all the mental health doctors we have encountered, all the drug therapy, and the talk therapy, and the group therapy...we can't imagine what he/she will do for us anyway. We know why we are like we are, we don't know why each of us is here, but we can only conclude that it's part of self preservation and simply how we have coped with being hurt by people so much in life from such a young age.

Not only that, as some of us have mentioned before, only a certain percentage of doctors believe that DID/MPD exists, reputable professionals are on both sides of the fence. And while we could care less if people actually believe it exists, because frankly, they don't know what our life has been, is, will be, day to day, month to month, year to year; we just don't want to have to sit down with someone who will shove drugs on us like before, and tell us he know how our system works better than us.

We are sure that Sam is part of us, given his age, as a result of The Mothers girlfriend abusing us. Bethany because she holds the secrets to our child abuse, the parts we don't remember; while some of us remember it very vividly. Who knows what memories she is carrying for us. All the rest of us are here for some reason or another. How important is it to know why we are here, if we know without each other we don't want to live? If we let them go, which, as we've written several times in entries on this blog, we don't want to do, then how will we cope with life?

But the headaches, and the confusion, and the rest of it; the being scared of people, the being scared to make friends in real life - not that Twitter, on some level, isn't real life to us; it is - 
now that we have resolved to be up front with people it's scary to try to make real life fleshie friends...that terryfies us; the rejection, the fear that people have of mental illness, the intolerance and lack of patience. We've hurt too many people by being us, by not being able to maintain our secret long enough to form friendships where we don't end up being hurt, or hurting someone else.

Oddly, we're pretty okay with this, the not having friends in real life thing. Sure, sometimes it's lonely.

Despite what some cunt (sorry about the language) said to us this weekend, about trying to gain sympathy - it's not the case. We don't want sympathy from anyone, pretty sure if you show us sympathy, we'll show you the door. 

We know there are other people struggling with mental illness all over the world, and to suffer alone, thinking you are the only one, being worried that people won't accept you, is hard. You only need to have struggle with something difficult to know how much it sucks to think you have to hide part(s) of who you are forever...suffering in silence.

We are here, on this blog, at the end of the day, to raise mental health awareness, to stamp out stigma by being open about issues that we face, so that others can open up about issues they face, so that there is more acceptance in the world, more healing, less hiding, less fear, and less hate.

~A totally random post by Frank et al

New here? What? Read some shit from our Recommendations - Weeded From Our ... Feeded?

Boring post? We don't care. This is our blog, don't like what we write or what we know where to go...not here.

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