Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Friends: A Tale of The Non-Bestie

Some may wonder: what happened to The Other Girls' friends, did she have friends? 

Yes. She had many "friends".

To tell you the truth, The Other Girl had A LOT of friends, and acquittance's. She was pretty well known amongst a large group of people, she was a party girl, and very social; her reaches extended to a couple different sectors of the community. Cooks, Musicians/Artists, Party People...Professionals, Hippies and Slackers. She had a large inner group of friends too; or rather, people she
called friends.

We didn't like most of the regular ones, *Bitch and I, we tried to keep her away. We saw they we're not healthy for us. They, her two best friends, lied to her, and admitted to doing it, talking about her smaller secrets behind her back. Saying "we should have no secrets between the three of us", in attempt to make an excuse for their behaviour. They lied to her about excluding her, instead of being honest; and she'd been aware of it for quite awhile.

The Other Girl struggled against our attempt to distance her from them. So much so, that during the holidays this past December, instead of drinking; we'd make her fall asleep, feigning long hours at work as the excuse for her exhaustion. More than once this happened over the holidays. On one occasion she woke up with food on her face (we won't say what the food was) - somewhere there is a picture of this. 

While it wasn't uncommon for her friends to do these types of things, We had grown tired of it. It simply reminded us of when The Other Girl was a child, and
people threw food at her on the bus; these people knew that story.

It didn't help that she was
paranoid (and paranoid) about what was going on in her life, in her head; and she was also concerned as to how people who had known her for several years would react. She knew she wasn't going to be able to me a secert this time, since she liked her Home and planned on staying, instead of running; like she had in the past. Nobody had ever understood why had she ran so much, they had only known that she had. They used to make jokes about it and speculate on the reasons.

She tried to talk to her best friend....a friend who's alias I want to change to 'Cunty Cunty Bitch Face'; but that's just too mean, says *Bitch, who's a little more sensitive about hurting people; so she will only be refere to as The Non-Bestie (TNB) - and after this post, hopefully she will not be referred to again in an entry dedicated to her.

It was about December, this past year. When We and The Other Girl were having some health issues; some blood was being drawn for some retesting and The Other Girl was worried about it.

In short, the tests were for some sort of dementia (they came back "normal"), and given that The Other Girl was really confused about me being back, after thinking I was gone - it had been about 6 years; and having the mental illness history that she had been trying to deny...she was scared. She had talked to Standby about it...and was met with the same sort of response from The Non-Bestie.

"Everyone is crazy" said The Non-Bestie; completely debasing all of The Other Girls fears, and minimalizing the gravity of the situation; as she was good at. "Just don't think about", was her response to most things The Other Girl inquired about, except boys and clothes and makeup an travel.

A week or so later, The Other Girl would have a conversation with The Other Non-Bestie (TONB) who would tell her, "You can't have a serious conversation with TNB; she just wants to have people over to drink, and party and have fun; she doesn't want to deal with anything serious."

We had been pretty aware of this; we'd been telling The Other Girl this all along. I'd remember overhearing stories she would share with The Other Girl, about ex-boyfriends and general intolerance in the face of what we saw as depression, and mental illness. Even into this past summer when we felt conflicted siding with her, seeing something familiar in her ex, who also came from an abusive childhood. Red flags abound, we couldn't help but feel the need to get The Other Girl away, it took a long time; she was fiercely committed to her best friend - who was a strong independent woman, who taught The Other Girl a lot about fashion and makeup, being girly*, made her part of her family; it was the closest thing to love she thought she'd ever seen, and she clung to it for dear life.

What resulted was a damaging outcome, for us, and apparently for others. We are having a difficult time feeling sorry for some of these people, The Others, given their general mis-treatment in the last couple months of The Other Girls existence. We forced her into confinement pretty much right away following New Years...like we had nearly 10 years ago.

The Other Girl only saw her bestie one other time after celebrating the New Year; she only received a couple texts in response to her absence over the last two and half months - texts we ignored because we had nothing to say and no way to explain; one of which was an angry response after We texted her and informed TNB that "we"/TOG would not being going on their annual holiday vacation this winter.

There were several reasons, less obvious ones, for turning down this vacation; other than our view of her as being a shallow, vapid human being.

There were money issues, like there had been the last time I had to intervene in TOGs life. In addition, the mere idea of the usual vacation that The Other Girl used to have with these people...made our stomach churn. Drinking doesn't do much, in excess, for us; It certainly makes *Bitch happy...but it pisses Me off. The conflicting result, sometimes, when it's done in excess is not good. We could not forsee an entire week of alcohol with people who did not know us at all and therefore were not comfortable being around.

We would have preferred, as with anyone from her past, a complete and total severance from this relationship; but apparently The Other Girl was liked - who doesn't like someone you can use, and make fun of, and treat with disrespect, like a personal clown?
This past Sunday, in the wake of Ass Faces Text, we received the following from The Non-Bestie:
"HI just thought i would send u a text since u wont call anyone. I thought of u like famliy and brought u into my famliy and cared for u a great deal. I have never been treated with such utter disrespect and tosseed away like garbage as u have done famliy would ever do this to me. You'll never have true friends by treating them like that. U have hurt alot of people and run away instead of dealing and showing u actually have a heart. Hope u have a wonderful life"
The minute we read this, we thought: Great, now we kill souls and we have no heart.
We have not contacted her; instead we contacted Pixie Princess - one of the three people We wanted to keep; people who we could be Frank with. After a couple calls, and some screaming tearful debate, it was decided that We were probably right...The Other we're not going to understand that, while we look like The Other Girl, and we have the voice of The Other Girl; we are not her.

There is no real point to this post, other than to document what happened to The Other Girls "best friend"; and how we feel this is just another point of contention; and something we hope we can leave in the past. Let's just say, We do not look forward to running into her; luckily we don't happen to frequent the same places that she and The Other Girl did.
We were more concerned about The Others feeling ill will towards TOG; this was not her fault, that we disposed of her like we did - we have always been stronger than she was.
*The Other Girl, having been raised by The Father with The Brothers had always been a bit of a tomboy


  1. Wow that was holy freakin deep but...confusing at the same time. I am sorry to hear that "the other girl" is hurting and things didn't work out btwn the The Non-Bestie.

    I am gathering that is post has alot to do with new turns in life including getting rid of "Others" in the social network/ & other direct friendships as well?

    Well, I may not be close but still considered you a great friend. I will not take this personal rather than something you need to sort out. Furthermore, just know, I am here no matter what ;)

    ~The Photographer

  2. There is no OTHER GIRL anymore..she is dead; we don't expect any of The Others to understand - this is why we don't come around; this is why we don't leave the apartment.

    There is no "new turns"; this Us and we are part of what The Other Girl had to deal with silently. We don't expect anyone to understand.

    Discretion would be appreciated, we are in massive amounts of physical and mental pain, and we don't want more people adding to it.

    Please do NOT pass this blog link...even though we can see it's already started...

    Frank and Bitch

  3. You have my word that I will not pass this is along. And I do understand how the other girl needs to deal with these emotions silently.

    That is why I mentioned, I did not take this personally. ;)

    ~The Photographer

  4. I think it was very wise and insightful for the two of you to step in and get rid of The Other Girl. It seems like she was going down a slippery slope and it is obvious by this text from this other person appearing from the ass post (I still laugh from that picture, thanks for that) that people still regard her as someone to manipulate. A Real Friend would have been concerned about The Other Girl's hasty retreat and disappearance, not selfishly concerned about how this disappearance has impacted her. That seems backwards. No, I think this is very wise, and The Bitch and Frank are on a proper course.

  5. Thank you for the support!

    The Other Girl was a pesky little failure.

    Thanks for being an avid follower - we like seeing you comment!

  6. I'm happy to read and comment, etc. I'm glad you both found me and our paths cross!

  7. to cut your friends out of your life because YOU have VERY "SERIOUS" issues (that NOT everybody understands or know's how to deal with) is a complete pile of shit....Frank,Bitch,The other girl,whatever you choose to call yourself today or tomorrow....get a grip!!! I personally know people with mental illness,and never have i heard of them creating a "blog" the way you have....most would make awareness on metal illness....not turn it into some fucking attention grabbing,sob story.....get professional help FRANK!!!! and stop with the pitty party,im sure your bestie really did care for you,and now your blaming her for simply just not understading your illness...

  8. i made the previous comment,and i wanted to add more! you really could have invested all this time you have put into this whole website and blog into a postivie!!!maybe your "bestie" really was doing her very best to help you,but as so many people are,they have a hard time helping,or knowing how to deal with people with mental illness,they dont always know what to say or may not say the right thing...your website/blog could have been a way for you to help people relate to mental illness and understand it better,you could have used this as a way to educate your friends who you felt didnt understand or care about your "illness" but instead you used it hurt people.....very selfish of you!!

  9. It is fine that you are upset and angry, clearly you knew The Other Girl, and likely you know the girl that this post was written about. Anger is a legitimate response.

    We are writing the stories of our life and sharing them to help people, there is a huge campaign in the United States and Canada right now asking for people to share the stories of mental illness in their life; these stories (not this one, this one was simply used to help people understand that there were friends in TOG’s life), are illustration of what can cause things to go terribly wrong.





    Understand that this is not some attention grabbing “pity party”, we have been thanked by organizations for sharing our stories, and thanked by many people that have read them, who have had similar experiences in their life, and feel a little less alone.

    You are clearly hurt by words you have read in THIS entry. There is nothing we can say, other than we were sharing a story about how sometimes it’s hard to talk to people about the mental health issues one has.

  10. Whoever "anon" is, they need to read your whole story. It's not like you killed yourself. I think what you have done is, in the face of great personal tragedy and mental and emotional AND physical pain- made something to help others and yourselves.

    clearly, there might be some organic reasons behind the death of TOG, but it's nobody's business. Frank and bitch are a self-protecting union and that is really hard for other people to understand. it's also clear to me in this "anon" response to frank and bitch that it's selfish of THEM and still want to hurt Tog.

    i'm sorry people can't just you leave you alone and deal with their own crap. i say "bravo" to your blog and i am touched by it. finding you as a friend on twitter was great for me. i deal with mental illness on a weekly basis, without family... and mostly alone and isolated.

    you are doing people good- and everyone else can fuck off.

  11. Thank you Kelly.
    It is people like you, and so many others we have heard from in the last couple months, that make us strong. Thank you for your support; and for being our Twitter follower AND our Facebook friend. We look forward to our future with you, and the rest of our internet family; and can only hope more good can come of our sharing, as we work towards healing our self from the many years of abuse we have experienced and tragedies we have endured.

    We are so very happy that we have been able to help you, we wish we could do more. <3

  12. just wanted to go on record in support of you and your choices. Anon needs to pull his/her head out of his/her ass. people who make such statement often have a higher than warranted opinion of their particular helping skills and get pretty bent out of shape when not allowed to help in the way they want. you don't need that in your life. it's an illness all its own and, in the long run, is rarely helpful.