Friday, March 16, 2012

Our Guest Blogger Writes About...Meeting Us!

We could have told you everything she said, really (the matter-of-fact stuff, not all the nice, sweet, stuff)...but apparently people wanted an outside opinion. 

It all boils down to: on the outside we're just like anybody else...just like any other person with an illness/"disability", health problem, or none at is not what defines any of us...just like anybody else we each have our own issues, some depression, some food-related, some paranoia...some are happier than others, but completely able to be happy. If we were one person we'd be a complete fucking mess.

Each of us have the same range of emotion, just some have a harder time dealing with some things than others. We are completely normal human beings. Sharing one body. We're normal...on the outside. A lunatic on the inside. (but a fun one *wink*)

Just a with music...and completely accurate, in some of our opinion.

If Kerry had met us a year ago the situation would have been different, we were...very unstable. But with team work we have worked back to stability, forming a locus of control this time working cooperatively instead of hiding, like many times before, because we didn't want to end up in urgent care, therapy groups, psychotherapy, prescribed loads of medication, perhaps being permanently hospitalized, living life not telling anyone what was going on, scared, running. We came close to putting ourselves in the hospital just over a year ago, The Father suggested it, some of us begged for it...

What a difference a year can make.

The answer the question Catherine was scared of having Frank answer, Kerry spent the weekend with Cassandra, Ivy, Bethany, Catherine, and Frank. Not all were out*, but rather sharing co-consciousness* and were around at varying times. The more we spend time with her, the more some of us will be out* and then she may get to know all of us on the outside, but like she doesn't matter. 

We think Kerry says some nice things about us, and yes, we are attractive, normal looking, and James' boss told him the same thing Kerry told him, that he's "punching way above his weight", when he saw a photo of us on James' computer screen at work, which we guess is the nice way to say we're out of his league (James is a smart and attractive man we think it's all on par). We think we're fairly average in all respects (though a couple may tell you very differently, on both sides of the spectrum).

The best part about the weekend with Kerry, other than everything, was that she never seemed to be trying to "figure us out", she treated us with respect, asking questions from time to time, and just treating a friend. It meant the world to us.

So, having said all that, apparently Kerry had many questions asked after the weekend, both from people in her life outside of Twitter (she has non-Twitter friends!) because as we learned by all of the introductions, she's told people about us. Also people on Twitter asked her questions, which promoted her to write...

So What Was She Like?

I have had so many people in my life and on twitter ask me what Frankie is like and I thought that I would put the record straight and answer as many questions as possible.

Tall, is the first answer. I am a bit of a short arse so everyone is taller than me and Frankie being taller than me is not really that surprising.   Smart, Frankie is incredible intelligent and it struck me on many occasions during her stay with me just how clever she really is. James is punching way above his weight with this lady!

The next question was one that we discussed when we were all together and the one question that caused Frankie to be nervous.  Who was there?  This is the most common question I have been asked.  Now before I go any further, I would like to state that I feel very protective towards Frankie as she is my friend; and there are certain things that I will not disclose for a myriad of reasons but I will endeavour to be open with you and not dumb things down.

The answer is in many layers.  Intrinsically, it does not matter.  They are a collective and have one outer shell, that’s all that matters.  Concentrating on who may or may not have been there is academic.  I have brain damage due to the intensity of my chemotherapy and I forget things.  Asking who is there is like saying every time I forget a name (quite frequently) it must be due to my brain damage, every time I forget a phone number it must be due to my brain damage and so on.  I have a very busy life and not everything stays in my pretty little head.  It is not always my brain damage but sometimes it is.  I don’t find it helpful to be constantly reminded that I have a disability as it does not define who I am nor do I define it.  It is me and I am it.  So asking who was there this weekend, in real terms, means nothing.

Of course people are curious beings and always want to know more.  As Frankie pointed out I do occasionally work with DID/MPD patients. It is my experience that people with this disorder come and see me in a very distressed state. The goal of therapy is not full integration of their alters  rather getting to a place where the ‘collective’ for want of a better phrase, feel happier and more content with their lives.  When I met Frankie I noticed that she is more integrated (at least externally) than people may perceive.  Trying to work out who was there over the weekend would be akin to asking Frankie to regress back to the stage where her alters were more separate; this is not something that I want to do.  I am not Frankie’s therapist either, so I don’t really want to delve into her innermost thoughts; I am entitled to time off my job too you know!

What did I see over the weekend? Apart from hanging out with the coolest lady on the PLANET, not a whole lot really.  Certainly no different from me forgetting things with my brain damage.  Frankie was just a regular person.  There is one advantage that Frankie may not have suspected, and that’s I can tell my crappy jokes more than once because it will be new to whomever is present.

So sorry, no huge revelations other than the fact that Frankie is WAY more normal than people think. And smart. And funny. And tall. And I am very proud to call her my friend.

Kerry x
Kerry is our guest blogger, our friend, a mental health nurse in the UK, a published writer...and so much are some of the guest entries she's written for us. You can also visit her website at


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