What, we're drunk(ish)...(what's new, really) we have most of a post done...but we haven't all been able to weigh about how we all feel about The Boyfriend (@mr_jmm/James) becoming our live-in boyfriend. We haven't done this is in over a year...we figured we would never again live with anyone but us, considering all the changes in the last year, our being public with our mental illness, and accepting it, wanting a life as us, destroying The Other Girl, and writing about our life so we can survive (seriously, without this blog...we'd be dead...you don't even know).
He's moving from the UK you know, on Tuesday evening he'll be here...it's a little stressful. We've always been the one to move for someone else, to bend for others...but...other than the logical ways that it can go wrong...what can go wrong? Yeah, everything. Our willingness to try, some mutual love, and ...well...it's gonna work, right? We want to be positive, but...it's hard.
Stress. It's pretty much the theme of the the last 9 months, if not year (yeah, year). We're moving in November, James and us, to live with The Mother...and then there is new stress...but we have to move, we have no choice at this point.
We hope to sleep for days once we unpack and crash in her (The Mothers) basement...again. We know it's a pipe dream to think we can sleep for more than 8 hours...even that is an achievement.
People don't get how much of a failure it makes us feel to be back, pretty much at square one, over 8 years later...moving back in with her, towing a boyfriend behind...again...especially now that we are 32...almost an inverse number from when we last had to do this.
Mental illness is not easy...and we never want the "easy way out"...but we also need a break again...the back pain, the mental struggles...the last year and a half -to- two years...two years...have just been too much. Too much. TOO MUCH.
*sigh*
We hope tomorrow we can all work together to finish the post we have been trying to complete for weeks...but we can't make any promises about that. We just know, that despite the stress, the changes...by 2012...it'll be a completely different and new frontier for us all...James, and us...and we are thankful we have been able to write for almost the last year...because when a lot happens in our life, a lot also gets lost, it's hard for us to sort it our; and we are lost enough most of the time.
~Ivy
I know we still have a lot of stress ahead of us but we have a new life to start now. The physical pain you spend most of your days in I can't stop but I will do everything I can to ease that (I WILL learn to give better massages).
ReplyDeleteI am here (now) and have no intention of ever leaving you again. This new life will be better, we will be happy (in life and as an "us"). I will help you, guide you, love you in any and every way I can. I will also do everything I can to take some of your stress away whether that means things I can do for you or just be there (here) for you. Don't forget, I can take a good slap / punch / verbal abuse so any time you want / need to vent you just go right ahead. Don't worry about me, thick skinned and one of you lets me get my own back *grin*.
It's not a failure, baby, to have to live with The Mother, you are NOT a failure. It won't be for long (sorry, no disrespect meant to The Mother) and we can start our tour of the US and again, our new life together.
I am here for you Frankie,
I love you.
Your James, always