Conclusion/Decision

Franks decision has been made after a weekend of talking things out with Standby, and right on time for her February 1^st deadline!

The tipping point to initiate a conversation, one that had to take place eventually anyway, was my asking him if it bothered him, knowing I was still friends and hanging around with FNA. He said it didn't bother him, that he doesn't like “him” (he won't use his name) but, no, it didn't.

Then I took a shower. Thinking if I were in the opposite position I would certainly have problems with the whole situation, but then, I know the whole story - at least my end of it.

When I got out he asked, trembling, why I had asked him that (is it my imagination or was he just on the computer? Was he reading my blog?!). I told him that last time "they" were in the same proximity I noticed his mood was...different. He followed this up by asking if it was, in fact, over; but the way he said it, the change in his face and voice, told me that he probably knew and now was not the time to lie (plus he knows ALL of my tells - and has told me on several occasions that I am a terrible liar. I am; unless it absolutely calls for it because, as you know, I am not a fan of dishonesty)

“I don't know” I say. I am being truthful at the time. I really didn't.

“You don't know?” he asked, slightly astonished.

“Look, I don't know what's going on, he isn't really telling me anything” I say, pacing the living room.

“I don't understand” he says, “I thought it was over”

I faltered, stammered and then, slightly tearful, admitted to my feelings for FNA.

“I like him” I say, and tell him that I am “trying to work through it and get over my feelings”; and that's the part he never understood about the whole thing, but now it made more sense to him at this point and he began to cry. We talked for awhile, about the whole situation, there was crying and hugging and apologizing, in all combinations. He said it just confirms his “nice guy finishes last” belief, and figures my whole attraction to FNA is because he's a “bad boy” *insert Franks giggles here*

He also, finally, agreed with me that I am, in fact, slightly crazy. He also told me I need to see a therapist, which made me angry...and when I am angry I cry (it beats breaking my hand hitting a wall – or a person). After a longer discussion on therapy, and how at this point I didn't think it would do any good (been there, done that), we decide that maybe it's not the best for me.

“I peeked behind the curtain” he says.

“And you saw a naked girl dancing wildly, and stepped right in!” I joke back to him. Because despite everything that he and I have been through in the past three years, we are still able to laugh about painful subjects, we are still able to be friends and we will always be there for each other – no matter what.

We talked and discussed “us” and we came to an agreeable conclusion. And Frank came to a conclusion/decision of her own.

I apologize to my readers because, for now, my decision is secret. And with THAT, they both (FNA and Standby) will be to be removed from the focus of my blogging, and should matters between the three of us arise again, it will not be blogged about until it has a final conclusion; I will still be blogging about sex, dating topics and my crazy opinions on stuff, as they come up, in addition to more moderate topics.

Mmmmm, this cake is goooood. I hope it ends up being a big cake because, boy, Frank loves cake.