Thursday, December 15, 2011

Insane Ramblings

Insane ramblings.

Insane ramblings.

We’ve had a couple of bad days and we feel like a string that was unravelling is getting to the short end of the spool and it’s faster and faster.

Insane ramblings.

We tried to pretend like the 10 pounds we’ve put on the last few months isn’t noticeable.

Insane ramblings.

Insane ramblings.

We’re trying to pretend we don’t hate our body, despite the fact that rationally we know we shouldn't.

Insane ramblings.


We’re trying to pretend out body wasn’t more aesthetically pleasing when we were sick and not eating, 10 pounds or more lighter, earlier this year.

It was.

Insane ramblings.

We’re trying to overcome what the covers of magazines and the internet trying to portray what they think beauty should look like, what society says women should look like, what people convey about what real beauty is, and should look like.

Insane ramblings.

Insane ramblings.

We’re happy with who we are.

We’re not happy with who we are.

We hate our body.

Our body is beautiful.

Insane ramblings.

We’re not insane.

That was just a free form writing exercise for us (Ivy and I) we did it to try to work through some issues. We're struggling with some things this holiday season.

We want to thank all our readers and our Twitter followers for being there for us, to provide a laugh when needed, and inspire us to make them laugh when we can. It's "just Twitter" to some people, but it's more than that to us, and many other people of the world.

We would never say we have an eating disorder...but we do have issues with our body and food (which, we're guessing some doctors would label an eating disorder...we hate labels). We're thinner than we were in high school, and more than 100 pounds lighter than we were 7 years ago. We’re 5’11” and 173 pounds, a size 10, that's a 30" waist, the average size of an American woman is 5'4" 167 pounds...and a 37" waist.

See. It's not rational. We know we shouldn't dislike our body.

But we do.

We struggle. We have been making desperate attempts to take off the extra pound we're gained since moving back in with The Mother. It feel like we are digging the hole deeper. It's compounding with the other issues we are struggling with on a daily basis...and the thread is unraveling.

~Cassandra & Ivy
Loving yourself is not conceited, it is not narcissism - it is healthy. How can you expect someone to love you, if you don't love yourself?

There are those of us in our system (that's DID/MPD terminology) that try to convince us otherwise, that both inside and out we are ugly and bad people. That image and final paragraph is for us, but it applies to you, if you want it to.

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