As our regular readers know we have a couple guest bloggers here, who often share their view on things (and on that note, we're always looking for more guest blogger), and sometimes, as with Kerry Stott, their professional medical advice, her blog post submissions on topics such as Suicide, Anxiety, and more, can be found near the bottom of our "special" archives page: http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/p/our-recommendations-weeded-from.html under 'Guest Bloggers'.
But today we have a new-ish guest blogger...
We met Jake on Twitter, he's been a follower for awhile. He's even had us on his Podcast, The Nothing But Show "recently" (http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/08/our-podcast-interview-with-nothing-but.html) - this is his second guest blog entry with us. Read what he has to say about making choices, and his general view on taking control of life, from his personal example. Our favorite line comes from the last paragraph "I guess in the end, my legacy will be whatever I make it." and made us laugh because we received and read this post just as we were writing our post yesterday about a film review (http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/11/adjustment-bureau-film-review.html) that touched on the subject of creating, or changing, your own destiny.
And now...Jake...
So it's been quite a while since I have written. I felt that doing the podcast was enough of an outlet. I guess maybe I'm finding that I was wrong. Dead wrong. Just like Biggie. I've been flirting with the grey areas in my mind. The dark side if you will. Not in my marriage though, I'm good there. No issues with that at all really except sometimes I wish I could do more. I just find myself becoming driven to a point where it's hard to pull the parachute and slow down. And there's no such thing as easing off after a certain time. All I can do after that point is watch the crash and burn from a front row seat. I mean this in relation to others thoughts and feelings. As I've talked before in decent detail about my 'hyper-vigilance' affliction, I sometimes get to a point where I'm so up in my head that I drift away from the connection I have with those around me, and my desires and ideas become all I see after a while. I'm no where near that at all right now in my life, but I'm seeing very faint signs. It's like one of those storm chasers on the Discovery channel or whatever. I normally see the storm and have either aimed straight for it, or gave it a good goddamn glancing blow. Well, this time is truly different. I'm very happy in my life. I think in the past, my moods and feelings have been in charge of steering my hurricane survival mobile, and in this case I guess they still are. Except this time they're positive feelings instead of negativity. Sorry about the storm analogy. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe all of this 'doing it right this time' shit is just because I'm getting older and finally learning. I mean, I'd like to think so. But part of me feels like this has been in me all along, and I've known better. I just never had the fortitude to stick to it and live it. For example, these whim decisions that I've been known to make, as some people call them, aren't really whims to me most of the time. Honest. Once again, the Hyper-Vigilance (HV) comes into play. I feel like I have thought out a scenario 5 times to your one most of time. And to be honest, most of the time I have. I just don't always have an accurate weight prediction of consequence. I never have. I always have dreamed huge, and in return consequence has always been justified in my mind as collateral damage I think. Wow, I literally just made a revelation. I never said that statement, or wrote it down for that matter. I just figured it out for myself just now. Hey, that's huge for me.
I'm driven right now to make my show as big as I can make it, while still maintaining control of the content that we put out. And by in control, I mean that us partners in the endeavor. Not just me. I want to do this shit for a living. I want to put my thoughts, ideas, and words out there and have them entertain people. I don't have to be rich. I really don't. I know some mufuckas say that and then go all Kanye on you once they make a few dollars but I'm serious. I just want to make a living enough to send my kid to school, and not worry about needing anything that is a necessity in life. That's really all I ever ask for. I feel like we really have something that in time can be huge. I know we're fairly new, and we have to fine tune our shtick so to speak, but we really are on to something.
In the past, I have been extremely selfish with decisions, and with bands I've been in I've really acted like more of a dictator than a partner or friend. Granted, all of these projects, including this one, I have started. I have normally always been the initiator due once again to the HV. I have to be doing something creative in my life in order to feel balanced out. If I keep all my thoughts to myself I think I'd implode. I don't know if that's good or bad or both. Probably both. But I have had to realize the hard way, and through ruined and wounded friendships discover how to not make the same mistakes in future situations. I have always used the 'I started this shit' excuse as a reason to do whatever I want, and for the most part it has been justified. I also realize that just because actions are justified it doesn't make them the correct way to go about things. That has been one of the hardest things I have had to learn in my life. This time around, with this project/show/endeavor, I have included my cohorts every step of the way. I mean, the way I look at it now, all these people have helped me make the content what it is. I couldn't have done all this myself. I have to remind myself of that at times. Now, make no mistake, while the people involved in the show are proud of being on it, and proud of doing their part to contribute to it, I do the majority of the booking, planning, editing, website work, promotion, etc. But here's the thing. I realize now that I'd be doing it anyway. That's the beauty of it all. I know now that this is just built into me, and I have to do it. Even if everyone had split up tasks to perform 'equally' for the show, I know that my mind would always be wanting to have a hand in it anyway so I might as well do it, and ask for opinions along the way. So far it works, and as long as I include my friends, co-host, contributors, and colleagues along the way, I should be fine I think. So far it's working for the most part. And right now I'm very happy in my life. Now I realize that having my mind be a part of every aspect of the show is a very keen look into the issues that I have with people but I don't have enough time and finger muscle to type about that shit today. I'm ok with it right now just know that. It ends up working to my benefit more times than not as long as I do it this way.
I guess in the end, my legacy will be whatever I make it. And as corny and contrived as that sounds, it's true. I know I won't always be positive, and I'll have low moments. I just have to remember to weather those and not take people for granted. We're really all kind of stuck on this giant ball of molten rock and metal we call a planet together. Thanks for reading,
Jake, @Onezees, The Vagabond King, or whatever else you'd like to call me.
Other entries by this guest blogger:
Just send us an e-mail at justcallmefrank2010 @ gmail.com (take out the spaces, of course, they are only there to prevent being spammed) we prefer mental health topics, but are open to ideas.
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