Sunday, November 27, 2011

Blame Everybody. Blame Nobody. Blame Yourself.

You have to “blame” something, right? Or someone?

Yes. and No.

We wanted to take this moment to discuss a pet peeve…because we can, because this is our blog, and that's all the reason we need.

If you follow enough people on Twitter you get a real cross-section of people, and their varying views about personal responsibility. What we want to talk about it something we've seen being said for months now, in different ways, which all boil down to the same concept.

One view we’ve seen, on more than one occasion, are opinions like in a tweet we read today that reference people’s bad actions, stating they can always claim they are a result of their environment, and then they referenced Twitter as being a hotbed for such behaviour (when in fact, it’s people everywhere, all the time, always).

Now, we are a fan of the person who wrote the tweet (and we are obviously not going to name names), and we’re sure she was doing what The Boyfriend refers to as “taking the piss out of someone” or in this case, someones; which means, making a joke, obviously; we hope she was anyway.

We have also seen some tweets (on several occasions) saying demeaning things about people, their actions, and making reference to a history of child of abuse not being a valid reason for behavior…which really appalled us, if only because in the snarky bitchy way they worded it. Not because we ARE a victim of such a thing as child abuse (though we are) but the audacity of the people writing such things which are clearly ignorant and insensitive.

This way of thinking is not in which we prescribe, the opinion that bad behavior can simply be blamed on (or not blamed on) environmental and sociological factors, because while the formation of a person, their behaviours and beliefs, starts young in life (and continue all through life) and people are absolutely influenced by life factors…people can overcome it, if they choose to shift their paradigm of thinking, and responding, yet some choose to be a victim of it, using it as a crutch in life for their poor behavior and problems in life.

"My life is this way, or I think this way because of A, B and C...and that's just the way I am." (usually stated by a miserable person, who makes other people miserable, because of A, B and C)

People need only study/read (basic) developmental psychology and sociology texts, or you know, think about things logically, to understand…being a product of ones environment, a product of their upbringing, a product of their experiences with the world is how people develop as a human being.

Now, this isn't meant to sound preachy, we just get tired of willful ignorance, and want to share this way of we don't find people, and stab them instead. See writing saves lives. *wink*

Seriously though, this understanding is how we have survived and been able to manage people, their actions, their emotions and attitudes; and how we, over time, have worked to accept people, cull patience; and also understand when we can't continue to be in the presence of people who do not understand and accept that people just do not spontaneously and blindly become who they are; which is the point we are trying to make.

There is scientific data and research in psychological sociology up the ying-yang to support the concept of human development - you can find some of it by using Google, and books, but please…Wikipedia is not a solid source of information all on its own…while it DOES reference good sources of information, it’s not even an adequate Cliff’s Notes (do they still make those? Are we old now?).

Back at it then.

One thing to always keep in mind, is that while you are a product of your environment and experiences, its how you choose to respond to it that is your choice, that's the part you have control over.

Here’s an example, and this is a basic one to understand, mostly because lots of people (most) have relationship where things like this happen:

One person in a relationship gets angry at their significant other about something likely insignificant and so they yell at them, or does something to make them realize they have done something wrong, and even though the significant other understands their partner “may be overreacting”, the significant other apologizes for whatever they did. What happens from there may vary, of course...grudges may be help on either side, deterioration of the relationship...whatever, it could go in endless directions.

If the person who is angry would take a moment to think about whether or not their anger is founded in something concrete or important, before they yell and get upset, they may find that perhaps their significant other is entitled to an apology too. It’s not THEIR fault that the other person got angry...simply stated...

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.~ Epictetus
That’s just one example, obviously sometimes people deserve an angry outburst, but they also deserve to have a partner, friend, co-worker, stranger etc, who acts towards them accordingly, because, don't you? People shouldn't let the negative aspects of their upbringing and experiences destroy them as a person, or let them destroy another person, because it's never-ending madness.
Of course WE don't always prescribe to this (the part where we analyze ourselves before we react...the blame we usually accept), it's not always easy, but we try. This past weekend was a failure in which we had an outburst of words in a Facebook message to The Father...we said some mean things to him, and they should have been directed at someone else (or nobody else), but we said them out of pain and humiliation...we know that...and we felt bad the next day. We have yet to apologize, but...we're just trying to be honest. It's not easy. (and we will apologize...)

We've just gotten tired of people thinking outside influences shouldn't be a reason for behavior and actions, and experiences with others like friends, parents, relatives, strangers, for the way they act, they are a valid reason for people's actions, and they are environment (experience, upbringing and human interaction/relations) which are what develop a person’s perception, beliefs, evaluation ability and actions; however, that doesn't mean that the person cannot control, change or overcome the characteristics they develop from those experiences. All it takes is the will and desire to take personal responsibility.

Your attitude, as a human being, is expected to develop and continue to grow over time based on continued experience.

Need someone to blame? You, like us, should probably look in a mirror first.
We'd love to hear opinion on this, because after all, it's based on ours only, which has been influenced by our current experiences to date (which are those with people, texts, University classes, and shared communication). We love debate, and we don't get a lot of it.

Anyway, thanks for reading...sorry if you didn't find it interesting enough, there is a whole crap load of other stuff to read here, about sex and food, and all that...just take a look around.

Is anyone else exhausted?

~Frank et al

1 comment:

  1. Very thoughtful piece - hopeful but also real... unfortunately ignorance is and has been at the root of prejudicial thinking - and it pretty much always is. It isn't fair, and it makes people who've already suffered so much continue suffering even more. While you can't force people to learn, kudos for putting it out there to reach them - hopefully it'll reach a few of the folks that need to hear it.