We are one, We are many, We are Just Call Me Frank.
Candid, adjudicating, philosophy wielding, life journaling, mental health advocating, writing and art therapy enthusiasts, lovers of learning; adventurers with a finger on all the buttons.
Writing to survive and thrive.
I think the arrival of winter drives single men crazy. Why do I think this?
In the past week I have been asked by two different guys if I would be their girlfriend; have went on a first date with a man who put up with my canceling for two different dates, three times (yes, I canceled twice in a day after calling it back on and then changing my mind again...); I have been approached by countless men in my work environment with compliments and statements of interest; and I am pretty sure I am being courted by an 80 year old man who dresses in a suit, picks me flowers, brings me baked goods and tells me I look like Hilary Swank when I wear my hair down.
(this image is on loan)
This elevation in attention coincides with the now snow covered ground of our fair city. I think the long winter ahead is triggering a frenzy in men this year.
Meanwhile, it's the holiday season which is a busy time at work so I haven't had much energy to write. I've been having some fun of course; I've had another date with the Icelandic Giant and a first date with a new man who has yet to get a nickname. All good experiences so far.
With any luck I'll be back in the writing spirit soon.
I was perusing some dating blogs this afternoon, trying to locate some light entertainment/insight on this new casual dating thing that I am trying, and I came across two great blogs that I'd like to mention.
The first, how very lucky to be a girl - One Woman's Interweb Dating Adventures - 'My Side of the Fence' resonates with recent new opinions/feelings I have formed regarding relationships and what it means to be single for me.
Lucky Girl hit the nail on the head with her list of the reasons she loves being single, so I decided to share 20 of her reasons that I would transport to my own list.
5. I can snore without consequence, and, conversely, not be kept awake by another who does.
6. A similar principle applies to farting. Yes. Girls pass gas, too.
8. I can hog all the blankets, and all the bed.
15. The only ones whining about food are my cats.
16. I don’t have to clean up anyone’s mess but my own. And the cats’, I guess.
17. I can play the music of my choice, at the volume of my choice, any time of my choice.
18. I can have quiet, alone time anytime I want it.
19. I never have to fight for the remote control.
20. This means that sports is never on my TV. Unless the Steelers are playing.
21. I can go home with whomever I want.
22. Or not go home with whomever I want.
23. Three words: More. Sexual. Variety. Three more: Possibly. More. Sex.
24. I never have to fake an orgasm, I can give them to myself daily. And I never have “headaches”.
26. I can flirt wildly and without restraint.
29. I can take care of myself.
32. I don’t have to check anyone’s schedule before deciding on my own.
35. I have more free time, for myself, my friends, and generally doing things that I enjoy.
36. I am free to travel where and when I like.
37. I don’t have to concern myself with what anyone else’s mother thinks.
39. And…I put my happiness where it ought to be: First.
It's nice to know that I am not the only one who can see the benefits of being single.
Of course there could similarly be a list a reasons why one would love not being single; but I am guessing this list would be shorter, and full of more comforts and less freedom. But maybe that's just my list.
His statement that "some [woman have] changed their entire lives" based on Sex in the City is bang on; and I agree because I am one of those woman.
When Sex in the City first came out I was much younger and appalled by the show; flash forward a few years and you have an avid fan of the quartet of strong and confident woman that makes up the characters of SITC. The show is now my go-to after a breakup, accompanied by a glass of wine and a couple of my favourite gal pals.
Ibrahim has earned my respect as a dating blogger, he knows what he is talking about and the more you read his entries at Chicago Now the more you know it.
I have noticed recently that there are more men who, when I am in public places, appear to recognize me. Since I have gotten into the online dating again, and live in a city that is fairly large but small at the same time, I often wonder if I would ever get recognized. The thought made me nervous. There are men (and woman) who have been on my particular dating site for years, so chances are that they tend to pay attention to "new comers" when they pop up out of the boiling beast that is online dating sites.
The more time I spend on dating sites (not procuring many dates from it) the more I realize not only how much better it is meeting people in real life but how it also doesn't matter how and where you meet people. Last week while "trolling the line" on 'the dating site' I was caught by a familiar name and picture. Turns out Icelandic Giant, while we meet initially in person, is also on the dating site I use. I laughed hard when I came across it and sent him a message, and later on the phone asked him about it.
Friday night I was finally on my first date with the Icelandic Giant. We ended up at a local restaurant/bar where a mutual friend sings. After the evening wrapped up, a large group of those present to listen to her sing headed back to her place to tip a few more back.
It wasn't very long after we arrived at her house before I was introduced to a few new people. One introduction in particular stood out, and rightly it should; there was a brief moment after I met him before I told him he looked familiar. He grinned, leaned in and whispered "I've seen you on 'online dating site" and with a pause told me "When I saw you at the bar I thought 'that's her!'". Oh good, my first time being recognized.
Apparently he had messaged me on the site, but I had not responded (I very rarely do). With this information I got a little embarrassed, but then realized I shouldn't really be because, after all, he was on the site too and I shouldn't be embarrassed that I didn't respond to him. We had a brief conversation and when someone commented on my open bottle of wine on the coffee table, I picked it up and took a slug, holding up the bottle I grinned and said "classy, right?" laughed and walked away. No sense in pretending I'm someone I'm not.
The rest of the evening I was a little unsettled knowing that he was paying attention to me, sizing me up. It was clear that despite the fact that I may have been on a date with someone, he was still interested in me. When I departed for the evening I said all my goodbye and when I went in for a hug (I hug everyone) he asked if the man I was with was my boyfriend and if he could send me a message later. I told him he wasn't and he could.
I don't know if that was an appropriate thing to do. Maybe since I was on a date (that was going well) that it wasn't the right thing to do. I don't know. I've never been in that situation, or known anyone who has been, so the particulars are fuzzy for me.
What is the process one should follow, when your online dating life crashes into your real life? Probably make sure that your online dating life isn't that much different than your real life to start with.
Yeah, that was kind of a random.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Blogging will resume soon. In the meantime, Remember.
Saturday night Ninja Princess and I went out dancing at a local bar in The Exchange. Four and a half hours of bumping and grinding against strangers can be a fun time - while I mostly bumped and grinded with Ninja Princess - she's just that fun with a few drinks in her;). One thing I don't get in bars (bare with me, I'm fairly new to the "club scene") is how some social lines can be so easily crossed.
A shout out to men:
My ass (and I imagine other womens' asses) is not an animal. If I gave you a look it wasn't a free pass to grab my ass like a 5 year old grabs a bunny at the local petting zoo.
I appreciate that you like what you see, and feel you have to grab at it like a toddler, but maybe before you grab a womans ass you should buy her a drink.
Then again, I attacked a mans wicked 'fro like it was cotton candy and I was a starving child at the fair. For that, I apologize to the man who I walked up behind and plunged my fingers into the soft fluffy cloud of fantasticness his well coiffed do. I know it was a brazen move, but I'm a brazen gal...especially after a few gin and waters. Guess I should have bought him a drink:)
Yeah, his hair looked JUST LIKE THAT.
Now tell me you don't want to shove your fingers in it.
As I've mentioned before, they all can't be posts about men and dateing. Why? Because it's not what I primarily do. Yes, at least twice a week I have a male-enhanced encounter and I blog about it, because as I've been told, it's way more interesting; but what about the other 5 nights of the week? What does a single girl do on a night by herself. Well, this single girl anyway. I can't speak for the rest.
Feeling a cold coming on this past week, I opted for staying in on a Friday night, to maxamize my energy for Saturday night.
A Saturday night I have now named "Saturday one-hour party power-up night". Yeah, just because it's daylight savings and we gain an extra hour to do with what we want. Most will sleep with their extra hour. I will, with any luck, be doing silly things, in silly situations, with my favourite silly gals, Ninja Princess and Crazy J.
This Friday night off I chose to spend some time with some men who had no choice but to spend time with me. Yup. Fantastic "fictional" television men.
Let's just start off by saying how happy this man, and this commercial I happened upon last night, makes me:
I think I'm growing a penchant for extreemly tall red headed men, lucky for Icelandic Giant that Conan cleared the path with me for funny red heads, not generally my taste in the past.
I also spent some time with these men, not together of course, those days are past. But here they are together in a clip...
...fulfilling my need for a) short humorous Jewish men and b) humorous egotistical jack-holes.
Speaking of humourous egotistical jack-holes, I also spent a considerable amount of time with this jack-hole...
...Tosh.0...if you haven't heard of him, or seen him, your missing out on comedy based on racism, fat jokes, puke clips and many other politically and morally incorrect content.
While I was watching Tosh last night I couldn't figure out if he is playing a character or if he is indeed this much of a douche bag in real life and therefore if I like him or not.
He smiles at his own inappropriate jokes, makes fun of the elderly, the infirm, the weight-challanged; but he amuses me. I find myself attracted to him in a way that would provide the puke-filled content his general fans are so fond of demanding from him. I'm hard pressed to figure out what exactly it is that I find both appealing and repelling about this man. Okay, so I know why I find him repelling...it's the former I am really confused about.
If that was boring to you, then my reading of most of Nick Hornbys Housekeeping vs. Dirt and my new found fondness for his writing style will surely put you to sleep.
But, while I "went to bed" with these men, I woke up with a spectaular woman:
Not normally wearing cat ears, and mostly stationed behind a news anchor desk bringing you the news in a balls-out fashion on late night MSNBC, she is fabulous in her own right. Snarky, smart, informed, and beautiful.
There you have it, maybe not a typical single girl night in, but pretty much my typical night in.
Wednesday night Ninja Princess canceled our plans for the evening, leaving with a wide open schedule for the evening. That night I managed to fall into a house party, a Wednesday night house party. Keeping in mind that I had to be up at 5:30am, I almost canceled several times before my ride arrived at 8:30pm. There was one thing that kept me from throwing on my pajamas and snuggling into the sofa for a little quality time to myself. One very large thing.
About three and a half weeks ago I met a man in a bar. This man is a friend of a friend: extremely tall, entertaining, sweet with reddish blond hair and 100% Icelandic. Did I mention tall? Oh, yeah, I did... He was still taller than me in my black kitten-heels the night I met him for the first time! He bought me a drink that night, we went outside for fresh air several ties so we could hear each other talk (and make out a little).
At the end of the night, while we waited for my cab, I gave him my number and while we locked lips and talked about fishing (yes, fishing, I love fishing) in the chilly air he told me he wanted to see me again. He called me a couple of times that week and we had several long conversations about books, television, Aboriginal rights, family...long conversations short, he turned out to be more intelligent than I had initially imagined, funny and extremely easy to talk to!
We made plans for getting together on that Friday night, but then his work scheduled changed and he couldn't make it into town to take me out (he lives about an hour or more north of the city). We rescheduled for a bite to eat on Sunday instead.
Needless to say that never happened. I didn't even get a call, and when I called him I was told his was sleeping every time (he had been working graveyard shifts, so it wasn't hard to believe).
To be honest I was a little pissed that I didn't get a phone call, not because I like him so much, but more so because I was left hanging for the evening, something I don't appreciate (and has happened to me a lot lately). I sent him a message via FB saying that "maybe we shouldn't try to make dates. You don't seem like you have time for those types of things" and also letting him know that "a girl, especially this one, doesn't like to be left hanging."
Now, back to this past Wednesday while I was being encouraged to join this impromptu house party, I happened to notice on a mutual friends Facebook wall that he was also going to be there. I figured "why not", I wanted to see him again and I know some of our mutual friends have been trying to encourage our coupling. I also figured that the reason I was invited to this event was due to the match making attempts of the people involved in our introduction.
That night I was greeted with even more surprises from the Icelandic Giant (yeah, that'll be his name...he doesn't have a steady enough profession to use my normal labeling method).
It started out normal enough, exchanging glances and smiles across the table, laughing with friends and taking peeks out of the corner of our eyes at each other.
The guys decided to play poker and when he split the pot at the end of the game, knowing that I had to cab it home, he gave me his winnings because he wasn't going to be able to drive me home. I teased him about his lack of luck regarding that, making him pull the silly hat he was briefly sporting over his eyes in embarassment.
Later in the kitchen he grabbed me and we slow danced to a song that I no longer remember the name of. I do remember how romantic the gesture was, even in a smoky house filled with people, and how well we could dance together, as he twirled me and brought me back against him.
He spent the evening apologizing for messing up our dates, told me how he had told his friend how he had f'd up the entire thing and hoped that I would give him another chance. I responded by looking him in the eyes, smiling and with all seriousness in my tone said: "You know how it's the third time and you're out....with me you get two times" and I held up two fingers. He laughed but realized I was not kidding.
As he walked me out the door to wait for my cab he complimented my sense of style and I thought to myself how perfect he had played the evening. While we waited he pressed me up against the picket fence between the yards and we exchanged some heavy lip lock. He reached for second base and then quickly pulled back saying he didn't want to skip a step. Restraint. I find it both arousing and frustrating.
It was a fun evening, and even though I got all of four and a half hours of sleep before I had to drag myself out of bed and onto my bike, it was totally worth the restoration of faith in the men of Manitoba. Just in time.
As I stood in the shower contemplating the political "warfare" waging over House and Senate control in the States last night as the days poles were closing, and weighing the implecations of Republican control, I was struck my an analogy that I just had to share. It's a pretty loose analogy, so hang on.
I have not been paying much attention to the election and it's candidates, not since BP plugged the oil geyser in the Gulf this past summer. The shift from that disaster to the mid-term election disaster, with it's constant back-talking, back-stabbing, back-stroking, propaganda-pumping, paranoia-feeding media spew of the opposing political parties, got to be too much; I also canceled my cable. Turns out I got a lot of my news and current events from cable, mostly John Stewart's The Daily Show and Stephen Colbert's Colbert Report, and though I still maintain my level of Rachel Maddow worship, I've been too busy, even for Rachel:(
People (okay, Americans) complain about Obama, about what he has or hasn't accomplished, whether those things are good accomplishments or bad; and so this midterm election they were hell bent on calling in the reinforcements (a.k.a. Republicans) to save the proverbial day.
When it comes down to it they gave Obama 2 years, of his 4 year term, to turn things on it's head, and if we're honest they didn't even give him 6 months until they started vomiting their crap through the airwaves. Meanwhile they afforded Bush 8 years of destruction, and I bet they'd love to have him back, but I digress.
The funniest part about this is I am going to provide a sports analogy. Seeing as how I have a slight (Ha!) detest for sports, this amazed me last night as I shampooed my hair, that I would use sports concepts for anything. I guess constant exposure leads to osmosis.
Anyway, the panic that most Americans appear to be expressing (at least from what I've gleaned from FB, Twitter and a very short list of articles over the past few months) is akin to panicking halfway through the 2nd quarter of "the big game", when your coach (your country), who has no confidence in your ability to "win the game", therefore sends in re-enforcements. By the way, my mental picture of these re-enforcements are like flying monkeys being sent out the castle tower by the Wicked Witch of The West in the Wizard of Oz, but that's just me. And never mind the implications of the Wicked West. What?
The sport analogy makes no sense on certain levels, I'll poke it with a stick till it's dead because the implication that Americans are a team at all seems laughable to me. After all, are Republicans and Democrats really on the same team? I mean they may be on the same team as a country, but it's a country divided. Pretty much always has been as far as I can tell. That's why I don't live there anymore...well, one of them anyway.
The problem is that they'll never know what the outcome of the game could have been, if they'd just given Obama a chance to play till the end. I have a strong feeling that now that there is some (okay, a lot of) Republican pull, anything that happens, regardless if it was on Obamas agenda in the first place, regardless if the outcome had been the same with a Democratic controlled House and Senate, as opposed to a new Republican-heavy rule, will just end up in the credit of the Republicans. Much like Bushes fuck-ups ended up in the lap of the Democrats at the end of his eight year tyranny. Don't think it's tyranny? You clearly weren't paying attention or don't know the meaning of 'tyrant".
My main point? Do I have one? Oh yeah. People yell for change, but they can't handle the change (or is that the truth?). They get to half-time and freak right out, calling for the monkeys to fly in to save the day, but in the end the monkeys were what shit all over everything anyway. But that's my opinion.
P.S. For those of you following my blog for the juicy "man-hating" (I don't hate men), single-girl, on-line dating stories; I apologize. A girl needs to broaden her horizons...AND needs a date. :)
I figure in time there will be enough stories I encounter that will somehow fall under the heading 'Why Men Suck'. So with that quick intro I give you....
Why Men Suck: Suck Story 1
Tonight I had my final ruling on "Law Student" and the ruling is: 'You do suck'.
We've been chatting a couple times a week for a few weeks now, having met on a popular local dating site but for reasons haven't made it past the chat. He seemed pretty nice at first, smart, a law student wanting to get into human rights law, fairly interesting. We eventually made a date to meet at a local cafe and bakery that serves up healthy portions of made-from-scratch food. Long story short, well, it's not even a short story. He canceled the date about an hour before, citing homework as the perpetrator. I figured "whatever", being very unsure of the whole thing in the first place and happy to jump back into my favourite pajamas and lay on the sofa.
Now he keeps attempting to chat with me, we exchange pleasantries, some friendly banter and then all of a sudden he launches into requests that I come over, offers of giving me a massage, and now, flat out telling me he wants me. The more I turn him down the worse it gets. This leads me to ask...
On what alternate existence does breaking a date qualify a man to a level where he feels he may say these things to someone he has never met? To a person who repeatedly turns him down? Who flat out calls him out on his pushiness?
Do men like beating their head against walls? Do they not understand that some woman may be offended that they aren't even worth taking out on a date before you make an advance. Even if this is not the intention, I do know that this is how it made me feel. You'd think he would have realized this when I flat out told him last week that I was offended by what he was saying. Maybe he has a bad short term memory from being kicked in the head for being a dumb ass too many times.
I am beginning to think he is also the type guy who would say he was going into human rights law as a pick up line. Maybe I am growing ever distrusting of men, the more I date. Maybe I over analyse. Maybe dumb behavior is a tip off to finding a jerk.
Boy may be a law student, but he's sure got some things to learn about laws of attraction.
Just a reason men suck (sucky men, I know there are good ones, and even great ones... seriously, I know some of them)
