Showing posts with label Sobriety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sobriety. Show all posts

Monday, February 18, 2013

A Brief Personal History of Drinking

[*Dear Dad - while this entry is not at all as...shocking...as others here, you still may not want to read it and find out what we were up to in your care...and after]


This is brief, and has a point...for us.

Our first experience with alcohol was in the 8th grade, when we were about 12.

Two female friends, and us, spent the weekend together, both nights at a different girls house (but not ours).

The first night, on a sleeper sofa in her parents living room, with the house to ourselves, "J" said there were wine coolers in the fridge and said we should drink some of them.

At that age, with a strict Christian up-bring, and the seeds of a desire to rebel, parents just having split, Dad raising two sons and a daughter all on his own, and a few of us having the responsibility of taking care of two young brothers part-time...we jumped at the chance. Growing up there was never alcohol, that we knew about, in the house.

Sneaking to the fridge "J" took a few bottles out and we shared each wine cooler together; and then panicked about where we would hide the empty bottles, and how we explain their disappearances from the fridge. Whipping them out into the wooded area near her house we decided she would blame her older sister (who ended up getting in trouble).

The next night we went to "M's" house, her parents were out, and so we made drinks of Kool-aid mixed with whatever hard liquor was in the house (it was probably rum or vodka). A few drinks later and we were sliding down the stairs of her bi-level house, on our bellies, over and over, giggling.

After that it was a few years before we ever drank again, the only exception being a couple of times when The Mother gave us alcohol when we would go spend time with her and her girlfriend (Unpleasant Woman) in the "big city"; and a few [significant] times scattered throughout high school. We were never popular, or "normal party girls", so never went to high school parties. We had limited access to alcohol. We never got out much, and anyway, pot was much easier to acquire and smoke during school hours with cigarettes near the school.

It wouldn't be until we met our ex-husband (age 20) that we started drinking, heavily, and it got out of control fast, it only took about 8 months and our mental illness coupled with general hopelessness over our relationship,  booze and pills landed us in "a ward" of sorts. We didn't stop drinking right away.  The Husband moved us across country, he went into AA, and we stopped drinking with him; it all changed in a big way after that. We left him and moved away to live with The Mother, now single, briefly, before moving on to a new life in The Mountain State. And there we lived a relatively sober life (from alcohol) once again.

Always having a taste for pot, or nothing at all. It was probably six years before we really drank again. Through years of University we were "liquid sober". The man we met (Talented Boyfriend) and moved to Canada to be with in '04 wasn't a drinker. We never saw him have more than a single beer, if that, during the entire relationship, despite his musician lifestyle. We would go to a few parties with him, hardly ever drank and had even stopped smoked pot at that point.

Then shorty before the relationship ended we fell in with a "drinking crowd" and drinking heavily on weekends, and vacations with them. Then they were no longer part of our life, and in 2010, and aside from a few dry spells...we've been a 'steady drinker". We've only been "real drinkers" for a few years.

Most people start drinking at a young age, and then continue until adulthood. They come from "that type of family", they had "that kind of life when they were teenagers" and then by the time they are our age, they're "alcoholics". That's the stereotype. Our life hasn't been as full of drugs and alcohol as most people would guess. We've had more days on prescription drugs, than on "illicit" ones.

What's the point of this anyway?

We're drinking too much.
We never had this problem before.
Way too much.
An amount that makes some people we know who are heavy drinkers... surprised.
James doesn't like when we drink, but it's more of a case of "too much". Just to be clearm we don't drink during the day. We're Happy Hour and Beyond drinkers.

This is not a plea for an intervention.

This is just a plea to us, that we come back to this entry before long, and make a plan. We've stopped before, we'd like to think if it came down to it we'd be able to stop again, if we wanted to.

Gin just tastes so good...

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Drinking...again.

So, we're having a bottle of wine. We might actually finish this one. It's been awhile (since we've been able to finish a bottle - without the company of a friend [Kerry] anyway). It's been nice not drinking like we used to, but what with the aching pain, and searing pain, and the general stress of the unknown these days...well, we deserve a drink, don't we? Sounds like an excuse.

You can catch up to this weeks "fun" posts over there (Recent Posts)
Or down there (over to the left) (What We've Been Up To)







And then of course there's the Recommended Post up at the top.

You might like something you find there, or not. We write a lot.

Meanwhile, check out the animals we saw today!

Alpacas, and chickens....there were also baby goats...
We went for a walk and petted some horses behind the hotel, and then took a footpath around the countryside (which is beautiful) where we found these guys! We have more pictures, but they'll be going on our travelouge blog (Our Frank Adventures), eventually.

Bleh.

Goodnight!

Friday, February 24, 2012

A Drunken Update

Weeeee. We pub crawled, in the small town where we are temporarily residing, with James/The Boyfriend tonight.

Yes, I indeed "procured" a 1865 edition of a Dickens book entitled  'Our Mutual Friends'...volume 2 of The Novels of Charles Dickens, from a pub this evening, as indicted in a Tweet. Or as, tonight, we, mostly, like to say, LIBERATED...

I shall read it when I can. I am excited to do so, simply based on a couple of sentences.

While we fell and injured our hand on the walk home, we are thankfully okay, despite some tears. We don't drink much these days...so that's probably why. We are currently plagued with hiccups but hopeful for respite.

Inebriated I shall sleep, with happy dreams, hopefully.

~ Ivy

Friday, February 3, 2012

Lazy Post

A cat post. (yesterday)
Really?
Who authorized that?

It's Friday...we might try to find a cheap bottle of wine...we're tired of being sober, and cold...it's been three weeks since we last had a drink, the weekend before we left for the UK. We might get to eat out tonight!

Of all the recent posts to read, we suggest The Double Edged Sword of Creativity and Talent (http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2012/02/double-edged-sword-of-creativity-and.html) or the 10th entry in The Chapter of Our Life.

Note to bloggers on Twitter: Next time you read a Tweet about people on Twitter not reading "your" blog or blogs, ignore it. Well over half of our unique blog hits (that means individual people) who read our blog come from Twitter. You're doing a good job, keep writing.

Hope you all have a great weekend. We're taking a day off from here. We will be adding pictures on our travelogue though, and probably doing stupid shit all over the internet. It's what we do. Plus one of us is ready for a Tumblr full of hate soon.
We're full of skippy-do-fucking-yay.

Has nothing to do with this post, but listen to that fuckin' base! Crack it up. Happy Friday!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Mild Travel Anxiety

*As usual, all text links are to our blogs, unless noted otherwise, this is an Ad Free blog...*
Twelve days and roughly four hours until we take off to England. We have a countdown ticker on the travel blog dedicated to this years travel adventures, so it's not like we sit here and manually figure that out all the time...but we have to keep trying to remember that we're leaving soon, though we try to forget to ward off the anxiety...it's only slight so far.
We started packing this morning. trying to figure our how to pack three months of clothes, etc. in under 50 pounds (23kg).Yes, we started packing twelve days in advance, out of necessity, it's not the easiest thing to get ourselves packed if whoever ends up out* the last few days before the flight is a procrastinator, and a couple of of us are HORRIBLE procrastinators. The packing is not easy, packing never is, because we all have different tastes in clothing style, and preferred colors and fabrics. So this morning I had to take in account what I know of everyone's favorite outfits and pack those first, the rest is filler, which is basically plain t-shirts that dry quickly and are a range of colors acceptable to most of us. Then there was weather variant considerations (especially if we travel to Spain) and shoes...shoes, shoes, shoes...(we settled on three pairs to pack, and one to wear).

We don't all love fashion or shoes, and most of us hate shopping, so don't fucking dare call us girly. Cassandra is the most girly of them all...and she loves to shop.


It's sort of scary to think we will be in another country for three months, honestly we still don't know where we will be staying, mostly because we don't have the funds right now, but that just makes it more adventurous, right? Right?!


Most of us are accustomed to not having a lot of funds, and making do with very little, as well as "couch surfing" out of necessity. A few years ago when we were living in the country where we were going to school (where we just moved from the end of october), but not allowed to work, we ended up having to compromise our comfort many times
after we ended a relationship that was providing us shelter right before our first year of culinary school started. For several months all of our belongings traveled with us back and forth to school in our car, we lived in 4 different places in under seven months.

So we know we can do this, or at least we think we can, even though the idea of staying with
anybody is already making us anxious. so I'm not saying James won't hear at least one of us whine on occasion,  but he'd hear that no matter the situation anyway.

Not to mention he's told a few of his family members about our mental "illness"...and that alone makes us uncomfortable and anxious.

So, we'll be off on the start of our adventure soon. I started assembling the art supplies I can put in a carry on, mostly 
mechanical and sketching pencils and one of my sketch books - just to make sure they get included.

We're borrowing a digital camera from The Mother, and started working on streamlining the music on our iPod (we have over 85 GB...it needs to be organized), some of us have also started downloading digital books 
(primarily non-fiction) to our HTC smartphone...James will be working a lot (with any luck) when we are in England, and so we'll need entertainment and creative outlets in order to make it through the day - most of our Twitter followers are in the states, and we'll be 6 hours ahead of the game there...meaning...we'll be spending more Twitter time with our European followers, which we don't have many of.

While in the UK we'll be meeting Kerry Stott (
@kerrystott) our guest blogger, as well as @serenity_x and Tom Foolery (he keeps changing his @ so we're not linking to him), as well as some of the followers we trust more (hopefully our friend wubanger5). Yes, some of us are nervous and apprehensive about this.

It's been awhile since I've been around (out*)...third day now (
though not consistently)...and I am pretty sure I am not in agreement with this new sobriety kick the rest have put us on. So far so good...though I really want a nice bottle of wine...not even a nice bottle, any bottle will do.
*sigh*.
Mostly it's because of regular joint and muscle pain, but also pain from stretching canvas. Last time I stretched canvases, about 7 months ago) I was drinking scotch, which made it easier to ignore the pain it causes in our hands, and the rawness in them from yanking on canvas and gripping the steel stretcher pliers and staple gun, that we experienced yesterday. Oh well. It's for the best, right?


Oh, we've got info on the upcoming podcast interview airing time that was recorded Thursday 
with Last Podcaster Standing ((http://thelastpodcasterstanding.com/), it'll go live on Wednesday, but I'm not sure what time yet.

~Ivy

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*Dissociative Identity/Multiple Personality Disorder common terminology

Personality Specific Terms
Alter: alter states, selves, parts (a subjective term); distinct personalities; fragments alternate personality, personality state, or identity with its own unique perspectives, abilities, memories or other traits that differ from the Host or Executive personality.
The Core: The original birth personality.
Host: is the alter personality who dominates the control of the body most of the time and is often unaware of the other personalities. The host is usually the alter personality who will initiate after experiencing symptoms of mental distress, such as, anxiety, triggers or recovered memories.
Executive: When a personality (alter ego) has control of the body.
Switch: To switch from one personality to another. The process of an alter coming out from the subconscious mind into the consciousness mind while the other alter (who was already in the consciousness mind) slips back into the subconscious mind.
Who's out? A common question used to determine which personality is executive or host.
Co-conscious(ness): A state of being aware of what the other personalities are doing and saying.

Other Common Terms:
Acquired: Anything that is not present at birth but develops some time later. In medicine, the word "acquired" implies "new" or "added." An acquired condition is "new" in the sense that it is not genetic (inherited) and "added" in the sense that was not present at birth.
Triggers: Hysterical conversion symptoms or body memories. Physical phenomenon such as pain, smells, tastes, etc.; re-experienced again.
Dissociation: In psychology and psychiatry, a perceived detachment of the mind from the emotional state or even from the body. Dissociation is characterized by a sense of the world as a dreamlike or unreal place and may be accompanied by poor memory of the specific events, which in severe form is known as dissociative amnesia.
Re-live: A total memory recall (includes visual, emotional, physical and all other senses).
Losing time: Also known as a Dissociative Fugue, is the period of which an alter personality is in the subconscious mind and has no recollection of the time that is being utilized by the alter personality who is occupying the conscious mind. Therefore when the alter switches into the conscious mind they realize that minutes, hours, days, or even months and years have passed since they were last aware of time.
System: is the structure of relationships between the alter personalities who live within the internal world of a survivor with D.I.D. Every system is created and operates in it's own unique way, just like every family living in their own homes run their households different from the next door neighbour.
Inner (Self) Helper: is usually the alter personality who has a good understanding of the system and how it works. The I.S.H. is also among the typical group of helpers or protector personalities.
Grounding: is the process of disrupting a dissociative episode and is accomplished by tugging on an earlobe, rubbing the hands together, or shuffling the feet back and forth. This type of physical stimuli can bring the survivors mind back to awareness of their surroundings, and helps to make them feel less animated.

Friday, December 30, 2011

On Our Sobriety and Alcohol

*Just a reminder, unless the actual link address is shown here, all links take you to other pages of our blog that we are referencing, this is an ad free blog*
Some people speculated that something must have happened for us to make this decision to become sober, to quit drinking almost entirely.

Sure something happened. We pulled our head out of our ass. We realized that 
continuing to drink a bottle of wine or more everyday was not going to be good for us in the long run, and we'd be better off stopping drinking for an extended period rather than trying to cut down, and we figured it we turned it into a New Years resolution, and drank to the end of the year just because we could, that our success rate would decrease. Who really keeps New Years Resolutions anyway?

What we didn't mention much about in the post where we talked about quitting drinking - a post written by me with many of the et al feelings in mind, but not so much my own reasons - is that  for almost the entire year of 2011
we hadn't been sober for more than two whole days; to be honest, it's been years since we hadn't been at least high every day, until we started drinking every day instead, though we never drank or did drugs AT work though. That is just unacceptable...for us.
Of course there were reasons why we drank, among them chronic pain (caused by the permanent damages of the car accident we were in, which yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of) and internal management (meaning it made the things going on in our head easier to manage, for some of us). We're not unhappy with our life, as a whole, sure we've had some pretty monumental things happen to us this past year and a half (most, but not all, of them are detailed in the pages of this blog), and very few of the positive ilk, but that's no reason to become an alcoholic, in my opinion.  Furthermore, alcohol isn't exactly a pain reliever...and IS actually a depressant (which means if you're drinking because you are depressed...well, that's dumb, it's causing an endless cycle...do other drugs instead...ones that are less likely to make you cry in a puddle of your own snot on your living room floor).

It's been one week sober for us now, and it's actually not entirely as terrible as we thought it would be, though we have spent the last few days with a raging headache. It helps that most of us are stubborn as hell, and just like it's hard for us to ask for help from people, we're not going to pus out and think there is any help at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol. *que Superwoman music*


The only problem we're left with is the 
physical pain (we refuse to use pain relievers unless absolutely necessary), and the chronic headache though some headaches are normal with our "disorder", and we know from experience that no pain reliever will take THAT headache away.

This is not to say we wouldn't love a drink. Fuck it would be nice - but we also have a LONG "trip" that we can barely afford in just under three and a half weeks, and by not drinking we are saving $150-300 a month. 
Not to mention the calories. We were consuming from 600-800 calories a day in alcohol, which was making us stressed out about our weight.

We are treating ourselves to a bottle of wine to celebrate the New Year tomorrow, then following that we'll be sober for the foreseeable future (only exception being when we have cocktails with Tweeple in the UK, and then when we travel the USA next year), because it's the healthy thing to do, and it's also easier when it's not a dry-turkey forever situation, like in things like AA, because we're not an alcoholic, we are just trying to love ourselves better...and if we have to continue to exist, we'd like liver function as long as possible.


~ Frank


The World of Alcohol...and What You Will Think Is Useless Information

Fun little alcohol calorie counter: http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/collegestudents/calculator/alcoholcalc.aspx


Note: Each example below is based on a 4-ounce glass. However, depending on the bar or the restaurant (or how much you pour yourself), glasses may be as large as 8 ounces.

Wine
Type - Calories |Carbs (g)
Cabernet Sauvignon (red) - 90 | 2.5
Merlot (red) - 95 | 2.5
Chianti (red)-  100 | 2.5
Chardonnay (white) - 90 | 1.1
Sauvignon Blanc (white) - 80 | 1.1
Port (Ruby) - 185 | Up to 10


Note: These approximate values are based on 1½ oz of alcohol and 8 oz of mixer. Keep in mind, however, that jumbo-size drinks in restaurants can contain much more. For example, a Long Island Iced Tea can pack up to 16 ounces and 750 calories.

Cocktails
Type - Calories | Carbs (g)
Gin & Tonic - 200 | 4
Vodka Cranberry - 220 | 5
Bloody Mary - 180 | 4
Margarita - Up to 500 | Up to 10
Long Island Iced Tea - Up to 550 | Up to 11

and don't even get us started on the calories in beer...

Read more: http://www.askmen.com/sports/foodcourt_150/150b_eating_well.html#ixzz1i2pqs0Se

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Of course none of that makes any sense, or matters, if you don't know how many calories you need just to maintain your current weight:
Calorie intake for Weight loss
Sedentary Lifestyle: 20 calories per kg of body weight [Let's be honest...this is probably where you are at]
Moderately Active Lifestyle: 25 calories per kg of body weight
Heavy Activity Lifestyle: 30 calories per kg of body weight
Calorie intake for Weight Maintenance
Sedentary Lifestyle: 25 calories per kg of body weight 
[Let's be honest...this is probably where you are at] 
Moderately Active Lifestyle: 30 calories per kg of body weight
Heavy Activity Lifestyle: 35 calories per kg of body weight
Calorie intake for Weight gain
Sedentary Lifestyle: 30 calories per kg of body weight
Moderately Active Lifestyle: 35 calories per kg of body weight
Heavy Activity Lifestyle: 40 calories per kg of body weight


Source: http://www.fitho.in/how-many-calories-do-i-need/
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This is not us preaching on the fucking dangers of alcohol, unless you're a moron you know drinking is among the few fun AND dangerous/unhealthy things you can do legally, and honestly...we don't care about your health. But in the event you have no idea the effect of alcohol to your internal organs...and you're too lazy to Google it, or you like things served on a silver platter, we present to you liver...(yummmmm, liver paté...on a silver platter).