Monday, December 17, 2012

Alone, To Be Desired

One week of work left, then hopefully we'll have some time to devote to writing while we look for another job - which we have been doing for weeks now with no luck. There are only about three new part-time postings in this city a week, and for right now we're only prepared to work part-time (for physical, and mental health, reasons).

It's been hard to find time to write, and we have some things we need to get down on paper. Relationship related things...

Needless to say, every day has been a bumpy ride these days. Clashes in relationship-styles are coming to a head; primarily our desire for alone time not being adequately met (in most of our opinions) without an expression of passive-aggressive anger; whether is be on purpose, or not. If a request is met with snarkily served up comment like "subtle", or similar...or a tone of voice that is meant to convey dissatisfaction, then one can only be led to believe it is on purpose. And meant to make us feel guilty.

If James has his way he would be with us every minute possible. We rarely even shower without him.

From our side of things, we are uncomfortable always being in a room with someone, and it's not so that we can do anything bad, mostly it's just a desire to sit in a room, alone. Undistracted  With nobody in "our space". We like being alone; as a matter of fact, many of us love it. People are distracting to many of us, just their presence can be too much, makes up feel angry, makes our head pound, makes our eyes burn, makes our jaw clench. They don't even have to be saying anything. Hearing them walk, breath...smelling them.

He doesn't understand it. Probably you don't either.

Not to mention, even when we get 10-30 minutes alone, The Mother, or Step-dad, walks through the room, and they always have something to say, most of the time that's not important. Talking for the sake of talking. Sometimes it can take 15 minutes for them to day it, because they repeat themselves.

He understands that, at least.

He doesn't think it's normal, or healthy, that we desire just to be in a room without him, without anyone but ourselves. We explained to him that couples do that, that they don't spend every moment together. They don't do everything together. He thinks that's not healthy somehow, for relationships to be like that. He thinks it's odd that we want, sometimes, hours of time alone (even if it's just to play "alone" on Twitter and watch the news); that it should be just fine for him to sit next to us all the time, and do his own thing. That we are odd for thinking that it's not the same as being alone.

There are other things too...other things for another day. Mostly things in response to his most recent blog post about life with us (, but for now...for now the major problem is...we guess...that he we don't want to spend every waking minute with anybody. We already do that with many, and have no choice.

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