Saturday, December 1, 2012

He Deserves Better

Last night one of us told James (The Boyfriend) that she (I think it was she it could have very well been Sam) doesn't think she likes him anymore, and told him that two of us don`t like him at all. There were also other things said about our relationship, the validity of it, that were not very nice.

James has always known that there are those among us that don`t like him. He increasingly has more issue with it. We can't force each other to like someone they don't like...only to get them to be more tolerant and accepting of the situation.

The stress of living in this house, with The Mother and Step-Father, takes a toll on the relationship James has with each of us, too. Some of us have a hard time living here, and so choose to do it as little as possible. Some of them are his favourites, which means he has to spend time with those of us he doesn't like as much. While he says he loves us all, he does not love us each equally. It's just something we have always understood, and it's something that makes sense to us. Each of us is different, and not always in a good way.

We don't know how to be honest and not hurtful sometimes. This causes issue. This caused me to wake up realizing something bad had happened, and not fully understand until James icily breached the subject. We had hurt his feelings bad.

It is true that some of us don't like him (Emmie, Brooke), he's not their type. We won't go into too much detail about their type, and juxtapose it with the rest of ours', because it will probably sound hurtful without extensive context; and we have said enough seemingly hurtful things in the last 24 hours.

He deserves better. He deserves more than we give. He deserves more than some of us want to give.

Most of us are selfish.

This is our first relationship being "out of the closet" DID. I'm not sure how well it works for other people with the same condition...but some of us are starting to not like it. There's nothing we can do about it now.

I am not signing my name to this blog entry. It's here to hold in place facts, and I am not going to reveal who I am, because it would be nice to finish the day without argument.

In other news hopefully we (James and us) will be looking at another house this afternoon. We have seen four others this past week three were disasters, one was overpriced. This next one is in a neighbourhood that we lived in last time we lived in this city nearly 8 years ago. Next door to the house we lived in, as a matter of fact. I already know we plan to put an offer on it.


  1. I do wish James and Charlie could talk to each other. There are so many things he could share. Although I was not diagnosed until we'd been married 13 years, he'd always known. It's not been easy... but it is possible.
    Some of us hated Charlie. Others were terrified of him. Over time, he was able to come to peace with all.
    The situation you are in, living with family, makes a challenge even harder. I truly believe that when you are in your own place, you'll be able to work on the harder stuff.
    To address the selfishness... everyone is selfish. Extreme selfishness is a defense. Being aware of it is a huge thing. Beginning to understand why it's a need/habit will make it possible to set aside those reasons and move on.
    I love you guys (James too) and want you to know you guys can all get through this... and be stronger for it.

  2. We love you, Marissa. Thank you. <3