Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Overcoming To Get To Your "O"

This is an adult pretend you're over the age of 18...
Being in the presence of any health professional is a bit of a crap shoot for us, some of us are very careful about what we share, some of us just babble about everything and tend to be overly open about our life.

Today was an “open” day for us, partly because the practitioner was friendly and had a good sense of humour. Good bed side manor" can go a long way with people who struggle with mental health issues.

Despite the fact we saw a gynaecologist there was an unusual amount of questions on the form we filled out (compared to what we can recall about the last time we were at that clinic)…among them questions about any past abuse of the mental, physical, emotional kind.

Of course we disclosed the truth, asking first "You mean, ever?", making sure to state that it had been a long time ago, mostly during childhood. She asked about counselling and charges, and again we disclosed it all, that it had been taken care of a long time ago (we’re 32 now). This after the brief discussion about our past diagnoses of major depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, (we are weary to tell any stranger in person about our DID/MPD, for very obvious reasons...we don't like straight jackets, for one); so she knew we had plenty of counselling but was sure to give us a card for a local, and free, community action program against violence where people can go to discuss abuse, even this far in the future, in a confidential and safe place, with professionals. This was pretty heavy for a fucking gynecological appointment.


The reason we are mentioning this at all is more about our readers (many of whom struggle with mental health issues), or perhaps you, and people having problems forming healthy long lasting relationships. It was something she said to us that we come to the conclusion about years ago (not that it's helped us with long lasting relationships, but that's not due to one-sided issues), and has helped is the last couple of years.

She said that no matter how long ago someone’s abuse was, or even if they can remember it all, if they were 2, 16 or 21, any age, or even if they can only remember parts of abuse, is that a history of any kind of abuse affects how people form relationships, if they can handle them with success, form healthy and sustainable ones. She also mentioned that it can be a big barrier for women who are not able to orgasm. Research shows10-15% of the female population* have never made their "O" face (for real, we're not taking faking it here).

While we are not a giant fan of medication for mood and depressive disorders (because there are other ways to deal/manage with them), we are an advocate for therapy (counselling), because sometimes people need to talk to someone that they can trust in order to overcome issues and work toward a happier, more functional relationship...and orgasm achievement. 

It’s no secret that an abusive past can affect the way people form and grow relationships**, and draw satisfaction from them, and "research shows that 90 percent of the problems women have in achieving orgasm stem from a psychological nature*."

So, what does an orgasm have to do with a healthy relationship and vice versa? Everything to a survivor of abuse. The more secure you are in a relationship the easier it can be to reach orgasm, and sometimes that simply comes with facing abuse from the past, learning to overcome it and manage your feelings, and moving on to a healthier psychological future...things that medication can not help (often times medications cause adverse sexual side-effect, to add to the problems already existing).

This entry today is for the benefit of women who come from abusive backgrounds, and our hope that they take all the steps necessary to love themselves, even if it means therapy/counseling, to overcome abuse and bad relationship patterns, to form sustainable fulfilling relationships...and attain earth shattering orgasms.

~Et al

If you need someone to talk to about mental, physical or emotional abuse, whether it be past or present, Google your local violence and/or abuse prevention centers to find help near you.

*Health - The Female Orgasm (yeah, it's Dr. Phil...that doesn't mean it's not legitimate information)
**Long-term Effects of Child Sexual Abuse by Paul E. Mullen & Jillian Fleming

- Cupids Poison Arrow: Biology Has Plans For Your Love Life
More on female orgasm:
- Red Ribbon Project: Female Orgasms

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