Monday, January 23, 2012

An Angry Angry Rant

*Please note, a separate entry was made on our travelogue today: Worth The Weight In Pounds?

An unexamined life is not worth living for a human being. ~ Socrates.

Right off. I cussed a lot in this entry. I, me, Cassandra usually don't like to cuss much. But..well...this is just a filthy angry entry.
I had a great post about anger running through my head this morning, mostly because the pain in my neck, back and hips was making me see red and I could not sleep after a few hours of laying in bed, so all I had was time to lay and think, words running through my head, rolling and repeating in waves, trying to stick so that later, when I could get to a laptop and type without freezing my fingers, they could travel onto the page smoothly. Didn't happen. We wandered around the city this morning with James, our third day here, before heading to the library to write, and I just ended up getting pissed off at the lack of spatial awareness people have, and lost most of our entry into the cloudy English sky. And the rest dissipated with increasing anger trying to suppress our rage at loud and rude people in the library.
I'm feeling quite angry today. It shows on our face, according to James. We hope he realizes it doesn't have much to do with him. I adore him a lot, and don't like when he thinks I am upset at him when I am not.

Anger is viewed as a negative, generally...especially when people don't really understand it. (American Psychological Association: Anger Other Girl spent almost her entire life trying to control as much of our anger as possible, keeping it in, absorbing it...not surprisingly, since she is now gone, it's managed to seep out, the damn broke a little over a year ago, and now it's roll in and learn about. We are not thrilled, as a whole. It's spreading across our personalities, for some of us it is an uncomfortable feeling, a foreign emotion, and it makes us uneasy.
Anger. It can bubble up to the surface, it can come from physical and mental ailments, from displeasure with ones situation in life, from 
atrocities done to, and by others, whether they be in close relationships, in ones own country, or the world in general...or it can come from dealing with just plain ignorant fucking people.
It's not uncommon for people to cause anger in others just by being themselves 
(you only need to read Twitter to get a glimpse of that reality). In our opinion, the people who get angered by others view the public, those people they are angry at, at best, as sheep...and the very best...lemmings. Why lemmings at the very best? Mostly because lemmings will follow all the rest over a cliff, and sheep, well, sheep will stand there and let you herd them, no questions asked. And who wouldn't love to watch a cascade of lemmings over the edge of a cliff.
The irony, of course...
In both of these examples, sheep, lemmings, are living beings, lets call them humans, who walk around in a state of bliss, not paying attention to anything, doing as they are told, or whatever the status quo of normal is, believing everything they are told; and while they may be self absorbed, they do not have any inquiry into life, or themselves....they are only concerned with their superficial well being as it pertains to a very immediate surface, they do not try to search for reason. For example, they do not encounter an angry person and think "Gee, they must have something bad going on in their life to be so angry. I wonder if they are okay."...rather they think "Why is he angry at me?!" Like it's all about them. People usually don't give a fuck unless they think it has something to do with them, or will affect them negatively, and why should they? Really. But they shouldn't be surprised about the anger of people who do give a fuck about a lot of things, or have a lot of personal reasons to feel anger. It's a natural emotion of a healthy human being.

Some people, of course, go about life being angry for no reason. They are not in pain, physically or mentally (
other than the anger itself), they have had a relatively normal, easy life, are not angered about the happenings of the world (because they don't even know what is going on) are economically comfortable as far as most people in the world would conclude and are probably just a self-entitled brat. 
I are not here to rage on the spoiled. Some would definitely consider us spoiled, and we would be a boob to disagree 100%, we can afford travel...mostly because we try not to spend money on things we do not need (excess clothing, drugs, alcohol, restaurants, entertainment) - it doesn't always work, this time it did, but the mere fact that we had a choice on what to spend our money on, that makes us a bit spoiled.

Anyway, people who are angry for absolutely no reason are generally assholes (
and yes, sometimes we are an asshole) and should probably do some work on trying to figure out why they are a miserable sod. That was the eventual point to all of what was rolling around in the hurricane of a brain system this morning. Every day can't be coherent.

Yeah. This entry did not go exactly where I wanted it to. Fuck. Perhaps I am just agitated because it feels like someone had a punching war with our back, the pain radiating into our knees, up into our neck. I don't deal well with pain, and it's always worse in the cold. 
Perhaps I am just ranting spoiled angry girl rants - I am not usually the angry one, I don't like being angry - because I miss our bed, our beautiful pillow top king sized bed we were luckily enough to purchase a few years ago, a splurge by The Other Girl, because people spend a third of their life in bed (some more than others, of course), and a good bed is paramount to good health, and because our chronic pain already sucks the life out of us some days, a good bed does wonders for our mental health. I'm not meaning to sound ungrateful for the bed James has provided us at his flat (a ten year old queen sized, no box spring...I swear at least one spring is broken on my side), we are grateful we are with him here in the UK in the first place. These are just matters of fact. 
I'm whiny. I'm more whiny than the rest of us. There's another fact. Sorry. Probably. For being me.
My head feels all fucked up.

We'll have internet soon at the flat...a great rate too. That's what we wrote about in the entry we mentioned at the top of this one...
Worth The Weight In Pounds? 

~A very disgruntled Cassandra (& et al)

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