Who Damaged?

So, where have I been?  What has Frank been up to?

In short, a lot of my time has been spent working on "landing" a big "catch" (but it's purely a "throw back" situation);

...and also going out on a few dates with a couple men (potential "keepers").

While there are a couple of new choice men in my life these days, I find myself oddly disconnected from the desire to be connected with them.  For the first time in my life I feel very apathetic about my options.  The silly thing is they are good options. Maybe even great.

I've been taking time to think this week, about what might be causing me to have no real interest in investing in these men (when I know this is unlike me, the past me anyway). I realized that my crutch was having The Bull Rider as one of my first "out of the gate" dating experiences.

It's very clear to me now that I was played by The Bull Rider.  Not just played, fooled (somehow I think there is a difference).  Having said that, the thing that makes me angry is the shifty dishonesty surrounding the situation.  Has a man ever thought of being at least a bit honest about intentions.  For example, if he had no intention on seeing me when he got back then he shouldn't have continued contact with me after the...contact - I would have been better with that then the three weeks of texting and messaging from "Texas" (where he ended up going, theoretically) and then the sudden "disappearance".  There may be a high probability that he is married.  Can't be sure though.

He had the best "out"; if indeed what he told me was true - and I honestly hope so - because if a man uses a fake heart attack in the family (especially his dad) to try to skip on a woman, then there is a special place in hell for a man like that.

So, rehashing the three dates we (The Bull Rider and I) had, and weeding through the potential lies he told me, has put me in a place of being apprehensive about trusting men. I figure that is the cause of my resent "distress" regarding not getting too close to a new potential mate. Maybe not distress, but confusion.  Yeah. That.

Sometimes it only takes one, especially when a gal is on the "re-bound" from a man who lied to her after a year and a half of professed love and trust, to make her sit back and experience some contemplation and apathy.

Winter: It Drives Men Wild

I think the arrival of winter drives single men crazy.  Why do I think this?

In the past week I have been asked by two different guys if I would be their girlfriend; have went on a first date with a man who put up with my canceling for two different dates, three times (yes, I canceled twice in a day after calling it back on and then changing my mind again...); I have been approached by countless men in my work environment with compliments and statements of interest; and I am pretty sure I am being courted by an 80 year old man who dresses in a suit, picks me flowers, brings me baked goods and tells me I look like Hilary Swank when I wear my hair down.

(this image is on loan)

This elevation in attention coincides with the now snow covered ground of our fair city.  I think the long winter ahead is triggering a frenzy in men this year.

Meanwhile, it's the holiday season which is a busy time at work so I haven't had much energy to write.  I've been having some fun of course; I've had another date with the Icelandic Giant and a first date with a new man who has yet to get a nickname.  All good experiences so far.

With any luck I'll be back in the writing spirit soon.

Two Dating Blog/Writers That Are Worth Checking Out

I was perusing some dating blogs this afternoon, trying to locate some light entertainment/insight on this new casual dating thing that I am trying, and I came across two great blogs that I'd like to mention. 


The first, how very lucky to be a girl - One Woman's Interweb Dating Adventures - 'My Side of the Fence' resonates with recent new opinions/feelings I have formed regarding relationships and what it means to be single for me.


Lucky Girl hit the nail on the head with her list of the reasons she loves being single, so I decided to share 20 of her reasons that I would transport to my own list.

• 5. I can snore without consequence, and, conversely, not be kept awake by another who does.
• 6. A similar principle applies to farting.  Yes.  Girls pass gas, too.
• 8. I can hog all the blankets, and all the bed.
• 15. The only ones whining about food are my cats.
• 16. I don’t have to clean up anyone’s mess but my own.  And the cats’, I guess.
• 17. I can play the music of my choice, at the volume of my choice, any time of my choice.
• 18. I can have quiet, alone time anytime I want it.
• 19. I never have to fight for the remote control.
• 20. This means that sports is never on my TV.  Unless the Steelers are playing.
• 21. I can go home with whomever I want.
• 22. Or not go home with whomever I want.
• 23. Three words: More. Sexual. Variety. Three more: Possibly. More. Sex.
• 24. I never have to fake an orgasm, I can give them to myself daily.  And I never have “headaches”.
• 26. I can flirt wildly and without restraint.
• 29. I can take care of myself.
• 32. I don’t have to check anyone’s schedule before deciding on my own.
• 35. I have more free time, for myself, my friends, and generally doing things that I enjoy.
• 36. I am free to travel where and when I like.
• 37. I don’t have to concern myself with what anyone else’s mother thinks.
• 39. And…I put my happiness where it ought to be: First.

It's nice to know that I am not the only one who can see the benefits of being single.

Of course there could similarly be a list a reasons why one would love not being single; but I am guessing this list would be shorter, and full of more comforts and less freedom.  But maybe that's just my list.

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I also really enjoyed the entry by Chicago Now blogger Jon Ibrahim.  He knows what he's talking about in his entry How Watching "Sex and the City" Can Help Guys Score. 


His statement that "some [woman have] changed their entire lives" based on Sex in the City is bang on; and I agree because I am one of those woman.  


When Sex in the City first came out I was much younger and appalled by the show; flash forward a few years and you have an avid fan of the quartet of strong and confident woman that makes up the characters of SITC.  The show is now my go-to after a breakup, accompanied by a glass of wine and a couple of my favourite gal pals.  


Ibrahim has earned my respect as a dating blogger, he knows what he is talking about and the more you read his entries at Chicago Now the more you know it.



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So, when I go through a writing dry spell like this past week, I recommend checking out these two blogs:)

What To Do When Your Online Dating Profile Meets Real Life? No, Seriously, What Do You Do?

I have noticed recently that there are more men who, when I am in public places, appear to recognize me.  Since I have gotten into the online dating again, and live in a city that is fairly large but small at the same time, I often wonder if I would ever get recognized.  The thought made me nervous. There are men (and woman) who have been on my particular dating site for years, so chances are that they tend to pay attention to "new comers" when they pop up out of the boiling beast that is online dating sites.

The more time I spend on dating sites (not procuring many dates from it) the more I realize not only how much better it is meeting people in real life but how it also doesn't matter how and where you meet people.  Last week while "trolling the line" on 'the dating site' I was caught by a familiar name and picture.  Turns out Icelandic Giant, while we meet initially in person, is also on the dating site I use. I laughed hard when I came across it and sent him a message, and later on the phone asked him about it.

Friday night I was finally on my first date with the Icelandic Giant. We ended up at a local restaurant/bar where a mutual friend sings. After the evening wrapped up, a large group of those present to listen to her sing headed back to her place to tip a few more back.

It wasn't very long after we arrived at her house before I was introduced to a few new people.  One introduction in particular stood out, and rightly it should; there was a brief moment after I met him before I told him he looked familiar. He grinned, leaned in and whispered "I've seen you on 'online dating site" and with a pause told me "When I saw you at the bar I thought 'that's her!'". Oh good, my first time being recognized.

Apparently he had messaged me on the site, but I had not responded (I very rarely do). With this information I got a little embarrassed, but then realized I shouldn't really be because, after all, he was on the site too and I shouldn't be embarrassed that I didn't respond to him.  We had a brief conversation and when someone commented on my open bottle of wine on the coffee table, I picked it up and took a slug, holding up the bottle I grinned and said "classy, right?" laughed and walked away. No sense in pretending I'm someone I'm not.

The rest of the evening I was a little unsettled knowing that he was paying attention to me, sizing me up.  It was clear that despite the fact that I may have been on a date with someone, he was still interested in me.  When I departed for the evening I said all my goodbye and when I went in for a hug (I hug everyone) he asked if the man I was with was my boyfriend and if he could send me a message later.  I told him he wasn't and he could.

I don't know if that was an appropriate thing to do. Maybe since I was on a date (that was going well) that it wasn't the right thing to do.  I don't know. I've never been in that situation, or known anyone who has been, so the particulars are fuzzy for me.

What is the process one should follow, when your online dating life crashes into your real life?  Probably make sure that your online dating life isn't that much different than your real life to start with.

Yeah, that was kind of a random.

Blogging will resume soon.  In the meantime, Remember.