Frankie Goes To Vegas: The Rockabilly Edition

This was the fourth trip to Las Vegas over the past just about 10 years, the second in just two, and marks the first that was for an actual event, and not just Vegas for the sake of Vegas.

The Official Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend Cruiser

That event was Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend, the longest running music festival in Vegas, where every cool cat - who loves to brandish a pompadour, or a greased doo, a fedora (or Trilby) [hat] or a porkpie [hat]; a wallet with a big chain and cuffed jeans with a white t-shirt, or big collared dress shirts, sports jackets with textured lapels and cuff-links, or bowling shirts (think Charlie Sheen in 'Two and a Half Men' with pinup ladies or tiki themed imagery); and pointed dress shoes, or saddle shoes, or suede loafers, even stylized cowboy boots - can just chill and hang loose. Viva is where gals who love anything decorated with skulls, little black sparrows, boat ankers, tiki themes, poodles, and don't forget the cherries...or the polka dots. Sweet Baby Jesus, the polka dots; from tight pinup dresses - pencil, wiggle, bell - with slits up to there; and then there's cardigans and big skirts, tight off the shoulder tops, corsets with hot pants, tiny shorts; and petticoats and garters (all manner of structural undergarments) with outrageous high heeled shoes, understated flats, or saddles for her...topping it all off with big hair, all colors, pin-curls, bouffants and victory rolls achieving impressive volume, Betty bangs, ponytails sitting high and proud, all coiffed to perfection with bows, or without, maybe spiked with giant flowers, sheer hair-scarfs (that also work as a neck adornment in a pinch, and also a ponytail adornment), perhaps a snood - and the makeup. Oh the makeup. Don't get us started (yet) on the makeup...all come together in one glorious show of fashion, and style.

It's Rockabilly, meets Psychobilly, meets Greaser, meets Pinup, meets "50s Housewife"...meets anything goes; it's Grease and Crybaby and Rebel Without A Cause, with a splash of Pleasantville, all coming to life under the hot April Vegas sun.

(Want to know more about the styles? Check out Vintage Dancer, What IS Rockabilly? Wiki It Here)

Not hip enough to dress up? Don't wanna be a hep cat? Squares are welcome too.
After all, everybody who has invested hundreds, even thousands, of dollars, not to mention massive amounts of time, need and want an audience.

This year marked the 20th anniversary of the event and It. Was. Massive.

Massive because not only has it has grown in popularity (people literally come from all over the world to attend), but also massive because, according to Tom Ingram, the diligent gentleman who started the event and keeps it thriving, along with a modest office staff, this year there was measurable wristband fraud. This means some group of assholes made counterfeit wristbands and attended events, events that are limited to a set number of attendees to prevent burdensome lines and overwhelming crowds. And the crowds were indeed overwhelming. And the lines, burdensome.

A little about wristbands. Wristbands are what those who purchase High-Roller Tickets wear, at $140 (US) a pop, in order to have unfettered access to all events, which includes, but is not limited to: all music acts - music acts that come from around the globe, first access to vendors - who also come from all corners, the car show, the burlesque shows - this year included much coveted tickets to see Dita Von Teese perform (some people started waiting for the tickets, which didn't become available on the day of access until 9am, as early as 4am), workshops and classes - such as hair and makeup, and dance, and the pool parties and swimsuit contests. You get the picture. High-Roller Tickets are the bees knees. And some utter tits went ahead and tainted the event. It definitely had an impact on us and the gentleman that accompanied us to the event. But it was still one of the best experiences, non-event activities included, in a long time.

Now a direction shift...

You can't talk Vegas without covering some basics.

Accommodations. The event takes place at The Orleans (just off strip). We didn't stay there because the rooms set aside for attendees booked fast and we didn't even plan on going to Viva until mid-September. The week Viva #20 started they opened up room booking for next year's Viva #21. While people were definitely able to snag rooms even the week of the event, it was more of a gamble than some would probably like. We opted for the Tropicana, it was not only retro, staying within the general 50s theme of the weekend, but also not that far away (though definitely not walk-able).

A word about the Tropicana. The weeks leading up to it meant obsessively reading reviews, both because of excitement and being weary of an older hotel in Vegas and wanting to see what people were saying about their stays. Previous Vegas trips had us staying at the MGM (twice) and the Aria, both generally solid quality establishments.
People seemed to be complaining a lot about the Tropicana, but personally it was better than last year at the MGM - we'd take this year's room over last year's MGM room in a dice roll. The room was spacious and looked true to the picture (A King bungalow room with a balcony). The view was great.

Evening view from the balcony of
a Tropicana bungalow room

It was clean and in better condition than one would expect, given that the room isn't in the part of the hotel that they have upgraded.
People just bitch too fucking much.
Look. If you go to Vegas and are shocked and upset that there is no coffee maker or refrigerator in the room, to the level you are going to complain in a review, you are not thinking logically about where you are. A Vegas hotel isn't like other hotels, first of all, they usually try to make themselves as self contained as possible and strive for profits. Of course they aren't going to have these items (unless you get a room at a higher price point) - they want you to use the coffee shop that pays them to be there, and the food courts and restaurants that also pay fees to be in their establishment. They want you down on the floor listening to the slots and the excitement, not hold up in your room drinking your disgusting self-brewed coffee (P.S. They don't clean those machines in hotels very often, if ever. Enjoy your moldy poor quality coffee, you fucking cheapskate) eating leftovers from Denny's. Because, look, if you're concerned about there not being a fridge and a coffee maker in your Vegas hotel room and feel the need to post a negative review because of it...let's be honest, you're probably the kind of person patronizing a fucking [international] chain restaurant like Denny's, on the Vegas Strip.

We digress.

The Tropicana was a solid pick. Yes, the halls smelled of stale cigarettes, but most everything does in Vegas unless it's a few years new or they are pumping perfume through the building (like at the Aria).

The Slut from Eggslut

Food. That being said. The Tropicana does not offer much, compared to other properties, in the way of food. Not that we tried anything, opting for coffee on the go.

We tried Eggslut at the Cosmopolitan. The Slut (a cage-free coddled egg on top of a smooth potato purée, poached in a glass jar, topped with gray salt and chives, served with slices of baguette) was delicious. Smooth, creamy, and full of what you need after a night (or day) of drinking: carbs, protein, and fat.

Croque Madam from Payard

We'll be honest, like with hydration (outside of the obvious alcohol), we failed to eat as much as we should (more about that soon). We did have breakfast another day, at Payard Patisserie & Bistro in Caesars Palace where we enjoyed Croque Madams (smoked ham, rich and creamy Béchamel sauce, Swiss cheese topped with a sunny-side up egg, and oven roasted tomato and mixed green salad) and shared a house smoked salmon plate. All very fresh and tasty.

Then of course there was brunch at Mandalay Bay's Bayside Buffet. Always a solid choice both when considering price and quality.

The Prime Rib Loft at The Orleans was surprisingly good for a restaurant that hadn't made the itinerary, or even showed up in any of the hours of reviews and lists that were poured over prior to the trip (try the Tempura Vegetables).
Also good at The Orleans was Big Al's Oyster Bar where we split a dozen delicious oysters on the half shell with our traveling companion and had an oyster shooter.
If you find yourself at The Orleans during meal time for whatever reason, both of these are worth a try.

The best meal, however, was at Wicked Spoon in the Cosmopolitan. True to fashion we arrived late. At 9:15 pm. A mere 45 minutes before they started pulling the food (more time is optimal when buffeting, don't you think?), so it was an plate-filling and eating bonanza. Not only that, but all parties involved realized that they had not eaten at all that day so as we piled food onto plates, hoofing them back to the table one by one, as the minutes counted down, the server pulled up another table on which we could place our bounty. Ultimately we got a little of everything we desired. Some dishes left us wanting more, and more time. Not a single thing was disappointing.

While the price tag is a little steep, this buffet is definitely worth it for true foodies. Forget the "famed" buffet at the Bellagio, while it is a very good choice for the meat and potatoes crowd, Wicked Spoon is a culinary adventure. And isn't that what you're in Vegas for? Adventure?

So Much Food at the Wicked Spoon

Okay, so now were down to the tips. <insert just the tip joke here>

6.5" Demonia PIXIE-17
Platform Spike Heart
Vegan Leather Heels

Tips. Our tips on Vegas in last year's blog post involved a lot of info about footwear choice. So obviously we didn't follow our own advice and instead, because of all the fabulous new shoes...like this pair of Demonias, got creative with workarounds on how to wear uncomfortable virgin shoes.
While the pair pictured may look like hell. They were not as uncomfortable as the pair of 5" Pleaser SEDUCE-17 Peep Toe Ankle Wrap Sandal (black with red pipping). While sexy when standing and sitting (or, you know, on your back, probably) walking in them is akin to what a dying Savanna animal must look like, and feel like.

So we used a combination of gel inserts, Dr Scholl's Active Series Blister Defense Anti-Friction Stick (wicked product!), not wearing the same pair of heels twice in a row, wishing for a bone-saw, and at one point, for the second time in life, ending up barefoot on hot Vegas pavement.

Would we do it all again, footwear wise? You bet your sweet ass (though a cute pair of slides might make it into the mix for next time). Why? If you do it right you only end up with a few blisters by the end if that, unless you are used to this kind of footwear, and sore feet...and honestly your feet will be sore anyway. Plus, you'll look great (pack a pair of slides in your purse just in case).

Also, we broke our ride-share cherry and used Lyft everywhere possible, which was really a foot saver, and we loved it. The people were interesting and diverse, they were quick and friendly. After taking a cab a time or two, because the data connection in certain parts of The Orleans is complete crap and therefore the app has a difficult time connecting, it was clear that it's not all that much cheaper than the traditional cab - unless you get a promo deal like we did. More convenient? Definitely. Will we use Lyft for future vacations? Absolutely.

FINAL TIP AND THIS ONE IS IMPORTANT.

Always hydrate with water. Pure as fresh as you can get water. You're in the fucking desert.

We failed big time on this.

And eat.
You're not a super hero. You're not a camel. You can get sick and die.

Not only did we fail when it came to hydration and steady nutrition. We failed at taking OTC allergy mediation. How? Here is the equation:

Lack of Sleep + Alcohol + Dehydration + Malnutrition + 4 Claritins in less than 4 hours [apparently you're not supposed to take more than 1 in a 24 hour period and it actually says, when you Google Claritin, to "Avoid [alcohol]. Very serious interactions can occur" They are right] now mix all of that with sensory overload = will completely wreck you mentally.

Like brain melting, in a bad way.

Like an anxiety attack on crack.

Like you're crying uncontrollably, freaking our your (blessing of a) travel companion. And you are uncertain why this is happening.

And if you're dumb (*looks in mirror*), and don't realize that you are experiencing a twisted equation of doom and perhaps a mild overdose of OTC medication...you will be all the more terrified about what is happening.

Yeah. We should have read the package. But we were drunk and just on the cusp of an anxiety episode already (big crowds, too many people, lots of lights, noise, for too long of a time - we don't get out much).
Who wants to be all responsible and logical when dehydrated, starving, tired, drunk and overwhelmed. Pshaw.

OKAY. Enough of recounting that harrowing experience. Onward and upward!

Two final FUN things...maybe three: Fremont Experience, which in the past 10 years has transformed Fremont into...a lesser experience for someone who yearns for the days they could still find a smoke filled casino with old school Vegas slots. They have taken all the seedy out and have replaced it with more of what you're used to seeing on the Strip. Meh.

Still not terrible though, especially if you venture off and are lucky enough to get some photo shots of the old old old hotel properties turned  guerilla art installations that are soon to be no longer for this world. 

Oh Snap at Oak & Ivy

Fly Me To The Moon at Therapy

Bars to Try: 

Oak & Ivy, a craft whiskey and cocktail bar at the Container Park down the street from Fremont Experience

Therapy right off Fremont Experience (have a Fly Me to the Moon)

Park on Fremont, a gastopub across the street from Fremont Experience (their bathrooms/decor are very cool. Try a drink called Pillow Talk)

Cigar and Whiskey at Davidoff

Also worth a stop, back on the Strip, is Davidoff of Geneva for cigars and whiskey on a Vegas patio. If you're into that kind of thing.

Souvenir cup from
Frankie's Tiki Room

And don't forget about Frankie's Tiki Room, a quick Lyft ride from the strip and definitely the most authentic Tiki bar we've been to. Plus we got this wicked souvenir cup (which contained a drink called the Bearded Clam!

Now Back to VLV The Rockabilly Festival!

It was stellar.
There was so much to do and we only scratched the surface. It's clear why people come back year after year.
The music was great, we didn't catch as much as would have been preferred, but we did catch the sets of two of the important ones and got to listen to the sultry voice of Ms. Brenda Lee, and the rockin' stylings of Reverend Horton Heat (there was video, but Blogger is being a douche - needless to say, their performances were magical).

There were a handful of performers we caught a song or two from just by default of milling from room to room on the second floor of The Orleans, yet none of them were among the handful that was put into the itinerary...But there's always next year.

The pool party, while a brief visit, was a fun place to gaze upon the flesh of all assortments of people
while listening to yet more rockabilly music. This year they had a pool party each day, adding to the

big one they have always had on the last day (Sunday)...which the lines were too long for this year. We never did get to brandish our high waist two-piece with the bottoms that had little white skulls on black background, paired with a red bikini top. But there's always next year. 

Photo credit goes to travel companion,
Instagrams @synthesis

Being part of breaking the Guinness World Record for The Most People Jive Dancing on a Dance Floor at Once was an obvious highlight. However, a truly excruciating experience if you didn't eat and find yourself hungry, are a smoker, or have to pee. The first thing we heard as we walked through the door, after registering, and joining the growing crowd, was "If you have to pee you're screwed. Grab a garbage can if you have to"...because once you're in, you're in, as per official World Record Rules. But once the dance starts, and you get your rhythm (and you must, because you cannot stop, you

cannot improvise, it has to be pure jive for 5 straight minutes), it's amazing. And when you can finally stop and it's announced that it's official, you were just one of 520 people to become part of record breaking history, it's exciting.
It even gave pause to a hardcore smoker who had been trapped in that ballroom for hours itching for a smoke (that was not us!🙂)

Unfortunately we didn't get to go to any of the record hops (aka sock hops) and dance more, an activity we were very much looking forward to...But there's always next year.

Photo credit goes to travel companion,
Instagrams @synthesis

Then there's the car show, beautiful restored and maintained cars, shinny colors and chrome with fun hood ornaments and pin-stripping, just radiating under the hot sun. We managed to only see about 1/5th of the cars, if that, whole sections went unexplored (it was hot, shoes needed to be removed, bobby socks needed to found in vendor tents)...But there's always next year.

Do you see a theme yet?


And finally, we splurged and got our hair done up by Vegas' Heads Will Roll Beauty Salon on Saturday. Best money spent on hair ever. Highly recommend these ladies for any event. Will certainly be returning next year, maybe for two appointments...

So, that's the latest trip. And that's Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend. There are probably some things missing.
We got the clothes and the shoes and the makeup...all ready to try it again next year.

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Makeup
This is all the way down here and out of the way because it's for a very select audience.
Okay ladies (and some gentlemen) here are some products we found useful in trying to create vintage makeup look, accessible, and at a low price for a starter. Things we never dreamt of purchasing and using, some are going to be incorporated into any day looks.

• Rimmel London Scandal Eye Gel Eyeliner - good for a thick cat eye, or wing
• e.l.f. Eyeliner pen (super inexpensive from Target) - good for a thin wing
• Benefit Cosmetics Roller Lash Super Curling & Lifting Mascara (available in a mini travel size)
• **Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer - GAME CHANGER. Never used primer before. Love this product. It does unbelievable things.
• **Ulta Matte Makeup Setting Spray - there are probably better products, but this is a first for this kind of product and it's pretty impressive if you need your makeup to get you through long days.
• Ulta Contour Kit - also a first. It's pretty cool. And inexpensive if you want to play with contouring. 

If you're looking for clothes, Amazon. So inexpensive. Lots to choose from in everything from a Small to a 2-3XL. Use search words like pinup, rockabilly, and retro. Also there are loads of other retailers at your fingertips with the same words in a Google search, providers of lush dresses in the hundreds of dollars range. Totally worth looking at for the lust factor.

Same goes for shoes, especially for you larger footed ladies...they have a good selection for size 11-12. But also don't ignore merchants online who cater to cross-dressers and the transgender community!

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Hopefully some of this has been useful. Feel free to leave comments, questions, suggestions.

If you see spelling or grammar errors please contact us directly on Twitter @JustCallMeFrank or Facebook: Frank E Ly

As always, harassing and rude comments will be removed at the discretion of this writer. So be an adult.

Frankie Goes to Vegas

While we have plenty of travel journals from over the past several years (for those posts go here: http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/p/travel.html), this is less a travel journal entry, and more of a tips for doing Vegas.
This was the third trip to Las Vegas in the past 8 years, which gives a bit of credibility to what we're about to say.
The first trip was a week long, the second was 3 days, and this one was 3 and a half days.
Each trip was a bit different, the first two were with a group of friends (Canadians) - the base participants of which were the same both times. We were trained in the skills of chilling and vacationing by a very adept group of individuals, and shepherded on our first trip by a seasoned Vegas traveler. We'll call the culmination of both of these trips 'Trip A' because they shared so many similarities.

This third trip, however, was with James (The Husband). James isn't much of a drinker (he had a beer, one liquor drink, and a couple of glasses of champagne the entire trip. He did manage to drink almost a whole bottle of vanilla vodka over the course of the weekend, but you'd never know it). Nor is he much of a gambler.
Or a person who likes to be around more than a few people.
Also. He's British...the kind with underlying ginger (red-haired) characteristics (read: pasty)...so you can imagine how much he likes to sit in the sun (not at all, generally).
He DOES like to eat though, and so that's what he would probably say is his favourite thing about Vegas.
It goes without saying that the third trip was the least favourite from a "personal" perspective. Which is okay. It was a bit of a work-related venture, after all.
We'll call this Trip B.

The following is going to be a breakdown, from snout to tail, so to speak, from choosing when to go, to booking your flight and hotel, to leaving Vegas.

The Husband's main tip would be, this being his fist time: If you can, go to Vegas with someone who has been there before.

Las Vegas Boulevard, May 8, 2016 (c) Frank et al

WHO TO GO WITH
Friends. Go with friends. *raises hands towards the sky* Go with a lot of friends.
The more the better. Go with people you can mix and match, swap off a few hours with different ones. Especially if you are going for more than three days. More than three days with the same three people, who you're probably sharing a room with...is too much.
Limit the amount of couples in the group, too. Especially if you know that at least one of them is prone to fighting with each other no matter where they are.
So make it a friends trip, leave the other halves, the "better halves", at home. The combination of sexes is not as important (but obviously being the only girl, or only guy, on a group Vegas vacation can have its disadvantages).

UNLESS you're the type of person who doesn't like to party, drink, take part in some shenanigans, maybe do something out of the ordinary, etc. Maybe you just want to see a show, look at some lights, have a nice meal, and be in bed by 10. If that's the case go with someone like you. Seriously. You're not fun.

WHEN TO GO
First, you want to go between Memorial Day and Labor Day. You just do. The weather the rest of the time isn't as stable. Yes. It's going to be hot, and probably dry those three month - but hot and dry Vegas is better than hot and wet Vegas, and it's leaps and bounds better than cool and wet Vegas.
Trip A (both) was during July-August - the time of year it's highly unlikely to rain more than a short sun shower and you can fry an egg on the sidewalk. You have to enter every casino along the strip just to get a hit of air conditioning (and maybe a fresh drink), or a shop along the way to get a can of something alcoholic and cold to drink (you can drink on the sidewalks in Vegas). You sweat just thinking about stepping outdoors and nobody wants to wear much clothing. It may sound terrible, but it's not. Terrible is wearing a short dress and open heels in chilly weather walking through puddles of water - as was the case with Trip B. Or wearing a light jacket. Or not going to Vegas in the summer.

Now. If you plan to venture outside of Vegas (something we have yet to do - but plan to) then you may be interested in going any of the other 9 months of the year - because hiking in the desert when it's pushing 120 degrees Fahrenheit (that's 50 degrees Celsius to the rest of the World) is probably going to suck cactus balls.

DATES TO AVOID: Chinese New Year Weekend, Presidents’ Day Weekend, St. Patrick’s Day Weekend, Easter Weekend, Mother's Day Weekend, Memorial Day Weekend, Father's Day Weekend, Fourth of July Weekend, Mother's Day Weekend, Labor Day Weekend, Mexican Independence Day Weekend (September), Columbus Day Weekend, Thanksgiving Weekend, Christmas Holiday, New Years Eve & Day 

So why avoid these dates? Do you like spending more money than you have to?
*See THE FLIGHT (AND HOTEL), and THE FOOD for more information about that.

THE FLIGHT (AND HOTEL)
For Trip A the flights were booked as a package with the hotel. You can find these types of trips all over online. The best for this, as far as we've seen, is Allegiant Airlines. They are a "small airline" with many direct flights all over the country. All three trips have been taken with this airline. They seem to have the best prices. For instance, Trip B was easily $400 cheaper per person than other flights during the same time frame, from airports near us. However, Allegiant has very specific days they fly to Las Vegas - Thursdays and Sundays - so you may feel pegged into a shorter trip than you want to take if you, say, want to stay five days.
***Be Aware: with airlines like Allegiant you will be nickle and dim'ed:
A personal item (like a purse or backpack) is free, a carry-on is $35+, a checked bag is $50+ [under 40 lbs]; if you book with a credit card you pay a couple dollars extra; want to make sure you sit next to your travel partnerI(s)? Pick your seats...but that'll cost you. Want them to print your boarding pass? That'll cost you, so print your own.
Once you're on the flight nothing is free - no little bag of pretzels or a water. You're not allowed to bring your own little bottles of alcohol anymore (it's against federal regulations now and results in a $3000 fine) but if you had a small 3 oz flask you could probably get away with buying a can of soda and discretely topping it up with the good stuff rather than pay $7 for an airplane version.
It all adds up.
As far as flights are concerned, always, always, shop around. And if you can be flexible with your dates you'll be better off and save some cash.

Trip B was booked separate, with flight via Allegiant and hotel, because it seemed like we'd save about $30-50 a night, via Hotels.com. It was not worth it. Normally Hotels.com is the go-to pet favourite for all things accommodations. Up until Trip B it has been a great source for hotel savings everywhere we've went. Not so much for Vegas.

Having previously stayed at the MGM (for a week the first trip to Vegas) it wasn't too disappointing when James asked to stay there (because it's "the movie hotel") - even though we'd have rather stayed at The Aria because we'd stayed there the last time, it has more of a central location, and it's still pretty new, for about the same price. However, the MGM is a decent hotel as far as the comfort of the casino floor goes and the general ambiance. And the room there for Trip A was amazing, large, spacious, big comfortable bed, ample bathroom facility. Inside and out it was a great accommodation.

Turns out, however, it was disappointing.
For Trip B, the Hotel.com booking, we were what can only described as "banished" to the West Wing. This is clearly the older wing of the hotel - blocked off for discount travelers no doubt - but you don't know it until about halfway down the very long hall corridor when suddenly the wide hallway, with its tasteful wallpaper and carpet, narrow, and the hall gets a little darker, and the carpet not so fresh and clean in appearance or quality, and it's clear you're in some sort of discount hotel/motel alternate universe portal of punishment; and if you read reviews on Hotel.com, which we didn't bother to do until post-stay, as a guest of this wing you will not be the only one feeling that somehow...you should have taken them up on their "$30 a night upgrade" at the front desk check-in. And question why they hate you for coming to Vegas and wanting to save some benjamins.

That being said...GO BACK AND GET AN UPGRADE IF YOU END UP IN A PART OF THE HOTEL, OR A ROOM, YOU DON'T LIKE.
The room was pretty bad. Very visible signs of age; the shower leaked all over the floor; the water in the sink never got cold and was just sorta of weird tasting; the lighting throughout the room, including the vanity, was terrible (terrible mirrors and lighting are not a girl's friend in Vegas!); the toilet didn't really flush so great; the bedding and bed wasn't that comfortable (compared to that of Trip A), the air conditioning unit was loud; there were no common amenities you'd find in a hotel room like a fridge, microwave or coffee maker; the room was small and the hallway was noisy. The halls were loud - every time someone in the vicinity was entering or leaving their room it made it sound like someone was at your door - hearing people talking in the hall at all hours, however, is just par for the Las Vegas course.

So, we actually did not get an upgrade due to budget constraints. If it had been less of a work related trip, at a less than financially ideal time for The Husband (who was basically tagging along), then it would have been a mistake not to take the upgrade. You win some. You lose some. Next time we're skipping Hotels.com all together and booking an airport/hotel package, or directly with the hotel (which, by the way, sometimes comes with hotel credits and perks that you will not find booking through a budget travel site).

If you're going to do Vegas...DO VEGAS. It's not the time for a cheap hotel special like if you're going to South Dakota to see Mount Rushmore, or to gaze on a big ball of twine or a world's largest whatever.

*Previously mentioned Dates to Avoid - Flights are a bit more expensive than the rest of the optimal time to visit Vegas, and the Hotels are also more expensive. Especially if you're staying near the venue where there's an event...

Other events to be aware of: Boxing matches, UFC fights, and other big sporting events. The price of your hotel may be increased significantly.

Hidden Fees:  Otherwise known as Resort Fees, these fees are not included in your online quotes or in your package booking the majority of the time and, depending on the hotel, can be upward of $30 per room per night. Which means if you're staying for three nights add $100+ more dollars to your estimate costs. These fees are to cover things like wi-fi access (this day and age that's an increasingly bullshit charge), access to the fitness center and a free newspaper. These depend on the hotel/casino and are unusually in fine print somewhere on their website.

SHUTTLE SERVICE:
Don't take a cab. Either take a shuttle or a (stretch) limo. Trip A involved taking a limo, which is inexpensive when the cost is split among a group of friends, and it is a wicked cool way to roll up to a hotel casino. Plus you can start drinking right away in a limo. It's just far superior.
The shuttle is okay. You may think that $15-18 (depending on if you pre-reserve the tickets) per person sounds like a lot because the airport is not that far from the strip, but with traffic it can cost a lot, and you'll have to (unless you're a dick) tip your cabby more than you trip a shuttle driver.

PACKING
Some of these will be super obvious, but they warrant going over.
Top down - and these are a minimum. How many of each is up to you and your airline baggage restrictions:
1. A hat of some sort if you plan to be outdoors - that goes for men and women.
2. A top for each weather incident: tank, short sleeve, and a long sleeve (especially if you're going in a "colder" month).
3. A pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, a skirt and a dress.
4. Swimsuit - someting you are comfortable wearing before a buffet, and something you're comfortable wearing two buffets in.
5. Footwear
Shoes. SHOES. Ladies. Listen. You may think those 4 inch, 6 inch, whatever "whore" heels, you wanna strut your sexy badass stuff around The Vegas Strip on will be just fine for a night...but unless you are used to living in those torture decks break in something that's sturdy, comfortable, and sexy to wear with your dresses for your nights on the town.
Every single trip we have done this wrong. No more wrong that this most recent trip when the only comfortable pair of shoes we had was a pair of HokaOne running shoes we brought for using in the fitness center. Shoes that we've been running in for months. You get the smelly picture.
So choose wisely.
And men. You want a couple of pairs of shoes too.
At the very least you should all, men and women, have at least one pair of comfortable sandals - both for walking and for going from the pool to your room - which can be a very long walk all on its own.

Some other random things: Sunblock, After Sun lotion or gel (you will probably get a light burn if you haven't bothered with a base tan and don't spend much time outdoors normally), bandages (for when you don't heed the footwear advice), a water bottle, and at least one flask.

THE ALCOHOL
Alcohol is EXPENSIVE in Vegas. We know what you're thinking..."but I heard if you sit at the slot machines or gambling tables the waitresses bring you free alcohol"...and you're thinking right, but it's not that simple.
During Trip A, about 6 years ago, and the trip the prior year, the waitresses were great (depending on the casino, of course). They were really attentive and good with bringing the drinks (as watered down as they were).
Now? Not so good. They were hard to scout out, and when you got the rare one to bring you a drink they were weak. As James said, when we asked how the one drink he managed to get from a casino waitress was, "Well. I can tell she opened the liquor bottle in the vicinity of my drink".
And then there's the matter of free. The longer you sit waiting for the waitress to get to you, should she even choose to do so (we had one waitress who kept saying she'd be right back and she never actually stopped to take our drink order any of the times), and then wait for her to bring you a drink, you could easily drop $20-60 into a slot machine - depending on how fast you are at pressing the botton and how tight the machine is. Then if you actually get a drink you should tip $1-2 - $2 if you ever want to see her again. So it's not really free.
That's the casino floor (and that was the MGM, where we spent most of our slot time this trip).

Restaurants and bars can get pretty expensive. For example, Pub 1842 in the MGM, a double mid-to-low-shelf Gin with water was $22. Some dance bars have minimums for table service (if you want to go with a group of people and sit at a table together it can cost you into the thousands -getting a table is table service, otherwise you stand for the most part).

If you get the bottomless champagne/mimosa brunch option - which is mandatory at some casino buffets during certain holidays (and costs extra) - the champagne can be very low quality. [Note: The champagne at Mandalay Bay Seaside Buffet is way better quality than the champagne at the MGM Grand Buffet].

So what to do.

Bring a flask and a water bottle. Make your own drinks and carry them with you to cut down on at least some of the daytime drinking costs and if you plan to just plop your ass down at some slot machines.

There are places to buy liquor on the strip - Walgreen's, CVS, some random bodega-type souvenir shops, and some more upscale souvenir shops; and the price of the liquor is reasonable. A 750 ml bottle of Gin at the Walgreen's was about $33 after tax, which is absolutely reasonable, especially if you noted that what was equal to two shots (and you know what, it didn't taste like two shots) was $22 at the restaurant in the MGM.

Fill your flask (it's also handy to use if you wanna boost up those watered down "free" casino drinks should you choose that route), mix your drink in your water bottle (unless you're using it for something silly, like staying hydrated in the hot sun ;-p), and just go about your public drinking.
It's a personal favourite Vegas activity and it saves money.

THE FOODAhhh. The food.
The kind of excess that would make a Greek vomitorium blush.
But first...
While you're getting your liquor, grab some snacks to have kicking around your room. If you don't make sure to eat throughout the day you will not get your full value out of the buffet - should you choose to buffet. You have to keep your stomach working (it's science, look it up).
A favourite thing to do it get a giant pizza the first night that you have no intention on finishing at that time (unless your traveling posse is large) and then snack on that over the span of a few days.

At the buffet always choose protein first. Yes, the pasta looks good, but it will fill you up and stand between you and one of the many decadent protein options that can be found in Vegas - Kobe beef and spicy tuna hand roll at the Bellagio, shrimp and crab legs, sausages, roasts of every animal, exotic fish...

At brunch the mini waffles, pancakes, and french toast fingers may be calling your name, but they are just trying to steal the thunder of your heart from the breakfast links, the cheesy scrambled eggs, the smoked salmon, all of the amazing savory offerings - both traditional and non - that you can't get at your local Denny's, and the dessert table waiting in the wings. If you have room at the end hit up a mini waffle for some love, but don't blow it all on simple cheap starchy carbs.

If you decide to Buffet what you choose is probably up to several searches via the internet, and some recommendations from people you know.
Here are our recommendations: Mandalay Bay, and the Bellagio, are wonderful.
Mandalay Bay for brunch, and The Bellagio for dinner, specifically. They both have table service too, so a waiter or waitresses is bringing your drinks and you don't have to waste time schlepping to a soda fountain or a juice machine,
While there, the Mandalay Bay brunch had lamb osso bucco (and it was amazing), beef oxtail, and a good assortment of ethnic offerings (the pork sticky buns were great). The desserts at Mandalay for brunch were also a better assortment than that of the Bellagio at dinner.
Now. The Bellagio. It's literally a world renowned buffet. They have Kobe beef (look it up if you don't know what it is), blini with an assortment of caviar to choose from, a lot of sushi, piles of seafood, and enough roasted meats to make a grown man blush.
The buffet to skip is definitely The MGM Grand Buffet.

Don't go starving. You may think that's the answer to satisfying your gluttonous desires, but alas, it is not.

*Previously mentioned Dates to Avoid - during Holidays there is no Breakfast at most casino buffets- they default to Brunch - often being offered with all you can drink champage and mimosas.
Brunch costs about $10 more per person than breakfast. The price of all other meals are increased by about that same amount. So if you're paying for the meals of two people over three days and you buffet four times you're talking about $100 more to add onto your food budget

Note: While $30-40 on brunch may seem like a lot for a buffet, often times it's almost all you can eat in a day - you're likely to spend the rest of it digesting that meal and topping it with liquor. If you're the type to steer clear of restaurants (which are equally, and often more, expensive) you can probably get by with a food budget, for yourself, of about $75 a day.
If you're planning on eating at famous food chains - even if they are chains not available in parts of your state, like some of the people we shared an airport shuttle with, just go away now and never read this blog again. Seriously. Close the browser.

WHAT TO DO
Plan on tipping.  Everywhere. There's guides about tipping you can look up so you can get an idea of the tipping structure. Do it.

Take the Trams when you can after you get a good hard walk of the strip under your belt. There are three free ones that have limited stops and they aren't very well advirtised, and there's the monorail - $12 for unlimited one-day, and a three-day pass is under $30 - it is totally worth it...it'll save your feet and hours of wasted time walking...and just may allow you to pack that ultra high-heeled Single White Female kill-him stilettos, ladies.

If you can make it to one of the two outlet malls, do it. But make sure you have baggage allowance wiggle room. The Las Vegas North Premium Outlets have been a favourite two times running. This last time didn't offer a chance for shopping, but rather a walk through the lot of the Las Vegas South Premium Outlets. Either way you'll need a cab (or bus) to get there. It's worth it, especially if you want to get off of the strip for a few hours.

Fremont Street (Old Vegas) is also fun...in the summer. It's a great place to party...but don't plan on walking there, no matter how reasonable the distance looks like on a map. Take a bus or a cab. In the summer they have a load of outdoor events and it's like a big street party. Plus it's got all the old casinos, it's a bit nostalgic, and you can still get a circa 60s and 70s Vegas style$7.99/9.99 all you can eat steak buffet in some of those casinos. Just remember. You're going to get what you pay for...and maybe even more after a few hours.

Gambling. Obviously.

Eating. Duh

So here's the thing. In the combined two weeks of time spent in Vegas we've never been to a show or concert. It's not our thing. It's expensive, and unless we're gonna see Neil Diamond, we'll catch one of those acts somewhere else. And as far as theater...Fringe Fests are more our bag. We can't really give you any tips on those.

Oh. Strip clubs. They are expensive as hell. The best one, and this is based on a bias, is Sapphire. The bias is because it's the only one under our belt so far, and we spent more than 7 hours at it on one of our trips. The longer you stay past 2 or 3, the lower the "quality" the ladies, but whatever, they have boobs. Isn't that all that matters? Plus, being female, we are allowed to touch those boobs (and sometimes other parts). And we did, and ladies danced on our lap, and made faces about the boys/men who were leering at it all as if to say can you believe those losers these guys are (even though she was clearly going to enjoy the extra money from this happening) and it was a fun time. But expensive. Once you get there (don't take a cab, they say if you call the club they send a car to pick you up) you pay a cover charge (can be more than $30 just to get in the door), and then you tip the door guy if you want a good experience, and then there's the price of the drinks (no less than $15 each), and the lap dances (at least $20 each), and if you bring female friends with you then you better be buying them drinks (especially if they are "conservative" or "uptight" and you want to watch a girl dance on their lap and watch as another woman rubs her bare breasts all over her).

Walking. You're going to do A LOT of walking. Everything looks like it's close, but it's not. It's an optical allusion. Just getting to the pool at your hotel, or getting out of the hotel, can take 15-20 minutes.

LEAVING LAS VEGAS
Ask to have an extra hour added to your checkout time if you have an afternoon flight. They have "deals" if you want to make checkout even later, but if you're only looking for an hour you may be able to get it for free, and it can make a difference.
Pack all your bags before you leave the room, like if you're planning on a final buffet, so when you get back you have less stress to deal with. Get to your airport two to two and a half hours early as directed, the lines can be longer than you'd think.
And finally...
These days, if you're not careful, What happens in Vegas doesn't so much stay in Vegas, rather gets put on social media, and lives forever on the internet...(take people you trust.


FINAL THOUGHTS

So what did The Husband think of the trip?
"It's just a giant hole where you throw money"
But he wants to go back.

Vegas is way more commercial than the Vegas of old. People used to be able to go "on a shoestring"...that Vegas is dead. You can still do it thrifty...but is that really doing Vegas right?

The most important thing is go knowing you're going to spend money. Plan to spend more money than you plan to spend. Prepare for that so you can have a fun and relaxing time.
If you get a $60+ dinner bill for an appetizer, a burger, a double shot of liquor, and a beer? Don't panic. Laugh it off and move on. If we've learned anything from traveling with Canadians over the years it's how to take a chill vacation. Don't worry about it ON vacation, correct for it (like, don't go back to that restaurant, make sure to ask about the price of something if you're concerned about budget). If you worry about it on vacation you'll risk missing out on the fun you could have, and that's really the only reason for vacation - to have fun - not to stress.

Have fun in Vegas!

Our favourite Vegas song....

If you have been to Vegas and have any additional tips, advice, observations, please feel free to add them in the comment selection below! :-)

Illusive Inspiration

There is something utterly ridiculous about blogging.  I don't know what it is yet, but I'll figure it out.


In the meantime I am trying to locate my inspiration. If you find it can you ask it where it put the remote to the television? It's a real bummer having to get up every time I want to adjust the volume, the buttons are on the side of the television and I can't really see which ones are which, and then I end up with a pink screen, or maybe blue, and everything is in Spanish, and I still can't hear the television.


Anyway. If you see my inspiration send it home....I'm going on a search for it next week. I have a feeling it ended up in Vegas; playing the slots, the ones with the bonus twirly lights and spinning features and fun noises. 

Those are my favourite, if I can shame myself enough to say I have a favourite slot machine (I only play the slots in Vegas). 


You'll be able to find me and Ninja Princess (that's my best friend) seated at one of these in almost any casino in Vegas late next week, drinks in hand (I'm thinking it's a Mo-jito summer), eyes shifting left and right trying to catch sight of my illusive inspiration.