An Ass Face Comes A Texting...

...and at ridiculous hours at that.

Most of you are new, you probably never read about Third Date Flunky, an ex...something...of The Other Girl, back when she was going through her dating binge.


Seriously, his face looks like an ass...even as The Other Girl was on her dates with him, we would question her....asking..."Really? Really. What do you see in him? Look at his stupid face." 


But like we've stated...The Other Girl was a floozy....(she only slept with this guy once, as noted in the blog entry where she terminated him through text.


We tried to get her to vanquish her crew at the end of December, in anticipation of our complete metamorphosis, but like a buoyant turd that won't flush; they all kept bobbing to the top. We would have compared them to apples, bobbing in water; but we like apples.


Last Sunday, when we were hanging on Twitter from the privacy of our bed, because let's face it, We don't leave the house much anymore and Twitter is what we have on Sunday morning; we got a text from one Mr Third Date Flunky (TDF). The jerks been texting us starting a couple weeks after we dumped his stupid ass face, around December 8th; but since we hated him, saw no use for him, and he made us nauseous, we ignored him.


Bitch, in all her brilliant ideas, decided to get him to leave us alone, finally, we'd just share some information.  She figured, after finding all THIS out...he'd surely leave us be.


The following is a transcript of said texting conversation (good god, don't you just love texting...the blogging content alone makes us purrrr with pleasure) - it's actually three separate DAYS of conversation. 


Did we mention, we don't answer the phone? So this, writing, is how we communicate. The Other Girl tended to agree to this method, towards the end of her days, and even wrote an entry about how we don't like talking on the phone, you know; before I took over her blog.


So here's the meat. (heh. meat)


------------------------------A Transcript of Fucking Idiocy----------------
Texts started coming in at about 7am on Sunday morning March 6th. We've kept most of the grammar and punctuation to form...even though it was hard not to correct all the shit. Also, the comments in brackets are just what was going through our head both when we were reading the messages streaming in, and copying them here.


Third  Date Flunky (TDF)
Are you okay?
I noticed u arent on facebook and was hoping u are ok:)
Goodmorning!in all likelyhood u are mad at me for some reason.however i would love to hear from u just for my own peace to insure u are ok:)im sorry for bothering you(:


FRANK
Look. It's far to hard to explain to you the reasons you have not been responded to. Just know that it had nothing to do with you (it actually did). Not angry with you at all. Madness, that's a different story. Just know, how the situation was handled, was out of MY control in some ways. Not sure why you've decided that "I'm" not okay but you are not bothering "me". Have a good Sunday


TDF
I just miss ya in a way :) [We had three dates...]
I wanted to cook u dinner like we had talked about.just wish things were different.


FRANK
Trust me when "I" say you didn't know me, especailly enough to miss me.


TDF
I understand....im just confused
Very actually


[what proceeds here is a texting conversation where we tell him that we are going to share some info with him if he promises not to "out" our face; and that trusting people is huge right now. Why'd we do it? He got repeadly rejected by a mentally ill person...how does he want to explain that to anyone - so we sent him the blog link but first...fucker had to be a fucker...]


Frank
Then you can be at peace knowing it's not you.
And if you don't want to say anything after reading, it's understandable.


TDF
Just tell me straight up!
Serious!
Just tell me
[TOG] just tell me


FRANK
You know, if your not willing to read then you're not worth the texting and are like so many others. Put simple: severe metal illness, You can pretty much fuck off now. So glad we tried to open up to another who was unwilling. Good on ya...have a fun life.


TDF
Omg.i will go to thr link...relax!


FRANK
You will see...there has always been too much to explain


TDF
I just want you to tell me


FRANK
We don't see people anymore.
Not for a long time


TDF
We?


Frank 
Read


TDF
I need to go to my computer


FRANK
And remember, you didn't know me, her or us. We never gave you a chance to.


TDF
Are u saying u have multiple personality disorder?
I will go to the link.this is new to me


Frank
There are far more problems...that's about the only disgnoses we haven't had, only because we've never told anyone anything.


TDF
Are u still in your apartment?
Ok...i suck with computers but i will find [that's not all he sucked at...]


Frank
Yes. We only leave to go to work - the employees there know the situation.
You can google Just Call Me Frank


TDF
Can i buy u breakfast?
Id like to
I think you are gorgeous regardless:)


FRANK
We don't leave the apartment with people just yet, only the people that we discuss. There are 3. We are no longer seeing people from [TOG]s past. She's not here anymore. We talk about that in our writing.


TDF
Are u still friends with the girl from the condo i picked you up at [third date reference]


Frank
No


TDF
ok


FRANK
None of them. We kept one couple and a girl who we're willing, and able, to understand [at least on some level]


TDF
Then why respond to me [because you're fucking irritating? And we want you to stop texting - we hate even getting texts now]


Frank
B/c in writing we are our self, easier to be. And felt badly about how [TOG] dealt with your situation


TDF
Did [TOG] like me
I like [TOG]


FRANK
She liked everyone...if you know what we mean. She was despicable towards the end. [Floozy]


TDF
She is beautiful


Frank
She doesn't exist. Beauty is exterior and is not who a person is.


TDF
true
Regardless...she is very pretty! [dude, get a fucking hint already]


FRANK
Thanks, we look just like her, except probably 15-20 pounds lighter than when you last saw her.


TDF
Wow...a runaway model.can i see her...the old [TOG]


FRANK
No, she's dead. We killed her. We wrote about killing her.


TDF
What's the new girls name [are you fucking kidding...]


FRANK
We said at first she went on vacation but we've been more honest about what happened. She's never coming back. She can't - we do not exist well together.


TDF
What's your name? 


FRANK
We refer to our self as Frank, but people still call us [TOG] - it's just easier to accept it, given that this time I'm making us stay and she had a life here 


TDF
Im reading the blog


FRANK
[insert of bunch of our babbling about what he should look at on the blog - there is a lot of stuff around here!]


TDF
ok
Very interestng reading
U still up?
I guess not.thank u for responding:) I look forward to chatting soon!


FRANK
Ya, we're up
Wait, up as in? Awake? [all this had taken place before 8:02 AM...WTF..he thinks we lay around sleeping in some depressive state after we've had a long texting conversation?]


TDF [8:02 am]
Ok. cool.
Yes lol


FRANK
We're almost always awake. Hardly sleep. Average about 5 hours when lucky.


TDF
Wow.so who decides what man is welcome in your life?
[pause]
??


Frank
Me.
Sorry, we're doing other things over here! Not meaning to be slow in response. [we were on Twitter - duh]


TDF
Do I have a chance?


FRANK
We already have a man, he's been with us every step of the way. We love him, even though we don't see him a lot.
The answer to that would be, not likely. The idea makes us uncomfortable.


TDF
That's too bad(:
Where does this guy live?


FRANK
[clearly we will not be sharing this answer, that is to say, we told him the man lives in The City where we reside > location of "Bat Cave"]
He's been there for us recently


TDF
Lucky guy :) 
I tried very hard to be there for [TOG] [wait, what?!...dude, we were there, you just didn't know it]
She made a choice to not have me in her life [pretty sure that was the smartest thing we could get her to do during the end...but whatever..]


FRANK
She didn't fully understand, she though I was gone after the car accident.
She wasn't allowed to form relationships by the time you came around.
We wouldn't let her.


TDF
Did [TOG] like me?
Why?
Im a good guy
Too bad.she was a great kisser:)


FRANK
Like I said, she liked everybody.


TDF
So I wasn't special at all?


FRANK
We know you were a good guy, your a nice guy, we are not looking for someone as nice as you. We know that's hard to understand. [clearly, he is not as nice as we had thought...maybe that explains further texts...keep reading...]


TDF
U want an ass? [why yes, yes we do, one in particlar actually...]


FRANK
Not a complete ass, but yes, You see, we are not as a nice, sweet, person as [TOG] was. And only someone with a similar disposition (I.e. "angrier" than the average person) can tolerate our behaviour [sad...but true...]


TDF
We should meet
Then u decide


FRANK
Nope. Please don't stress us out, we are having a better weekend than we have had all year. We have a man we love, we are not looking for that kind of relationship right now.


TDF
What's his name?


FRANK
None of anyone's business actually. We refer to him in our writing as FNA - we protect his identity.


TDF
I noticed u are on pof again.why be on there if u have a man u love? [for those non-internet daters..pof is Plenty of Fish, a popular, and free, dating site]


FRANK
We're not supposed to be on there!
We closed that! Fuck.


TDF
Its ok 
[no, actually, it's not okay when there are pictures of what you look like plastered all over the old profile, attached to ... a very specific handle - cut to: a mad scramble to the #TeamAwesome stealth  plane to perform re-con mission to remove all traces...again?]


FRANK
No, actually it's not okay that that is being viewed
We closed that months ago


TDF
Well i saw it last night.[TOG] is beautiful!!!


FRANK
Okay


TDF
She is and a fabulous kisser too!
I miss her kisses:)
Did [TOG] like my kisses
[is it us, or id this guy creepy?]


FRANK
We don't feel like talking about her. We hated her, she was a vapid floozy when she was dateing last year.


[here is where we had a break....next text in 3...2...1...
3:13 Tuesday March 15th


TDF
Was I just one of many she sletp with?
I guess I was.
How ya felling?
Hey Frank!


FRANK
Hi...


TDF
How are you?


FRANK
We are fine. Thanks for asking.


TDF
Plans tonight?


FRANK
we don't generally leave the fucking apartment so what would you guess? We don't care to hear from you anymore, so please stop texting us.


TDF
OK no problem.i was a gentlemen and you are an angry soul.


[and...break]
LAST NIGHT! SUNDAY, March 13th at 3:20 am (daylight savings taken into account)


TDF
Hey crazy!


FRANK
Nice....


TDF
Where u at?


FRANK
Rude much?


TDF
Actually no.if u saw your recent comments to me u wouldn't ask
This must be [TOG] and not Frank


FRANK
Recent comments to you? Where?
Pretty sure we told you she's not here anymore. Stop harassing us.


TDF
Frank needs to leave [TOG] alone and let her be the beautiful girl she can be!


FRANK
How about you leave us alone?
Goodnight.


TDF
Fuck u Frank. U suck!


FRANK
Ok


TDF
[TOG] was awesome.u suck


FRANK
Ok


TDF
ok


...4:55 am....


He tried to call us....CALLING...he knows how she felt about the phone; we are no different in that respect


FRANK
Really. You're going to call at 5am?


TDF
Wanted to talk to u
Are u really 2 people?


FRANK
About what?! How much we suck?
Thanks, got the message.


TDF
I like [TOG].she is beautiful [wow...shallow much?! really!]


FRANK
we're going to report u for harassing us if you don't stop. It's 5am. You had three dates with her. 
Let it rest.


TDF
Brooke shields look alike [fuck off buddy]
Are u serious? wow
ok
I have never experienced this before...[what? rejection? we hardly think so]
Im sorry


FRANK
Yes. Dead serious. Experienced what? You are not experiencing anything other than the inability to understand and move on.
Plus you are adding to the already torturous situation we are in. Clearly you are selfish. Please. Leave us alone.


TDF
I have never met anyone in your situation
I Don't understand! Im sorry I wish I could help! [you can help by not drinking on the weekend and texting me ... there's a start, ass hole - and what, you don't understand so you are rude - thats called intolerance]


FRANK
Likely not - people don't talk about it for this very reason. So you know how much we are harassed now, just for writing about it? We don't need people who have actually seen her face doing this too.


TDF
[TOG] IS GORGEOUS!I MISS HER! [boo, fucking, god damn, boo]


FRANK
You hardly knew her. Leave us alone. Stalker. Seriously - you have no idea what you are doing with this constant harassment. We will go to the authorities. It's 5 am [actually at this point it was 5:06am...whatever]


TDF
Ok i will leave u be but understand something...
take care [TOG]....i miss your smile.goodbye. [wait, what we're WE supposed to understand???]
-----------------------------End Transcript-------------------------------


So, sometimes, when you are wondering why the hell we might be up at odd hours, surviving and raging on Twitter, all hours of the night - other than the general inability to fall asleep from constant pain...it's because we deal with fucktards from our real Fleshie life... on a regular basis. We figure it's something that will take awhile to work through, because there will be people from The Other Girls life that will continue to not understand. Luckily, we have Twitter.

A Breakup Transcript/"Why Men Suck: Suck Story #2" (It's implied in the story)

Notice: some of this entry is more graphic than previous ones. Just a heads up.


What's more fun then trying to dump a guy after a third date?  Anything. What's less fun? When he won't just accept it or just let it go.


I had a third date with the guy I met on my first date with the Icelandic Giant (story link for those who missed that one) - since he went unnamed for awhile let's call him "Third Date Flunky" from here forward.
I had a third date with TDF on Friday...and I decided after that that I didn't want to talk to the guy anymore - actually going into the third date I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see him again. 


He was nice enough - he just failed miserably at Franks "first test of dating longevity" (that's the bedroom test)...anyway, he has texted a few times this week, wanting to make dinner for me and I avoided his messages until I couldn't anymore (I started to feel bad for letting him hang) so I texted him today: "Sorry for the delay. I think we are just looking for different things. Sorry for the cliche, too"


...and so he responded asking for more clarification because, lol, "we never talked about what we were looking for" to begin with...(ooops)


I couldn't very well say "b/c you were bad in bed, you insulted me after, and you turned the t.v. after the very first time I was intimate with you"
or can I?
or DID I?

First lets cover the insult. Mere minutes after the deed is done (I think even before he turned the tv on!) he turns to me and asks "what does it take for you to cum" - I responsed with a "um, I don't know?" and I chuckle, and he says "you don't know your body?", to which I respond "I know how to make myself cum, I just don't know how to tell you how to do it". However you cut it, I was immediately insulted.  You know what makes me cum? A guy who the faintest idea how to please a woman.


Cut to him turning on the television, ordering crappy pizza and taking a phone call. (not pleasing to most women)
Not being all that interested in being there, or with him anymore, I called a cab - he has said he was going to take me home beforehand, but I didn't feel that event materializing fast enough.


So, back to today when I had to face the music...because I can be a bitch, but only for so long. As a guide to my female readers, here is how I handled this.  For you guys, this is perhaps a guide on how NOT to handle this type of situation (unless you want to come off as a [insert your desired word here]. 


It may not be the right way, but it's the "Frank" way (okay, the "Frank" way with a little help from my special Cali pal...I needed a guide in this, seeing as it was my "first time" dealing this way)
Actual Texting Transcript:

Frank: "I'll be honest, I'm just not interested in seeing you again"

TDF (Third Date Flunky): "wow...can I ask why"

Frank: "You can ask, but you might not like the answer"

TDF: "was it one reason? The sex lol"

Frank: "it was that and everything after"

TDF: "OK I knew something was a bit off...the cab ride? were u mad I didn't drive u? I'm sorry for that"  

"did you somehow feel cheapened? if so I am sooo sorry"

Frank: "It was that, and asking me what it takes to make me cum, which I found offensive in the way you made me feel, the turning on of the television and yes, the cab ride home that I paid for...I didn't feel cheapened...I felt offended."

TDF: "Can u call me? Please? So I can straighten this out...please?"  

"I need to explain" 

"This is quite the misunderstanding that I need to clarify"

Frank: "No explanation needed"

TDF: "It is needed. I understand why u are upset...please let me explain and apologize. Let me make it up to u

"I really need to talk to u"

Frank: "No, I don't feel I need you to explain" [I stopped responding to his texts after this]

TDF: "I need to. u have it all wrong as anything u perceived was not done intentionally. I need to explain. I am very upset about this. I am very upset I disappointed you!"

"when u hear my explanation hopefully u will forgive me"

"please allow me this much"

"please don't shut me out..."

"let me make it up to you"

"If you are going to break things off please at least allow myself a chance to make amends. If I didn't think you were worth it I'd walk away"

"Please [insert my real name here]. All I ask for is 5 minutes of your time"

"Let me buy u dinner tonight...a movie....starbucks (pumpkin flavour) whatever. I am not a monster and I do very much respect you...please hear my side"

This was followed by silencing of my text messages and this new message in my Facebook mail:

"First of all i very much enjoyed meeting a couple of your friends on friday. Secondly you looked stunning but that is something i have quickly learned comes easy for you...very "Brooke Shields". I want u to know that at no point did i ever take u for granted or ever think that by somehow diminishing you that you would find me irresistible. I am hoping however that if you see i am speaking from the heart that you will forgive me and realize that my actions were not on purpose or intended to hurt you in any way shape or form.

I am sooo sorry aout the cab! I wanted u to stay the night and had offered it. You said u couldnt and that you would be leaving shortly.I assumed a couple things at this point. 1. You wanted to perhaps get in a warm vehicle and secondly u probably cab all the time and it wasnt a big deal. Again i am sorry!! As for the money part i simply didnt have any cash (honest) and up until that point you hadn't had to reach into your purse while in my company. [My rebuttal to this: he bought me two glasses of wine and shared some nachos with me on the first date, the second date was lunch and a coffee, and the third date? Nothing until the (CRAPPY) pizza after the sex. So, way to go buddy, try to make me feel like I deserved to pay for my cab] I simply should have driven you .my mistake as i was a little rattled by the ALERT van.

As for the turning on the T.V. we were cuddled at that point [we were not] and i was looking for a movie or something interesting [he was watching sports] as that was what we originally intended to do before we started making out and getting sidetracked.This by no means was an insult to you or in anyway was i intentionally trying to hurt you.I had my arm around you the entire time [really? I clearly remember a pizza box on my chest - which later included a plate that I materialized while I briefly closed my eyes AFTER I was done with the pizza]and enjoyed it very much!I thought when u said u could go for some pizza that we were in "hanging out" mode![we just had sex and even bad sex makes me hungry when I haven't eaten all night?]

As for the comments on "making you cum" again i apologize.This wasn't a comment to diminish you or our encounter i simply wanted to please u and after watching countless talk shows women say to just ask![what, after your first encounter? Stupid fucker] I gues my timing was wrong! I am sooo sorry.I truly was interested in pleasing you.You are a beautiful girl and right now I am rotting inside.Please forgive me and allow me to make it up to u:)You know I am a good guy.Please allow me a second chance xo"

I know it may be appalling to some of my readers that I would "release" these private correspondences, and absolutely titillating to others. I apologize, and you're welcome:P


What I do at this point in regards to TDF seems irrelevant.  If he were smart he would have walked away after the initial text, but clearly he's a whinny girl-man (or maybe I'm being insensitive?).  I just hope he doesn't show up at my work tomorrow.  I have a feeling he might; he seems set on wanting to redeem himself in response to the recent ego blow.

And with that, I am done dating for the year (I will still be blogging though).  Frank is taking Christmas break. Next year calls for a new "school of fish", having relinquished all my men to the bench (and beyond). Did I mention Icelandic Giant's been off the radar for a couple days? Unusual for him, but that's another one I was going to send back to the minors anyway. Look at me mixing fishing and sports metaphors all in one paragraph.

Who Damaged?

So, where have I been?  What has Frank been up to?

In short, a lot of my time has been spent working on "landing" a big "catch" (but it's purely a "throw back" situation);

...and also going out on a few dates with a couple men (potential "keepers").

While there are a couple of new choice men in my life these days, I find myself oddly disconnected from the desire to be connected with them.  For the first time in my life I feel very apathetic about my options.  The silly thing is they are good options. Maybe even great.

I've been taking time to think this week, about what might be causing me to have no real interest in investing in these men (when I know this is unlike me, the past me anyway). I realized that my crutch was having The Bull Rider as one of my first "out of the gate" dating experiences.

It's very clear to me now that I was played by The Bull Rider.  Not just played, fooled (somehow I think there is a difference).  Having said that, the thing that makes me angry is the shifty dishonesty surrounding the situation.  Has a man ever thought of being at least a bit honest about intentions.  For example, if he had no intention on seeing me when he got back then he shouldn't have continued contact with me after the...contact - I would have been better with that then the three weeks of texting and messaging from "Texas" (where he ended up going, theoretically) and then the sudden "disappearance".  There may be a high probability that he is married.  Can't be sure though.

He had the best "out"; if indeed what he told me was true - and I honestly hope so - because if a man uses a fake heart attack in the family (especially his dad) to try to skip on a woman, then there is a special place in hell for a man like that.

So, rehashing the three dates we (The Bull Rider and I) had, and weeding through the potential lies he told me, has put me in a place of being apprehensive about trusting men. I figure that is the cause of my resent "distress" regarding not getting too close to a new potential mate. Maybe not distress, but confusion.  Yeah. That.

Sometimes it only takes one, especially when a gal is on the "re-bound" from a man who lied to her after a year and a half of professed love and trust, to make her sit back and experience some contemplation and apathy.

Why Men Suck: Suck Story 1

I figure in time there will be enough stories I encounter that will somehow fall under the heading 'Why Men Suck'. So with that quick intro I give you....

Why Men Suck: Suck Story 1

Tonight I had my final ruling on "Law Student" and the ruling is: 'You do suck'.

Some of you, okay probably 1 of you, if I'm lucky 2...may remember a brief mention of "The Law Student" in my 'On The Subject of Dating and Blogging" entry at the beginning of October.

We've been chatting a couple times a week for a few weeks now, having met on a popular local dating site but for reasons haven't made it past the chat. He seemed pretty nice at first, smart, a law student wanting to get into human rights law, fairly interesting.  We eventually made a date to meet at a local cafe and bakery that serves up healthy portions of made-from-scratch food.  Long story short, well, it's not even a short story.  He canceled the date about an hour before, citing homework as the perpetrator. I figured "whatever", being very unsure of the whole thing in the first place and happy to jump back into my favourite pajamas and lay on the sofa.

Now he keeps attempting to chat with me, we exchange pleasantries, some friendly banter and then all of a sudden he launches into requests that I come over, offers of giving me a massage, and now, flat out telling me he wants me.  The more I turn him down the worse it gets. This leads me to ask...

On what alternate existence does breaking a date qualify a man to a level where he feels he may say these things to someone he has never met? To a person who repeatedly turns him down? Who flat out calls him out on his pushiness?

Do men like beating their head against walls?  Do they not understand that some woman may be offended that they aren't even worth taking out on a date before you make an advance.  Even if this is not the intention, I do know that this is how it made me feel. You'd think he would have realized this when I flat out told him last week that I was offended by what he was saying.  Maybe he has a bad short term memory from being kicked in the head for being a dumb ass too many times.

I am beginning to think he is also the type guy who would say he was going into human rights law as a pick up line. Maybe I am growing ever distrusting of men, the more I date. Maybe I over analyse. Maybe dumb behavior is a tip off to finding a jerk.

Boy may be a law student, but he's sure got some things to learn about laws of attraction. 

Just a reason men suck (sucky men, I know there are good ones, and even great ones... seriously, I know some of them)