A lot has been going on in "Franks" life lately, events spoken of, and those that can never be.
Honestly, the last few weeks have broken Frank, way beyond, and in a completely the opposite way that The Bull Rider "broke me".
My "spirit" has been broken, and ironically the only analogy that can be made is: "broken like a horse"
She laughs, bitterly.
A woman, who found herself, unfortunately, infallible, got a real wake up call in recent weeks.
Amends have been almost been completed and Frank will move on to a new chapter of her life.
The past few months (5) of experimentation with dating, and exploration of self, has led me to a bitter end on countless levels.
With this, my dear readers, let me usher in a new, and less, cynical view of dating.
Broken, like a horse. Something I needed.
Showing posts with label The Bull Rider. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Bull Rider. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Who Damaged?
So, where have I been? What has Frank been up to?
In short, a lot of my time has been spent working on "landing" a big "catch" (but it's purely a "throw back" situation);
...and also going out on a few dates with a couple men (potential "keepers").
While there are a couple of new choice men in my life these days, I find myself oddly disconnected from the desire to be connected with them. For the first time in my life I feel very apathetic about my options. The silly thing is they are good options. Maybe even great.
I've been taking time to think this week, about what might be causing me to have no real interest in investing in these men (when I know this is unlike me, the past me anyway). I realized that my crutch was having The Bull Rider as one of my first "out of the gate" dating experiences.
It's very clear to me now that I was played by The Bull Rider. Not just played, fooled (somehow I think there is a difference). Having said that, the thing that makes me angry is the shifty dishonesty surrounding the situation. Has a man ever thought of being at least a bit honest about intentions. For example, if he had no intention on seeing me when he got back then he shouldn't have continued contact with me after the...contact - I would have been better with that then the three weeks of texting and messaging from "Texas" (where he ended up going, theoretically) and then the sudden "disappearance". There may be a high probability that he is married. Can't be sure though.
He had the best "out"; if indeed what he told me was true - and I honestly hope so - because if a man uses a fake heart attack in the family (especially his dad) to try to skip on a woman, then there is a special place in hell for a man like that.
So, rehashing the three dates we (The Bull Rider and I) had, and weeding through the potential lies he told me, has put me in a place of being apprehensive about trusting men. I figure that is the cause of my resent "distress" regarding not getting too close to a new potential mate. Maybe not distress, but confusion. Yeah. That.
Sometimes it only takes one, especially when a gal is on the "re-bound" from a man who lied to her after a year and a half of professed love and trust, to make her sit back and experience some contemplation and apathy.
In short, a lot of my time has been spent working on "landing" a big "catch" (but it's purely a "throw back" situation);
While there are a couple of new choice men in my life these days, I find myself oddly disconnected from the desire to be connected with them. For the first time in my life I feel very apathetic about my options. The silly thing is they are good options. Maybe even great.
I've been taking time to think this week, about what might be causing me to have no real interest in investing in these men (when I know this is unlike me, the past me anyway). I realized that my crutch was having The Bull Rider as one of my first "out of the gate" dating experiences.
It's very clear to me now that I was played by The Bull Rider. Not just played, fooled (somehow I think there is a difference). Having said that, the thing that makes me angry is the shifty dishonesty surrounding the situation. Has a man ever thought of being at least a bit honest about intentions. For example, if he had no intention on seeing me when he got back then he shouldn't have continued contact with me after the...contact - I would have been better with that then the three weeks of texting and messaging from "Texas" (where he ended up going, theoretically) and then the sudden "disappearance". There may be a high probability that he is married. Can't be sure though.
He had the best "out"; if indeed what he told me was true - and I honestly hope so - because if a man uses a fake heart attack in the family (especially his dad) to try to skip on a woman, then there is a special place in hell for a man like that.
So, rehashing the three dates we (The Bull Rider and I) had, and weeding through the potential lies he told me, has put me in a place of being apprehensive about trusting men. I figure that is the cause of my resent "distress" regarding not getting too close to a new potential mate. Maybe not distress, but confusion. Yeah. That.
Sometimes it only takes one, especially when a gal is on the "re-bound" from a man who lied to her after a year and a half of professed love and trust, to make her sit back and experience some contemplation and apathy.
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