Monday, December 30, 2013

It's Lost, So You Get This

Truth is we haven't written in so long because we felt the last thing we posted (the essay on Fair Minimum Wage) was important to keep at the top of the page.

This post is largely rambling (we're prone to it); skip past it and read something good that we've written.

We've been struggling with so much down time, feeling inactive is never a healthy thing for us. Sure, we have been working out on the elliptical, but the motor broke the first day of Holiday break and so there's no resistance setting, which makes for a poor workout. Sure, we could clean the house...but who the hell really wants to do that.

It's been hard to muster feelings of excitement for next semester. We've started reading one of the books, but can't find the usual joy in it. We have a lot of reading for next semester too.
It sounds like a stupid thing, but we can't imagine doing too much better than we did last term (4 'A's & 1 'B') it feels like there is such a small margin for growth. We did too well too fast. We'll never be able to maintain such a high level of grades. It's all downhill from here.

Stupid defeatist.

We're stuck between wanting to leave the house and go out and do something, and the fact that living in such a remote area means even before we get to said activity we will have already spent $10+ on gas (round trip)...and then once we're out it's just costs more money we don't have. So, instead, the gas money is saved for necessary travel "into the city" (going to the dentist, again. going to an eye doctor. getting a haircut before classed start again).
Not to mention it's so fucking cold. It's so cold in the house...can't imagine what it's like outside (but we have to go to the dentist [again] today, so guess we'll find out).
Plus. There's so many people out there...ick.

Social media distractions have been...mostly ineffective.
We've tried to paint to pass the time, we're probably a couple hours away from finishing one that we've been working on since 2011, and we started another one...but it's just joyful to paint in the winter as it is to paint in the summer with the window open and fresh air and birds...

Image Source
We've been fighting depression for days. It's exhausting. We should have been writing about it. Writing makes things better.
We'd love to just lay in bed all day and indulge in the darkness, but more often than not anything over 6 hours in bed makes our hips hurt, our neck ache, our back throb...

The last thing can remember from last night is laying in bed quietly crying. Why? Don't know. We wanted to get out of bed and write, but it was too cold to crawl from beneath the warm blankets. So instead we just lay there, curled into a ball, writing a blog post in our head that would have been ten times better than this, but now it's all lost...and you get this.


  1. But I do get it... beyond the post. That's been me since Hubby came home from the hospital. The only thing keeping me going to that point had been fear of him dying on me.
    Enuii... fucking enuii.

  2. I often think that the pain is there to remind me I am still alive though I still get acupuncture to help me. Sleep LOL