Friday, May 21, 2010

Fat Girl

One thing I haven't talked much about is being a former fat person, other than my recent story about how I lost close to 100 pounds.

When I was losing the weight I didn't think much about how, or if, it would change me as a person, not just the exterior but the “interior me”. In over 6 years of being "the new me" I have experience a life I had only dreamed of; I'm happy, healthy, have wonderful people in my life and am just embarking on life after 30.

Today I got a reminder that as much as the weight lose has changed me, there is a part that seems to never want to go away. I'm going on the assumption that every woman has an occasional day where her morning herald is "I'm so fat!" (or variation of that idea). My fat days dredge up memories of being fat; and how seemingly easy it had been to get to that point, and how not-so-easy it had been to get to this point.

This was one such morning. I believe a status at some point in early morning made reference to me feeling like I was an "oil covered whale".

I realize, in retrospect and with rationality, that this was far overstated; but with as much news coverage that I have been following regarding the oil in the Gulf of Mexico, all I could think of was large oily whales...

Anyway. Some days it feels like losing 100 pounds hasn't influenced my judgement of my own body in a positive manner, if anything it has made me a harsher critic. I don't mean to say I still hate my body. I don't. Overall, I love my body - there are parts of it I am not fond of, and on occasion the number of those parts increases and the fondness decreases. So today I kicked myself if the tush and forced myself to the gym, a past time that had recently lost favour over other activities - like anything NOT going to the gym. On these days all it takes is a trip to the gym to make me think about my accomplishments in maintaining my weight.

I think an important part of keeping ones weight off for the long term is to remember. Remember how terrible it felt for you to be fat. Remember how much more unhappy you were with life. Remember all the work you put into losing the weight and how hard it was.

Now that I have lost the weight, and have maintained it for over 6 years, I finally realize why healthy woman are so knowledgeable on health and nutrition issues. They have to be. A person has to keep the information fresh in the mind. I call it 'being on a diet all the time'. And I don't mean a diet-diet, like the traditional idea of diet; I mean the kind of diet that involves paying attention to food, and the things you put into your body. I'm talking about knowing the general amount of calories in the things you put in your mouth on a daily basis; and understanding and implementing, moderation. I believe, in weight loss, knowledge is power.

But today I realized, even with all the power, a woman is still a woman, and a former fat girl is still a fat girl ibside. It's a part of me I'll have to embrace and keep an eye on in order to enjoy lifetime weight loss maintenance.

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