Saturday, August 31, 2013

At The Risk Of Everything

Source
So, this was our first week of University classes.
Day one found us having panic attacks.
By the end of the week we were better...mostly.

Ten years ago when we attended university for the first time it felt much less...overwhelming...from what I can recall.

In any case, having compiled all of our homework for this semester into a handy little document, we realize...we're fucked.

There's so much of it. With work, and a relationship, housework, and time to decompress (which we need, to stay relatively sane), and the commute...

It's tempting to play with the idea of being on medication again, just to take the edge off.

Last time we attempted this (University) we
a) were not working, other than work-study (which mostly involved studying)
b) were on prescription meds
c) tended towards marijuana, which helped us focus (yes, focus. We were an A student) - and didn't ever touch alcohol.

Now.
It's different.

In any case...we're saving most of the opinions on our experience of our first week for a future blog post...tonight...tonight we're tempting fate.

We have a lot of writing to do for University, some we want to share with people who read this blog...however, the risk is that an instructor does a content search of something we write after it's already been handed in and graded, and lands here...

Needless to say we have had no luck with employers finding this blog and continuing to employ us; so hopefully all will go well.

This week, when asked to write about what optimistic predictions of the internet I think proves inaccurate, and what optimistic predictions may be realized...this was the response:
The prediction that the Internet and World Wide Web would bring people closer together, and create additional ways of accessing information is one of the most optimistic ideas; and the truth is that with optimism comes pessimism.  
The paradox of the WWW is that while it certainly has been bridging gaps between cultures and people around the world, bringing them together in new ways, it has also separated the very people in shared communities. People are increasingly becoming obsessed with their online lives, pushing those physically close to them to the outskirts while they maintain constant contact with others, often near strangers, around the world. In addition, while the idea of bringing people together across cultures sounds overwhelmingly positive, it is often forgotten that it also brings together worlds that can become increasingly dangerous, bridging gaps between domestic and international terrorists, uniting enemies, growing and fostering hate groups. But then, countless friendships and connections have been created over the internet. It is the ying and yang of The Web. 
While the Internet is full of information, without media literacy and responsibility, it is near impossible for the full potential to be realized, used and properly appreciated. 
For example, The Onion, [is] a satirical news website that often times gets taken literally by people who lead with their emotional response and who often have poor media literacy skills, and often the confusion and anger that arises gets further spread through communication channels over the Internet. 
Optimistically, as people learn how to disassemble information they access on the Internet, and to understand the importance of citing legitimate and valuable sources, access to a network of free learning is possible; which is about the best thing that the Internet can provide.
It's not the best writing, but hey, it's been awhile since we've posted anything good to this blog...

Our first week of classes...under the belt. Only fifteen more to go...

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Beginning

Writing words in the sky on a University campus, tomorrow from 11 to 3.

We're ready for the band-aids to be ripped off, exposing tender flesh to strangers, yet again; to bleed tears, and yearn daily for mortal rest.

It'll be fine.
We'll be fine.
Everything is going to be fine.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Blurp II

Textbooks bought, mere days to go.

We're not ready for this.

We already expend every energy we have getting through workdays, looking cheerful...and when we don't people seem afraid of us. Our eyes exude something unexplainable, unapproachable, when we are weak and can no longer mask them...and now we have to add classes.

We're not ready for this.

On the upside James has gotten a new job, one with health benefits, so health insurance is in our future. First thing we're doing is going to see a doctor about all of this extra pain, particularly the pain in our hands and wrists, and in our hips. And then the rest.
Our body is a veritable cascade of pain these days.

Exhausted.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Blurp

Great weekend at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines, Iowa with friends (@Cool_Jesse and @InnaGardnOfEden), it was a nice distraction.

Next Monday we start back at University...10 years later we find ourselves in the same place...only...

This feels much worse, mentally, physically...mentally...so stressful, so uncertainty...there's just so much.

Sorry if we start to seem bizarre...again.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Nowhere To Run

As a "fun" "side-note"...two nights ago we had our very first dream where we actually felt pain in the dream. Felt it like we were awake.
So real that we, even now, can remember the pain, recall what we were doing (crouching to get cooking ingredients from a low shelf), and the whimper that ensued.

It was weird.

While we have been in a lot of physical pain recently, even upon waking, hips and nerves pinched making knees and legs throb and ache...we never thought that pain could be felt so clearly in dreams.

So, now we really have nowhere to run from it. Nowhere to hide from the physical pain.