Showing posts with label Abortion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abortion. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

So You Care About Human Life? An Abortion Rant

Much of what is said here has been said by many others. You've probably read it too. This is our way of saying it.

People who decry abortion because it is potentially painful to the fetus - which is essentially an unfeeling mass of cells until around the 20th week* (do your research, scientific, not from talking heads) - and “cruel”, among a litany of other charges, are confusing.

Those same people are fine with sentencing that same fetus to a [potential] life of pain: poverty, hunger, sadness, mental and emotional anguish from being born into a society that tells them that their mother [or father] is lazy, worthless, and where they are statistically destined to a similar fate. If that child makes it into the foster care system, either at birth, or after a chance at healthy development has passed due to the home life they were born into, they are bounced between families or live in orphanages until they are lucky enough to be adopted. Sometimes the foster care they receive is equally as damaging to them emotionally and mentally. Sometimes they never get adopted. This is cruel and painful treatment.

Never mind the life of the mother.

These same people condemn using their tax dollars for food stamps to prevent hunger, housing that prevents homelessness, and other assorted costs that go into taking care of those less fortunate. Many of which are children born to parents who did not have access to preventative services (and this doesn’t just mean abortion).

These same people are fine with defunding an organization because 3% of what they provide is NON-TAX FUNDED abortions, which also provides contraception - preventing these very social
(Source)
conditions as well as potential abortions - and which also provides much needed and important reproductive health services to low-income women – like cancer prevention.
Yeah. But you care about human life, right?

You can’t make people give birth to something they don’t want. Sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes accidents happen because of poverty, drug abuse, and mental illness. Often times those sometimes are what the tax dollars you clutch in your hands are paying for. You can’t have it both ways.

But they care about human life. Sure.

Let’s not discuss how usually those same people have no problem with the death penalty (and those people aren’t always guilty, or gun related deaths in lieu of regulation.

Let’s not even get started on how much of your taxes go to funding war which directly results in the ending of hundreds of thousands of lives. Full complete thriving lives that have families, hopes, dreams, jobs.
But no. They care about human life?

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*The 20th week is generally the cut-off date, in some states it's up until the 22nd week. All but three states have laws against aborting the fetus if it is viable (can exist on machines reasonably outside of the womb

Consumer Friendly Sources: not directly cited, because fuck it, our academic paper career is on hold until we register for grad school, or find a bag of extra free time. Please report spelling and grammar infractions.
Read the sources yourself.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Face of the GOP Cliff: A Short Rant

Just as the GOP attempts to reface their party to be more modern, and makes plans to "target" youth who are not old enough to have voted for Reagan; they are attempting to continue their stance against equal same-sex marriage rights, they are moving forward on passing a bill to grant "personhood" to unborn fetuses[1] in attempt to ban abortion rights, they are rejecting the social services that are required of a developed country, they pass on raising the living wage to an amount that people working those jobs might actually be able live on ($9/hour)[2], and they buck against universal background checks for gun sales (though that's the least of them). That's really the short list.

They seem to forget the kids who weren't old enough to vote Reagan also aren't old enough to know what the GOP used to be. They used to be better. So by targeting them they have to be better. The youth only know the GOP by names like Bush, Bush...and people like Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin, and by policies that convey a stripping of personal rights, and a focus on corporate rights.
Maybe instead of targeting youth they should really strive for real change; change with the times, and realizing growing with principles of freedom that the increasing majority of people hold dear IS being modern; maybe they should target everyone by changing or altering some of their social platforms.

The GOP has a few good men, as it were, but they are outright rejecting them, men like Chris Christie; but instead they hold up people like Donald Trump, who is basically Mitt Romney with more money, more narcissism, less heart, and less brains, to represent their party.

One must ask...do they know what modern even looks like? It certainly doesn't look like rolling back advancements and achievements in human rights. It certainly doesn't mean stripping physical and mental freedom from able-minded people. It certainly doesn't mean miring society in rulings that makes people's life less their own. It doesn't look like the inane ramblings of Donald Trump[3], the ignorance of Sarah Palin, or the smarmy self-satisfying smirk of Mitt Romney.

Modern actually looks like what this country has striven to do since it's inception. Granting people personal rights, social progress, freedom for all.

When do those modern advancements start happen in their party.

Sources/Citation:
[1] Sen. Rand Paul Introduces ‘Fetal Personhood’ Bill to Outlaw Abortion, Eric W. Dolan, Raw Story, March 17, 2013, http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/03/17/sen-rand-paul-introduces-fetal-personhood-bill-to-outlaw-abortion/
[2] House Republican Unanimously Vote Down Minimum Wage Hike, Sahil Kapur, Talking Points Memo, March 15, 2013, http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/house-republicans-unanimously-vote-down-minimum-wage-hike
[3] Donald Trump Just Gave A Nonsensical Speech, And Even Conservatives Were Dumbstruck, Brett LoGiurato, Business Insider, March 15, 2013, http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-cpac-speech-obama-china-immigration-2013-3
An interesting read:
What You Need to Read in the RNC Election Autopsy Report, Garance Franke-Ruta, The Altantic, March, 18, 2013, http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/03/what-you-need-to-read-in-the-rnc-election-autopsy-report/274112/

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Why Watching the Vice-Presidential Debate is Important


The Vice Presidential Debate is tomorrow night.

The debates are important, even if you are already a decided voter (if you're not a voter at all, well, we have nothing to say to you today). The debates are an important way to get the information from "the horses mouth", so to speak. Remembering of course that you have to check out even what you hear from the trusted horse. It's common knowledge a week later that Romney's side of the debate from last week was packed with lies or "fibs", if you prefer. (Allegedly, 27 or more myth/lies in 35 minutes (1)). It's important to be an informed voter, in a society where people stick to party-line voting, often you could be voting for someone who's not at all interested in your best interests. Party line voters vote for a party, and not a platform, no matter how much it might hurt them in the future, no matter what the party stands for today (for example, since the 1950's the Republican party is almost completely opposite on many topics); party line voters would benefit from being more informed as to the similarities and differences between the candidates. Not only that, but what the opposition plans to do for your future, if elected, should be a concern. Raise taxes, lower taxes. Cut funding to important programs, not cutting funding. Improving education. Not improving it. Healthcare. Restrictive healthcare. The issues go on and on.

This Vice Presidential debate will be important because some people, like us, are still waiting to hear about those tax cuts and loopholes the Romney/Ryan ticket said they were going to offer, then said they weren't going to offer. Not sure what they are saying this week. They seem to be going back on almost every platform they started off the year with.

What about topics like abortion? No, Romney says doesn't "know of any abortion-related legislation" he would pursue as president. Even though it's been part of campaigning for months leading up to the first Presidential Debates.

While he knows not of "abortion-related legislation", his party/campaign has said he plans on cutting Planned Parenthood funding, which is detrimental to many low income women for simple things like exams and pap smears. We've personally used Planned Parenthood in our younger days for affordable birth control (still paid a fee for it though), and yearly female exams to check for breast cancer, and other female cancers (still paid a fee on a sliding income-based scale). Men are even welcome for basic low-cost STD testing at Planned Parenthood clinics, an important service to maintaining a healthy society. Just because you cut the funding doesn't mean people will stop having sex. To think so would be idiotic.

The Romney/Ryan ticket has said more than once they plan to cut the funding for Planned Parenthood because some of the centres provide services like abortion. Cutting funding will in turn make it harder for women to get birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies, thereby increasingly unwanted pregnancies, which, with no abortion services, will lead to more unwanted babies/children to low-income women, and will equal more people using welfare services, meaning you will have to pay more. Oh, you don't want to, so you'll cut all the services to people in need? The "blood" from the infant deaths can be on your hands then. Making abortions harder to get will also revive "back-alley" abortions, which were common prior to Roe vs. Wade (1973), and caused many women to die, be ill, and sterile, for life.

But Romney has come out this week and said his platform does not include support abortion legislation (despite the walk back on the comments by his campaign (2)). So maybe Ryan will have more to say about that tomorrow night at the debates. It'll be interesting to see if they flip-flop on it overnight, but it's unlikely to even come up.

Then there's the 47%.

Maybe Ryan, who seems to have stuck to his 30% comment (3), will have something to say on behalf of Romney who said this week in an interview with Wolf Blitzer that he was "wrong" about the 47% (4); even though after the release of the infamous video, and weeks after, he "doubled down" and stood by his words. Now he says he was wrong, meaning people who supported the conflated accusation that people, 47% of them, who at some point in their life needed a government service (under-employed, retired people, disabled people, and military veterans among them) are lazy or refuse take responsibility for their life; if you supported that statement by Romney, he told you this last week that you were wrong.

But who knows, he might jump back to your side any day.

In countless interviews over the past few weeks were both Romney and Ryan have refused to talk about real plans for reducing the deficit, refused to supply real numbers and real descriptions of the loopholes he plans to close; Romney and Ryan want you to trust they can reduce the deficit while also giving you tax cuts, which they say they are both planning, and not planning, depending on the day. They want you to believe they can fix the deficit by increasing military spending, which is already 20% of the budget. Many professionals, from both sides of the political center line, speculate over the plausibility of all of it.


We'd like to hear more about everything the Romney/Ryan ticket has flipped-flopped on, just to see where they stand as Romney edges towards a more moderate platform, turning on everything that he's said he strongly stood for and has since become soft on.


So, we're watching the Vice Presidential Debate tomorrow night to hear concrete information about the Romney/Ryan plan to reduce the deficit, as well as other things dear to us in this election: namely human rights, education, and the environment; because no matter the outcome of the election, something will have a personal effect on us, though far less when compared to the impact it will have on other people. Like we've said in the past, our choice in the election has very little to do with us personally (the only way it effects us is whether or not we can get health insurance or not. Uninsured pre-exiting conditions under Romneycare are not eligible for his plan), rather it has more to do with people we care about.

Read our review on the First Presidential Debate here: 'Big Bird On The Brink of Extinction...and Other Debate Foibleshttp://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2012/10/big-bird-on-brink-of-extinctionand.html
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Listen to some interesting words from Franklin D. Roosevelt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3RHnKYNvx8 (sorry, embedding has been turned off, otherwise we wouldn't ask you to follow a YouTube link)
The transcript:
"Let me warn you, and let me warn the nation, against the smooth evasion that says 'Of course we believe these things. We believe in social security. We believe in work for the unemployed. We believe in saving homes. Cross our hearts and hope to die.

'We believe in all these things. But we do not like the way that the present administration is doing them. Just turn them over to us. We will do all of them, we will do more of them, we will do them better and, most important of all, the doing of them will not cost anybody anything'"

Sources and Citation:
(1) At Last Night’s Debate: Romney Told 27 Myths In 38 Minutes, Igor Volsky, Think Progress, October 4, 2012 http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2012/10/04/958801/at-last-nights-debate-romney-told-27-myths-in-38-minutes/

(2) Romney promises no abortion legislation will be part of presidential agenda, Associated Press, Washington Post, October 9, 2012, http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/romney-promises-no-abortion-legislation-will-be-part-of-presidential-agenda/2012/10/09/e318e74e-1273-11e2-9a39-1f5a7f6fe945_story.html

(3) Rep. Paul Ryan Claims 30% Of Americans "Want Welfare State", Michael Allen, Opposing Views, October 3, 2012, http://www.opposingviews.com/i/politics/2012-election/video-rep-paul-ryan-claims-30-americans-want-welfare-state

(4) Mitt Romney CNN Interview: The 47% Comment Is 'Not What I Meant', Sam Stein, Huffington Post, October 9, 2010 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/09/mitt-romney-cnn-interview_n_1952708.html?utm_hp_ref=elections-2012

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Political Debate: The Sins of Another

We made the mistake of watching the Republican National Convention last night, like a train wreck we couldn't turn away.

One doesn't really need to watch it to know the flavour of Kool-Aid they are touting, but one does have to have the ability of critical thinking and an open mind to see through their misleading propaganda.

The biggest problem we personally have with the GOP (Republicans) is the basic principles they say they stand for, versus the principles they express is reality. The misleading messages and lies they cloak themselves in to hide their self-interest. While up there on the podium, preaching "their word", Chris Christi, (R) Governor of New Jersey, banged on, not saying much of true value in our opinion, dropping words like Freedom and Truth, like many of the speakers preceding him that night.

They pick and choose Freedoms others are allowed to exercise while using Christian religion as the basis of judging people, based on their fear of the world, backing them with lies about wanting equality for everyone. They mean their own freedoms, and their own equality, among people who are like them.
24 Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. - Mathew 19:24 (New Testament)
Just like the many reasons we left Christianity, these are similar reasons we chose not to be a Republican any longer. False alignment.

A political party who says, or insinuates, that they are based on Christian principles, but uses it as a means of controlling the personal decisions of people in the country; you need only listen to how many times they mention God in their speeches to infer their intended message; are not to be trusted. They do not adhere to the principles of Christianity, it is not the underlying responsibility of a human to judge another human for what they conceive as sins.

For all intent and purpose the world views Republicans as the "Christian" party. While their new president elect, and VP are not Christian - Mormonism and Roman Catholicism are not Christian Religions, as a matter of fact in our teens we took a several week course about cults in our Baptist Church, and Mormonism was a topic for one Sunday's class. Eighteen years ago our paster talked about Mormonism in terms of it being a cult. To be fair, organized religion, by definition, is a cult, no matter who their figure head may be. The Republicans would be hard pressed to mention any of it, however, lest they upset their voter base, which is primarily Christian.

But we're not really concerned about the religious choice of our president, or president elect. Religion is not the end-all and be-all to being a good person. Far from it, as we see it.

The Bible actually teaches forgiveness, tolerance, unconditional love. Teaches people should be more like Jesus was. That people will be judged in heaven for your "sins". It is not up to flesh and blood people on earth to judge each other for what they deem sins. No sin is held higher than any other. All sins are equal in the eyes of the Lord.

Conversely, it also teaches hatred, intolerance, and revenge. It teaches whatever you want it to teach. It's rife with loopholes, scripts that contradict each other, even within the same Testament.

We discussed politics and religion when visiting Baby Brother a couple weeks ago. As a young Christian the things he sees, which is the destruction of the public opinion of his religion through politics, angers him.

For example: In a church he attended, before he decided he did not need church to be a good person and live a good life, he told of a family. The adult son and daughter of a family where members of the church (you actually have to go through a process to be considered a member, showing up isn't usually enough). The daughter came out as a lesbian, and the church stripped her of her church membership; meanwhile, the unmarried son was living with a woman with whom he was in a sexual relationship. Both of these things are sins. They are equal sins. But the church turned their eye to the sons indiscretion.

In churches across the country men and women judge others, meanwhile they commit sins of adultly, child abuse, lust, sloth and gluttony (obesity), they support wrath with a toothy vengeance (war), envy those who have more, all the while being proud of being a Christian (pride is a sin). Who are they to judge. Who are they to make laws on their judgement.
1 Judge not, that you be not judged.
2 For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged: and with what measure you measure, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why behold you the speck that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye?
4 Or how will you say to your brother, Let me pull the speck out of your eye; and, behold, a beam is in your own eye? - Mathew 7: 1-4 (New Testament)
Yes, all people are sinners. Churches are FULL of sinners, just like the entire world. Nobody is morally better than anybody else, so equally there is no favour, there is only love and acceptance, humble guidance.
If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong?If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11 For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement. - James 2:3-12 (New Testament)
Back to the givers and takers of freedom.
Back to the sayers of false truth.
Back to the Christian Republican Right, in all their judging glory.

Okay, that may seem like a harsh generalization, and we're not judging. There are probably some Christian Republican Right Wingers who are decent people. There are, actually, Our Father is one; and while we may not agree on many issues, and we think he may be going into this next election thinking he is voting for someone who is not who he thinks he is, the same can be said for anyone voting. All politician are prone to lying, what they are lying about is the important bit; and all politicians play politics, they are politicians, their job is to play politics. Their job is not to lie, nor is it to judge, their job is to protect the people of this country, protect their rights and freedom, protect the way of life. Their responsibility is to truth, and justice. Not finger pointing and name calling.

They preach Freedom, they preach Truth. Certainly their idea of truth is skewed, you need only read official government documents, watch interviews, read history books, review statistics, use common sense, educate yourself, learn how the government works, to conclude how incorrect their accusations against the opposition generally are; because they are.

Furthermore, when people say America has so much freedom, what freedoms are they talking about, and what are they comparing it to? The freedom of other developed countries match, if not occasionally exceed that of The United States.

Which freedoms?

- Freedom of Speech? You mean where you can be detained if you say the wrong factual thing in opposition to your government (most popular in the Bush era), but lying is not illegal if you have enough money to support your lies, or your lies benefit someone of high power. Freedom of speech, if you can afford it.
- Freedom of Religion? Means you are not persecuted for having different religious beliefs, or having none. It means in this country, The United States of America, there should be no "official" religion, neither should there be a requirement to be religious; people who live a life not aligned with the morals of someone else's religious belief should not be persecuted, given that one's way of life should not impede on the personal freedom, safety and rights of others.
- Freedom of a woman to make her personal reproductive decisions regarding her body? They don't support it. They put something that is hers, that does not fully exist, before her.
- Freedom of exercising inalienable rights, like the right to marry another consenting adult, no matter their sex. They don't support that Freedom either.
- Freedom to fair and affordable healthcare coverage? They don't support that either.

One simple example:
They don't support the rights of a woman to make choices with her body, that are hers to make. Rather they alienate her rights by forcing her into a decision based on their religious beliefs, because they say an unborn fetus has rights, and abortion is a sin.
UNTIL the child is born and the mother can't afford to care for it properly, can't afford proper housing, healthcare, healthy food, a safe environment and needs to be on public assistance; a system they do not fully support in the first place.
UNTIL that child grows up and is gay, and then the child, now an adult, doesn't have the freedom to marry another consenting adult who they love, if they are the same sex. In many states they can't even adopt (same-sex partner adoption is permitted in 10 of the lower 48 sates*, and the District of Columbia) because they are not deemed worthy enough to care for a child that somebody was forced to give birth to, and did not want. There are millions of children to be adopted in the world.
Rights, UNTIL they are a woman who made a mistake, and got pregnant and doesn't want to, or isn't ready to be a mother, or maybe got raped. Then that child, who is now an adult, has no rights.

They don't support things that help you live a happy healthy way of life the way you want to live it. They don't support your personal interests. So, how again, is that protection of equal rights and freedom?

We know what you're thinking. We mention women's rights, her right to choose, our support of abortion a lot when it comes to politics, and freedom. We must be trying to defend ourselves somehow for a choice we made, because otherwise why would we care about it. No, we have never had an abortion. We have never been pregnant. Honestly, abortion is a choice we would never make for us. We simply don't believe it is our responsibility to tell people what they can or can't do with their body if their decision is not harming the public. We are pro-choice, because we are pro-freedom.

I digress. Women's rights are a hot button issue this election season, and being a women who feel like their uterus is going to be the property of someone else, it makes me scared for the future of woman.

Back to the point.

The decisions that some politicians are trying to make for the public are taking away their civil rights, the inalienable rights of free-will. The rights this country was founded on. (No, it was not founded on religion, in part it was founded on religious rights, the rights to choose  which religion to follow, and the right to choose none.

The United State is a developed country, is supposed to be. The things that set developed countries apart from undeveloped countries, aside from economy and technological advancements, is the civil rights policies.

You remember Civil Rights? We've only been fighting for them in the USA since before the 1850's; with the Declaration of Sentiment (for women's rights) penned by Elizabeth Cady Stanton in Seneca Falls, NY in 1848; less than 100 years (72 years as a matter of fact) after we became The United States of America [July 4th, 1776] after fighting the Revolutionary War; a war fought for political freedom, and that had nothing to do with forcing your religious values on other people; a war that followed what is called American Enlightenment and had everything to do with a movement towards people being (supposedly) being tolerant, equal and accepted.

Other things that set apart third-world countries from developed ones is good government regulation when it comes to practices that affect it's citizen, not less government in your pocketbook and more in your bedroom. If someone lives a gay lifestyle, that does not harm YOU. If a woman makes a choice with her body, it does not harm YOU. If someone wants to exercise their opinion through free speech, it does not harm YOU. If someone want's to live a life free of religious rule, that does not harm YOU.

Making rules about how people choose to live their life is not American, it is not an example of Freedom, it is not equal rights. Supporting people who want to take away the very ideals that this country was based on, wants to strip it of it's humanitarian advancements.
That's not Christian.
That's not American.
That's not even human.

~ Frank et al
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Notes and Resources
Note: We use the term "sin" to illustrate our point. As a non-believer we do not believe in sin as a Christian, that doesn't mean we don't grasp the concept. We believe there is being a good person, or not being a good person. To us a good person involves certain levels of tolerance, freedom, mercy and kindness. We use the bible as illustration. It is a historical book, and to us no more, or less, important than any other history book that details the common thought and practice of a certain era.

*California, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington, and Wisconsin.
  • American Enlightenment Thought, Shane J. Ralston, Pennsylvania Stat University, IEP, November 1, 2011 http://www.iep.utm.edu/amer-enl/
  • Religious Freedom: The Other Revolution, Carl L Becker, Archiving Early America, Summer/Fall 2003,  http://www.earlyamerica.com/review/2003_summer_fall/religious_freedom.htm
  • Jailed For Their Words: When Freespeech Died in Wartime America, Videohttp://www.seditionproject.net/jailed.html
  • The United States Myths...and their facts, Rey Barry, http://www.freewarehof.org/speech.htm

    As always, read, research, cross-reference, study. We're not always right, nobody is. Read! Not just the internet, read books, magazines, newspapers.
    Our blog posts that cover current events, politics, religion, opinion...almost anything that isn't about our personal life, are jumping off points for your own intellectual inquiry, and are our attempt at growing a better understanding of our views and opinions.
Other Religious and Political Jumping Points By Us:

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

V is for Very-Big-Decisions

The deed is done.

It was such a big decision.

We realize for him it was way more giant, infinitely more giant. The fact that we want this to be a forever relationship with James means it was a big decision for us too. It feels surreal. We're having waves of...strange feelings.

We love him (most of us)...and as of today...we will never have children with him.

This weekend we stayed at his cousins house. Friday night, while we slept soundly (tried), she kept him up until 5:30am drinking trying to talk him out of it.

Last night she plied us with alcohol following a dinner we, and James, cooked for her and her family. As family members dropped off to go to bed, bellies full of good food and wine, it was down to her, James, and us.

Eventually the conversation turned to today's event. The big decision. James' vasectomy.

We wrote a bit more about it three weeks ago in To Baby, Or Not To Baby...There Is No Question (http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/to-baby-or-not-to-babythere-is-no.html) we won't rehash the details.

Sitting across from a woman in her 50's, who has had four healthy, happy, seemingly well-adjusted children, now all adults, it's easy to see where she is coming from.

She talks about how great children are, says that we would make great parents (though she has only known us for four days) and what a great thing it is.

We try to give her reasons without disclosing so much. It's funny, reasons are only reasons if people agree...if they don't reasons just look like excuses.

James cites our bad childhood, we cite mental illness that runs in the family. The words of what we live with do not cross our lips.

She had given us so much wine, and we became sensitive about her insistence in trying to change ours and James' mind about the following days (today) operation. Tears form and we lower our head so she can't see them. James comes to our side of the table and rubs our back...lets her know it'd be better if the subject was dropped.

As she is also quite inebriated she agrees, but then begins to talk about it again.

We retire to the bedroom and James stays with her for awhile. Later he comes back to say she asked him if he knew how happy having children can be. He simply responded with "But I'm already happy."

We go to the bedroom, take out our contacts, sit on the edge of the bed and with Twitter in our hands, ball our eyes out and do the only thing we know to do. Tweet about it. Reach out. Vent. With snot running down our face, sobbing, giant tears rolling down our cheeks, drunk.

Eventually he comes to bed, he says we fell asleep crying.

His cousin took her mother to a doctor appointment this morning and we were a bit hungover so chose not to say goodbye. She was apologetic to James about the previous night.

This afternoon, mere weeks after going to the doctor to talk about a vasectomy we find ourselves sitting in chairs outside of the room where one of the biggest decisions some people make comes to a head.

James went to put some cream on his..."junk"...to numb the area they would be making an incision and we exchanged a DM with a friend. With a small tear in our eye, we write how we know it's the responsible thing to do. But we are human. And there is always the "what if".

Over the past days we've made sure to let James know he can back out at any time. That this is an amazing sacrifice he is making for us, and we understand that. We know he is doing it for us, because he loves us. We are sure that had he fallen in love with any other woman, a healthy one, he would have had children if she desired.

We feel guilty. We're not really sure why. It has nothing to do with the future of our relationship. We are secure in that completely.

As we held his hand, whispering words of encouragement (he is needle shy, and especially around that area) as they pulled out each vas deferens through a tiny quarter inch hole in his scrotum, and cauterized them with a small laser, as sweat beaded on his forehead and the threat of tears reached his eyes...we just kept hoping we are making the right decision. (they let us watch, it was pretty neat)

The doctor keeps James talking, you can tell she likes her work. She actually does seminars teaching doctors this new procedure called a "No Scalpel Vasectomy" that they are using on him, she mentions the cost of raising a baby to the age of 18 has recently reached £218,000 in the UK (about $200,000 in the USA). Quick calculations show that as an adult (14 years) we've not come anywhere close to making that much money, so not close it's laughable - we don't have that kind of income capability (though James does, but that's not really the point). More things that wouldn't be fair if we (our system) had children.

We made the right decision, from a mental health perspective, from a financial perspective, from an ethical perspective. This is not us trying to convince ourselves, this is us reiterating the valid reasons for being baby free...for life.

So, now we sit for a couple of days in a hotel while James waits to hear on some contracts for work, crossing our fingers.

He's doing quite well. No ice needed, he's taking some over the counter Ibuprofen and aside from a funny walk...all seems well. Sixteen weeks from now he'll bring in a...specimen...to make sure the sterility is complete...and we can go off of the birth control pill (which we've been on for 16 years*)

At the end of all of this we wonder what drives people to think they can/should try to influence people's decisions about reproduction. This woman, while she has known James his whole life, knows nothing of us, or our relationship with him. And though she has known him his whole life, it doesn't mean she really knows him.

People know what the right decision is for them, based on their life experiences. So frequently people forget that. Trusting people to make decisions on their own is why we are pro-choice. We would never choose abortion as a personal decision...but we also have no right to make that decision for anybody else.

We really can't blame his cousin though, we and James would have the most beautiful children, and smart...but man, they would be totally fucked up.

Just another frank day.

~ et al
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lucky day for James, the doctor has a seminar coming up and her digital photos of a vascetomy she had got deleted from her hard drive, so when she asked, James said she could take pictures during the procedure, and now his vasectomy pictures will be used in teaching seminars all over the UK. He also made a much needed £20.
*we're curious to find out if the change in hormones, by going off of our Ortho Cyclen (because the pill is a forced hormone regiment) will have an effect on our mental health. ADVENTURE!

[If you're interested in knowing more about the no scalpel (laser) method: http://www.vasectomy-clinic.co.uk/]

Interesting, things we learned today:
- The procedure has a 1 in 2000 fail rate (meaning if we end up getting pregnant after his clearance test, clearly we were meant to reproduce).
- It can be reversed but the success rate varies (while a vasectomy in the UK is free, covered under their NHS, a reversal is not, and can cost around £5000).